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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>For Those DC Providers With Children of Their Own
sahm2three 12:43 PM 06-22-2010
I have three kiddos of my own, and I find myself wanting to make exceptions for them. This is their house, after all. Not for rules, per se, but for things like in the mornings when the little ones are taking their morning naps, all the bigger kids have to play downstairs so that they can sleep. My 4 year old misses snuggling me, and sometimes I use a bit of that time to snuggle with him while my oldest runs game time downstairs with the dck's. Some of the kids have found this unfair, but I tell them that I am his mommy and he is used to being home with just me, so sometimes he needs a snuggle. DH told me I shouldn't be explaining my reasoning to the dck's. We were all out side this morning playing in the sprinkler and stuff and when it was time for me to get dinner ready, I brought the littles in with me and my 4 year old wanted to be in too so I let him. Again, so of the bigger kids thought this was unfair. Am I being unfair? I just can't have 10 or more kids running around my feet when I am trying to cook, but I feel bad telling my own child, in his own house, that he can't be inside. What do you all do?
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Vesta 01:04 PM 06-22-2010
Your house, your kids, your rules.
My kid gets special treatment. Her daddy took her swimming this afternoon. Are some of the other kids possibly filled with indignation.
Yup.
Too bad. She has to put up with a fairly decent amount of BS, to include another child her age that she cannot stand, at her home, sharing her mommy's attention, every weekday. She pulls it off and sometimes she gets to do things I don't allow the other kids to do.

I don't let her flaunt though, if she does, she's cut off from whatever she's getting to do.

Basic rules are followed without exception, hand washing, meal time, turn taking, general behavior expectations. I'm probably harder on her about those things, because I have higher expectations of her, because, well, she's my kid. Other kids may get the benefit of the doubt sometimes because I don't know what goes on at their home with certain things.
I think it all evens out in the end. They'll get over it.
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originalkat 01:11 PM 06-22-2010
Same here. All the dck are napping. My daughter wakes up early (she sleeps in her own room) and I allow her to get up and play. The dck dont have that luxury. They have to stay on their cots in the naproom until nap is over. Sorry, but that is a disadvatage they have being in daycare. I try not to let them know my kid got to get up early though. So far no one has questioned it.

Or daddy took my kids to McDonalds the other day. I dont tell the other kids, but if they find out...there isnt much I can do.

Or Grandma took my kids to Toy Story 3 yesterday. Sorry, but this is my house and their grandma can come pick them up and take them somewhere.

That is just part of it I suppose.
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sahm2three 01:23 PM 06-22-2010
OH GOOD! Thank you both! I am trying to be fair, but not much of this is fair to my own kids! I chose this, they didn't! So thanks!
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booroo 02:45 PM 06-22-2010
I do treat my kids different, they follow the basic daycare rules, but they are all down in basement to play, they are allowed to go friends houses and play, they get to stay at the pool all do, go to library and do what they want... Sorry but that's how it works!! Now my 2 year only get special things if big brother is willing to let him tag along, most times he does!!
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nannyde 03:03 PM 06-22-2010
I had the day care for seven years before DS was born. I was still "new" to day care but I understood the implications of including him into my work. I made a conscious decision that he would not be a part of the day care unless he wanted to be and only when he wanted to be.

He's nearly ten and he's never eaten a meal with a day care kid. He has always had full access to the whole house to come and go whenever he wanted. He has his own room and his own stuff. ANYTHING I had for my business would go for him if he decided he wanted it. He's gone thru phases when he's been into this or that toy set. Whenever he has had an interest the toy is removed from the day care and given to him until he outgrows it.

I've never offered him as a play mate to the other children. Whenever I would interview I made it clear to the parents that he would be in and out but at his will.

I had my house set up so he could free range. He was my child so he didn't require ANYWHERE near the supervision the day care kids must have. He was allowed to go anywhere he wanted without much restriction and little supervision.

My only rules for him were that he was never to bring something into the play room that wasn't community property and that he couldn't eat in front of the kids. He had to abide by the rules of play when he was in the room but he did not have to stay in the room. Other than that he could do as he pleased.

Do it however you want to do it and don't worry about what others think. The day care kids will come and go. Your child is yours.
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judytrickett 04:16 PM 06-22-2010
YOUR kids are NOT in daycare. Period.

Don't feel guilty. My kids are not dckids and therefore are not treated as dckids. MY kids LIVE in my home and have ME as their mom. They do, for that reason, get and deserve special consideration.

And I don't apologize for that.
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boysx5 05:06 PM 06-22-2010
yes I also let my boys do what they want and don't follow the daycare rules like they are allowed outside when they want and they can go out with my dh and go swimming and when the dck's asked I just say they are off with their dad doing stuff just like you do on the weekends.
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professionalmom 05:20 PM 06-22-2010
For me, it really depends on the situation. When it comes to discipline, I am stricter with DD than the DC kids. Why? Because parents are weird about discipline. Period. Plus, I will NOT raise MY child to be a selfish, spoiled little brat who thinks she is entitled to whatever her heart desires. Bottom line - I DO have a vested interest is who she will become 20 years from now.

As for toys, the toys in the playroom and living room are community property and the rule is, if someone is holding it, touching it, using it, it is his/hers for the moment. If it's not being used (especially if it's on the floor), it's fair game and it's first come first served. But DD has her own room and there are toys in her room that never (or almost never) come downstairs. Those are her "private toys". Lovey Bear isn't even allowed downstairs when DC kids are here because it would cause a huge problem.

As for mommy time, I give DD a ton of mommy time. But I am also a BIG cuddler with the DC kids too. She is at a stage where she does get jealous when a DC kid crawls up on my lap, but I do tell her in a very loving voice that "her mommy is not here right now and it's just not fair that she doesn't get her mommy snuggles as much as you do. And since you are so blessed to have mommy ANYTIME you want, it's nice to share with those who are less fortunate." Then I take both kids onto my lap. I'm not too sure how this will work in the next month or two. I'm 4 months pregnant with twins, so my belly is getting BIG and my lap is shrinking! LOL!! I guess there's not going to be as much "mommy" to go around soon.

DD is just as involved with the DC kids as I am. Even as a baby, she would smile as soon as she saw the DC kids. I think she thought she just had friends that loved to come and visit HER everyday. She must have thought she was the most popular girl in town. Plus, she's always been a very social, outgoing, tender person. So, it worked for us. Now that she's almost 2, and even since she was 16 months, she has been my little helper. She screams when I try to give a baby his/her bottle. I have to hand it to my daughter and let HER give it to the baby (only older baby's and I watch DD like a HAWK!). She wants to sit right on my lap as I change someone else's diaper. She puts the diaper wipes away after I close the container. She has to pull a chair up and watch or help me do whatever I do in the kitchen. She has even been drying her own sippy cups for the past month! I didn't want her to - she wanted to. She won't let me dust, she has to do it. The list goes on. So, she is actually learning a lot of life skills. Hopefully she doesn't regress when the twins get here.

I think I actually balance being a mommy and being a DC provider very well. I do not really give her much special treatment, but I don't treat her exactly the same.
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Greenshadow 05:33 PM 06-22-2010
My issue is that my youngest son is the same age as the children in my care. He is 2 years old. He has to follow what I do with the daycare because he has to stay with me (or in his room, but he rarely goes there without me because its upstairs and God only knows what he'd get into!) and he wants to be a part of what we're doing. I always feel like the others dont understand why he gets special treatment, not that he does all the time, but he calls me mom and he gets a vitamin in the morning, etc. I dont want the other 2 year olds to not like Seth because of how I treat him. Its a delicate balance.
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professionalmom 05:58 PM 06-22-2010
Originally Posted by Greenshadow:
...but he calls me mom and he gets a vitamin in the morning, etc. I dont want the other 2 year olds to not like Seth because of how I treat him. Its a delicate balance.
You are his MOM. Why would this bother the other kids?! So what if he gets a vitamin. Just tell everyone else it's medicine.
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My4SunshineGirlsNY 08:17 PM 06-22-2010
I'm glad you brought this up because I thought maybe I was the only one and being unfair. I will clear up that my kids are taught to be respectful and my youngest one finds herself in time out JUST the same as the 4 year old daycare boy I have....bad behavior gets a time out and an explaination of why it was wrong, and the right way to handle a situation....I even think I'm a little more tough on my own because I will not have them disrespect me or hit or call names without a consequence. Sometimes I have to get a bit more stern with my own because let's face it, they give us moms a more tough time listening and they need to know I mean business.

I will allow my own 4 year old to go outside with her sisters (without me) if she wants to play...my oldest is 13 so she's old enough to let me know if something ever happened, plus I have large windows that I'm always looking out in view of the playset that is very close to the house. My 4 year old daycare boy is NOT allowed to go out without me...it's state law, anyone under school age has to be in direct view at all times.

If my kids want to help themselves to eat, they will but I keep my daycare kids on a schedule. My older 2 girls are 13 and almost 11 so if they make themselves something, that's fine with me..I feed my daycare kids very well but I always have this one boy that asks for something EVERY time he sees anyone getting something.

My kids rooms are THEIR rooms and they are allowed to go in there and play with their toys that are NOT daycare toys...I have plenty of daycare toys that are shared.

My kids are allowed to swim if their grandma is watching them...when my school agers are off for the summer I did tell them they can only swim at their grandmas house...that is one rule I cringe at because we JUST put this pool up 2 years ago...WE decided to buy this pool so why can't my kids use it...but I am respecting my school agers that LOVE to swim as well.

I just find there is more limitations for my daycare kids because my kids have their own rooms and have free range of the house or outside time whenever they want, where I have to constantly tell the daycare kids "no, that is not a daycare room" or "you can't go outside without me".
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misol 08:42 PM 06-22-2010
Pretty much the same here. There are basic rules of the house that all the children must follow - including my own. Then there are things that I let my own kids do that I don't let daycare kids do. My own kids get free range of the house, they are allowed to eat outside of designated mealtimes, they are allowed to spend time away from the group if they want, they can play in the backyard while I'm inside cooking lunch, they have a choice of where they want to nap (with dc kids or in their rooms), I may give them leftovers instead of what's on the menu that day, etc. Nothing really major and I don't think that a parent would complain knowing that our own kids are treated slighty different. They live here and they have to share their mother for Pete's sake!
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jen 06:53 AM 06-23-2010
My kids are treated a bit differently too...especially now that they are older. Sometimes it works to their advantage, sometimes not. I wouldn't send a daycare kid to thier room for an hour but I definitely would for my own.

But my kids don't have to participate in daycare, that is up to them. Most of the time my dd wants too, my ds not so much. They eat lunch when the other kids do, but they can have snack when they want as long as its upstairs and they don't ask me out loud in front of other kids. Thier rooms are thier own and they do not have to share.
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boysx5 07:04 AM 06-23-2010
I have found now that my own kids are older than the daycare kids its so much eaiser on both myself and them
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Unregistered 08:25 AM 06-23-2010
Nope my kids are not daycare kids they are my kids and live in the home they are allowed to go anywhere in the house they want, play outside without Mom in the yard, the only thing I make them do is eat at the same time and eat what the daycare kids are having. When I had school agers they use to say it wasnt fair etc and I just told them this is their home and therefore they can go where they wanna go.
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alyssyn 08:30 AM 06-23-2010
My son is soon to be turning three and I include him in dc activities. It is good for him socially to be around the other dcks, eating snacks, lunch, ect.
But he is my son and this is his home, if he wants to go into his sister's room and watch a movie with her for example, he most certainly can. This would otherwise be off limits to the others. So, yes I do give special treatment to my own.
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My4SunshineGirlsNY 11:53 AM 06-23-2010
Originally Posted by boysx5:
I have found now that my own kids are older than the daycare kids its so much eaiser on both myself and them
I think all the time about how much easier daycare would be without my own kids...or them being much older.
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Vesta 12:46 PM 06-23-2010
Originally Posted by My4SunshineGirlsNY:
I think all the time about how much easier daycare would be without my own kids...or them being much older.
My DD7 is actually finally starting to pull some weight around here. She reads to the other kids and has just voluntarily started helping out in unexpected ways.
She's way far away from perfect, but has become one of the more pleasant children to be around (which Lord knows wasn't always the case).
She's learning a little bit about child psychology also, and starting to employ some surprising tactics, a la Tom Sawyer.
Ooops, have to wake up some children.
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