Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>No Longer Want To Watch This Child...
Unregistered 12:55 PM 09-11-2011
I am a stay-at-home mom, but have been watching a former coworker's baby for the past 7 months. I have hated it from day one because he has always been a difficult child. At 2 months old, he would scream all day every day. No exaggeration. While at 9 months it is better, he is now mobile and screams whenever he does not get his way (which seems to be most of the day unless he's eating or sleeping - which isn't much). My toddler daughter never gets a full nap because she wakes up from his cries. He is very rough with her especially when he's mad (which concerns me because he is so young). She doesn't like him and quite honestly, I don't either. I have taken care of so many babies when I used to work at a daycare and I have never met a child that is so unhappy and difficult to please. Not to mention, his parents still cram him in 3-6 month clothes (although they always have nice new clothes for themselves), refuse to buy bigger cloth diapers that he won't pee out of, and he still spits up all of the time in very large amounts and it always seems to be on things like wooden Melissa and Doug toys that now reek of puke despite my best cleaning efforts. Anyways, the whole point of my post (besides to vent) is to see if you have advice for how to tell a parent you will no longer watch their child. I plan on telling them tomorrow, but I am so incredibly nervous about it. I hate confrontation and I feel like I'm letting them down. I found a job at a local hospital working 2 days opposite my husband so I would like to tell them I can no longer watch him. Do I give two weeks? They pay me on Fridays...how do I ensure that they pay and don't skip out on a Thursday before paying me? Do I tell them in person, by letter, by email (pretty sure I know the answer, but I'm such a chicken). For those of you that have had to tell parents you can no longer watch their child, are the generally understanding? Thanks in advance for any advice you have.
Reply
Unregistered 01:29 PM 09-11-2011
Also, because I know them, we did not sign a contract so I don't know that a termination letter is appropriate? I had them fill out all of the required daycare forms, but no contract.
Reply
nannyde 01:44 PM 09-11-2011
My experience with terming parents is that they don't take it well at all BUT I have heard stories of terminations where the parents understood and it went really well.

If you have allowed them to use your services without pre-paying you do take a chance of them using the service and not paying when they don't have use for the child care anymore. The only thing you CAN do is give them two weeks notice on Friday after they have paid you for the current week and then tell them they must pay the next two weeks in advance before they return on the following Monday. That way you will have the money in hand. If they don't have the money then your services will be done that day.

I would just explain to them that the baby is very unhappy in your care. He is crying most of the day except for the time he is eating and the little bit he sleeps.

They need someone who can manage the ill fitting clothing and ill fitting diapers. They need someone who can manage the vomiting and the replacement of ruined items from the vomit. They need someone who can completely separate him from the other children so he doesn't have access to the other kids to be rough. They need someone who has the physical space to give the other children enough space away from him during their rest times.

There is a chance that he has some medical condition causing the vomiting and crying. They should get him a full medical exam to rule out a pre-existing medical condition and get him the treatment he needs if he is ill. You can suggest that to them and they can decide what's best.

It's NEVER good to have a kid in your home that isn't happy. If they aren't happy they affect the happiness of everyone else including you. This little baby deserves to be somewhere where he is happy!!!!!!!!!!! He's not happy with you so it's time to cut this off asap.

Good luck with the term and the possible new job. Don't take it personally or feel you have let them down. The baby and the parents just need completely different services than what you have been able to offer. It's NOT personal. Hopefully they will recognize what doesn't work and find the perfect situation for him where he can eat well, sleep well, play well, etc. and where the provider can manage the clothing, diaper, behavior, etc.
Reply
Ariana 03:30 PM 09-11-2011
I've never had an issue with terming parents. I just make it all about me! I'm finding it difficult, I'm feeling overwhelmed and stressed, your child is wonderful and I really enjoyed having them but I'm wanting to take another job and can't do it. I wouldn't mention anything negative about the child at all. Tell them you're finding being cooped up at home all day hard etc.

Good luck
Reply
Unregistered 05:49 PM 09-11-2011
Thank you both for your reply! Nannyde - I have mentioned that his clothes and diapers are an issue so many times I have lost count. They always acted annoyed or like I was overreacting or nitpicking or something. I guess I should have been firm and said if these things don't fit, I can't watch him. It's hard when you know the people though which is probably why this was all a bad idea in the first place. Ariana - I have been thinking of using your idea that staying home isn't cut out for me (even though it's not true) because it makes it about me and not them. Thanks again to both of you for taking the time to respond! I will be a nervous wreck tomorrow...
Reply
Blackcat31 06:04 PM 09-11-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Thank you both for your reply! Nannyde - I have mentioned that his clothes and diapers are an issue so many times I have lost count. They always acted annoyed or like I was overreacting or nitpicking or something. I guess I should have been firm and said if these things don't fit, I can't watch him. It's hard when you know the people though which is probably why this was all a bad idea in the first place. Ariana - I have been thinking of using your idea that staying home isn't cut out for me (even though it's not true) because it makes it about me and not them. Thanks again to both of you for taking the time to respond! I will be a nervous wreck tomorrow...
It is hard to term a child and I feel for you in regards to your anxiety, but you can do this!

Think of it as something you are doing for your child. She needs a safe environment free from an aggressive playmate and she needs a mother who isn't on pins and needles all day because of another child who is difficult to provide care for.

Take a deep breath before you tell them and simply say what you need to say. Stand your ground and don't say things just to fill the silence. That is usually what gets people into situations they don't want to be in.

Remember, you CAN do this! We are here to support you! Let us know how it goes.
Reply
sharlan 06:44 PM 09-11-2011
Not something pleasant to do, but something you have to do for the safety of your child and your sanity.

Just be honest, this isn't working for me and I've found a job outside of the home.

Cyber hugs.
Reply
Candyland 08:33 PM 09-11-2011
let us know how things go.
Reply
wdmmom 05:42 AM 09-12-2011
If you really aren't friends with these people and it would be easier for you, just tell them that you applied for jobs several months ago and had an interview but never heard back. They finally called and you are eager to take the position.

Never say anything about the child. Use the "Me & I".

I enjoyed my time at home but it's time to get out in the working field again. I'm really looking forward to this. If you need a week or so to find someone else, let me know.

Keep it simple. Don't say too much!
Reply
Christian Mother 08:57 AM 09-12-2011
I feel for you honey...It's never easy to term no matter what the reasons may be. But I agree with everyone...You deserve to think about you and your family and know what is best for everyone in this situation. I know you don't want to think about your self and feel bad about terming but just be honest and tell these parents that you've been offered a chance at working for the hospital and you can't pass it up. It's what you've always wanted to do. If you approach it by being excited and happy they might respond better to the term. I wouldn't really say anything negative about what it's been like for you caring for her child. There really isn't any need. Offer to be a ref. maybe so that when she is looking for other daycares she can have someone call you to inquire on the care of the baby and how she was as a daycare parent. If she was a great parent who always paid on time then you can tell her you wld like to be there for her as a ref. It's ok to make this about you and whats best for you and your family. Stay positive and get excited!! Your about to start a new job!!
Reply
Crazy8 10:15 AM 09-12-2011
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
If you really aren't friends with these people and it would be easier for you, just tell them that you applied for jobs several months ago and had an interview but never heard back. They finally called and you are eager to take the position.

Never say anything about the child. Use the "Me & I".

I enjoyed my time at home but it's time to get out in the working field again. I'm really looking forward to this. If you need a week or so to find someone else, let me know.

Keep it simple. Don't say too much!
ITA!! Especially with no contract in place. I always make the mistake of OVER explaining things. Keeping it simple really works best!!
Reply
Tags:terminate
Reply Up