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organicdclady 02:39 PM 12-31-2015
I have a dcm who has requested grandma come stay at daycare with 6 month old baby for a day. She is visiting from out of town and I guess just wants to be apart of the new babies life? I am not sure. In my handbook I really discourage that type of thing. I am in CA and I know that we are required to allow parents to have access to their children at all times. My question is, how do I tactfully deny this request? I can't imagine ever dealing with someone in my home while I am working, especially someone I do not know and have never met. There are a hundred reasons why this would not be good for myself or the 7 other children in my care.
What can I add to my handbook that makes sure this question is answered in the future for potential new clients?
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Preschool/daycare teacher 02:48 PM 12-31-2015
She wants to spend the whole day with her, while she is in your care? Sounds to me like she wants to spend time with her, but doesn't want to have to do the work of taking care of her. I can see this going wrong very fast. I know we're required to allow parents to have access to their child (open door policy), but I'm pretty positive that does not mean they can come in and stay all day. It's open door so they can drop in anytime, but not stay the whole time. I actually think they'd have to get all the same back ground checks, drug tests, etc that any other volunteer or employee would need if they're doing to be there longer than just to drop off or pick up, so I think you could use that as your reason for not allowing it.
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bklsmum 02:52 PM 12-31-2015
I would absolutely NOT allow this. It is a liability issue and other parents could have an issue with it since there will be a stranger they don't know around their kids all day.
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nannyde 03:06 PM 12-31-2015
Tell her you would have to run a criminal and child abuse registry check on her and have her fingerprinted done before you could allow this.

She doesn't want to visit the kid at your house. She wants to have you do a full day interview with her mommy.
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Meeko 03:25 PM 12-31-2015
No way. No how.

The request is weird anyway. She wants to spend time with baby? Then do it at home!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think you have a nosy granny that wants to nit-pick.
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organicdclady 03:29 PM 12-31-2015
Thank you all for the replies. Everything said ran through my mind as well. Nannyde, I could not agree more. This child hasn't been with me for very long, a month at most and is only 3 dpw. It is indeed a strange request and I will not allow it, just trying to figure out the best way to deny her. My luck she will volunteer to have her fingerprinted, then what will I say?
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LittleTikes 03:38 PM 12-31-2015
Can you explain that having an unfamiliar adult would be very disruptive to your day and the other children, but that she is more than welcome to come get the baby early or keep her for the day?
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spedmommy4 03:50 PM 12-31-2015
I'm in California and have an open door policy as well. That said, I would flatly decline her. I think I would say something along the lines of, "a full day visit gives your mom (a non client) knowledge of private client information. Throughout the day, I discuss things like child behavior, payment issues, and personal things that may be going on with other families. For this reason, I only allow short visits" I have a privacy clause in my handbook that covers this.

I would then inform her of the acceptable choices: early pick up, a short visit, or keeping the child home. And then sweetly say, "let me know what you decide."
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Thriftylady 04:07 PM 12-31-2015
Originally Posted by organicdclady:
Thank you all for the replies. Everything said ran through my mind as well. Nannyde, I could not agree more. This child hasn't been with me for very long, a month at most and is only 3 dpw. It is indeed a strange request and I will not allow it, just trying to figure out the best way to deny her. My luck she will volunteer to have her fingerprinted, then what will I say?
Well I am guessing the finger prints and background checks take time? They do most places. You could also tell her she would have to have a child abuse registry check. Or you could just tell her that the other parents have asked that strangers not be around the children.
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finsup 05:45 PM 12-31-2015
I think I would say something like "I'm sorry but that is not something I can allow. It would be too disruptive to our day. I'm sure you understand! Will Grandma be keeping her home that day so she can still visit?"
What a strange request
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midaycare 06:38 PM 12-31-2015
I have an open door policy for parents. Not grandparents or extended family.
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Thriftylady 06:45 PM 12-31-2015
Originally Posted by midaycare:
I have an open door policy for parents. Not grandparents or extended family.
Me too, but even my open door policy is not for all day.
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Josiegirl 04:31 AM 01-01-2016
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
Me too, but even my open door policy is not for all day.
Exactly! You can start your conversation "Due to state regulations, anyone who will be around the children for an extended period of time would need to have the routine security checks performed. You may choose a different option, such as picking up dck early, stay for no more than5 minutes at drop-off, or choose to stay home with the child. Please let me know and thank you for understanding."

Can you imagine the disruption to your day's routine and the childrens' behavior?? So many things I am on the fence about(Libra ya know)but this would be an adamant NO.

Once I had a potential dcm stay for a couple hours and even that un-nerved me to no end.
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284878 06:40 AM 01-01-2016
Originally Posted by spedmommy4:
I'm in California and have an open door policy as well. That said, I would flatly decline her. I think I would say something along the lines of, "a full day visit gives your mom (a non client) knowledge of private client information. Throughout the day, I discuss things like child behavior, payment issues, and personal things that may be going on with other families. For this reason, I only allow short visits" I have a privacy clause in my handbook that covers this.

I would then inform her of the acceptable choices: early pick up, a short visit, or keeping the child home. And then sweetly say, "let me know what you decide."
I agree. I myself would also want to add something about "how would she feel if I allowed another stranger around her child all day?"
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laundrymom 09:14 AM 01-01-2016
I don't feel "open door policy" means unlimited daycare access. I feel it means they can pick up their kids at any time. Not. "Hey, come hang out."
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Snowmom 12:49 PM 01-01-2016
Originally Posted by spedmommy4:
I'm in California and have an open door policy as well. That said, I would flatly decline her. I think I would say something along the lines of, "a full day visit gives your mom (a non client) knowledge of private client information. Throughout the day, I discuss things like child behavior, payment issues, and personal things that may be going on with other families. For this reason, I only allow short visits" I have a privacy clause in my handbook that covers this.

I would then inform her of the acceptable choices: early pick up, a short visit, or keeping the child home. And then sweetly say, "let me know what you decide."
To me, this is perfect.
I wouldn't even allow short visits though.... You can pick up or drop off, and please do it very quickly so that the children and I have very little disruption to our activities and routine.
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Blackcat31 03:42 PM 01-01-2016
I use this for potential clients who want to observe:

"While I understand that you would want to "see me in action" before leaving your child for the first time, I cannot allow it for several reasons.

First is the privacy of the other children and their family's. I do diaper changes, deal with medical issues/conditions, and discuss their home life with them on a daily basis. I have a strict privacy policy and having another adult around violates the trust between my clients and myself.

Second, you are a stranger to the children and their parents. Please consider how you would feel if your child were in care and I allowed a strange adult to the daycare to observe your child.

Third, I consider the trust my clients place in me the cornerstone of our relationship. In a childcare relationship I am asking that a client trust me completely with their child. I ask for honesty and open communication. Asking me to prove myself above and beyond my criminal background check, photo identification, insurance information, and references is not something I am willing to do.

I do understand if you need to find other arrangements. Just know that I value the children's safety and security above all else and allowing adults in to observe them is not part of the safe and secure environment I promise them each and every day."

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Blackcat31 03:43 PM 01-01-2016
Also if grandma is available to observe daycare all day why doesn't she just watch the baby herself?
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sharlan 07:35 PM 01-01-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Also if grandma is available to observe daycare all day why doesn't she just watch the baby herself?
Because dcm is looking for someone to entertain Grandma for the day.
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Meeko 07:59 PM 01-01-2016
Originally Posted by sharlan:
Because dcm is looking for someone to entertain Grandma for the day.

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heyhun77 08:40 PM 01-01-2016
I have done this with dc families but not for full days. Most of my clients don't have family local and the kids don't see their extended family very often so for them to be alone with the kiddos is intimidating for them. I would rather they come visit us rather than having them struggle and then getting a crabby kiddo the next day.
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Unregistered 12:33 PM 01-02-2016
I bet the dcm doesn't really trust grandma to take care of baby all day so dcm said oh you can visit with her at her child care. So now, when you say no, mom will be forced to come up with another way to keep grandma from watching baby all day. Cause seriously, I don think I'd trust my mom with my infant all day while I am at work. And grandma is long distance and doesn't know the baby at all and baby doesn't know grandma.
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organicdclady 07:34 PM 01-03-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I use this for potential clients who want to observe:

"While I understand that you would want to "see me in action" before leaving your child for the first time, I cannot allow it for several reasons.

First is the privacy of the other children and their family's. I do diaper changes, deal with medical issues/conditions, and discuss their home life with them on a daily basis. I have a strict privacy policy and having another adult around violates the trust between my clients and myself.

Second, you are a stranger to the children and their parents. Please consider how you would feel if your child were in care and I allowed a strange adult to the daycare to observe your child.

Third, I consider the trust my clients place in me the cornerstone of our relationship. In a childcare relationship I am asking that a client trust me completely with their child. I ask for honesty and open communication. Asking me to prove myself above and beyond my criminal background check, photo identification, insurance information, and references is not something I am willing to do.

I do understand if you need to find other arrangements. Just know that I value the children's safety and security above all else and allowing adults in to observe them is not part of the safe and secure environment I promise them each and every day."
Thank you BC! This is perfect and exactly what I was looking for. I will be adding this to the handbook and referencing back to it if I ever get this type of inquiry again.

To answer PP in short, dcm started with "grandma will be visiting from out of town for a week next month, she will keep baby at home but would like to come with her to dc for one day that week."
I think it has a lot to do with either mom or grandma wanting to "babysit" ME all day. I kindly declined with the help all of you. She didn't respond. Oh well!
Thank you again!
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Play Care 03:07 AM 01-04-2016
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I don't feel "open door policy" means unlimited daycare access. I feel it means they can pick up their kids at any time. Not. "Hey, come hang out."
This. I can't make rules saying they can't pick up kids at certain times (i.e. Nap time) but I don't have to entertain their realitives all day.

I believe my contract even states that "open door means you can pick up your child and sign them out for the day at any time" or something along those lines.
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Thriftylady 06:58 AM 01-04-2016
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I bet the dcm doesn't really trust grandma to take care of baby all day so dcm said oh you can visit with her at her child care. So now, when you say no, mom will be forced to come up with another way to keep grandma from watching baby all day. Cause seriously, I don think I'd trust my mom with my infant all day while I am at work. And grandma is long distance and doesn't know the baby at all and baby doesn't know grandma.
I don't understand this thought. I always trusted my mom with my kids. After all she did an okay job with the four of us. Sure she made some mistakes but as parents we all do.
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Play Care 07:22 AM 01-04-2016
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I bet the dcm doesn't really trust grandma to take care of baby all day so dcm said oh you can visit with her at her child care. So now, when you say no, mom will be forced to come up with another way to keep grandma from watching baby all day. Cause seriously, I don think I'd trust my mom with my infant all day while I am at work. And grandma is long distance and doesn't know the baby at all and baby doesn't know grandma.
Agree completely! I know if my mom had internet access when we were kids we would not have survived. I had her "watch" my oldest when she was a toddler for a moment when I had to use the bathroom whilst visiting their house. I got back and my kid is playing with a power saw while my mom was online... I was gone for less than 5 minutes! Really.

That said, it's not the providers job to facilitate a relationship between grandma and baby. That's mom's job. I would tell mom that grandma was welcome to pick up baby and take her but that due to liability I couldn't have another adult visiting all day. Because as I said earlier, IMO "open door" means come and picking up your kid whenever, not hanging out at day care.
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Ariana 10:05 AM 01-04-2016
Agree with Blackcat 100%. Also I always ask my current parents when I am doing visits with potential clients. It is paramount tat parents trust me and the people in my home. I would want that as a parent.

You can also always tell her that you ran it by your current parents and one of them is not comfortable with the idea of having a stranger here all day. Just to drive the nail in the coffin!
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childcaremom 10:51 AM 01-04-2016
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
I don't understand this thought. I always trusted my mom with my kids. After all she did an okay job with the four of us. Sure she made some mistakes but as parents we all do.


I don't get this, either.

I think that the grandma wants to see what goes on at dc.
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Controlled Chaos 07:51 PM 01-04-2016
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
I don't understand this thought. I always trusted my mom with my kids. After all she did an okay job with the four of us. Sure she made some mistakes but as parents we all do.
Probably not what's going on here. But It took 6 years for me to trust my mom with my kids. Every family is different. My mom is a recovering alcoholic (2 years dry so now allowed around my children but not always allowed alone with them) and my dh's step mom is the kind of lady who will let children play with matches because she doesn't have to say no. Just because you raise some kids to adulthood doesn't mean you get to be alone with their children.
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Blackcat31 06:34 AM 01-05-2016
Originally Posted by Controlled Chaos:
Probably not what's going on here. But It took 6 years for me to trust my mom with my kids. Every family is different. My mom is a recovering alcoholic (2 years dry so now allowed around my children but not always allowed alone with them) and my dh's step mom is the kind of lady who will let children play with matches because she doesn't have to say no. Just because you raise some kids to adulthood doesn't mean you get to be alone with their children.


I agree! I think some adults made it to adulthood by sheer luck.

My parents were foster parents while I was growing up so we had lots of extra kiddos in our home. I was also the oldest of 6 and part of a huge family on both my mom and my dad's side.

I cant say I would have trusted my mother with my kids when they were really young and most certainly not as infants.

I trusted my dad but he still didn't have my kids much when they were really young simply because he believed in lots of "old school" methods that just didn't sit well with me. ie: car seats not really necessary, being in a bar was perfectly fine, sitting on grandpa's lap to steer the car while on the highway nope, just nope.

So I too, also understand that concept.
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mommyneedsadayoff 07:47 AM 01-05-2016
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
I don't understand this thought. I always trusted my mom with my kids. After all she did an okay job with the four of us. Sure she made some mistakes but as parents we all do.
I kind of see both sides of this. In my case, I absolutely would trust my mom with my kids. I wish she would have lived long enough to even meet them, so I would give anything to have her around and be able to care for them. My dad is older and has bad hips, so if I leave them with him, it is for short periods of time, but not because I don't trust him. My sister doesn't trust him to watch her kids, however, because she doesn't think he could handle them. Her kids are quite a bit rowdier than mine, though, so my dad has even said he wouldn't be comfortable watching them for too long

The other side I have seen a lot of lately, though, is younger, high maintenance parents who say they don't trust their parents to watch their kids and it usually has to do with them thinking their parents are not capable. They think that they know best (and have read every parenting book to prove it!) and their parents will "mess up" the kids schedule, let baby cry for a second too long, or not know how to heat the breast milk up or tell them No, rather than considering little one's feelings, ect I find it amusing, because I have just seen so many new parents who think they know everything after being a parent for all of 10 minutes, so it makes me laugh when they shun their own parent's ability to take care of kids. It's not rocket science, but some parents want you to have a PHD before you even look at their kid, so a grandma with 30+ years experience just doesn't cut it for some anymore
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rosieteddy 09:13 AM 01-05-2016
A visit is one thing coming for the day is disruptive.When I had a parent visit before care stated I would try to set it up outside in the play yard. I explained that it would be less disruptive and give new child some space.It worked most of the time.The open door policy to me was you can come and pick up your child ,but only one drop off and pick -up per day.This is not a center and that is very disruptive to the group.Also though my DC was plenty big enough there is one adult rocker (mine)no other adult seating.The upstairs kitchen and playroom same thing 6 child spots and mine. I am really glad my daughter trusted me with her children ,they were in DC for 5 yrs each. Also my mom took my kids for a few weekends growing up.
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AmyKidsCo 01:22 PM 01-05-2016
Originally Posted by bklsmum:
I would absolutely NOT allow this. It is a liability issue and other parents could have an issue with it since there will be a stranger they don't know around their kids all day.
Originally Posted by Meeko:
No way. No how.

The request is weird anyway. She wants to spend time with baby? Then do it at home!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think you have a nosy granny that wants to nit-pick.
Originally Posted by midaycare:
I have an open door policy for parents. Not grandparents or extended family.
Ditto to all of this! I'd say that due to confidentiality concerns I couldn't accommodate that request, but Grandma is welcome to keep the baby home all or part of the day.
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