I have 2 Cozy Coupes for 3 children (who want to use them; DD is too big and doesn't really care). You'd think that this would work (as we have lots of other things to do outside, too) but no. They fight over them. It's very annoying.

So DS's second bday is coming up on Monday, and I'm wondering...would it be wrong to buy a third Cozy Coupe that's distinctly different from the others to be HIS and the 4.25 yo and 5 yo boys dcbs can use the regular Cozy Coupes, so I can redirect DS over to his very OWN any time the issue arises (which is often)?

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I don't think there is anything wrong with that. My kids have things that are NOT daycare things that they don't have to share.

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When my kids were little, they did have their own non-shared toys, but they couldn't bring them into the playroom and play with them in front of the other kids.

I'm not sure I'd get a cozy coupe that didn't have to be shared, but that's just me.

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I totally would. The other two would have a car too so I don't see it as a big deal at all. Why does everything have to be so FAIR all of the time? I really think adults push the fair card way too far. My 3 daughters get to do and have a lot of things the daycare kids can't. It isn't lorded over them but it is a fact of life. If I have a kiddo actually question how fair it is (very rarely happens) I remind them that they get special toys/snacks/space etc. at home.

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Providers son would have the new shiny and most coveted car putting him in a position of lording it over the other kids. Just not the position I would put my own kids in. I would just buy another car and it's for everyone. If I were a parent in this program, I would not be pleased either.

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I would. Why not? Its his home. He deserves a little privilege. The other kids will be okay.

As a parent (of a dck), I wouldn't feel the least bit upset about it. I think its silly to assume that when you sign your kid up in a home daycare that they will have all the same privileges as the providers own children.

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I don't see why a parent would have a problem with a provider's son having a toy that isn't used for daycare children. Would that mean that all the son's toys have to be shared? Does he have to nap on the floor with the rest of the kids or can he sleep in his own bed? It's not like she's buying it for one particular dck. It's her son and it is his house after all. He should be allowed to have things of his own that the other kids don't have access to. I even do this with my own two children. When my youngest ds got to the age where he really started playing with his big brother's toys I told my older ds that he was allowed to keep his "special" toys away from his brother and not have to share. These were toys that were the most precious to him. I am all for teaching about sharing but no one should have to share everything.

The only concession I would make in this situation is that he cannot brag or tease the other children about it being "only his." And I, as the provider, would explain to the children about having items that are "special" to us all and that there are times when it really is okay to not have to share everything.

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Sorry I see it as "Providers son has a new toy for his birthday. You have a toy to play with too! Let's all drive our cars to the moon!"

It is NONE of my daycare parents' business what toys my kids have and play with. I have never make a huge deal out of the fair thing so the daycare kids are perfectly happy with the toys I have available and the parents have never said a word. If they did, I would tell them to bring in Tommy's most precious specialest lightsaber and I would let 12 kids loose with it, maul it, treat it like crap since it isn't theirs, and then return the bits at closing. Their children have their special cool toys to play with whenever they are home. Mine get to have them too.

BTW- raise your kids NOT to tease or lord things over others. It will serve them well. Be matter of fact- "This is DS car. This is the daycare car. Where will you drive it? Yes, DS car is cool. Here is the daycare car. Where will you drive it? I understand you would like to play with DS car, Maybe you should put it on your B-day list. You MAY play with the daycare car. Where will you drive it?"

With my group a car is a car is a car. I get ALL of my toys from thrift and garage sales, 90% of the time they clamor over the old school 80's toys!

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I agree. I've always treated my dc kids as though they were my own when they are with me. I wouldn't want to so obviously exclude them from using a new toy. I just couldn't do that to them.

I wouldn't have a problem buying my child his own Cozy Coupe but I'd have him use it after the others went home. Until then, he'd use the 2 cars the other's were using and they'd all just have to take turns.

On a side note, I have a whole fleet of Cozy Coupes. My husband found many of them for cheap at yard sales/flea markets. The kids have their favorites that they still fight over but I always direct them to another car until the favorite ones are available.

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Aww, hearing how the others treat him makes ME want to buy him his own coupe Good luck in your decision!

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I wouldn't. I don't like the idea of making him be or feel privileged. What does that teach him?

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No, my grandbaby has a whole set of toys that are hers, and hers alone and I don't feel badly about it at all ( the kids don't care either, they have plenty to do anyway).

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Yup! I agree, get him his own car for his bday. My kids all have their own space and toys that are separate from daycare toys. They do not have to share their special things. Whenever the topic has come up with daycare kids I always say "When you go home you have all your special toys that you do not share with our daycare. These are DS's special toys at his home that he does not have to share with our daycare." That sounds fair to me!

I might mention that our daycare has a whole room stocked with every toy and game you can imagine that the daycare kids have full access to. I don't feel bad in the least!

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I don't think it would be the end of the world if your son has his own Cozy Coupe.

I, however, would not do this. I don't allow the DCK's to bring their own toys to daycare, and I keep my son's own toys separate from daycare, too. First, I want him to feel that he has things that are solely his (it's bad enough that he has to share his mom and his house).

I, too, have 2 coupes and 3 kids. Anyone who starts a fight over them is not allowed to play with them for the rest of the day. There are no longer fights. I DO have a 3rd Coupe that belongs only to my son, and we keep that one indoors for him to play with off-hours. It's nice to have some inside ride ons for winter and rainy weekends, anyway!

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I have always allowed special for my kids in my child care. This is their home, and their toys are their toys. I have also always let my kids have their toys be off-limits to daycare kids.

I see no problem with allowing your child to have his own cozy coupe. Fair doesn't always mean equal! As long as your son is nice about it, and knows how to be kind to the other children, I would absolutely buy him his own.

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My kids were mine but I expected them to behave and follow the same rules as the daycare kids during daycare hours.

I too, think it's fine that your DS has his own car that he does not have to share with the other kids but I wouldn't let him use it during daycare hours.

I know many of you have said you have done special for your own children because your daycare is their home etc.... but that is the exact reason why I left my care provider and enrolled my kids in a center (until I started my own daycare).

It might be your child's home but during daycare hours, it is a business.

That's MY personal opinion.

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This is how I feel. I had a daycare when my kids were small. My kids did share all of their toys and never minded. I never thought of doing it any other way. When she got one of those battery jeep things....yes, it was her toy.....but during daycare hours all kids got to use it and it was never an issue.

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I see your point of view and if I had a parent that felt that way, I wouldnt change anything, I would ask that they go find another daycare. No hard feelings with the parents, its just not how I do things. But I have been very fortunate, especially in the last two years, to work with parents that are respectful and accepting with how I run things. Its been a long time since I have heard any complaints about stuff like that. My kids will go out with their Dad to play and I dont shuttle them back in just because the daycare parents might see that my kids got sprinkler time while theirs were indoors coloring. My kids do have their own bikes and toys. Sometimes they will get to do little things that I dont allow with the daycare kids (like barefeet outside). If a daycare parent wants every child treated exactly the same at all times, this isnt the place for them. I have four of my own kids and its just not something I can promise. but I do try in general for everyone to have the same routine and opportunities. I dont think I have ever even heard my kids bragging or teasing about something they got. I have never had to address that sort of behavior because I just dont see it at all here. I would absolutely stop that if I ever did see it though!

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LOL! See, you are giving your perspective as a provider.

That was my perspective as a parent.

Now, as a provider, I think I might have done the same thing and felt the same way BUT it was not something I had to see differently because of my specific situation (having a separate house for daycare) because when my kids were younger and weren't in school, they actually had to get up and leave their personal toys/belongings and come to "work" with me.

So I am not necessarily disagreeing, I am just thinking from a parent viewpoint but bottom line is this should all be discussed prior to enrollment and like you said, as ling as the parents are on the same page as you are about this, it's all good.

Different things work for different people.

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yes thats a good point. I do understand why some parents would have an issue with it, I just wouldnt change anything as a provider. I cant please every parent out there so I just do what works for me and either the parents can roll with that or they cant. There are plenty of choices out there for daycare and like you said, as long as everyone is upfront with expectations and boundaries, its not normally a problem.

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When I first read the OP, I'll admit I cringed a bit and thought "I wouldn't do that" But then I remembered my own kids have their bikes that are not for dc use. However my own kids are in school and not dc age, and the kids couldn't physically ride their bikes (2 wheelers) anyway. When they were dc age, I did as other posters and they had their toys in their room or the basement family room and they could decide if they wanted to share (or not) but they were not going to bring out a toy that only they could play with. I wouldn't allow the dc kids to do that either...
I know the beauty of this business is that we can run things as we see fit, but one of the main reasons parents choose centers over in homes is because of perceived favoritism for the providers own children.
I guess I would either buy a new/used coupe for the group or do as another poster and ban anyone who is arguing over it from using it that day. That should leave the door open for at least one child to get to use them

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To clarify, my son is just turning 2--the other kids in care are more than TWICE his age. They don't/won't/can't play nice with him. They don't tolerate him. And BOTH older boys have been caught sneaking down the hall and playing in his room because "It's not fair that [DS] doesn't have to share his toys!"

I use the line about them not having to share THEIR toys at home with HIM, but they just sort of...blink at me. It doesn't really seem to compute.

So the only thing that has worked to quell the issues between DS and these boys is to declare that there are things that are DS's and while the others can play with it if he isn't...if he gets upset or asks for it back they are to relinquish it instantly. things like his favorite ball of the week, or precious dinosaur, or a particular truck.

This is the only thing that I have found that has quelled DS's increasing aggression. And the only thing I have found that gets the older boys off of DS's back.

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Thank you for all of the (respectful!) input ladies. I appreciate it and it has given me a lot to think about.

I can see both sides of the issue of the provider's kids getting special, but I can also put myself in DS's little toddler shoes and see it from his side, and I can see it from a couple other sides as well. It's complicated being inside my head.

And I'm no closer to a decision than I was before. And I'm grumpily edging towards a space of feeling like I can't ever have anything nice for my own kids because of the daycare. Which is a sad place to be in...for me and for them. DD is easy at least. The boys aren't interested in her stuff and she's older now. But DS is harder because the older boys insist on being nasty to him and his toys are so enticing to them.

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So, how does giving your son exclusive toys help the daycare boys to want to "play nice" with him? Seems like a different strategy could help the boys play nice....or nicer. Why can't you just buy another cozy car that is for the whole group to avoid resentment? Play games that are for 3 or more. Praise the dc boys when they are playing nice. Enroll a child closer to his age? It just seems to me that your strategy could make things worse. It sets him further apart from the boys...versus solving the underlying problem.

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I feel your child's space is your child's space. Daycare space is the space allowed for the kids. If I were you.......lol........my son's room would be off limits to the daycare kids and I would be upset for them to go in there if they knew it was a NO NO If your child chooses to bring something out during daycare hours to play then it should be shared.

It is in general not nice to sit in front of someone else with something that they can't be involved in too. In general. Kind of taunting.

Food is a big thing for me. I feel it is rude to eat in front of someone else with out offering to share. If my kids want special snack they have to do it out of site of the other kids or have what the other kids are having. I know how I felt when on the playground this one kid had the best snack and would always want me to share mine but then would not share or sit in delight eating it while I had none and also know that my parent would not send me to school with pringles,or give me just one and tell me to make it last. I try to treat everyone as fair as possible. Special comes after work and then my kids get to do stuff they don't when daycare is going.

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I'd start watching garage sales for trikes or bikes because at 4 and 5 they're getting way too old for CC's anyway

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