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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How To Stop This Parent/Provider Discussion?
marniewon 06:35 AM 03-30-2011
As some of you know, I will be done with daycare in a few weeks. I knew I would be done, but thought I had more time. (Moving in June, but losing dc insurance next month, so I had to close early).

I gave parents a month's notice (although it looked like only 3 weeks, since I had already given notice of my vacation that would be taken on that 4th week).

In the letter I handed out I gave the number/website for our local referral service, and I included the name/number of my neighbor who also does daycare.

I have one parent (not even sure the other parent has read the letter yet, as it's still in their bag and they have not mentioned it) who feels the need to discuss her other arrangements every day at pick-up, usually a 5-10 min discussion. She is concerned about finding care that will meet her needs. I get that she feels a bit pressured, but I feel like she thinks I need to help her find alternate care. She asks me every day if I've talked to my neighbor to find out if she has openings and how much she charges. I already talked to neighbor's husband and it's unclear if they have openings (waiting on pregnant dcm to let them know) and he said to have her call. Which is what I told her to do. But she still asks daily if I've talked to her. Even though we are next door neighbors, we hardly ever see each other. I've already talked to her dh, so I'm not going to go knock on her door to ask her the same questions he's already answered. I've told her I very rarely see/talk to either of them, but she still asks.

I told her last Thursday at p/u that I was done in April, and since then she's had the daily discussion at pick up. Today, at drop-off she started it up again. I don't know if she's just venting, or expecting me to find her care. I've done all I am willing to do to secure care for her children. I don't know what more she expects me to do.

Any way to stop the daily discussions without being rude (short of finding her a new daycare)?
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nannyde 06:44 AM 03-30-2011
Originally Posted by marniewon:
As some of you know, I will be done with daycare in a few weeks. I knew I would be done, but thought I had more time. (Moving in June, but losing dc insurance next month, so I had to close early).

I gave parents a month's notice (although it looked like only 3 weeks, since I had already given notice of my vacation that would be taken on that 4th week).

In the letter I handed out I gave the number/website for our local referral service, and I included the name/number of my neighbor who also does daycare.

I have one parent (not even sure the other parent has read the letter yet, as it's still in their bag and they have not mentioned it) who feels the need to discuss her other arrangements every day at pick-up, usually a 5-10 min discussion. She is concerned about finding care that will meet her needs. I get that she feels a bit pressured, but I feel like she thinks I need to help her find alternate care. She asks me every day if I've talked to my neighbor to find out if she has openings and how much she charges. I already talked to neighbor's husband and it's unclear if they have openings (waiting on pregnant dcm to let them know) and he said to have her call. Which is what I told her to do. But she still asks daily if I've talked to her. Even though we are next door neighbors, we hardly ever see each other. I've already talked to her dh, so I'm not going to go knock on her door to ask her the same questions he's already answered. I've told her I very rarely see/talk to either of them, but she still asks.

I told her last Thursday at p/u that I was done in April, and since then she's had the daily discussion at pick up. Today, at drop-off she started it up again. I don't know if she's just venting, or expecting me to find her care. I've done all I am willing to do to secure care for her children. I don't know what more she expects me to do.

Any way to stop the daily discussions without being rude (short of finding her a new daycare)?
I would just switch the conversation to that she is lucky she just has to find a daycare provider. That's way easier than finding daycare clients. If she's going to be on the daycare rollercoaster she's definitely in the best spot.

Whenever she brings it up say "I know how you feel... it was incredibly hard to find good daycare parents. At least it's not the other way around for you. You are lucky you get to pick a daycare not find daycare clients."

As far as the neighbor goes just tell her that you wouldn't feel comfortable getting in between her and the neighbor. Daycare parents will come and go but your neighbors you live with. If it doesn't work out you don't want any ill feelings with your neighbors. Best to stay out of it and let THEM work it out. Bad for public relations to be involved in it in any way.
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missnikki 06:44 AM 03-30-2011
UGH.

I would just be very general at this point with my answer, and repeat it each time. Like, " Well, it sounds like you need to make some phone calls." and "I would be calling around if I were you." If she asks you to do the legwork, I'd simply say "Call the resource and referral number I gave you, they might be able to help." Don't apologize, or stop and give sympathetic eye contact.
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missnikki 06:47 AM 03-30-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I would just switch the conversation to that she is lucky she just has to find a daycare provider. That's way easier than finding daycare clients. If she's going to be on the daycare rollercoaster she's definitely in the best spot.

Whenever she brings it up say "I know how you feel... it was incredibly hard to find good daycare parents. At least it's not the other way around for you. You are lucky you get to pick a daycare not find daycare clients."

As far as the neighbor goes just tell her that you wouldn't feel comfortable getting in between her and the neighbor. Daycare parents will come and go but your neighbors you live with. If it doesn't work out you don't want any ill feelings with your neighbors. Best to stay out of it and let THEM work it out. Bad for public relations to be involved in it in any way.
That is a tactful way to answer her questions, but not an effective way to stop the discussion. I wouldn't offer any further explaination.
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morgan24 07:07 AM 03-30-2011
Sounds like she needs to be redirected. When she starts talking about her search for care, I would listen but not comment and then say to her kids Hey tell Mommy what we did outside today or what you had for lunch. If you don't comment on it she should get the hint.
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Unregistered 08:28 AM 03-30-2011
Tell her you sympathize, but that you can't be the one to make the new arrangements. Mention again that she needs to call next door - but also that its worth looking around, and that you really don't want to push the neighbors because they are well, neighbors.

Point out that this is a great opportunity to make new friends. Understand that she and her DKs will miss you.

It might be worth doing this in adult time - a phone call or email so she is not in pickup mode. She needs to reposition this issue herself to outside of your zone.

Also - redirection doesn't work for adults the same way - she is not misbehaving, she is banking on your partnership while she still has it.
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cheerfuldom 08:38 AM 03-30-2011
Find a mantra and keep repeating it over and over until she gives up discussing with you. Sounds like you are listening and responding to her and that gives her hope that you are going to help in some way. I would keep repeating how much time she has left to figure it out and give no other response. "You still have two more weeks to work on it" I would also make sure that other family realizes what is going on and reads that letter!
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Live and Learn 09:05 AM 03-30-2011
Originally Posted by morgan24:
Sounds like she needs to be redirected. When she starts talking about her search for care, I would listen but not comment and then say to her kids Hey tell Mommy what we did outside today or what you had for lunch. If you don't comment on it she should get the hint.
I would also dig the paper you previously gave her out of her diaper bag and give it to her at pick up today and say "I put this in the diaper bag a week ago. Not sure if you saw it. This is the best and only way I know how to help you." Then redirect and never respond to any more of her comments and walk towards the door.

Good luck.
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SilverSabre25 09:10 AM 03-30-2011
If I was cranky I would probably smile and say, "Sucks to be you!" as cheerfully as I could as I shoved her out the door and locked it behind her.

Okay, no I really wouldn't....

but I'd be thinking it.
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marniewon 11:07 AM 03-30-2011
Originally Posted by Live and Learn:
I would also dig the paper you previously gave her out of her diaper bag and give it to her at pick up today and say "I put this in the diaper bag a week ago. Not sure if you saw it. This is the best and only way I know how to help you." Then redirect and never respond to any more of her comments and walk towards the door.

Good luck.
Different family than the one that I'm not sure got the letter. And, I checked today and that other family's note is gone from the diaper bag, so they've seen it.
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marniewon 11:11 AM 03-30-2011
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
If I was cranky I would probably smile and say, "Sucks to be you!" as cheerfully as I could as I shoved her out the door and locked it behind her.

Okay, no I really wouldn't....

but I'd be thinking it.
Ha ha ha!!! Dh thinks that she's hoping for me to stay open for her so she doesn't have to go anywhere else. There are several factors that will make it very hard (if not impossible) to find another trustworthy daycare.

I asked dh what I can say to her to get the discussion to stop and he said "tell her: Not my problem" LOL
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marniewon 12:40 PM 03-30-2011
She found a new provider
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SilverSabre25 01:56 PM 03-30-2011
Originally Posted by marniewon:
She found a new provider
oh good, now she can stop pestering you!
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marniewon 02:32 PM 03-30-2011
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
oh good, now she can stop pestering you!
Yeah, that's my hope! Except today, after telling me about finding the new daycare, asked me what I'll be doing with all my free time (not in a snotty or nosy way or anything, just conversationally). I like this mom, I really do, but I do like my drop offs and pick ups short .
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Tags:close letter, closing daycare
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