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  #1  
Old 04-04-2013, 06:35 AM
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Default Spend Time With Your Kids!!

Anyone else have trend of parents having time off and not spending any of it with their kids? When my oldest was young and in daycare I had him with me every second I could - its hard for me to understand these parents. I get needing time once and a while but all.the.time?
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  #2  
Old 04-04-2013, 06:41 AM
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Half of my clients are stay-at-home-moms, and the parents that work do this as well. I just don't think about it. A "break" (one less-several less kiddos) would be nice every once in awhile.
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Old 04-04-2013, 06:44 AM
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It is frustrating because I wish I had time with my kids that they have and aren't using.
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Old 04-04-2013, 06:46 AM
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Oh yes. If a parent had a day off, usually they are still bringing their kid. The exception to this are my teachers when on longer breaks.

I don't get it either. If I had a day off, my boys were with me. I like being with them.
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Old 04-04-2013, 06:51 AM
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I see this a lot with both my day care parents and friends. Parents are not involved in school activities, do not take their children to the park or trips, and leave their children with anyone that will watch them. I have one DCM that sends her child to me FT plus has two other babysitter for nights and weekends. She says she is a "young hip mom who needs a life outside of her children". She complains when teachers send reports home about her children not doing their hw or failing a test. She believes its the babysitters fault.
Believe me, my husband and I enjoy a night out for dinner alone once in a while. But we work hard at creating memories for our children. I do home daycare so that I can be with my children as much as possible. All my daycare parents n friends joke about how horrible my job must be. I always respond that it is challenging but I have never been happier. I love spending my days with my children n theirs. They just don't get it.
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Old 04-04-2013, 06:51 AM
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I don't tolerate that crap. I'm very upfront in my interviews about it.
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Old 04-04-2013, 06:56 AM
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What about the parents that can't go shopping, to appointments, or run errands around the house with their children in tow? These are all great learning experiences for kids. This is great time to talk and bond with your children. But for some reason it is impossible to hold their kids hand and walk through a store???????? Baffles me!
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Old 04-04-2013, 07:00 AM
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What about the parents that can't go shopping, to appointments, or run errands around the house with their children in tow? These are all great learning experiences for kids. This is great time to talk and bond with your children. But for some reason it is impossible to hold their kids hand and walk through a store???????? Baffles me!
It's LAZINESS!!!!

And it absolutely drives me nuts.
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Old 04-04-2013, 07:00 AM
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I don't tolerate that crap. I'm very upfront in my interviews about it.
What do you say?
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  #10  
Old 04-04-2013, 07:14 AM
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It's LAZINESS!!!!

And it absolutely drives me nuts.
Totally agree with you.

I don't say anything to them because I get paid either way but it's definitely not the choice I would make.
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Old 04-04-2013, 07:29 AM
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Half of my clients are stay-at-home-moms, and the parents that work do this as well. I just don't think about it. A "break" (one less-several less kiddos) would be nice every once in awhile.
So they aren't really stay at home mom's, they are stay at home women

They aren't home mothering their children...so sad
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Old 04-04-2013, 07:42 AM
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This is the new trend of "parenting". I'm finding alot of older women who ask me about my profession are curious if parents spend any time with their children anymore. When I tell them the majority work all day, go home, feed and bath the kids and get the into bed ASAP... then ship the kiddos off to the grandparents or wherever for the weekend they tell me their grown children are the same... asking when do parents actually PARENT anymore? It's not just us daycare providers who are noticing this new trend.

It IS laziness. I work 10-11 hour days then spend 4-5 hours a night with my child. I am completely exhausted each day, but hubby give me relief when I need it. One of us is always with her during the day while the other runs the daycare - or we split shifts and both of us spend the night with her.
Nobody will ever watch my kiddo but close family - and only occasionally. When hubby and I decided to have a child we realized what a huge long-term commitment it would be and go all the "me time" we could in before I got pregnant.

Too many parents sluff their jobs off onto others - this forum and the endless complaints are definitely a daily reminder of this fact.

Most of my daycare kids don't want to leave at the end of the day because they know me better than they know their own parents... how sad!

This topic is the primary reason I am looking to get out of daycare.
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  #13  
Old 04-04-2013, 07:49 AM
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I might restructure my rate system to give credit for days parents spend with their kids - I doubt it will change anything but maybe an incentive to be with them? I just don't get it.
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  #14  
Old 04-04-2013, 07:51 AM
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YES! I am finding it more and more these days too.

One DCM just told me yesterday that she became a "better Mom" when she sent her little one to me!? I understand part of this, every Mom/Dad need a break to refresh, but really, putting your child in daycare M-F for 9 hrs a day made you better?? I see it as it just made your job easier, not you a better Mom/Dad!

The big one for me recently is a teacher family who in the past always kept the kids home on breaks, when they even had a little sniffle they were home, but now they are here 100% of the time unless they are seriously ill. DCM is at home doing I don't know what or running those all important "errands"...it makes me wonder how they manage at all with their kids!? I get and completely understand if Mom/Dad have an appoitment etc. or the occasional time out with a friend, but ALL the time, that's where it gets upsetting.

When my own child was attending daycare, if I was off early my child was picked up early, if I was off my child was with me. I wanted them to be with ME since my time was so limited after work and a day off was a day of fun! And yes, I paid for the day sometimes even when they didn't go...it was worth it to me for the time I spent with them vs the money.

I know many here say as long as they are paid they don't care, but I do...it's time I could have ended up with a day off with MY children, or a day I could of had fewer children and done more with each one. Whatever the case, I find it unacceptable for them to do this...but not much can be done, unless it's in your contract.
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  #15  
Old 04-04-2013, 07:57 AM
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What do you say?

I ask a lot of questions about home life to better gauge what the child's life experiences have been and how they respond to the world around them. I ask those questions before I go in to my philosophies about only taking on very hands on and involved parents who enjoy and miss their children. Parents who *want* to spend any free time with them because they understand how important nurturing that bond is. If we're on the same wave length I'll go in to why I think that makes for a happier, healthier well adjusted child and how that helps to create a more peaceful and cohesive daycare group. I emphasize that I'm picky about my families so I can offer the kids in my care the best peer group I can, and any kiddos I add to the mix must be coming from the same attentive and nurturing environment at home.

If however the parents answers to my questions is a list of *their* social events, a sob story about how hard parenting is and a list of the babysitters they have weeknights and weekends I'll just give a short very generic schpeel about daycare and send them packing as quickly as I can get them out the door.

Parents that have kids just to hire everyone else to care for and raise them repulse me and there is no way I'd ever be a part of that destruction of a child.
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  #16  
Old 04-04-2013, 08:00 AM
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Most of my clients are this way. I had one on maturnity leave who still brought her older child (3 years old) to daycare full time. Both parents were home, dad was on unemployment.

Well on dcg's birthday she was here ALL DAY!!! While both parents were home wih the new baby!!! I was so sad for this little girl. I just don't get parents sometimes.
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  #17  
Old 04-04-2013, 08:04 AM
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I have no patience for this, either. I have too many stories of parents who can't get away from their children fast enough. For most of my kids, after the time they are with me and various babysitters, I have more time with them then their parents do during any given week.

My own brother and s-i-l put my nephew - he is 20 months - into daycare everyday from 7:30-6:00. In a recent discussion, my brother actually told me that he prefers his method of parenting to mine. His reasoning was that "Nephew gets his own space, and gets to do his own thing while we are at work. I like that other people are teaching him things during the day and helping us to raise him." I was sad to hear it. He really, truly thinks that other people can raise his little baby better than he and his wife.

My neighbor takes every Friday off from April-June, and works in his yard while I watch his DD. He never even looks over and waves, and she can SEE HIM when we are in the yard playing. As soon as I close for the summer and his wife is home with DD for the full week - the dude never takes another Friday off, until school starts again.

I have a little girl here who has a list of SIX different people who may pick her up or drop her off on any given day. Any person that her parents can pawn her off on, they will. Her parents just took a 4 day mini-vacation without the kids. They took Monday off, so they could recuperate at home. Yup, their daughter was here, for her full day and scheduled time. It broke my heart! Didn't they miss her?!??! Pick her up an hour early, for goodness sake. Take her to the PARK! This same couple have a child in kindergarten. He goes to a before and after school program - 7:00-6:00 every single day. The mother works only M-TH, and she only works from 8:00-2:30. She just sends her kids off to programs, so she can have "me time."

It is a sad trend, but a very common and popular one. I am going back to work in the fall, as a school teacher. My husband and I are working very hard to keep my little one's day in full-day preschool as short as possible. I will be taking every opportunity to spend as much time with both my kids as I can.
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  #18  
Old 04-04-2013, 08:06 AM
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lmm - no one ever believes me when I say I've never once had a babysitter come watch my kids or dropped them off with someone other than immediate family.......it's sad to me that that taking care of your own is such a foreign concept to so many.....
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  #19  
Old 04-04-2013, 08:09 AM
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I have pretty good parents right now but I have had this happen a lot over the years. I think with parents working so much having the kids is not their norm so it feels like work to them. To them a "real" day off does not include their kids.
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  #20  
Old 04-04-2013, 08:11 AM
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lmm - no one ever believes me when I say I've never once had a babysitter come watch my kids or dropped them off with someone other than immediate family.......it's sad to me that that taking care of your own is such a foreign concept to so many.....
I never have, either. If my mother or mother-in-law can't watch my babies, then I am not going anywhere! We are pretty hands-on. The only time they get dropped anywhere is for school. I have never missed an activity, party or show they are participating in. The saddest day I have ever had is when I was hospitalized and had to miss my son's t-ball game. I cried ALL DAY.
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Old 04-04-2013, 08:18 AM
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The clients I have stay home with their kids on days off...with the exception of being sick.

I've noticed a common trend lately....If dcm is home sick, the kids still come to daycare.

I nipped that one in the bud right away.

I tell my families right off the bat that in order to keep my rates what they are, they are required to keep them home on days off, errands, shopping, hair appointments, etc. The only time I will agree to watch them is for doctor appointments or funerals and that is only if advance notice is given and there is room.
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  #22  
Old 04-04-2013, 08:18 AM
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ALL of my clients are this way.
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  #23  
Old 04-04-2013, 08:18 AM
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My biggest offenders are people with jobs that are shorter weeks or teachers - I actually just ran a report and the teachers kids are here the most - the kid here the least is one that both parents work full-time 5 days a week and spend every second they can with the kid - they even come visit for lunch.
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Old 04-04-2013, 08:20 AM
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Same here. If my parents aren't available or my sister, we stay home.
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Old 04-04-2013, 08:43 AM
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I've been pretty lucky over the years and have not really run into this often. One of my current dck's parents have started doing this lately and it baffles me since they didn't do it with their older daughter. The younger one is more of a handful, so maybe that's why.

I assume times must be changing in regard to this. I always had my kids with me anytime I wasn't working when they were younger, but that was many years ago (though I wouldn't be any different today come to think of it).
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Old 04-04-2013, 08:57 AM
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I don't mind, as long as it's not excessive. I totally understand wanting an afternoon alone at home or running errands without children - I want time by myself too and find errands faster without my children too. But when it's all the time I think it's too much.
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Old 04-04-2013, 08:59 AM
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I don't mind, as long as it's not excessive. I totally understand wanting an afternoon alone at home or running errands without children - I want time by myself too and find errands faster without my children too. But when it's all the time I think it's too much.
I thiink once in a while is fine. I have also found that it is a slippery slope. Once parents get that taste of freedom and personal time, they take it more and more often!
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Old 04-04-2013, 09:12 AM
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I don't tolerate that crap. I'm very upfront in my interviews about it.
Just curious....what and how do you tell them you don't tolerate it? I agree.
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  #29  
Old 04-04-2013, 09:20 AM
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I've noticed a common trend lately....If dcm is home sick, the kids still come to daycare.

I nipped that one in the bud right away.
Depending on how sick mom is, I don't think that's unreasonable.

I have been so ill before, it was a challenge to get up and make a bottle.

Moms do get the flu, viruses that make them vomit, etc. I don't know why it would offend anyone to help take care of a child while mom recovers.
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Old 04-04-2013, 09:55 AM
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This is all.the.time - one kid is here 5 days a week no matter what and a parent is home none day a week every week (and home on weekends). The other one is spending all of the parents vacation week with me - and it is souring the relationship, I get having stuff to do but 5 days of stuff? 9 hours a day? Really?
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Old 04-04-2013, 10:11 AM
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My neighbor takes every Friday off from April-June, and works in his yard while I watch his DD. He never even looks over and waves, and she can SEE HIM when we are in the yard playing. As soon as I close for the summer and his wife is home with DD for the full week - the dude never takes another Friday off, until school starts again.
This is so sad. I can only imagine how this little girl feels. It's bad enough that he wants his "me" time right in front of her, but to not even acknowledge his little girl with a wave disgusts me. Even if she understands that she has to be with you instead of her dad it would make a world of difference to her if he would just wave hello. My own ds gets SO excited when I'm at one of his school functions and he sees me waving to him.

When my ds was still in dc, I would pay for many a day just to hang out with him when I could, even if it was to run errands. How else are these children supposed to learn how to behave in public if their parents keep them in daycare all day? We shouldn't be the only ones teaching them manners!
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Old 04-04-2013, 10:20 AM
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Depending on how sick mom is, I don't think that's unreasonable.

I have been so ill before, it was a challenge to get up and make a bottle.

Moms do get the flu, viruses that make them vomit, etc. I don't know why it would offend anyone to help take care of a child while mom recovers.
I agree, I've had parents hit with the flu and I've encouraged them to bring the kids in if they could manage. To me, that's not "me" time.
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Old 04-04-2013, 10:21 AM
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lmm - no one ever believes me when I say I've never once had a babysitter come watch my kids or dropped them off with someone other than immediate family.......it's sad to me that that taking care of your own is such a foreign concept to so many.....
This is me too! Never once used a babysitter in 9 years. They only go to Grandma's
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Old 04-04-2013, 10:23 AM
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This is all.the.time - one kid is here 5 days a week no matter what and a parent is home none day a week every week (and home on weekends). The other one is spending all of the parents vacation week with me - and it is souring the relationship, I get having stuff to do but 5 days of stuff? 9 hours a day? Really?
I'm going to be brutally honest - This is where I burn out on parents. If the only way I get a "break" from a particular family is to close, it's too much.
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Old 04-04-2013, 10:50 AM
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Only one of my families is like this. They appear to like to spend together as a couple but less like a family. I've heard them say that they like to go to the park after DC so the child get's tired and falls asleep early at home. If I need a day off they usually give me trouble, even told me that they have the time to take off but they were planing on doing something on their own... Why do you want a child for? Don't get it.
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Old 04-04-2013, 11:01 AM
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I also agree with bunnyslippers...I don't mind if a parent has something to do on a day off, BUT can they not drop or pick-up at a different time that works around their appointment?

My teacher family had this past Monday off, schools were all closed for Easter and yet at 7:30 am on the dot the door bell rang and sure enough they were here for the day! They didn't get picked up until almost 5 pm either and I close at 5 pm.

I'm not sure it would bother me as much if they said, I have some things to do so I will bring X at 9 am vs 7:30 am and will pick-up as soon as I am done. That to me seems fair, to the child, the parent and me.
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Old 04-04-2013, 11:09 AM
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I agree, I've had parents hit with the flu and I've encouraged them to bring the kids in if they could manage. To me, that's not "me" time.
I remember when my dh and I both had the flu when the kids were little (5, 3 and 1). My kids weren't in dc and we have no family within 4 hours. My oldest child opened up a box of gold fish crackers and dumped it on the floor so they could eat. It was awful. I would never want anyone to go through that. I'm fine if they bring them when parents are sick.

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  #38  
Old 04-04-2013, 11:17 AM
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So they aren't really stay at home mom's, they are stay at home women

They aren't home mothering their children...so sad
Well, some of them are at home mothering their babies ... at least until age 2.
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Old 04-04-2013, 11:19 AM
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YES! I am finding it more and more these days too.

One DCM just told me yesterday that she became a "better Mom" when she sent her little one to me!? I understand part of this, every Mom/Dad need a break to refresh, but really, putting your child in daycare M-F for 9 hrs a day made you better?? I see it as it just made your job easier, not you a better Mom/Dad!

The big one for me recently is a teacher family who in the past always kept the kids home on breaks, when they even had a little sniffle they were home, but now they are here 100% of the time unless they are seriously ill. DCM is at home doing I don't know what or running those all important "errands"...it makes me wonder how they manage at all with their kids!? I get and completely understand if Mom/Dad have an appoitment etc. or the occasional time out with a friend, but ALL the time, that's where it gets upsetting.

When my own child was attending daycare, if I was off early my child was picked up early, if I was off my child was with me. I wanted them to be with ME since my time was so limited after work and a day off was a day of fun! And yes, I paid for the day sometimes even when they didn't go...it was worth it to me for the time I spent with them vs the money.

I know many here say as long as they are paid they don't care, but I do...it's time I could have ended up with a day off with MY children, or a day I could of had fewer children and done more with each one. Whatever the case, I find it unacceptable for them to do this...but not much can be done, unless it's in your contract.
Want to know when I really care? When the SAHMs are late to pick up their children. They are the most habitually late people I know and they never apologize.
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  #40  
Old 04-04-2013, 11:21 AM
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I have no patience for this, either. I have too many stories of parents who can't get away from their children fast enough. For most of my kids, after the time they are with me and various babysitters, I have more time with them then their parents do during any given week.

My own brother and s-i-l put my nephew - he is 20 months - into daycare everyday from 7:30-6:00. In a recent discussion, my brother actually told me that he prefers his method of parenting to mine. His reasoning was that "Nephew gets his own space, and gets to do his own thing while we are at work. I like that other people are teaching him things during the day and helping us to raise him." I was sad to hear it. He really, truly thinks that other people can raise his little baby better than he and his wife.

My neighbor takes every Friday off from April-June, and works in his yard while I watch his DD. He never even looks over and waves, and she can SEE HIM when we are in the yard playing. As soon as I close for the summer and his wife is home with DD for the full week - the dude never takes another Friday off, until school starts again.

I have a little girl here who has a list of SIX different people who may pick her up or drop her off on any given day. Any person that her parents can pawn her off on, they will. Her parents just took a 4 day mini-vacation without the kids. They took Monday off, so they could recuperate at home. Yup, their daughter was here, for her full day and scheduled time. It broke my heart! Didn't they miss her?!??! Pick her up an hour early, for goodness sake. Take her to the PARK! This same couple have a child in kindergarten. He goes to a before and after school program - 7:00-6:00 every single day. The mother works only M-TH, and she only works from 8:00-2:30. She just sends her kids off to programs, so she can have "me time."

It is a sad trend, but a very common and popular one. I am going back to work in the fall, as a school teacher. My husband and I are working very hard to keep my little one's day in full-day preschool as short as possible. I will be taking every opportunity to spend as much time with both my kids as I can.
As for the park, I have kids in care now/in the past (SAHM kids and working parent kids) who had no idea what the park was or what to do with the park equipment. We go each day, once in the morning and once in the afternoon.
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Old 04-04-2013, 11:24 AM
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It is frustrating because I wish I had time with my kids that they have and aren't using.
I think this is why its hard for me to understand. I would love to have a day off with just DD and when a parent shows up and drops a DCK off for 8-10hours when they have the day off I just can't understand it. Especially when BOTH parents are off.

That said I do understand when the single mom I have drops DCG occasionally (once a month or so, for like 4-5 hours) when she has the day off, she has no family and never gets time for herself so I do understand the need for some mommy time.
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Old 04-04-2013, 11:29 AM
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I'm going to be brutally honest - This is where I burn out on parents. If the only way I get a "break" from a particular family is to close, it's too much.
This is EXACTLY how I feel and I have had a lot of back and forth over my days off with them which is why I think the kid is here this week. AWESOME PARENTING!
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Old 04-04-2013, 11:32 AM
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It is frustrating because I wish I had time with my kids that they have and aren't using.


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Originally Posted by NeedaVaca View Post
So they aren't really stay at home mom's, they are stay at home women

They aren't home mothering their children...so sad


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Originally Posted by EAP View Post
I might restructure my rate system to give credit for days parents spend with their kids - I doubt it will change anything but maybe an incentive to be with them? I just don't get it.
You shouldn't have to. I've thought about doing this too.

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ALL of my clients are this way.
Same.

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My biggest offenders are people with jobs that are shorter weeks or teachers - I actually just ran a report and the teachers kids are here the most - the kid here the least is one that both parents work full-time 5 days a week and spend every second they can with the kid - they even come visit for lunch.
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Old 04-04-2013, 11:38 AM
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I charge whether they are here or not so the parents send them. I can't lie and say it doesn't bother me if I know they are home but it isn't my place to judge how they are spending their paid for time.

It would be nice if they were at least picked up early on a day like that. I do have to admit that it doesn't happen too often but I have had the occasional parent who drops wearing pj pants and with morning breath and tell me they are going right back to bed and then to get their hair done afterwards because they took a "me" day. It makes me feel so old to say that I have never had a "me" day in 21 years of parenting.
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Old 04-04-2013, 01:05 PM
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Anyone else have trend of parents having time off and not spending any of it with their kids? When my oldest was young and in daycare I had him with me every second I could - its hard for me to understand these parents. I get needing time once and a while but all.the.time?
One of my dcm is a teacher as well and her absolutely lovely and adorable daughter was here the WHOLE week of spring break last week 7:30 to 5 pm. Where was mom? At home hanging out.

Here is the kicker my ds came down with a stomach bug and I closed on Wednesday, and I gave parents the choice of bringing their children on Thursday and Friday and I wasn't going to charge them. This mom chose to bring her child both Thursday and Friday. My ds even threw up in the hallway (tile) on the way to the bathroom in front of her. And she was still chose to leave her daughter

I guess watching tv is more important than time with your children.

I would give anything to have a whole week off or a whole summer off and hang out with my amazing, brilliant and hilarious kids.
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Old 04-04-2013, 02:04 PM
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I might restructure my rate system to give credit for days parents spend with their kids - I doubt it will change anything but maybe an incentive to be with them? I just don't get it.
It doesn't always work. I charge based on attendance for this reason . Yet, I sometimes still get dcg coming when mom (or mom and dad) have the day off. Here all day long. Sometimes late pick up. Drives my dh NUTS!

I totally get not wanting to take your child with you when going to the doctor, or doing errands once in a while. But I agree with PP, once you get a taste of kid free time, it's hard to give it up.
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Old 04-04-2013, 02:23 PM
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One of my dcm is a teacher as well and her absolutely lovely and adorable daughter was here the WHOLE week of spring break last week 7:30 to 5 pm. Where was mom? At home hanging out.

This was my Spring Break also. Mom is a teacher, was home all week (no appointments etc.) and the only day she kept her two kids home was when a friend was coming over to visit. The rest of the week they were here, 7:30 am on the dot and didn't leave till just about closing. I just don't get it...AT ALL.
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Old 04-04-2013, 02:35 PM
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I charge whether they are here or not so the parents send them. I can't lie and say it doesn't bother me if I know they are home but it isn't my place to judge how they are spending their paid for time.

It would be nice if they were at least picked up early on a day like that.
I feel the same way, I try not to judge because everyone is a different. But when children are clearly exhibiting behaviors that they need more time with their parent's, I have to bite my tongue to ask them why they didn't just get a fish
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Old 04-04-2013, 03:19 PM
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I may be the odd ball but I would take those kids anyway just because I would feel bad for them that their parents would rather act like teenagers with no responsibilities than spend some time with them- at least that way they would know that someone cares about them and likes having them around.

My mom (single mom) would always drop me off at gymnastics and then go to bingo and leave me at my aunts house (we lived there but that is not the point when your 5)- eventually I didn't want to go to gymnastics anymore because of that, so I quit. When we moved out into our own appartment in another city (I was about 8 or 9), my mom worked nights all the time and I always had to take care of myself and my brother but there where sometimes when she had days off she would go to bingo- I understand she needed some time to herself but it's like really? Are we really that bad that you would rather spend every night out of the house with out us?- not to mention losing money that could be used to pay bills and having bill collector call all the time! And lately she keeps saying "I did my best to raise you guys" or "Thats not how I raised you..." (I think: other than financially you didn't really raise me, I pretty much raised myself), or she starts crying and for sympathy asks "I wasn't a bad mom was I?" (uh.... no comment) or asks me "why do you never hug me or tell me you love me?" (again- no comment).

BTW my mom was 30 when I was born (I am her oldest) so it's not like she was a teen mom or a young mom or anything. And now she jokes that I am always acting like I am the mom and she is the daughter.. Yeah... "acting"...
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Old 04-04-2013, 07:47 PM
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Starburst - my.mom was a single teen mom. Pregnant at 16, had me at 17 while she was still in high school and this was more than 30 years ago. She had no help from my "father" and was a single mother until she met my dad when I was 5. In that time I spent A LOT of time in daycares while she finished school and fought to provide for us all on her own.

Difference is that even as a very young child she reassured me everyday that this is what we HAD to do, and proved that to me by spending every other free moment she had doing things with me. She didn't go out. I never had sitters outside of my grandparents (when they weren't truck driving or raising their other six children).

I am fairly certain had she not made me feel like the utmost priority in her life I would not be the person or mother I am today.

I am so sorry your experience was so different. I can't begin to imagine the hurt that would cause a child and it's exactly why I have that stipulation in my policies today.
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Old 04-05-2013, 07:26 AM
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Starburst - my.mom was a single teen mom. Pregnant at 16, had me at 17 while she was still in high school and this was more than 30 years ago. She had no help from my "father" and was a single mother until she met my dad when I was 5. In that time I spent A LOT of time in daycares while she finished school and fought to provide for us all on her own.

Difference is that even as a very young child she reassured me everyday that this is what we HAD to do, and proved that to me by spending every other free moment she had doing things with me. She didn't go out. I never had sitters outside of my grandparents (when they weren't truck driving or raising their other six children).

I am fairly certain had she not made me feel like the utmost priority in her life I would not be the person or mother I am today.

I am so sorry your experience was so different. I can't begin to imagine the hurt that would cause a child and it's exactly why I have that stipulation in my policies today.
I love your posts Willow. I read everything you write.

You know what strikes me in this conversation.... as we are talking about this there's another thread about attachment parenting going on. I can't get over how oppositional these are.

I wonder how many parents who shun their child by intentionally setting out to have the absolute least amount of time AWAKE with their kids would call themselves attachment parents if they were interviewed when their kids were babies???

I wonder how many people get burnt out on their kid when they are pre-mobile and the pendulum swings to near complete shunning once they can move and assert their will.

This isn't a smack to attachment parenting. It's nothing new... it's just the current version of "my child". I've seen a load of different versions of this over my career. I'm not against attachment parenting at all. I wouldn't practice it nor would I care for dck's with it but to each their own. I just wonder how many kids out there are going day after day... week after week.. month after month... with next to no real awake face time who have parents who believe they are attachment parents.
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Old 04-05-2013, 07:34 AM
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Starburst - my.mom was a single teen mom. Pregnant at 16, had me at 17 while she was still in high school and this was more than 30 years ago. She had no help from my "father" and was a single mother until she met my dad when I was 5. In that time I spent A LOT of time in daycares while she finished school and fought to provide for us all on her own.

Difference is that even as a very young child she reassured me everyday that this is what we HAD to do, and proved that to me by spending every other free moment she had doing things with me. She didn't go out. I never had sitters outside of my grandparents (when they weren't truck driving or raising their other six children).

I am fairly certain had she not made me feel like the utmost priority in her life I would not be the person or mother I am today.

I am so sorry your experience was so different. I can't begin to imagine the hurt that would cause a child and it's exactly why I have that stipulation in my policies today.
This made me tear up! I really hope my daughter is as wonderful and appreciative as you are of your mother some day! Being a Mom that young, and devoting your life to your child, was SOOO hard. The most rewarding thing I have ever done, though and I wouldn't change a thing. Kudos to all of the fantastic young Moms out there!
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Old 04-05-2013, 07:42 AM
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yes!!!

I work at the base childcare center. The Air Force and Army here got today off work for Family Day. Guess what happened? Around 9-1030, once the children slept in at home and woke up, a lot of the parents decided to drop their kids off at childcare for the day.

Normally I'm OK with parents taking the day or afternoon off to spend by themselves or spouse since we're overseas and we don't have family to watch kids for date night or whatever. But today was FAMILY DAY!!! We had 10 kids (out of our 14 kids) here today.


I could have brought our sons with me to work (they go to the same center) but DH WANTED them home with him. Even though they just lounged around and watched cartoons together, they were still doing something together
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Old 04-05-2013, 08:51 AM
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I love your posts Willow. I read everything you write.

You know what strikes me in this conversation.... as we are talking about this there's another thread about attachment parenting going on. I can't get over how oppositional these are.

I wonder how many parents who shun their child by intentionally setting out to have the absolute least amount of time AWAKE with their kids would call themselves attachment parents if they were interviewed when their kids were babies???

I wonder how many people get burnt out on their kid when they are pre-mobile and the pendulum swings to near complete shunning once they can move and assert Itheir will.

This isn't a smack to attachment parenting. It's nothing new... it's just the current version of "my child". I've seen a load of different versions of this over my career. I'm not against attachment parenting at all. I wouldn't practice it nor would I care for dck's with it but to each their own. I just wonder how many kids out there are going day after day... week after week.. month after month... with next to no real awake face time who have parents who believe they are attachment parents.
Holy ditto lol, in my head I call you "the guru" and watch for your bits of wisdom all over :P


I get EXACTLY where you're coming from with that.

You speak to any number of mothers while they're still even just pregnant and they think they know exactly how it's going to be (don't get me wrong, some actually do and are strong in character enough to stick to their convictions through those individuals are sadly far between). They're going to have a natural birth, breastfeed, stay home, baby wear, co-sleep, cloth diaper, never let their child cry -ever- and by the time the kid is two the end resulting relationship is night and day from the actual experience.

Women fantasize about pink and blue, fluffy soft blanket snuggling, bonding, sweet toddler hugs and kissing skinned knees. Many set out to get pregnant judgmental of other mothers and perhaps even their own. They're going to do it better, they're going to do it BEST.

And then reality hits them upside the head like a cast iron frying pan lol.

Pregnancy can be incredibly complicated, labor hurts and permanently alters a woman's body, sleepless nights are awful, the amount of laundry blows your mind, all the mind numbingly hard work is HARD! SURPRISE!!! lol

The ones not anticipating the effort involved then start cutting corners and ultimately end up passing the buck as much as possible to avoid having to.take responsibility for the child they created. They cut enough corners and pass the buck enough times and the child becomes one know one want to or even can deal with.

Being an AP enthusiast I will still openly admit I think those that shoot for a level of perfection fall the hardest. What they often expect of themselves and their child isn't humanly possible and they burn out soooooo fast.
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Old 04-05-2013, 09:06 AM
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yes!!!

I work at the base childcare center. The Air Force and Army here got today off work for Family Day. Guess what happened? Around 9-1030, once the children slept in at home and woke up, a lot of the parents decided to drop their kids off at childcare for the day.

Normally I'm OK with parents taking the day or afternoon off to spend by themselves or spouse since we're overseas and we don't have family to watch kids for date night or whatever. But today was FAMILY DAY!!! We had 10 kids (out of our 14 kids) here today.


I could have brought our sons with me to work (they go to the same center) but DH WANTED them home with him. Even though they just lounged around and watched cartoons together, they were still doing something together
This made me sad...I probably would have said something to each of them as they dropped off. Oh, I'm surprised to see you here today, didn't you get the day off for FAMILY DAY??
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Old 04-05-2013, 09:24 AM
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I love your posts Willow. I read everything you write.

You know what strikes me in this conversation.... as we are talking about this there's another thread about attachment parenting going on. I can't get over how oppositional these are.

I wonder how many parents who shun their child by intentionally setting out to have the absolute least amount of time AWAKE with their kids would call themselves attachment parents if they were interviewed when their kids were babies???

I wonder how many people get burnt out on their kid when they are pre-mobile and the pendulum swings to near complete shunning once they can move and assert their will.

This isn't a smack to attachment parenting. It's nothing new... it's just the current version of "my child". I've seen a load of different versions of this over my career. I'm not against attachment parenting at all. I wouldn't practice it nor would I care for dck's with it but to each their own. I just wonder how many kids out there are going day after day... week after week.. month after month... with next to no real awake face time who have parents who believe they are attachment parents.
You make a good point, Nan.
My opinion about this has to do more with extremism, which has been talked about in other posts. It seems as if some people believe that one can only parent in extreme styles. Tiger mom, helicopter parent, attachment, independent hands off, etc ad nauseum. What happened to being balanced? It's extremism that causes the next trend to be extreme in the opposite direction. The pendulum just keeps swinging.
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Old 04-05-2013, 12:16 PM
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I have a parent who brings her child once a week so she can study. She only goes to school two days a week and doesn't work. He is a great napper and sleeps 2-3 hours each afternoon, and this is after he sleeps til 9 in the morning. That's a lot of quiet time to study each day. A few weeks ago she drops off her child and mentions she is watching her niece that day. I also watch the niece but it wasn't her scheduled day with me. So she's too busy to watch her own child, but not her niece?

I work at home to be with my kids. Even though it seems like they have to share most of my time with other peoples kids. Sometimes I think I'd have more time with them if I worked outside the home..........
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Old 04-05-2013, 01:17 PM
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Default I don't get it either.

I do not understand this at all. I had to put my two kids in daycare for about 1.5 years. It pained me having to drop them off everyday and I hated how our evenings were so rushed that I hardly got to spend any time with them. I used my vacation days to spend extra time with them. Any day I got off early I rushed to pick them up. It got so hard but I'm thankful my husband got a new job with excellent pay that allowed me to stay at home. I did try home daycare for almost a year trying to have the "best of both worlds" be home and still make some money, but it didn't work out. I am so fortunate to be home with my kids and I love it so much! I cannot even fathom my kids going to daycare as newborns, luckily I only had to work part time when they were babies and I didn't go back to work until each of them were 9 months old and I worked opposite shift of my husband so they didn't have to go to daycare. When my youngest was 1.5 I tried out the whole 9-5 office job and that's when they were in daycare. My kids are almost 7 and 4 and we have only had a babysitter come to our house one time. Other than that if we want to go to dinner or shopping or whatever we have gmas and gpas watch them. I take them on my errands with me or to my own appointments and it's just part of being a parent. It's just something you have to do. I don't get shuffling the kids around to whoever so you can get your stuff done.
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Old 04-05-2013, 01:31 PM
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I don't know what to say that you guys didn't already cover. I have such a hard time understanding why parents need so much alone time. I had a parent who wanted so much alone time that she would even forget to come and get her kid. Right now I have great families, they all stay home with thier kids, but I also notice that they are around my age.
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Old 04-06-2013, 06:57 PM
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The parent who was home all week was the last one to pick-up Friday. It just made me sad. l would LOVE - ADORE - CHERISH (and frankly can't wait for my vacation week) extra time with my children - I miss them when I am away for a few hours - I can't imagine doing this to my child. It was hard for me to look the mom in the eye at pickup
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Old 04-06-2013, 07:06 PM
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What about the parents that can't go shopping, to appointments, or run errands around the house with their children in tow? These are all great learning experiences for kids. This is great time to talk and bond with your children. But for some reason it is impossible to hold their kids hand and walk through a store???????? Baffles me!
I feel the same way! I had a dcm that had a day off and told me she would still be bringing dcg because she had a dr apt. I thought...Okay, well does your dr apt last the entire day? And to make me even more frustrated....I have to take her child on all my kids' dentist and dr apts. I mean, cmon lady...

I'd rather they not even tell me when they have the day off but are still bringing their child to dc!!!
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Old 04-07-2013, 11:15 AM
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I agree with everyone's posts. I don't work on Fridays for the very reason to spend time with my kids. They're getting older now so they don't want me at the school really, but I do what I can and in the summer we do things together. So last week I have 2 teachers and the one was off to go to Florida, so I didn't have that dcb, but the other teacher has 2 girls with me and I had them for their normal 8 hours a day for both of their scheduled days and then another parent had the week off and wanted to clean her house, so she sent her child the normal 9 hours a day both days. I took Thursday off because I knew if I didn't, then I would have the same kids. Pissed me off to have all of the kids when the parents were home doing whatever. I know that some will say that hey they're paying for it, what do you care what they do. Well, it does bother me. These kids see their parents less than 3 hours a day. I feel bad for the kids.

When I had my son I was still working outside the home. We don't have famly that would take care of him, so everything we did, we did with him. Even when my husband was out of town and I had to shovel the front steps and sidewalk, I would put him in the exersaucer in front of the door so I could see him and shoveled. He went everywhere with us and then when my daughter was born and I quit and started daycare, same thing. I think that's why half of these kids don't know how to act in public is because so often, they're sent to grandmas so mom can go to the store. It's unbelieveable what parents cannot do with their kids. I have dads that have time off in the summer and they drop their 3 and 4 year olds off so they can cut the grass. When our kids were small, they were out there pushing their bubble mowers while we cut the grass. Drives me nuts!
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Old 04-07-2013, 02:23 PM
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So, so agree with everyone here. I know that they're paying me, but the toll it takes on their children just rips my heart right out. The kids KNOW if they are being abandoned. They KNOW. Some kids in my neighborhood have pointed out their Dad's truck in the driveway while we walk by. They know their Dad is home and has chosen not to be with them. For someone in care 40-50 hours a week, how do you think that would feel? I bet there are some pretty lasting effects from it.

I also really dislike the moms that tell me that on top of working full time, they are a full time mom. Um, no. That just tells me you are bad at math. When is this full time mom gig going on? I think we're probably closest to that definition because most of us are home with our children while working full time taking care of others, but I feel I am still not completely full time as a mom. I would love to be able to afford to be a full time mom and do special things just with my kids all the time. My kids get ME all day, but they have to share and I wish they didn't. I would love for them to have ALL OF ME. Just ticks me off when someone who spends less than two-three awake hours a day with their kids talking like they are in the same boat, and THEN they take off all the time and leave their kids in daycare because they need a "break" from their children. How ridiculous.

Last edited by julie; 04-07-2013 at 02:23 PM. Reason: *fixing spelling errors.
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Old 04-07-2013, 03:11 PM
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One family last week, Dad worked 15 hours, Mom worked 24. Thier children were in care 43 hours. You can't get that time back. Leaves you at a loss for words when my own child asks "So if she isn't working today, why are they here?" or "Isn't today a holiday?"
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Old 04-07-2013, 03:32 PM
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I get other parents making comments to me about the kids that were here last week when they knew the parents were off. The one mom said, oh david is here? Isn't his mom a teacher and off this week? I said yes, she says huh. Had a couple do that.
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