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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>DCB Aggressive With My Baby
mamamanda 07:27 PM 07-13-2015
I have a 2 year old dcb who tries to exert dominance with the baby (10 mo). I have worked on it for months & he is doing so much better. I keep the baby right with me & only allow them to play together when I'm right there sitting between them. He plays nicely with the baby now during the day, but drop off & pick up are awful. As soon as his mom walks in he attacks the baby. Their mom is a friend so she always walks in & picks up the baby to say hi sometimes with her own child crying & pulling on her. She always addresses him, but then talks to my baby. I think dcb is jealous so that is the reason for the acting out. When she squats down to talk to her son while holding my baby that's when it happens. He has bit him & brought blood, scratched his face until it bleeds, laid on him, pushed him, etc. I've started moving the baby into his crib during drop off/pickup & shutting the door so dcb doesn't have access, but that isn't a realistic long term solution. I was frustrated at first, but now I'm just angry about it. I don't want to cause waves b/c she is a friend, but its my child being harmed & I'm ticked off. I've talked to her several times explaining how I handle the 2 of them in her absence, how I don't let dcb get in baby's face, how allowing him to hurt baby is not ok. I don't know what else to do except term, but that's going to be awkward too. How would you handle it? I've thought about maybe wearing him during dropoff/pickup so he is strapped to me & can't be bothered.
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rosieteddy 08:21 PM 07-13-2015
I would tell the daycare mom to pay attention to her child only.I had a rule that children could "say hello and go"to other childrens parents.I would explain to all the children that the parents want to speak to their child.The children wanted their parent to care for them.This freind should understand and pay attention to her child.I would ask her to call from the driveway and bring the child to the door..Your baby should be put in a safe chair or playpen.
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cheerfuldom 06:02 AM 07-15-2015
I agree with the above poster. I would just let mom know that clearly her son is very jealous of the baby and his behavior around the baby is getting out of control. You think it would be best for mom to just focus on hellos and goodbyes with her own son for now. I would place the baby in a safe spot as far from mom during these times as possible. Do not let her break your rule.
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Heidi 06:21 AM 07-15-2015
Ditto PP's. Tell her that for the time being, she needs to focus on her own kiddo at arrivals and departures.

Personally, and this is my own old school thoughts, if my 2 year old had ever, ever done that in front of me, my reaction would have been ah..."strong" enough that it would have been the last time!
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Blackcat31 06:23 AM 07-15-2015
Originally Posted by Heidi:
Ditto PP's. Tell her that for the time being, she needs to focus on her own kiddo at arrivals and departures.

Personally, and this is my own old school thoughts, if my 2 year old had ever, ever done that in front of me, my reaction would have been ah..."strong" enough that it would have been the last time!
to the bolded.

...and yes, I agree with the others... tell mom she needs to focus on her child ONLY.
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laundrymom 10:15 AM 07-15-2015
What was the reaction when child bit?
Here he'd have been picked up and carried to the time out spot within seconds of the bite. Same with any physical violence. I dont allow it without parents. I'm for darn sure not going to allow it with them there. Then I would continue to speak to mom until child calmed down.
Because right now.
He bites. Scratches. Whatever, and you take baby and mom scoops him up. Right?
He has found the fastest path to mommys arms.
And he knows it.
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mamamanda 10:41 AM 07-15-2015
Originally Posted by Heidi:
Ditto PP's. Tell her that for the time being, she needs to focus on her own kiddo at arrivals and departures.

Personally, and this is my own old school thoughts, if my 2 year old had ever, ever done that in front of me, my reaction would have been ah..."strong" enough that it would have been the last time!
Yes, I've pulled my own child aside in front of daycare parents for a swift reprimand & loss of consequences. My kids know the consequences are the same regardless of who is here. Why don't other parents do the same with their kids? Its frustrating.
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Heidi 11:25 AM 07-15-2015
Originally Posted by mamamanda:
Yes, I've pulled my own child aside in front of daycare parents for a swift reprimand & loss of consequences. My kids know the consequences are the same regardless of who is here. Why don't other parents do the same with their kids? Its frustrating.
Haha...again, I'm a little old school, but the consequence would have been more than a reprimand.

I've only spanked my(now grown) kids less than a handful of times, but THAT would have been one of those times. Over the knee, hand stinging, spanking.
Violence may not be the answer to violence, but that is some serious S***.

Friend or no friend, you have a right to be angry. It's YOUR BABY! Please, stop worrying about hurting your "friends" feelings and tell her straight out that it WILL NOT happen again. Ever. SHE needs to make sure of that. Dang girl, I'm really mad for you here!
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mommyneedsadayoff 12:08 PM 07-15-2015
Originally Posted by mamamanda:
Yes, I've pulled my own child aside in front of daycare parents for a swift reprimand & loss of consequences. My kids know the consequences are the same regardless of who is here. Why don't other parents do the same with their kids? Its frustrating.
I think it is time to give mom a time out. If you continue care, then the minute she comes in and heads for baby, say "AH AH AH, mom we do not touch baby at pick up until your little one can control his behavior!" You could also tell her you need to start meeting at the door and doing a quick pick up, as dcb is using this time as a means to be violent to your child.

Personally, I would be p!ssed and if mom picked up her kid, I would go to her and tell her to give him to me for a timeout, as his behavior is unacceptable. I would also term, but that can be hard with friends. I watch my great friend's little girl and one day she slapped her mom in the face. You better believe I instantly scolded her and she broke down in tears and of course, mom cuddled and cooed her and made me feel like slapping her too The mom, not the dcg! But, I made it a point that violence to ANYONE will not be overlooked just because mom is here.
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Tags:aggressive behavior
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