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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>What About The Child Who Simply DOESN'T WANT TO GO POTTY?!?
ninosqueridos 08:02 AM 02-04-2011
I love this boy. He turned 3 in Jan. Very verbal. Very smart. Will not use words to say he needs to go. Ever. Sticker chart with rewards and other encouragement don't work. He just yells NO every time or says I don't WANT to go and lays on the floor. He doesn't care if he is wet or pooped. Diapers or pullups produce same results.

I think the parents are reeeally trying - seemingly a little bit forced at times ("c'mon let's go....c'mon let's try...." and then "NOOOOO - I don't want to!"......."c'mon let's sit (plop him on potty)".....he will pee sometimes this way but I am not forcing him like that).

I try to encourage him, but as he gets older (this has been going on for a year now), he just resists more and more. I don't make a big deal out of it anymore and haven't plopped him on the potty for months since he never wants to go. What in the world would YOU do?!? Anything? My plan is no plan.....just to let him be and one day he will come around WHEN HE IS READY.
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DCMomOf3 08:06 AM 02-04-2011
Have you tried TELLING him it's time to go, not giving him the option of no?
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ninosqueridos 08:10 AM 02-04-2011
Yep, he hangs from my hand so I would have to drag him/pick him up and force him to sit. Then he'll cry on the potty....
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lvt77 08:15 AM 02-04-2011
I think that potty training has to happen as natural as walking when it comes to being ready. If the child is not showing signs of readiness, then you are going to create a long term up hill battle.

I would talk to the parents and tell them lets give it a rest for a week and try again.. If you force him, you will turn toilet time in to toture time.

My son was 2.5 when I tried and he refused, I stopped. I tried again a month later and he was open to it. I pushed him for almost a month and then I thought why am I forcing this...

I gave it another rest. I saw a sign in him that he was ready and I pushed him to use the toilet. He was diaper free in 3 days, even at naps and night time.
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ninosqueridos 08:22 AM 02-04-2011
They are giving it a rest, but when they give him that "strong encouragement" in my home upon arrival, I see they are not actually letting him be.
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Blackcat31 08:22 AM 02-04-2011
I had a similar kid about the same age. I used a kitchen timer and when the bell went off, it was simply time to go. He can't argue with the bell. If he didn't want to go, then ok, but he couldn't continue playing until he tried. He could resume play as soon as he tried to go. I was just matter of fact about it and said "Billy, you can go right back to the trucks as soon as you go" It helped that another dcb the same age was also going and "Billy" could witness how little time it really took to just try and then resume play with no fuss. If I asked or told him, it allowed for argument...but for whatever reason the kitchen bell was not something anyone has ever tried to argue with. I dunno, but it might be worth a shot...good luck. I HATE POTTY TRAINING ISSUES!!


Did I say I HATE POTTY TRAINING ISSUES???...I feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day where it just keeps happening day after day...atleast with our own children you trained and moved on...seems like in daycare we are helping to train every.single.day.for.so.many.endless.months...kid.after.kid. Whew! Can you tell I recently had a lot of trainers come through!?! LOL!
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ninosqueridos 08:27 AM 02-04-2011
thank you for your suggestions. I tried a timer a few months ago, and as soon as it went off, he'd hit the floor.
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Mrs.Ky 08:28 AM 02-04-2011
If he HAS peed in the potty before then he CAN use the potty there is NO MORE EXCUSES. Take him potty EVERY hour and have him sit for 5 minutes then give him LOTS of postive praise such as clapping, jumping up and down, and saying good job _______ you are such a big boy. When he goes in his pants tell him big boys dont pee or poop there pants they go pee and poop in the potty. If he is VERY smart as stated and 3 he can SURELY use the potty and why are the parents even giving him a choice.
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lvt77 08:38 AM 02-04-2011
Originally Posted by Mrs.Ky:
If he HAS peed in the potty before then he CAN use the potty there is NO MORE EXCUSES. Take him potty EVERY hour and have him sit for 5 minutes then give him LOTS of postive praise such as clapping, jumping up and down, and saying good job _______ you are such a big boy. When he goes in his pants tell him big boys dont pee or poop there pants they go pee and poop in the potty. If he is VERY smart as stated and 3 he can SURELY use the potty and why are the parents even giving him a choice.
my sisters son has to be one of the most intelligent toddlers I have ever met in my whole life. The kind of kid that you will see on the johnny carson show.

He was 4 when he finally decided ok I am ready to use the toliet and it happened in less than a week. He is also the most patient, and well behaved child, so I thought for sure he would potty train super fast.

I bought an e-book on potty training and would love to email it to you. its long !!
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kendallina 08:42 AM 02-04-2011
I would talk to the parents and see if they would be open to setting up a plan so that you're both on the same page. It sounds like they are being inconsistent (saying they are taking a break and then still telling him to sit on the potty) and are trying to force the issue, which will only make him resist more. Do you think they'd be open to something like that?
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countrymom 09:09 AM 02-04-2011
could it be he doesn't like the toilet seat or the potty. I have some who use the toilet seat some who use the potty. Also, how about leaving him in underwear instead of pullups or diapers. Also, let him see the other kids use the bathroom maybe that might help.
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Zoe 09:12 AM 02-04-2011
I am going through the EXACT same thing right now with my own DS! He turned three in December and I've tried everything! He just doesn't want to sit! After a weekend of having nothing on (completely bottomless) I thought I had him, but now he refuses to sit on the potty. I tried pushing him and not giving him and choice, and it got worse! He has no problem sitting in a dirty diaper. But I've run out of diapers and will NOT buy more so he's in underwear. Doesn't matter to him that he wets his pants. Thankfully they're pretty absorbent and don't make a mess on my floor. I really don't know what to do with him either except to stay consistent and keep trying, hoping that he'll loosen up about sitting.

Right now whenever I get him to sit, he won't pee, but at least he's sitting right? Sorry I don't have any advice, but it's nice to know I'm not the only one going through it!
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Cat Herder 09:36 AM 02-04-2011
If he were here it would be a non-issue because I don't potty train.

Potty training is a parental responsibility.

I stopped the potty drama years ago.

When a child asks to go, I take them. I have no problem wiping them if they did not get as clean as I would like. There is no pressure and NEVER tears.

When a parent asks me to assist I tell them I will ask the child, up to once an hour, if they need to go. If they say "Yes" I will take them. Again, No pressure and no tears.

I do not allow pressure at mealtimes or at potty times. My house is a pretty relaxed place where the kids are comfortable.

If you present it to the parents from that perspective, they seem to appreciate it. They are being hit up with all the "my kids is better because he trained at 2 months!!" BS.

I remember a video someone once posted with the two moms going back and forth like that when another provider here was having similar issues...it was hilarious!!! Does anyone have a link???? I think it was youtube?
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GG~DAYCARE 09:44 AM 02-04-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
If he were here it would be a non-issue because I don't potty train.

Potty training is a parental responsibility.

I stopped the potty drama years ago.

When a child asks to go, I take them. I have no problem wiping them if they did not get as clean as I would like. There is no pressure and NEVER tears.

When a parent asks me to assist I tell them I will ask the child, up to once an hour, if they need to go. If they say "Yes" I will take them. Again, No pressure and no tears.

I do not allow pressure at mealtimes or at potty times. My house is a pretty relaxed place where the kids are comfortable
If you present it to the parents from that perspective, they seem to appreciate it. They are being hit up with all the "my kids is better because he trained at 2 months!!" BS.

I remember a video someone once posted with the two moms going back and forth like that when another provider here was having similar issues...it was hilarious!!! Does anyone have a link???? I think it was youtube?
I am the same way. I will ask a child and if they say yes they go if they say no than I let it be and child doesn"t go!! If a diaper is dry when I go to change them I will try to get them to go but thats it!!
I have had too many dcp's who want it to fall on my shoulders...no way!!!
There are 3 things a child can control:
We can make them go to bed but can't force them to sleep.
We can sit them at the table but we can't force them to eat.
We can sit them on the potty but we can not force them to pee.
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Danielle 10:16 AM 02-04-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
When a child asks to go, I take them. I have no problem wiping them if they did not get as clean as I would like. There is no pressure and NEVER tears.

When a parent asks me to assist I tell them I will ask the child, up to once an hour, if they need to go. If they say "Yes" I will take them. Again, No pressure and no tears.
This is basically what I ended up doing with my daughter. She was showing big signs that she was ready about 3 weeks ago (she's 22 months) so I started the timer method. She resisted BIG time!! A friend suggested backing off and just reminding her to go to the potty if she needed to pee but not making her sit on the potty. She now goes when she needs to. She's dry when she wakes up in the morning, after nap and has only 1-2 accidents a day.
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grandmom 10:17 AM 02-04-2011
There are two battles you will never win.

What goes in their mouth.
When it comes out.

Lifelong toileting issues are sometimes the result of forced toileting. It is not worth the fight when you think about the lifelong issues.

He will use the toilet before he goes to 1st grade.
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misol 10:41 AM 02-04-2011
Originally Posted by grandmom:
He will use the toilet before he goes to 1st grade.
They used to say before kindergarten. Soon they will be saying before 5th grade.
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laundrymom 10:45 AM 02-04-2011
I always say prom. Lol they will be potty learned before prom. I promise.
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SandeeAR 10:50 AM 02-04-2011
I feel your pain. I have a VERY smart 2.5 y/o that refuses to go too. She knows what to do, when to do it and all that, put WON'T do it.

Parents have tried, pull ups and panties. I have used training pants doubled up with plastic pants, but will not use panties until they are TOTALLY trained. The day she peed thru a diaper and soaked my sofa, was the last day she was on my sofa until she has been totally trained for awhile!

She could care less if she is wet or dirty. I won't take her every hour. When she is ready, she will tell me. She is the one getting trained, not me. For now we are in diapers totally again.
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Cat Herder 10:56 AM 02-04-2011
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I always say prom. Lol they will be potty learned before prom. I promise.
This morning I told a dad that his son is only 22 months, that he would not be walking down the aisle in a diaper, and we should pick a better battle...like his constant spitting in the floor

Dad turned 3 shades of red and walked away laughing and shaking his head (he is the dipper; smokeless tobacco) Busted
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ninosqueridos 01:03 PM 02-04-2011
Originally Posted by Mrs.Ky:
If he HAS peed in the potty before then he CAN use the potty there is NO MORE EXCUSES. Take him potty EVERY hour and have him sit for 5 minutes then give him LOTS of postive praise such as clapping, jumping up and down, and saying good job _______ you are such a big boy. When he goes in his pants tell him big boys dont pee or poop there pants they go pee and poop in the potty. If he is VERY smart as stated and 3 he can SURELY use the potty and why are the parents even giving him a choice.
I took him every hour for over 9 months and that didn't work (still wets whenever; most of the time refuses to sit/cries). What's the point of "catching him" before he pees if he's never going to tell me, kwim? Abundant praise doesn't work - he is on the shy/reserved side so I think the praise turned him off actually. Oy.

Originally Posted by kendallina:
I would talk to the parents and see if they would be open to setting up a plan so that you're both on the same page. It sounds like they are being inconsistent (saying they are taking a break and then still telling him to sit on the potty) and are trying to force the issue, which will only make him resist more. Do you think they'd be open to something like that?
At this point, I don't think they want me to do anything differently. They know I will encourage, but not force the issue. I'm just trying to figure out if there's anything else I can do or suggest to them. If they want to try and force it, it's their decision as parents, no? IDK. *sigh*

Originally Posted by countrymom:
could it be he doesn't like the toilet seat or the potty. I have some who use the toilet seat some who use the potty. Also, how about leaving him in underwear instead of pullups or diapers. Also, let him see the other kids use the bathroom maybe that might help.
Two days out of the blue, he showed up in underwear - after 2 puddles, he was back in pullups/diapers. I told them he needs to be able to tell me when he wants to go before he could go in underwear.

Originally Posted by Zoe:
He has no problem sitting in a dirty diaper.
DCB doesn't either.

Originally Posted by Catherder:
If he were here it would be a non-issue because I don't potty train.

Potty training is a parental responsibility.

I stopped the potty drama years ago.

When a child asks to go, I take them. I have no problem wiping them if they did not get as clean as I would like. There is no pressure and NEVER tears.

When a parent asks me to assist I tell them I will ask the child, up to once an hour, if they need to go. If they say "Yes" I will take them. Again, No pressure and no tears.

I do not allow pressure at mealtimes or at potty times. My house is a pretty relaxed place where the kids are comfortable.

If you present it to the parents from that perspective, they seem to appreciate it. They are being hit up with all the "my kids is better because he trained at 2 months!!" BS.

I remember a video someone once posted with the two moms going back and forth like that when another provider here was having similar issues...it was hilarious!!! Does anyone have a link???? I think it was youtube?
I love this drama-free, tear-free method. That's why I stopped forcing the issue. I hate the way potty training is somehow an intelligence factor. I think the parents are feeling pressure from other parents of "genius young toddlers" who were in underwear at 2 or younger.

Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I always say prom. Lol they will be potty learned before prom. I promise.


Originally Posted by Catherder:
This morning I told a dad that his son is only 22 months, that he would not be walking down the aisle in a diaper, and we should pick a better battle...like his constant spitting in the floor

Dad turned 3 shades of red and walked away laughing and shaking his head (he is the dipper; smokeless tobacco) Busted
and ewww...


THANKS EVERYONE
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Tags:potty, potty not, won't go potty
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