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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Pinching is the new hitting?
coolconfidentme 06:12 AM 08-22-2014
Strong willed DCG4 has hit & went home for it. Her new thing today..., she pinched someone when she was mad. I think its an aggressive, secret thing she thought she could do & get away with it. She is separated from the group & DCM has been notified. At home, single DCM is on her about her flip attitude & is at wits end with 4 going on 16. (She does whip her.) DCD is PT & around her..., this month. Suggestions?
Blackcat31 06:18 AM 08-22-2014
IMMEDIATE removal from the group.
I wouldn't even bother with time outs, I would simply give her ONE chance per day. If she pinches. She is separated and plays alone.
At 4 that is SOOOO not acceptable and she knows it.
She is pushing boundaries now as she fully understands hitting is not ok so instead she is trying to show her dominance by finding a more subtle, yet just as mean/aggressive way to hurt others.
I don't think whether or not the parent is a spanker or not has much to do with it as discipline is definitely an individualized thing but I am wondering if it's effective or not?
If it isn't (for mom) then there really is no point and she needs to find an alternate way of motivating her to want to behave.
Is she pinching when provoked or just because?
I would just be SUPER firm, swift with the consequences and VERY stern in my voice so she KNOWS under no uncertain terms that you will NOT tolerate that type of behavior.
Hang in there... there is only so much we can do...hopefully with a little consistency and a couple stern looks/reactions, she'll "get it" quick.
I wouldn't even bother with time outs, I would simply give her ONE chance per day. If she pinches. She is separated and plays alone.
At 4 that is SOOOO not acceptable and she knows it.
She is pushing boundaries now as she fully understands hitting is not ok so instead she is trying to show her dominance by finding a more subtle, yet just as mean/aggressive way to hurt others.
I don't think whether or not the parent is a spanker or not has much to do with it as discipline is definitely an individualized thing but I am wondering if it's effective or not?
If it isn't (for mom) then there really is no point and she needs to find an alternate way of motivating her to want to behave.
Is she pinching when provoked or just because?
I would just be SUPER firm, swift with the consequences and VERY stern in my voice so she KNOWS under no uncertain terms that you will NOT tolerate that type of behavior.
Hang in there... there is only so much we can do...hopefully with a little consistency and a couple stern looks/reactions, she'll "get it" quick.
coolconfidentme 06:27 AM 08-22-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
IMMEDIATE removal from the group.
I wouldn't even bother with time outs, I would simply give her ONE chance per day. If she pinches. She is separated and plays alone.
At 4 that is SOOOO not acceptable and she knows it.
She is pushing boundaries now as she fully understands hitting is not ok so instead she is trying to show her dominance by finding a more subtle, yet just as mean/aggressive way to hurt others.
I don't think whether or not the parent is a spanker or not has much to do with it as discipline is definitely an individualized thing but I am wondering if it's effective or not?
If it isn't (for mom) then there really is no point and she needs to find an alternate way of motivating her to want to behave.
Is she pinching when provoked or just because?
I would just be SUPER firm, swift with the consequences and VERY stern in my voice so she KNOWS under no uncertain terms that you will NOT tolerate that type of behavior.
Hang in there... there is only so much we can do...hopefully with a little consistency and a couple stern looks/reactions, she'll "get it" quick.
I just found out from the victim she told another girl to pinch her too. I asked the other girl & she confirmed it. DCG4 knew exactly what she was doing was very wrong. Her behavior is one who wants it her way & tried to control all situations. She is the kid who will ask for 2nds & not eat it & smirk at others for a reaction. She knows the rule of not getting 2nds for a couple of days.IMMEDIATE removal from the group.
I wouldn't even bother with time outs, I would simply give her ONE chance per day. If she pinches. She is separated and plays alone.
At 4 that is SOOOO not acceptable and she knows it.
She is pushing boundaries now as she fully understands hitting is not ok so instead she is trying to show her dominance by finding a more subtle, yet just as mean/aggressive way to hurt others.
I don't think whether or not the parent is a spanker or not has much to do with it as discipline is definitely an individualized thing but I am wondering if it's effective or not?
If it isn't (for mom) then there really is no point and she needs to find an alternate way of motivating her to want to behave.
Is she pinching when provoked or just because?
I would just be SUPER firm, swift with the consequences and VERY stern in my voice so she KNOWS under no uncertain terms that you will NOT tolerate that type of behavior.
Hang in there... there is only so much we can do...hopefully with a little consistency and a couple stern looks/reactions, she'll "get it" quick.
Blackcat31 06:31 AM 08-22-2014
Originally Posted by coolconfidentme:
I just found out from the victim she told another girl to pinch her too. I asked the other girl & she confirmed it. DCG4 knew exactly what she was doing was very wrong. Her behavior is one who wants it her way & tried to control all situations. She is the kid who will ask for 2nds & not eat it & smirk at others for a reaction. She knows the rule of not getting 2nds for a couple of days.
I just found out from the victim she told another girl to pinch her too. I asked the other girl & she confirmed it. DCG4 knew exactly what she was doing was very wrong. Her behavior is one who wants it her way & tried to control all situations. She is the kid who will ask for 2nds & not eat it & smirk at others for a reaction. She knows the rule of not getting 2nds for a couple of days.
I have a super hard time dealing with those kinds of kids. They are so hard headed and purposeful that I find myself getting worked up emotionally.
Because I know that about myself, I try hard not to take kids like that.
I would maybe plan some REALLY fun activities and then not allow her to participate. Tell her until her behavior AND attitude improves she isn't welcome to participate. Let her know the other kids don't want her to either if her goal is to hurt them and have others hurt them too.
As for asking for seconds and then not eating them, the rule in my house is if you deliberately do that (and you know you can tell when it's purposeful) then you aren't allowed seconds anymore for the rest of the week or a time period equivalent to their age. (4 yrs old = 4 meal times)
I cannot stand purposeful behavior that is done ONLY to annoy or hurt others. The snotty attitude as icing on the cake would have me regularly standing in the bathroom and counting WAY past 10.
coolconfidentme 06:56 AM 08-22-2014
I'm right with you on this one BC. I told her next week she has to earn her way back to playing with others. Once a month I pull a TV out & we watch a movie. Guess what day it is? Guess who doesn't get to watch it? 
I do not take type of kid anymore either btw. I try very hard not to let it get to me, but it does. On a good note she keeps me on my toes & I have great reaction time now! She will unfortunate be in one of Nannyde ' s book one day.
I do not take type of kid anymore either btw. I try very hard not to let it get to me, but it does. On a good note she keeps me on my toes & I have great reaction time now! She will unfortunate be in one of Nannyde ' s book one day.
Leigh 07:20 AM 08-22-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
IMMEDIATE removal from the group.
I wouldn't even bother with time outs, I would simply give her ONE chance per day. If she pinches. She is separated and plays alone.
At 4 that is SOOOO not acceptable and she knows it.
She is pushing boundaries now as she fully understands hitting is not ok so instead she is trying to show her dominance by finding a more subtle, yet just as mean/aggressive way to hurt others.
I don't think whether or not the parent is a spanker or not has much to do with it as discipline is definitely an individualized thing but I am wondering if it's effective or not?
If it isn't (for mom) then there really is no point and she needs to find an alternate way of motivating her to want to behave.
Is she pinching when provoked or just because?
I would just be SUPER firm, swift with the consequences and VERY stern in my voice so she KNOWS under no uncertain terms that you will NOT tolerate that type of behavior.
Hang in there... there is only so much we can do...hopefully with a little consistency and a couple stern looks/reactions, she'll "get it" quick.
I do have to say that in MY experience, kids whose parents hit them at home are the ones who are aggressive at daycare. I have started to ask kind of indirect questions about punishments/spanking at home during interviews, because I have found that the more a child's parents hurt them at home, the more the children hurt others at my home (modeled behavior: Mom/Dad hit when they're angry, so it's OK for me to do it, too).IMMEDIATE removal from the group.
I wouldn't even bother with time outs, I would simply give her ONE chance per day. If she pinches. She is separated and plays alone.
At 4 that is SOOOO not acceptable and she knows it.
She is pushing boundaries now as she fully understands hitting is not ok so instead she is trying to show her dominance by finding a more subtle, yet just as mean/aggressive way to hurt others.
I don't think whether or not the parent is a spanker or not has much to do with it as discipline is definitely an individualized thing but I am wondering if it's effective or not?
If it isn't (for mom) then there really is no point and she needs to find an alternate way of motivating her to want to behave.
Is she pinching when provoked or just because?
I would just be SUPER firm, swift with the consequences and VERY stern in my voice so she KNOWS under no uncertain terms that you will NOT tolerate that type of behavior.
Hang in there... there is only so much we can do...hopefully with a little consistency and a couple stern looks/reactions, she'll "get it" quick.
Blackcat31 07:32 AM 08-22-2014
Originally Posted by Leigh:
I do have to say that in MY experience, kids whose parents hit them at home are the ones who are aggressive at daycare. I have started to ask kind of indirect questions about punishments/spanking at home during interviews, because I have found that the more a child's parents hurt them at home, the more the children hurt others at my home (modeled behavior: Mom/Dad hit when they're angry, so it's OK for me to do it, too).
I personally agree I do have to say that in MY experience, kids whose parents hit them at home are the ones who are aggressive at daycare. I have started to ask kind of indirect questions about punishments/spanking at home during interviews, because I have found that the more a child's parents hurt them at home, the more the children hurt others at my home (modeled behavior: Mom/Dad hit when they're angry, so it's OK for me to do it, too).
but I try hard to stay out of how parents choose to discipline their kids and I despise the spanking debate. It never gets solved and rarely goes anywhere.
mom2many 08:19 AM 08-22-2014
I had to recently term an almost 4 yo dcg for pinching/scratching on day 6 of her 2 wk probation period. First 3 days of care, she had several isolated incidences of acting out physically & I immediately removed her from the group.
She was always so excited when the kids arrived in the morning and for the most, I had no discipline issues with her. She seemed to love being with other kids! I seriously thought she'd be okay and just needed to learn some boundaries.
She had 2 more days of improvement & then last Thursday, it was totally intolerable! She was so sneaky and pinched/scratched several kids for no apparent reason. One minute she would be happy & playing great with the other 5 kids and then BAM she'd strike out at someone with absolutely no warning! I've never experienced a child behaving like this and I have zero tolerance for it. I termed that day! 
OP, I feel for you! It was very stressful having a child in my care like that. I just couldn't do it.
She was always so excited when the kids arrived in the morning and for the most, I had no discipline issues with her. She seemed to love being with other kids! I seriously thought she'd be okay and just needed to learn some boundaries.
She had 2 more days of improvement & then last Thursday, it was totally intolerable! She was so sneaky and pinched/scratched several kids for no apparent reason. One minute she would be happy & playing great with the other 5 kids and then BAM she'd strike out at someone with absolutely no warning!
I've never experienced a child behaving like this and I have zero tolerance for it. I termed that day! OP, I feel for you! It was very stressful having a child in my care like that. I just couldn't do it.
coolconfidentme 08:28 AM 08-22-2014
Well, well well....
As I was in a texting conversation with mom, guess who jumped up, snacked the power cable outta my laptop that fed the movie? I cannot believe she tried to sabotage the movie with me standing right there!
Oh. My. Fluffing. Gosh!!
As I was in a texting conversation with mom, guess who jumped up, snacked the power cable outta my laptop that fed the movie? I cannot believe she tried to sabotage the movie with me standing right there!
Oh. My. Fluffing. Gosh!!
Leigh 09:06 AM 08-22-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I personally agree but I try hard to stay out of how parents choose to discipline their kids and I despise the spanking debate. It never gets solved and rarely goes anywhere.
I hate the debate, too, but not as much as I hate that there even IS a debate. That's why I try to make my questions indirect. When I discover that hitting is a parent's chosen action for bad behavior, the spot becomes suddenly filled by another child. I personally agree
but I try hard to stay out of how parents choose to discipline their kids and I despise the spanking debate. It never gets solved and rarely goes anywhere. 
Meyou 09:35 AM 08-22-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I have a super hard time dealing with those kinds of kids. They are so hard headed and purposeful that I find myself getting worked up emotionally.
Because I know that about myself, I try hard not to take kids like that.
I would maybe plan some REALLY fun activities and then not allow her to participate. Tell her until her behavior AND attitude improves she isn't welcome to participate. Let her know the other kids don't want her to either if her goal is to hurt them and have others hurt them too.
As for asking for seconds and then not eating them, the rule in my house is if you deliberately do that (and you know you can tell when it's purposeful) then you aren't allowed seconds anymore for the rest of the week or a time period equivalent to their age. (4 yrs old = 4 meal times)
I cannot stand purposeful behavior that is done ONLY to annoy or hurt others. The snotty attitude as icing on the cake would have me regularly standing in the bathroom and counting WAY past 10.
We had cookies this morning JUST because my problem 3.5 year old dcg was being especially mean spirited. They weren't part of a snack. I just handed them out in the backyard to anyone who had been nice to friends all morning. By coincidence she was the only one who didn't chose to be nice. I have a super hard time dealing with those kinds of kids. They are so hard headed and purposeful that I find myself getting worked up emotionally.
Because I know that about myself, I try hard not to take kids like that.
I would maybe plan some REALLY fun activities and then not allow her to participate. Tell her until her behavior AND attitude improves she isn't welcome to participate. Let her know the other kids don't want her to either if her goal is to hurt them and have others hurt them too.
As for asking for seconds and then not eating them, the rule in my house is if you deliberately do that (and you know you can tell when it's purposeful) then you aren't allowed seconds anymore for the rest of the week or a time period equivalent to their age. (4 yrs old = 4 meal times)
I cannot stand purposeful behavior that is done ONLY to annoy or hurt others. The snotty attitude as icing on the cake would have me regularly standing in the bathroom and counting WAY past 10.
coolconfidentme 10:50 AM 08-22-2014
Originally Posted by Meyou:
We had cookies this morning JUST because my problem 3.5 year old dcg was being especially mean spirited. They weren't part of a snack. I just handed them out in the backyard to anyone who had been nice to friends all morning. By coincidence she was the only one who didn't chose to be nice.
Ok.., I'll fess up too. I had DCG sit on the couch while I got lunch out for the other. I told her she cannot be with the group today so she will have to eat when they are done. They got cookies for being awesome sauce today..., she didn't.We had cookies this morning JUST because my problem 3.5 year old dcg was being especially mean spirited. They weren't part of a snack. I just handed them out in the backyard to anyone who had been nice to friends all morning. By coincidence she was the only one who didn't chose to be nice.