Daycare.com Forum Kidacare by Minute Menu Force of Nature Disinfectant HiMama Childcare App

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 11-06-2013, 02:29 PM
ihop's Avatar
ihop ihop is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 412
Default No Naps Are Killing Me!

So I have a 6month old dcb that I posted about a while ago. He wouldn't nap unless you held him. All of you suggested sleep training. Mom was in board zinc he is up all night and never naps.

After a week of screaming, he finally started napping on his own. So I move him back to the main area.

Fast forward over the weekend, and he has suddenly stopped napping.

I keep trying but to no avail. Well, come to find out, she has given up on sleep training and is now co-sleeping!!!!!

Right now I can MAYBE get two half hour naps out of him. Usually only one.

He needs to be held constantly awake or asleep.

It is making me miserable. I work 12hrs/day and don't have time to eat or think. I also have a 3 month old who never is held because I am always holding other baby.

If I leave him in the exersaucer or on the mat to cry, the other kids just repeat over and over r is crying. That's even more annoying.

How do I talk to mom about it, without insulting her parenting or telling her what to do?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 11-06-2013, 02:34 PM
TwinKristi's Avatar
TwinKristi TwinKristi is offline
Family Childcare Provider
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,389
Default

I would explain that you're not able to hold him the entire 7-9hrs or whatever it is that he's there and it's taking away from he level of care you can provide to the other children in your care. Maybe finding a nanny would be a better solution for them. While it's an awesome choice to co-sleep, it's not even remotely possible for daycare which is where he is during the day. If she isn't able to stay on board with getting him to sleep in a PNP at your DC maybe there's a better fit for him elsewhere. Either she will go "oh snap" and get on it, or "fine then" and find a new provider, win-win! If she's can't understand that there are other children in your DC who need your attention, the ability for you to prepare meals for them, to be able to feed YOURSELF than it probably isn't the best fit for either of you.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 11-06-2013, 03:39 PM
ihop's Avatar
ihop ihop is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 412
Default

It's tough because this was my first dck and I love him and the dcf. So i want to make sure I don't make it seem like they should leave. Jus be encouraging about making changes.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 11-06-2013, 03:43 PM
Cat Herder's Avatar
Cat Herder Cat Herder is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 11,870
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ihop View Post
I love him and the dcf. .
You love a DCM who is not willing to prepare her own child for daycare. A decision she, herself, made for him? (Rhet)
__________________
- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 11-06-2013, 03:45 PM
Cradle2crayons's Avatar
Cradle2crayons Cradle2crayons is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Deep in the woods....
Posts: 3,634
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ihop View Post
It's tough because this was my first dck and I love him and the dcf. So i want to make sure I don't make it seem like they should leave. Jus be encouraging about making changes.
I would sit down with mom again and help her understand the difference between one on once are and group care.

Sympathize with her that sleep training is hard at first but has a HUGE pay off, both at home and at daycare when they are done.

Most moms simply don't understand group care. Explain that neither her child nor the others can get adequate care with this type of disturbance all day.

I'd try one more time and after that, I'd have to simply explain that my home isn't he right fit (and neither will any group care environment sounds like)
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 11-06-2013, 03:48 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 18,696
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ihop View Post
It's tough because this was my first dck and I love him and the dcf. So i want to make sure I don't make it seem like they should leave. Jus be encouraging about making changes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
You love a DCM who is not willing to prepare her own child for daycare. A decision she, herself, made for him?
This is soooo true. Sadly way too many providers continue to put up with behaviors and/or situations that they shouldn't have to just because they love the family.

If you turn it around, ask yourself "How much does this family love and appreciate me?" by taking time to properly prepare the child to thrive while in your care....kwim?
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 11-06-2013, 03:51 PM
cara041083's Avatar
cara041083 cara041083 is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kansas
Posts: 565
Default

Either the mom needs to be on board or you need to let her know how its gonna be done at your house. Me personally, I would let her know that it is causing a chain reaction at your house and maybe its not the best fit for you to care for there child. You have to take your feelings out of it and do whats best for your house and the other kids. If you are having stressful days because no one is napping, then its only going to get worse and you won't be at your best for the other kids. I don't mean to be rude or harsh because its not my intentions, I have just been there before, and now that I know what I know, I wouldn't ever go back to no napping kids. I hope it gets better for you.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 11-06-2013, 04:10 PM
ihop's Avatar
ihop ihop is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 412
Default

You guys are right. It's about what is best for the group. I just don't know how to start the conversation.

I hate confrontation and have next to no back Bone
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 11-06-2013, 04:10 PM
Laurel's Avatar
Laurel Laurel is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,148
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ihop View Post
So I have a 6month old dcb that I posted about a while ago. He wouldn't nap unless you held him. All of you suggested sleep training. Mom was in board zinc he is up all night and never naps.

After a week of screaming, he finally started napping on his own. So I move him back to the main area.

Fast forward over the weekend, and he has suddenly stopped napping.

I keep trying but to no avail. Well, come to find out, she has given up on sleep training and is now co-sleeping!!!!!

Right now I can MAYBE get two half hour naps out of him. Usually only one.

He needs to be held constantly awake or asleep.

It is making me miserable. I work 12hrs/day and don't have time to eat or think. I also have a 3 month old who never is held because I am always holding other baby.

If I leave him in the exersaucer or on the mat to cry, the other kids just repeat over and over r is crying. That's even more annoying.

How do I talk to mom about it, without insulting her parenting or telling her what to do?
Why not just tell her what you told us?

Tell her he only takes short naps and needs to be held all the time. This doesn't allow you to hold the other baby and that is not fair to that baby. Also, how the kiddies keep telling you over and over that her baby is crying so it is stressing them out as well.

Tell her that the sleep training was working but now that she is not doing it anymore you're not sure what to do. I might put it like "I can't let this stress everyone out. I have to do what is best for all the children. Do you think you can go back to the sleep training or do you think maybe someone who could come to your house would work out better? I would hate it if you would leave but I also can't ignore the other children. You see my dilemma?"

Laurel
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 11-06-2013, 04:23 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 16,021
Default

dont beat yourself up by over thinking it. I would just start out by saying...


Hi DCM I wanted to talk to you about how baby is doing here. It seems like DCK is back to no being able to nap at all or able to suffice on his own without needing me to hold him all day. In fairness to all of the dcks, I just realistically can not hold only your child all day. As I explained to you before, in group care, I need to be able to meet the needs of every child and right now, I am not able to do that because baby is needing 100% of me.

I know that we were able to fix things in the past and wanted to see if we can tackle this together again and get baby back on a sleep schedule and help him to learn to self soothe. I love having him here and I love your family, but it makes for a really hard day on everyone here when he is like this. I really hope that you understand that if we can't find a way to resolve this, I may need to terminate care. What do you think we can do together to help baby through this?

Thanks so much,

DCP
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 11-06-2013, 05:29 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 18,696
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurel View Post
Why not just tell her what you told us?

Tell her he only takes short naps and needs to be held all the time. This doesn't allow you to hold the other baby and that is not fair to that baby. Also, how the kiddies keep telling you over and over that her baby is crying so it is stressing them out as well.

Tell her that the sleep training was working but now that she is not doing it anymore you're not sure what to do. I might put it like "I can't let this stress everyone out. I have to do what is best for all the children. Do you think you can go back to the sleep training or do you think maybe someone who could come to your house would work out better? I would hate it if you would leave but I also can't ignore the other children. You see my dilemma?"

Laurel
This is good advice. ^^^

Tell mom and ask her what the solution is? It's her child, it should be brought to her attention for sure.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 11-06-2013, 07:20 PM
ihop's Avatar
ihop ihop is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 412
Default

Well That went terrible. I opened with telling her about how little he slept today. (25min) she said "oh yeah." I said we needed to figure something out to get him sleeping better here because he is miserable and it is taking a toll on me and the group. She said" well I don't know what I am supposed to do". I asked if she had tried putting him in a separate room to sleep and explained how well it went here and she came back with "well I put him to sleep x day awake and when he woke up crying so and so rocked him back to sleep fine" (not sire what is good about that) I ignored that comment and went on telling her that he can no longer play independently and spends his time with his arms screaming to be held. She replies well he is more independent at home. (Which I know to be untrue because her husband tells me all of the time at pick up, that he needs to be held constantly)then she signs him out and leaves.

I know I should have been more firm and gave her an ultimatum but I thought she'd be more open to getting him on track. Ugh.

You guys are all great though, thanks for the advice.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 11-06-2013, 07:31 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 16,021
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ihop View Post
Well That went terrible. I opened with telling her about how little he slept today. (25min) she said "oh yeah." I said we needed to figure something out to get him sleeping better here because he is miserable and it is taking a toll on me and the group. She said" well I don't know what I am supposed to do". I asked if she had tried putting him in a separate room to sleep and explained how well it went here and she came back with "well I put him to sleep x day awake and when he woke up crying so and so rocked him back to sleep fine" (not sire what is good about that) I ignored that comment and went on telling her that he can no longer play independently and spends his time with his arms screaming to be held. She replies well he is more independent at home. (Which I know to be untrue because her husband tells me all of the time at pick up, that he needs to be held constantly)then she signs him out and leaves.

I know I should have been more firm and gave her an ultimatum but I thought she'd be more open to getting him on track. Ugh.

You guys are all great though, thanks for the advice.
awe.....dont let it eat at you. give this some time for you to think about how else you can approach it. I would just let it go for right now. Tomorrow is a new day.

At drop off, ask DCP how did baby sleep last night and if they had a chance to think about how you guys can work together again to get baby back on track...........

leave it at that and let them answer you.....
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 11-06-2013, 09:11 PM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

(It's Blackcat... Too lazy to log in..lol,)

At this point, I'd term. Mom doesnt appear to be willing to work with you and partner up for the best interest of her child.

She does seem to be content letting you deal with it. Not much of a friend in my opinion.

I'd write her a term notice saying you have exhausted all ideas and efforts in figuring this out and have been unsuccessful so you are terming.

Sounds to me like that's the best option for everyone.

Sorry. These situations suck but you do have to do what's best for the group, your business and your sanity.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 11-07-2013, 05:07 AM
daycarediva's Avatar
daycarediva daycarediva is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 11,381
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
(It's Blackcat... Too lazy to log in..lol,)

At this point, I'd term. Mom doesnt appear to be willing to work with you and partner up for the best interest of her child.

She does seem to be content letting you deal with it. Not much of a friend in my opinion.

I'd write her a term notice saying you have exhausted all ideas and efforts in figuring this out and have been unsuccessful so you are terming.

Sounds to me like that's the best option for everyone.

Sorry. These situations suck but you do have to do what's best for the group, your business and your sanity.
I agree. I couldn't wait the 6+ months it MIGHT take to make this better. If baby was ft and/or Mom was willing to work with you, maybe I would stick it out.

It isn't Moms problem, so she doesn't care what you (and her own child) are dealing with during the day. Sleep training is hard and takes work and it sounds like Mom just won't put in the effort.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 11-07-2013, 05:38 AM
Heidi's Avatar
Heidi Heidi is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 6,857
Default

Another provider I know has this same child...fast forward 6 months. A couple weeks ago, the wanted to start picking him up at naptime, and driving him around for 3 hours so he could sleep! He's a year old now.

If they can't say "NO" to him when he's 6 months old, they will not say it at a year, or 2, or 5. Either they are the parents (mom), or he will be the one in charge.

I want to add that I am saying that kindly. But even a 6 month old needs some limits. Teaching him to be dependent on sleeping with mom because that's what HE wants is not really teaching him anything.

Now, for those co-sleepers here. If this parent had decided all along that she always wanted a family bed, and had strategized how that would happen while she was at work; fine. But, changing back and forth just because baby is a handful is not planned co-sleeping. It's caving.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 11-07-2013, 07:31 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

I would put him down for naps at the same time everyday. I have a 9 mo old and he was the same way (Mom was ALWAYS holding him) - wouldn't stop crying unless he was held.
Well, he takes 2 naps/day

Morning nap: 9:30-10:30am
Afternoon Nap: 1:00-3:30 pm

I make sure he is all set and safe of course and kept him in there the whole time (even if he cried)

Now he sleeps great at my house. Still doesn't sleep for mom, but sleeps here just fine.

Have him CIO, he will eventually figure out you are not going to hold him. Also, just the crying will tire him out enough, he will eventually fall asleep.

Good Luck!
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 11-07-2013, 07:52 AM
Scout's Avatar
Scout Scout is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,763
Default

If it were me, I would not be picking him up unless he needed fed, changed, put to bed, or was hurt. He will get used to it. Buy earplugs? He is spoiled by his mother and if you can't get him to be left alone to play on his own maybe you will need to term. I hope that's not the case though. Hopefully, it would take a week and he'd be good to go!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
won't sleep

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Potty-training and Naps Josiegirl Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 6 09-23-2013 01:48 PM
Naps for older kids... LeslieG Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 5 05-06-2013 09:27 AM
Can't Settle Down For Naps Country Kids Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 12 12-12-2012 06:31 AM
Outgrowing Naps But So Tired! Country Kids Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 5 09-19-2012 02:11 PM
HELP ME! 12month Old No Naps Heather Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 15 10-20-2009 09:26 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:11 AM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming