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Old 01-14-2015, 07:48 AM
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Default Pickup Dramas

I have a long time family. Two boys, one is almost 2 and the other is almost 4. For the past month, the pickup is horrendous. The 3 almost 4 yr old throws a fit on a daily basis about mommy putting his shoes on, coat on etc when she picks up. He knows perfectly well how to do it himself of course. Usually what happens is she helps the younger one, so the older one starts with his fit, which starts the younger one throwing a fit too. It's then both of them throwing fits yelling and screaming. I have tried getting them both ready before she comes and the little you know what, takes his shoes off when she walks in the door. Last night she was helping the younger one and older one is throwing a fit, so I put him on the table and I put his shoes on, the whole time he's screaming that he wants mommy to do it. I need other options other than having them ready and shoving them out the door when I see her. I would really prefer with this family not to do that. Any ideas?
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Old 01-14-2015, 08:04 AM
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This may not be popular with some but I would talk to the 4yo every day a few minutes before pick up about how you expect him to behave when Mommy gets there. The consequences of having a fit will be a time out first thing in the morning. Then when he has a fit at pick up, the next morning tell him that because he had a fit at pick up time, he will have a time out. Then the child would go straight to time out. Rinse and repeat.

I had a feisty 4yo that would go wild at pick up and I did this with him, it really helped! I did try TO with Mom here but he would just flip out and it wasn't a good thing for any of us.

I do not like time outs at pick up, I just want them gone.
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Old 01-14-2015, 08:12 AM
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Leigh Leigh is offline
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Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo View Post
I have a long time family. Two boys, one is almost 2 and the other is almost 4. For the past month, the pickup is horrendous. The 3 almost 4 yr old throws a fit on a daily basis about mommy putting his shoes on, coat on etc when she picks up. He knows perfectly well how to do it himself of course. Usually what happens is she helps the younger one, so the older one starts with his fit, which starts the younger one throwing a fit too. It's then both of them throwing fits yelling and screaming. I have tried getting them both ready before she comes and the little you know what, takes his shoes off when she walks in the door. Last night she was helping the younger one and older one is throwing a fit, so I put him on the table and I put his shoes on, the whole time he's screaming that he wants mommy to do it. I need other options other than having them ready and shoving them out the door when I see her. I would really prefer with this family not to do that. Any ideas?
So, once you have them ready, when Mom starts to walk to your door to pick them up, open your door and put them outside on your steps. Put their hands into hers and say "see you tomorrow!". Go inside and shut the door. HER problem now.
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Old 01-14-2015, 08:37 AM
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I know you don't want to get them ready and shove them out the door, but I get ALL of my kids ready before their parents come--and the kids I currently have don't have such major pick-up problems.

I found that if they weren't ready to go that their parents had a hard time getting them ready without drama. There would be some running around and temper tantrums when the parents tried to get them ready. It also seemed as though no parent wanted to be "the bad guy" right at pick-up and enforce good behavior/consequences. Maybe they also don't want to discipline in front of me. Who knows.

In any case, I love it. The parents text me when they are 10 minutes away. The kids are standing at the door waiting for them. They go right out. Yippee!

You can tell the mom that you will start getting her kids ready and that when she arrives, they can go right outside before the older one has a chance to get his shoes off. Tell her that after a few weeks he probably won't even try to take them off or put up such a fuss. You can describe it as easier and smoother for everyone, and it will help them get home and on with their evenings faster. If I were her, I'd be HAPPY for the help!!
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Old 01-14-2015, 08:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Kimskiddos View Post
This may not be popular with some but I would talk to the 4yo every day a few minutes before pick up about how you expect him to behave when Mommy gets there. The consequences of having a fit will be a time out first thing in the morning. Then when he has a fit at pick up, the next morning tell him that because he had a fit at pick up time, he will have a time out. Then the child would go straight to time out. Rinse and repeat.

I had a feisty 4yo that would go wild at pick up and I did this with him, it really helped! I did try TO with Mom here but he would just flip out and it wasn't a good thing for any of us.

I do not like time outs at pick up, I just want them gone.
I'm with you. It may sound harsh at first, but 4yo has to realize there are consequences to his actions that can bleed over into the next day. I'm sure he's just jealous and may be regressing a bit, but you can get a handle on it. The next morning, I would wait until mom has left and then have the "remember yesterday?" talk, along with a short time out. The only worry I would have with this is that, if the problem persists too long, he may start fighting mom about going to your house in the mornings because he knows what's coming when he gets there, kwim?
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Old 01-14-2015, 09:01 AM
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I have had the talk with him a couple of times immediately before she gets here and he still does it. Once he looked at me like "screw you". Pisses me off. Today I told him remember yesterday when you screamed and cried and remember how we talked about you being a big boy? Well big boys play with the dinosaurs and you did not behave like a big boy yesterday so no dinosaurs for you today. That is his ultimate favorite toy. We'll see what happens today. Those boys will be dressed and ready to go. This is the point where you're sad to see them go but then again, happy when they go to preschool. lol
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Old 01-14-2015, 10:08 AM
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I do the next day consequence of either group separation or privilege removal. Kids as young as 2yo can get it, and a 4yo most definitely can. This remedies the pick-up drama faster than anything. I don't like to get them ready early, either. Who knows how long they might have to sit there all bundled up?

Yep, sometimes then they are cry babies at drop-off then when they know they have a consequence to face the next day because of their behavior. That is a very GOOD thing...it completely demonstrates that they DO know what is expected of them and what happens if they fall short of that. They ARE as smart as you are giving them credit for!

When that happens, I just tell DCM or DCD, "I'm sure they don't want to come here this morning. Daycare and following rules is hard work for kids, and just like grown-ups, sometimes kids don't want to have to work!" I got that from someone else on here, and I love it!
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