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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Parental Double Standards
Cat Herder 09:27 AM 09-19-2013
So... I was called to the mat by a DCM. ( The sweetest woman you have ever met) She was mostly joking as we laugh a lot here. She was 100% correct, though.

I **am** guilty of enforcing my policies with a double standard. I did it. It is true. I will most likely do it again.... but I will try harder to recognize it in myself.

Example:

If DCM shows up 10 minutes early to drop-off (no notice), I charge her $10 or a coffee and doughnut the next morning (my version of a get out of jail card).

If DCD shows up 10 minutes early to drop-off (no notice), I often let him slide depending on how frazzled he looks and how desperate DCK seems to get into the playroom .

Am I really the only one, though???? Do you catch yourself giving the guys a break??

NOTE: I am older, so seeing the guys actively parent is still a pretty new concept (and adored ) to me. Luckily the Moms are not too offended, after all, they love the guys as well.
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Play Care 09:31 AM 09-19-2013
I'm the opposite! I have one single dad who I like, he's a good dad and a good client but he also has a "user" personality. The more you give, the more he would take. So I give *nothing*
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nanglgrl 09:31 AM 09-19-2013
Guilty, I've had 2 single dads. One raising a girl and another a boy, since birth and all on their own. They both worked and went to school. I cut them a lot more breaks than I've ever cut a single mother BUT neither of them ever took advantage and were always appreciative.
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Blackcat31 09:31 AM 09-19-2013
YES. I am guilty too.

I think because we tend to think men aren't capable but we KNOW they are.

Unfortunately the space between my thinking and my knowing is rather large.

I solemnly swear to be more conscious about this from this day forward.
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Cat Herder 09:37 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by Play Care:
I'm the opposite! I have one single dad who I like, he's a good dad and a good client but he also has a "user" personality. The more you give, the more he would take. So I give *nothing*
Ugh, yeah, that would be a whole different story.

My DCD's are all just generally *likable* guys. I feel protective over them like my own sons. The DCM's can all "hold their own" (it's a southern thing ) and are awesome clients..
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JoseyJo 09:39 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
So... I was called to the mat by a DCM. ( The sweetest woman you have ever met) She was mostly joking as we laugh a lot here. She was 100% correct, though.

I **am** guilty of enforcing my policies with a double standard. I did it. It is true. I will most likely do it again.... but I will try harder to recognize it in myself.

Example:

If DCM shows up 10 minutes early to drop-off (no notice), I charge her $10 or a coffee and doughnut the next morning (my version of a get out of jail card).

If DCD shows up 10 minutes early to drop-off (no notice), I often let him slide depending on how frazzled he looks and how desperate DCK seems to get into the playroom .

Am I really the only one, though???? Do you catch yourself giving the guys a break??

NOTE: I am older, so seeing the guys actively parent is still a pretty new concept (and adored ) to me. Luckily the Moms are not too offended, after all, they love the guys as well.
I haven't ever charged a late/early fee but I do find that I give the DCD's a break a lot more. I actually appreciate that they don't talk so much at d/o p/u so it takes less of my time and I use that as a mental excuse for giving them a break on appropriate clothing, cleanliness of children, feeding them before they come etc
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Cat Herder 09:40 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
YES. I am guilty too.

I think because we tend to think men aren't capable but we KNOW they are.

Unfortunately the space between my thinking and my knowing is rather large.

I solemnly swear to be more conscious about this from this day forward.
It is hard when you are looking into the face of a grown man and see the 3 year old child he was begging for help...
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littlemissmuffet 09:46 AM 09-19-2013
I guess I'm mean. I don't give anyone a break
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daycarediva 09:53 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet:
I guess I'm mean. I don't give anyone a break
hahaha I am SOOOO glad you said this because I don't regularly, either. I DO on occasion when I know a dcp has a lot on their plate/mind, etc

(eg. dcm's Mom died and she was bringing dcg here so that she could make funeral arrangements, but had not paid for the drop in space yet, so I sent a text to remind her so that I wouldn't HAVE to turn them away at the door).
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Cat Herder 09:56 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet:
I guess I'm mean. I don't give anyone a break
You are not mean... you are smart.

I guess I am getting soft.... all of my clients (but one) have been here for over 3 years. We ran out of stuff to "disagree" about years ago... I am losing my edge
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MrsSteinel'sHouse 10:14 AM 09-19-2013
I also tend to give guys a "break".
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mrsnj 10:25 AM 09-19-2013
No. No breaks here either female vs male. I have done situations ( like I had a dcm who worked as a nurse n sometimes would show five min late if she got stuck with a client. I can see she is frantic getting here. I have another family who push buttons n I charge if they breath wrong) but not moms vs dads.

I however love the donuts payment. Lol. Wonder if I could get a few icecream sundaes that way too
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MsLaura529 10:29 AM 09-19-2013
I haven't had any issues come up with DCD's or DCM's even really ... I know they're coming though. However, I know one of my DCDs annoys me a ton, so he probably wouldn't get a break. Another one is in a profession that I would feel bad not giving a break to (and maybe having it be good karma in the future, if I were to ever get pulled over ) ... the other ones I don't really see.

Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Example:

If DCM shows up 10 minutes early to drop-off (no notice), I charge her $10 or a coffee and doughnut the next morning (my version of a get out of jail card).
I LOVE this! I wish my parents would drop off early sometime now so that I can pull this one out on them and end up with a coffee and a donut.
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WImom 10:34 AM 09-19-2013
I don't do mom vs dad's either. But the parents I see trying hard or follow my rules I do give break's for. If it became more than occasional I would stop giving a break though.
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butterfly 10:40 AM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by JoseyJo:
I haven't ever charged a late/early fee but I do find that I give the DCD's a break a lot more. I actually appreciate that they don't talk so much at d/o p/u so it takes less of my time and I use that as a mental excuse for giving them a break on appropriate clothing, cleanliness of children, feeding them before they come etc

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Cradle2crayons 06:31 PM 09-19-2013
I rarely deal with dads, but I don't give them any more of a break. Men are just as capable, some just choose to have more experience than others.

For instance, my husband has no clue what sizes of clothes, what meds my kids take, or how to pay a bill.

The fact he doesn't know is his fault. He has every opportunity.and he is just as capable.

So nope, no break for dads.
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SunnyDay 06:42 PM 09-19-2013
Yes, I realized pretty early on that I felt judgemental toward moms if they brought their children to daycare when they had the day off, but not so much toward dads. It surprised me when I realized that I was discriminating. A year later, I think it is pretty ridiculous either way
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Unregistered 06:43 PM 09-19-2013
If mom was the one who normally does it 90% of the time, then yes I might cut Dad some slack if he only did the drop offs & pick ups every now and then. I would likely do the same if the roles were reversed too. When it is something you do daily, then you get into a routine. When it is something you seldom do, sometimes pulling it all together goes less than smooth.
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Lyss 06:55 PM 09-19-2013
I like my DCDs more than my DCMs (I don't dislike them BTW) but mainly that's because my DCDs are in and out, drop off and pick up in under 3 minutes! While DCMs linger...


I've never had an issue with DCDs, but I see them much less than I see DCMs
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Familycare71 07:41 PM 09-19-2013
Originally Posted by Lyss:
I like my DCDs more than my DCMs (I don't dislike them BTW) but mainly that's because my DCDs are in and out, drop off and pick up in under 3 minutes! While DCMs linger...


I've never had an issue with DCDs, but I see them much less than I see DCMs
I love quick dad pu/do!!! I have dads at least 50% doing it for my current dck. It's great!! Sometimes I'm holding them up!! I have to tell my self to shut my trap!!
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Meyou 04:28 AM 09-20-2013
I give breaks to the frazzled that aren't gender based. There are days where everyone is just trying to survive their toddler and I can be sympathetic towards that from time to time. I go more by the frenzied fearful look in their eye than anything else.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 05:48 AM 09-20-2013
Nope! I don't care what gender you are. I am equally "mean" across the board.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 05:51 AM 09-20-2013
Originally Posted by JoseyJo:
I haven't ever charged a late/early fee but I do find that I give the DCD's a break a lot more. I actually appreciate that they don't talk so much at d/o p/u so it takes less of my time and I use that as a mental excuse for giving them a break on appropriate clothing, cleanliness of children, feeding them before they come etc
I also appreciate the Dads who are in and out! I only have one Dad here who wants to sit and chat about anything and everything.
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cheerfuldom 07:57 AM 09-20-2013
No I dont have a double standard between genders. I will and have called out Dads, with no apology. But I also have a very hands on husband and expect that fathers, especially these days, step up and be a partner in parenting. They are not babysitting, watching the kids, helping out.....they are doing their JOB in being a parent to the kids they helped bring into this world.

I will say that I may be a little more accommodating with a single parent of either gender though.

Also, the last couple of years it is the Dads that handle the coming and going and I actually have a few moms that are out of touch. Moms working LONG hours that cannot answer a basic question about their child and I dont see them for weeks at a time. so maybe my situation is more unique.
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jessrlee 08:02 AM 09-20-2013
I prefer my daycare dads!! If I ask for supplies or for behavior help the dads are right on it! It seems like my moms tend to blow me off
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daycaremum 08:33 AM 09-20-2013
No favouritism here!! I seldom have a family break a rule anymore and give a get out of jail free card for first offense as long as it's no more than five minutes for late pick up. No free ride for anyone on late payments.
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jenn 09:22 AM 09-20-2013
Originally Posted by WImom:
the parents I see trying hard or follow my rules I do give break's for. If it became more than occasional I would stop giving a break though.
I do this.

If the situation involves great kids, great parent(s), that don't cause any issues, I will overlook at few minutes late, on occasion.

I don't do early (even a few minutes). I open at 7:15 and the door does not open until then.

I will admit that I usually find dad drop offs and pick ups easier. They drop and go, pick up and go. No chit chat, small talk,...I like it. Years ago I had a dad that wanted to hang around, like as in sit down, watch TV, chat about anything and everything...so there's always an exception to everything!
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Josiegirl 11:26 AM 09-20-2013
I'm easy. I give everybody a break. I don't remember the last time I had a problem with early drop-offs but have been too lax with pick-ups. And now I'm finding myself in the position where it's a common occurrence rather than the occasional thing(so how the heck do I start enforcing it now?). However, most of the dcps are wonderful. For example, one of my new families brought in a big box of kleenex and baby wipes the other day.
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MarinaVanessa 04:20 PM 09-20-2013
Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet:
I guess I'm mean. I don't give anyone a break
Ha ha me too!! Call me Meanie Marina
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Mister Sir Husband 07:09 PM 09-20-2013
Well, I'm not cutting any guys breaks for anything... If I can watch/ entertain 5-7 kids all day, and your having a rough time with the 1 or 2 your leaving with me?
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Tags:double standards, father, favoritism, men, policies, sexism
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