Maybe a doormat is not a good description, but I just don't feel so great.

I strive to run a great program. I have my teacher credentials, I have a great place and I have a lot of great families.

The other day I tell a dcd about his daughters day. I tell dcd that she had a good day and is working on PT. Really she is no where near ready, but they are forcing her.

DCD gets mad when he asks me if she had any accidents and I respond she is working on it. Immediately, he starts in on DCG saying. IF you want to go to big girl school then you need to go to the toilet, no more of this baby business. (btw dcg is 2.5) I stand there and look at DCD with glaring eyes. I tell him, you can bribe her all you want, but if you keep putting her down, it's only going to delay the process.

THen DCD says to me, well when do you think YOU will have her PTed?

I look at him and say what do you mean. He says well we bought her all her big girl stuff to go to real school and we are just waiting to enroll her, but can't until she is fully PTed....

I told him in a not so nice voice, don't ask me, ask her. SHe is the one who gets to decide.

So here we go again. Why do I always feel like parents do this to me. They rant and rave about how wonderful my program is, how much I have taught their child and how much they want their child to participate in my pre-kinder program when they are old enough. BUt then they throw the POTTY TRAIN MY CHILD SO I CAN LEAVE AT ME.

I am so mad that I feel like terming.

am I letting my emotions get the best of me here?

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Yes. And. No.

I hear ya. I do. In recent years, I have felt as if the better my program gets, the more parents expect. And the more they expect, the more likely they are to pull for "real" preschool. Makes no sense to me.

And really? When do THEY, the PARENTS think THEY will have the child potty-trained?

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I would be furious! So you are supposed to put in all the work, just so they can pull?! Well, at least his intentions are clear. Some parents will just wait until pt is done, pull, and leave us scrambling to find a replacement. I wouldn't term now, but if I found a replacement, I definitely would, and would tell dcd that since they planned on leaving anyway, you need to open the spot up to someone that needs care for an extended period.

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Thanks for responding.. I know that families are always going to do what they feel is best for their child, I mean who wouldn't.

It just burns when they say it your face.

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Seriously, **I** would start looking for a replacement. I'm not giving you advice here, but if they want to leave, anyway, AND they are putting potty training a child who is not ready on you, I would just say forget them and replace them. I don't blame you for being mad, I would be, as well.

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I can't believe a parent would do that?! I probably would have laughed and said something along the lines of "You are not making me feel very motivated when you tell me you are leaving!" and "Potty training is a parents' responsibility, I am just here to support the child and the process".

Good luck.

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I wouldn't have another potty training discussion with them. I would tell them you don't work on potty training on children who are leaving care. It's too labor intensive and only worth the investment if the child is staying. If they backtrack and say she is staying require them to sign a new termination notice time of six months. If they won't sign then you won't work on training.

The mom is going to be livid when she finds out he let that cat out of the bag. When the truth comes out it's usually from the kid or Dad.

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Wow he really knows how to motivate his daycare provider eh! I would begin advertising, and the only potty training I would do is if the child initiated it. I wouldn't hamper a child's progress if their was any, but I certainly wouldn't bother working at it especially when the child it not ready.

I love the idea of letting them know you do not potty train children who are leaving. You can politely decline to be involved in potty training now, and his wife can chew him out at home for his actions later

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I had one really concerned about that too and nothing else really and left without telling me anything, could have been that

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Wow, dcd is clueless and has a lot of gall. Can you talk with dcm about it? Do you have a specific written policy for potty training that you can print out to remind them how you do things? Yeh, I'd have a hard time pushing the training.
Why is it potty training can bring out the worst in even good dcps? I have a dcm who is wonderful! But when her 3 yo dcg started having accidents she wanted me to put her in TO. I wouldn't do it. Now I have a dcm who told her 3 1/2 yo that she was too old to be wetting her bed??? She has been trained for awhile but night time accidents are the last to stop. I also have dcps who are in a hurry for their 19 mo and their 2 1/2 yo to get potty trained. Dcm made a comment how difficult it was trying to train 2 kids. I said something to the effect she should try it when there are 4 other kids running around. I'm waiting for the 2 dcks to actually show an interest and for the parents to get with a consistent program about it. I do not have the time to play 'sit on the potty every 10 minutes cause it's fun' game.

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THIS!
Look for a replacement family ASAP...., & stop with the potty training. Let DCD do it.

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I just had the same thing happen to me a few months ago. The poor boy showed up with a "potty watch", the parents made me feel like I was too lazy to PT their child, they kept raving about how well he went on the potty at home (and then let it slip a few times that was not the case), talked about how they want to put him in pre-school but can't until he's trained (he was also only 2.5), etc. They ended up leaving and I think the kid is still not PTd. Our really good relationship ended up ending on a really sour note. I allowed myself to get pretty twisted up about it, but it's over now and I would definitely do a few things differently next time.

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So if the topic of potty training had never come up, you would not have had any idea that this family was planning on enrolling in preschool elsewhere?

If that is the case, then I understand your feelings but still don't think it is something we (as child care providers) can be upset about.

If you want to be a preschool and compete with preschool (as defined by parents) then I wouldn't even entertain enrolling a child who is not toilet trained.

Obviously in this parents eyes, "big girl school" is a school where big girls go.

I don't agree with the parent about pushing his DD so hard to train but that (the training) is on the parents as I don't involve myself with that too much other than supporting the progress a parent has made at home. I don't tell parents how to train their kids or when unless asked.

It sucks that parents want to pull and leave your program, but in all honesty you can't change how parents view your program. If I were a parent that felt the definition of "big girl school" was a place for potty trained children only, I would not enroll in a program that has children in diapers...kwim?

I am in NO way devaluing your program or your credentials but am only trying to offer a parent perspective in regards to what parents view as daycare and preschool.

I have teaching credentials too. I offer a preschool curriculum and pretty much the same things brick and mortar preschools do still enroll children in multiple age groups and children in diapers thus making me daycare in a parents eyes. Even if I have more of an education that the gal running the preschool down the block that takes only preschool aged children and operates from 8:30-2:00.

Either way though, I'm sorry you are hurt by this dad's words/actions.

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I would gently remind DCD that DD loves being in your care and is perhaps not getting on board the potty train wagon because DCD keeps telling her that being potty trained = Leaving your care.

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BC- yes, what you are saying I 100% agree with. But having someone say this to your face is different.

I am sure that I have had families do this in silent with out me knowing at all. I would prefer it to be that way.

to each their own, If they want to leave then so be it, but if they think they are going to get me to do all the leg work to get their little pea off to another preschool they are mistaken.

I only prepare children to leave for kinder.

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Love this perspective!!!

But honestly, I would probably look for a replacement because he basically told you they will be leaving soon. And as for potty training, I would let that be 100% child led. I would not be pushing it for this (or any other) child.

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But that's the thing...just do what you normally do.

If you assist with potty training, continue assisting her.

If you don't, then don't.

Whether they plan on leaving or not would not affect my actions.

I don't train kids. I support the parents when they have made enough progress that assistance WHILE in care is needed. If they haven't reached that point yet then the training is not my concern at all.

I also understand that it's difficult to "know" this info (that they are leaving) upfront and that the dad actually said it to you, but look at it positively.

What if he never said a word, the child got trained (with the parents doing most the work and you assisting as normal) and then they up and left.

Would you still be hurt? I am guessing yes...

So in reality, it just sucks that you know this far in advance...it's sucky either way but it just seems worse now because you know this.

I know ignorance is bliss but I am always advocating for honest open communication and this dad is kinda sorta doing exactly that.

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I wouldn't put a lot of stock into what the father said. As BC said, do what you normally do and move on.

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I will continue as I am, but I still will validate the fact that someone saying something like that to your face is upsetting.

as you said ignorance is bliss and I would prefer that method. DCD obviously does not see me for what I am worth and that is ok. BUT I am still mad about it

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I absolutely get your feelings of being upset. They seem to be saying you are good enough for now while she is not potty trained, but they want more/better after she is potty trained. Plus they want that change to happen soon.

While I understand being both hurt and angry, in the end we can not control how people treat us. We can only control how we react to how they treat us.

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I 100% agree with Nan.

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For the record, though, Daycare...your posts make me NEVER want to move to California. It is beautiful to visit but holy nutters...your posts scare me away. You are a wonderful person and I can easily see how much work you put into your program. Anyone would be lucky to have their child there. I don't know why the people of California give you such a stinking hard time.

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I just come to expect that parents will leave then, but that is the norm for my area and I like it that way.

In your case daycare, I would be mad. They know that you run a great pre-k program and then throw it in your face that they are only there until dcg is potty trained..not cool.

I have a dcm who I knew was going to pull after dcb was potty trained, which was fine because as I said, I prefer to have 3 and under children and she did pull. I still have his younger brother and one day dcm brought former dcb to pick up dcb and right to my face she said "M. quit acting like a baby or you'll have to come back here". Even though I know that I prefer having the younger kids, it's different when they say something to your face, especially when you work so hard at having a great program!

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I totally understand it being upsetting, but you have no control over somebody else's mouth and lack of respect.

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Daycare-Hate to say it but its because you are in a house. If you had some little cute house/building that was totally set up like a preschool and only did say 3-5 year olds, I bet parents won't give you a hard time.

If you had everyone seperated by age, possibly your assitants teaching each age group, over each group it would look more like a preschool.

Take no one in diapers (no younger siblings), do strictly preschool and if they want additional childcare it will cost them. Thats how preschools do it. Maybe even advertise xxx Preschool and Childcare.

If you want to be a preschool in parents eyes, your going to have to run strictly a preschool program. Probably not enrolling any that aren't potty trained would help alot also.

Its hard trying to figure what people want but we are here for you-

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here is the thing/.... I dont' care why people want to pull from my program. They don't want to be to be here fine by me.

BUT for someone to come and say what they did hurts...Yes I will still continue to do as I always do.

I do have my house set up like a daycare on one side and a preschool on the other side. We have ZERO adult furniture. HERE you must be 100% potty trained to qualify for preschool which includes out program community in the classroom.

Parents are going to pull no matter what I do. So I just do what I do.....

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I can understand why you're upset. Unfortunately, people can be very thoughtless when they open their mouths to speak. That dcd is not only rude but clueless! His words certainly don't motivate you to help in the PT process and his attempts to shame his child don't help, either.

I also get that "ignorance is bliss" sometimes. As angry and hurt as I might feel, if it were me... I would appreciate the heads-up he just gave me and take the opportunity to protect my income. I would look to replace this family as soon as possible.

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I would be less upset about them pulling their child than about them expecting YOU to prepare their child for it. Expecting you to potty train so that they can "take their business elsewhere" shows how much they do NOT respect you. That just floors me that anyone would have the nerve!

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Exactly.

That's like saying ....you harvest all the coffee beans, grind all the coffee, do all of the work and then watch me drink it. No one wants to do all the work for zero benefit. And while they told me I was going to have to do this it just made it show they don't respect me or my program.
No thanks

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....so if they were staying (or hadn't said anything about leaving) then you would be willing to do all that for them?

You would train their child for them?

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I'm not asking to change my actions

It's just me validating my emotion towards being told I'm not good enough for this family.

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I know it was hurtful to hear the words the dad said and I'm sorry you were hurt.

I'm also not asking you to change your actions.

I was just wondering though if you normally potty train kids.

I guess my answers/replies to you in this thread were based on the assumption that you don't potty train kids. That you don't invest in the training process other than being supportive.

If you do more than 50% of the work to potty train a kid with the mindset that they will be long term clients, then it makes perfect sense as to why this not-so-nice comment from this dad was so hurtful.

My apologies as I always thought you were in the "parent needs to train" camp.

Again, I am sorry he was so rude and I am sorry you are hurt.

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I've been thinking about this alot!

I didn't realize you had your program broken up like that. I thought it was everyone type together situation. I didn't realize that you had one area strictly for kiddos under preschool age and then the preschool side.

I would sit down with both parents, let them know what DCD said and straight out ask them what their plan is. Once they tell you, let them know you won't be putting any extra work into potty training her just to have them leave. Let them know exactly to a T how you run your program and that doesn't entail any extra work so a child can just leave.

We all have great programs but parents always think the next one will be so much better and they usually get a huge surprise-

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we do potty train here along side with the parents because we want our kids to promote to the preschool room. We try to have 6 kids fully PT, because our community in the classroom program, we need to take six 6 so that we are in ratios.

what happens there is that 6 kids will come with me out in to our community and the younger or not potty trained 6 kids will stay back at the house with my assistant. we have a 6 to 1 ratio with this age group

we are not gone every day, but at least 1-2 times a week.

I am not upset a you BC, and I do agree with what you are saying, parents are going to do what they need to do just as I am going to.

As someone said, well at least I know now so I can prepare to replace DCK....

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OMG you are the sweetest person ever.....you were not being rude...

when you post, you are teaching me better english, I am about to think deeper and get it out...

so thank you for always making your point of view. I love that you always play both sides of the card. it is important.

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You know I love you!

I know I play both sides .....it's what I do to always make sure I consider every possibility.

I don't like to ever think someone is being malicious or mean on purpose so I try to consider every perspective... My DH said I need to understand that some people ARE mean/rude but I have a hard time accepting that until I've used up all the other possibilities.

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....this!
To have you do all the work for a child that is not showing signs of readiness alone is stupid.

I'd start looking for a replacement. Sounds like they have made up their minds.
Then like BC said, everyday you still have her in care, carry on what you would normally do, without forcing it like dcd wants.
When dcd asks, continue with the same answer, still working on it, until you can replace her, or they leave on their own.

I had this very thing happen to me. I had a family insisting their 2yr dcb was ready for pt, going at home, no accidents at night....blah....blah....blah.
Not what I saw....dcb could've cared less to be soaked and run around in wet clothes. He was totally not ready.
Then I was accidently informed from the a preschool worker that worked were they were planning to send him, of the same situation here.
I felt the very same way you do now.
I carried on with guidance only. They still left, even before he was completely pt, and while going out the door dcm had said "Ms. _____ we will miss you, I hope you have an opening with my soon to come, next baby, and will check back with you then".

Not trying to steal the thread, just relating.

Some people have their minds made up to what we do and should do FOR THEM. Don't waste your time trying to change their minds, put the effort into finding someone who sees what a great job you do and values that.

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hahahah thats because your MN nice!!!! thats what I call my cousins from MN

come stay with me for a few days... you will see some very true RUDE and MEAN people......

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