As some of u may recall I have a couple kids that are lacking personal hygene and wear dirty clothes and crusty socks all week and have a bad body/hair odor. I have worked around it as best I can trying to clean them up here. DCM seems a lil cleaner with clothing but her hair too is greasy and her teeth crusty brownish yellow. I don't get close enough to smell her really but the kids I hug and when the kids sweat I can smell them from across the room. When they finish naptime the sheets stink. I have never cared about what DCM does with herself I just worked with the kids because she ignores all my statements about the personal hygene issues and has flat out lied to me about bathing them.

Problem is today a friend of mine that works at the same business she does found out she is my client. It's a large business so I didn't think they would make the connection but somehow they have. At least my friend has. I don't know if the client is aware. Anyway problem is today my friend asked if I have smelled her when she drops off her kids. I think the look on my face probably gave me away but I played dumb and asked what she meant. She went on to say everyone at work has made comments about how bad her body odor is and she doesn't bathe and she ARRIVES at work like that so it's not from work. I just said oh I never noticed. Then the friend asked if the kids stink too. I said I am not permitted to discuss clients or their children due to the privacy policy. She nodded and said yep I thought so u don't have to say anything else. Sooo now I guess she thinks I was agreeing that the kids do stink. I am worried this will get back to the client in a twisted way. This place has many women working in groups and u know women when they get together and chat/gossip.

Have any of u encountered this issue? How did u deal with it? Should I have said something else like a flat out No they dont stink? I thought about it for a min but that would make me a liar and I do not lie. I just thought if the friend happens by she will surely smell the kids and know I lied anyway. Did I do the right thing by throwing the privacy policy out right away? I am just so used to doing it, it comes natural almost.

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I think you said the right thing. If it gets back to this mother somehow, you can honestly say that you protected her privacy and didn't gossip about her with anyone.

It's sad, but she knows she stinks. I grew up around someone who stank and had really bad hygiene, and she knew it because my mom told her she was being gossiped about! She didn't appreciate the message at the time, but she knew she had a problem and later on in life, she fixed herself up and thanked my mother.

May this woman find someone who will be honest with her in life, and may she improve her hygiene habits before she ruins her kids!

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Thank u! I tried to tell her about her kids and she just took offense so now I just work with it. I know no one would want to be addressed about neglecting their kids so I'm not even opening the can of worms about her bathing herself. Besidees she will just lie again and say she does bathe. But u are right she needs told even tho she knows. Maybe if she hears it enough she will do something. In my opinion she just seems like the type that doesn't care. Shes been talking about quitting her job. Maybe she is being told there in a way. She says she doesn't like her job, But she says it's because they go around and check her work everyday and make her correct things she missed. So maybe someone is dropping hints. I wish I could but it's possible it would just chase her away and she would get another provider. I really do like the kids so I don't want to see them go.

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you did the right thing. You didn't mention anyones names or give any details, but seriously people can put 2 and 2 together. Its a shame that she doesn't care about herself or her children.

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Do you have an assistant during the day? If it were me, I would be so tempted to take the time to bathe the children daily and send them home squeeky clean and hope the mom got the message.

Then again...she may be the type to just get lazier and EXPECT you to do it???

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Has the sock situation gotten any better or are the kids still coming in head to toe gross?

I would send something home like this:

Dear Parent,

We previously had a discussion on ____ & _____ coming to daycare with filthy clothes and socks on. It has been brought to my attention that they aren't being bathed on a regular basis either. The group of children as well as myself sense an odor coming from the boys/girls. Please make sure your children are bathed, clean, and dressed appropriately for daycare. Failure to provide the minimum care for these children will result in me calling Social Services to have you and your home investigated.

If you've warned her a few times about this already, I would give her a warning that this time if she doesn't, you are making a call. OR Heck with the letter and make the call anyway. I guess my biggest question is: HOW DO YOU KNOW THESE PEOPLE EVEN HAVE RUNNING WATER?! IF THEY DON'T, THEY NEED TO BE REPORTED!

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If your friend gossips about this lady and says anything to someone else that you have this lady's children in your care. She may say she asked about the kids having an order and chances are that the person she is gossiping to will say well what did she say (meaning what did you say back.) and she will probably say what you said that you can not discuss clients with her. Then she will go onto say that she could tell by that comment that it is safe to assume they do stink.

With this conversation having taken place
I think I would report this lack of hygene to social services today. You would not want someone to say well she goes to such and suches daycare and she didn't report it. That may not look good for you as a provider. I would hate for people to be saying anything about you that could come off wrong.

You just let social services know that you have discussed this issue with the mom a few times and have not noticed any changes. And you are concerend that home life may not be sanitary for the children.

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Thanks everyone for the help!

I work alone no assistance here. Even if I did have an assistant I would have to call my monitor and be set up for bathing. I have that area checked off on my registration list. Sometimes my Mother does come for dinner or with us if we take a field trip but other than that it's just me and the kids all day. I couldn't wait for summer because I had planned on putting baby wash in the pool for "bubble play" that would clean them. (this is how I clean their hands upon arrival due to the long fingernails filled with black crud everyday) So far DCG is afraid of the pool and water. I have only managed to get them in a few times with a lot of coaxing and myself sitting in the pool acting like I was having a ball with toys. Once I "accidentally" spilled some baby wash in DCGs hair to see how much of a difference there would be. OMG!! Her hair was flying through the air in the afternoon! It was so light and fluffy!! It was so blonde it almost looked white! Problem is she wont get her head near the water again!

I know they have to have running water because DCM has told me she has an open case with welfare and they have been to her house for visit. Surely they would make her have water. She complained to me because the worker told her that her daughter who is almost 4, should be potty trained by now and she had other advise how to raise her kids that she didnt appreciate. She didn't go into detail but I bet it was for cleanliness. DCM stood here ranting a couple months ago about all this woman says about her and her home and how rude she is. So I am upset the welfare worker didnt do more. OR maybe they are in the process. I know 2 times now the DCPs have had to rush and "work on the house to have it ready for the welfare lady"

I am going to make a call but I will do it in anonymously because around here they tell who reported. I know that for a fact 2 times a friends name was given when she asked it not be when she turned in her neighbor. That started a war! Property started being damaged and stolen, mail stolen and she can't prove it! I don't need that here but I am going to do some reporting.

Oh and to reply about the socks. They still wear them 2-3 days in a row but not the whole week now and they aren't AS grimey but they are still dirty and smelly. I think she just puts them to bed with socks on and throws clothes on them the next day. The little boy has been wearing a pair of pink butterfly socks since Monday!! DCM just doesnt care! I am buying them each a large pack of socks when I get paid. I will just tell her I caught them on sale and bought them for everyone. THEN they better have clean socks every day!

TY again for all the advise ladies!

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Pitter, I just want to cry when I hear about these kids. You post about them a lot, so I know you are super concerned, as you should be. Poverty breeds low self-esteem. The parents don't care about themselves, and quite frankly, THEY were probably raised in filth and neglect when they were kids, so that's all they know. But poverty is no excuse for not bathing your children, unless their water is disconnected all the time because they can't pay the bill. They have been reported by someone, so HOPEFULLY your state will force them to get their act together. Oh Pitter....hug these kids for me. And here's one for you ((((hugs)))) for the burden these parents have placed on you, both physically and emotionally.

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That's great about the socks but I'd keep them at your place if I were you. Before long they'll just be dirty and grimy too and you'll be out some money. At least if you keep them at your house you can remove the grimy ones, wash their feet or wipe them with a wipe or damp soapy cloth when they arrive and take them off when they leave. I'd do it as soon as they walked in the door and wouldn't care if mom saw or not and then at the end of the day I would give the dirty socks back in a plastic bag. That's what I would do anyway.

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I think at this point you should point blank say, mom, you know I love the kids, right? And we are fairly good friends? I know life is hectic but I have to be honest with you, the kids need a bath. At least every other day. I know it's hard and I'm trying to help. I'm truly telling you out of love. If you need help let me help. I am so afraid of kids at school making fun of them. I am not judging or criticizing. I am truly trying to help. Your family is important to me. Please let me help.

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Yes! This! Laundrymom, that's the best advice I've heard for Pitter yet!

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Wow.. this is very sad. It takes a few minutes to take the kids a bath and she can't do that? Unbelievable. I think you are great person and I can tell you really care about these kids and the things you are doing for them is great, like buying them socks. Although those are things that should be provided by the parent!! I hope someone does something because it's just not fair to those children that they are being neglected that way...

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I feel for the poor little ones. Since we all know that there are usually very bad circumstances that would cause a mother to neglect her own children (and herself) I can't help but wonder if she is dealing with a mental health issue that maybe she herself is not even aware of. Maybe severe depression or something? I don't know. Regardless of the reason though, the children need to be protected and cared for properly so something HAS to be done. I would give her one last chance and be blunt with her. Tell her that if something is not done you are going to be forced to report her. Just a sad situation all around.

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I would say something similar to laundrymom

I would say something like:

I know how hard it is to be a single mom caring a work load and all of the responsibility of juggling kids, work, finances, household chores, and just everyday life.
I have not wanted to say anything to you because I never want to hurt your feelings. But as you know, we are super busy here at DC every day playing in the mud, painting, and all kinds of messy activities. I have noticed that the kids are sometimes coming in to care with dirty clothes and unbathed. Is there something that I can do to help you out? I love your children and don't want them to ever be subject to ridicule by their peers. Trust me bullying starts as early as the age of two and again I just don't want your kids to ever have to experience that. Please know that this is from the heart and I am truly only trying to be helpful. Then Maybe I would go out and buy them a super cute soap set so that they will beg mom to use it...

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love this.

Pitter, the fact that you are even noticing and caring is awesome. I agree though that reporting is probably not a bad thing...even if there is an open case, even if they are aware of it, there can't be anything bad come of a report.

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Thank u very much Laundrymom!! I will try that on Friday. She's off tomorrow. Actually I may wait until Monday because I know they are mad at me right now because I put my foot down today and told them that I needed the sunblock that has been past due for 2 months, the change of clothing is still not all here, I have been using MY wipes they are out, and that I needed to be paid for the past 4 weeks on Friday. She shoved the notice in her pocket and ignored it. I asked her to make sure her DH gets the note because he called here last week complaining that he isn't being updated with daycare issues. She said with an attitude "i got it covered, dont worry about it" I didn't even charge them any of the late fees. Their total is only $50 for the month. Should be $100 with all the late fees I forgave. They keep putting me off but I know they have the money. So Since I am being firm and telling them it is due on Friday I may try this on Monday. Hopefully she pays me and her attitude will pass over the weekend.

Oh also wanted to clarify, Daycare mentioned discussing with her about being a single mom... she is not a single Mom. She has a husband (both kids father) who handles the finances and is in charge so it seems. She also tells me he does all the cooking. So she doesn't have all that much of a burden like the rest of us single moms. 2 adults to take care of the kids and up until 2 weeks ago 2 other adults also lived there so 4 adults and still unbathed children. She may be depressed but I doubt it. I think it's just an issue of an unclean family all around. DH included. Lord forgive me for saying that but I'm just going on what I see everyday for months.

She seems very ignorant not just rude but actually ignorant. She has no manners, never says thank u, even when I take the kids on the weekend (I am closed on weekends) or let her skip another week of payment, never thanks nothing just "ok bye" or a change of subject. I have been trying to be extra mannerly to her and around her. I talk to the kids with a lot of extra please and thank u and welcome etc hoping she will catch on and use the manners herself. Her own DH comes here and talks about her how she can't get anything straight and she don't take care of things so maybe it is something mental such as Squareone suggested. Her DH told me to call him and give him updates personally. I have the signed contract with her not him. I told him I don't like going over her head and she can relay any messages or updates or give him the notices and newsletters. He says, but that's just it she doesn't do it! He can't be much better because he lives with these kids in the same home and sees them everyday, allows it to go on and he himself is often dirty looking as well.

Anyway back to the kids. I take comfort in knowing I can get help from u all here. They are being taught better while in my home so it may break the cycle if there is 1 being created such as Sugar Magnolia mentioned. They know the routine now and wash their hands and help clean up their plates, help with toys, and are learning the please and thank u. They enjoy it here and that makes me happy! As soon as they pull up in the morning I can hear them screaming my name thru the closed windows in the car. They rush up and give me hugs. That's the best reward for all the stress!

Thank u to everyone who replied for all the advise and kind words! U guys are all wonderful and supportive! I really appreciate all of the input and will try another talk with DCM following your advise. Lord keep your arm around my shoulder! Have a great evening everyone!

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