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  #1  
Old 10-16-2014, 01:18 PM
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Default Help! Our 2YO Daughter Is a Monster in My Wife’s Daycare

I am posting this on behalf of my wife, who runs an in home daycare in our home. We have a 2 year old daughter and is starting to become more than a handful to care for. She is constantly throwing fits, not sharing, taking toys, hitting kids, etc. I have searched the internet for ideas or talks on this subject but am not finding anything.

Does anyone have any ideas that may help get her to come down closer to normal at all, lol? It is driving my wife up the wall where she is thinking about not wanting to do the daycare anymore because she is such a handful.

Thanks.
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Old 10-16-2014, 01:39 PM
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Following.

I'm having the same issue with my own 2.5yr old. Interested to hear what everyone has to say.
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Old 10-16-2014, 01:44 PM
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I should also add that when the daycare is over for the day or if it is the weekend, she is the sweetest child there is. So well behaved. She is just a totally different person during the day at our in home daycare.
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Old 10-16-2014, 02:49 PM
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I think all if not most of our children get to this stage at some point. The pressure of sharing their mom, toys, house, etc can be overwhelming. I think generally the child is looking for attention. My ds got to this point around 3 yrs old and it was rough. We got his grandparents involved in taking him swimming, to art class, etc for a few hours. We were able to get a preschool membership at the local Y for a portion of the regular cost (grandparents were members), and he loved getting out of the daycare and having the undivided attention from his grandparents. If this isn't feasible (or something like this), I would suggest giving her responsibilities like helping with lunch, cleaning up, and give her time with her own toys and own space. At 4, ds goes to preschool part time- I didn't want to send him originally- but it had helped tremendously with behavior. This topic comes up often on here, and is really common for our kids. I think we've all been there!
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Old 10-16-2014, 02:56 PM
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My daughter just turned 3 and we've been dealing with this for about 6 months now. It's slowly gotten better, but we have our days. On the weekend and in the evenings her behavior is great - but during the day, I spend most of my time correcting her ill behavior and it's pretty disheartening.
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Old 10-16-2014, 03:02 PM
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It's so hard. When I first started doing daycare my son was almost 2. He had to share his house, his space, his mom, everything he had ever known to be just his and his alone during the day, was now shared by all these strange kids that HE didn't invite into his home. Not to brag, but he was the best kid I've ever had or dealt with in any way(I have 2 dds also and he's now 33 so I'll brag ). But when he realized these strange little people were invading HIS territory he literally sat on the couch and screamed bloody murder day after day for maybe a month or so. I cried, I begged my dh to let me simply be a SAHM, I was willing to eat beans and rice for the duration if it meant I could quit. But no. So I toughed it out and so did he. He wasn't scarred from it and grew into quite a gentleman.
I treated him as fairly as I could, as fairly as I did all the other kids. I explained to him, as much as I thought he'd understand, why it was the way it was. I cuddled him when I could. I tried to treat all the kids lovingly so none felt left out but my ds was the one I said I love you to. I enlisted his help with preparing meals, I let him escape to his room when he felt the need, his toys were HIS toys and dc could not go in his room or play with his toys.
Make sure dd has her own space to go to. Let her have responsibilities so she feels like a helper, she could be mommy's assistant. It sounds like she's screaming for attention but some of it could be age development too. I have a couple 2 yos that do some, a lot, okay most, of those things too. Group activities work well, water table(any kind of sensory table activities), playdough, music time(just put on music and let them dress up and dance all that negative energy away.
Consistency is key, as far as discipline. Certain things are just not okay(hitting, pushing, biting, etc.). She needs to learn that no matter what. TO and then a short talk afterwards.
Throwing fits? Put her in a safe place and walk away. When she realizes her audience is gone, they will lessen.
With the sharing...I attended a workshop that stated it's difficult for a child under 6 to share. I believe it. I have found using a timer here works wonders with sharing issues.

It is tough but raising a family with an in-home daycare is done all the time. Lots of patience and a glass of wine on Friday nights always helps. Good luck!!
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Old 10-16-2014, 03:32 PM
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Yeah, that sounds like jealously issues right there. Think about this....you guys have never opened up your home as a daycare before (as this is your first time) and look at all these changes!!!! New clients with children prior - coming in and out of the home, possible candidates or interviews. New changes, home décor, equipment, toys and books to share, etc. and THE ADDED STRESS. Your daughter sees, hears and knows all - and she is acting out as a result.

Believe me, we could write a book about this as both our daughters are what many would consider the nightmare children. But, with our oldest who is in school now, it was tough in the beginning but what we ended up doing was that when my DH flexed from his job or work and was at home, he would spend a special day or two with just our DD - and there were times when available that I would do the same. I also attributed reward charts and other "new" things that she hadn't had before and therefore her thought process of negativity with "daycare" and "other kids taking away attention from her" was replaced with "everything new as well and rewards and her not getting replaced" - do you see what I mean? Anyway, it worked out very well...and in addition, it also FORCED US to spend sooo much more precious time with our DD that we wouldn't have done because of all the havoc and stress from the growing pains of this line of work.
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Old 10-16-2014, 03:55 PM
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She's jealous. It's totally normal, but knowing that doesn't make the situation any better for your wife.

In addition to what the other providers have said above, I'm sure your dd is having to follow some rules that she never had to follow before. My son struggled with this. He didn't understand why he couldn't leave the bathroom door open or go into his sister's room or play with play doe whenever he felt like it. There was a lot more structure that he wasn't accustomed to. But if I allowed those things, my dcks would invade the bathroom, go through my daughter's things, and my house would've been covered in play doe.

So she doesn't get why it's ok to do things in the evenings and then mommy is telling her no for the same things when the other kids are present. It can be really confusing. Your wife can try explaining and reminding constantly, but at her age, it's probably going to take a little while and a lot of repetition.
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Old 10-16-2014, 03:58 PM
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Also, invite your wife to join this forum. This is a lonely profession at times and this forum has been a place to get advice, bounce ideas off of one another, vent, form friendships, etc.
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Old 10-17-2014, 06:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wednesday View Post
Also, invite your wife to join this forum. This is a lonely profession at times and this forum has been a place to get advice, bounce ideas off of one another, vent, form friendships, etc.
I can't stress this enough! We'd love to have your wife join us.
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Old 10-17-2014, 06:55 AM
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This is a known issue in childcare. Back in the '80s we referred to them as "center brats". It is an unpopular term now as politics seems to have outlawed a sense of humor...

I was a center brat. I was horrible.... It does get better.

I added some tags below that link to old posts with great information. Please don't read them to be a label for your thread. They are hyperlinks to similar threads from the past.
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Old 10-17-2014, 07:07 AM
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Center brats. Lol. Haven't heard that in a long time.
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Old 10-17-2014, 07:41 AM
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We have a closet of toys that are my kids "specials" that they don't have to share. It is super hard to have to share everything. And 2 two year olds are crazy anyway

My kids are also better behaved when I treat them exactly like everyone else.
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Old 10-17-2014, 09:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SDYote View Post
I am posting this on behalf of my wife, who runs an in home daycare in our home. We have a 2 year old daughter and is starting to become more than a handful to care for. She is constantly throwing fits, not sharing, taking toys, hitting kids, etc. I have searched the internet for ideas or talks on this subject but am not finding anything.

Does anyone have any ideas that may help get her to come down closer to normal at all, lol? It is driving my wife up the wall where she is thinking about not wanting to do the daycare anymore because she is such a handful.

Thanks.
I don't have all the answers but I was much better at daycare with my own children when my second son was born....I had higher expectations for my own first child and sometimes my discipline for him was not the same as the day care children....on my second, I was better at allowing him to interact and using the same choices/consequences approach with appropriate redirection, etc.... it was much easier the second go-around...my own are now 11 and 13 so we have made it but it wasn't without it's issues....my licensing lady brought out to me how I nit-picked my first one and she said he is so scared of doing the wrong thing that he became an anxious child and was constantly into something due to me wanting him to be "the perfect child"???? So I tried to loosen up with him when he turned 2 and then come along my second.....so I hope this helps a little!
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Old 10-17-2014, 12:43 PM
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I had this problem with my daughter when she was that age. I think she was jealous and fighting for my attention. It can be hard for them, because to your child it is MY mom, MY house, MY toys, MY food. Honestly if I had it to do over again, I would have sent her to another provider at least part time, because when she started preschool my life was so much better. I wish I had better answers for you. I can tell you my daughter is 16 now and a wonderful joy to be around so it does get better!
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