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cara041083 06:13 AM 01-14-2015
I had a mom come in today and she told me that DCB has been extremely bad at home and this morning he hit his grandma and she wants me to put him off to the side until lunch with out toys or playing with the other kids. My question is, do you allow parents to carry over punishment or do you tell them it needs to be done at home. DCG is 5. She said it in front of him so he knew it was her telling him he can't play but I don't know how I feel about it.
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Blackcat31 06:26 AM 01-14-2015
Nope. NO way.

What happens here is dealt with here and what happens at home on the parents watch is the parent's responsibility.

I will NOT carry over a punishment of consequence for something I had no part in and had no control over. I will NOT be the bad guy in that situation.

I think it's great that the provider and parent are on the same page and discuss behaviors both at home and at daycare but no way would I agree to continue a punishment at daycare for something that happened at home.

Nope.

I would have said something like "While I understand what you are trying to teach him a lesson and I do support your efforts but I cannot allow the consequence for home behavior to be a part of my day as I had nothing to do with the situation at home so I feel it's in his best interest that it be dealt with at home. I am sure you understand"
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Leigh 06:27 AM 01-14-2015
I will accommodate a parent's reasonable request when it comes to discipline. Consistency between home and daycare is a good thing. Whether a 1/2 day time-out is reasonable has a lot to do with the child. Would it be a huge inconvenience to you to follow through with this request? If the child has a history of behavior issues, I would probably follow through with Mom's request just to reinforce that you and Mom are on the same team. I would then tell Mom that, in the future, she needs to discuss with you BEFORE drop off if she has a disciplinary request. Explain that while you understand the seriousness of the situation, her giving consequences at your home affects more than just her child, but alters your day and possibly even the other kids'. Let her know that in the future, you'd be happy to work with her on something that won't alter the course of your day and affect the way you run your business. If Mom wanted that consequence, she should have stayed home with him to enforce it, but it's obviously too late for that now.

Mom likely never considered that her consequence would affect you in any way. I wouldn't be too upset over that ONCE.
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Blackcat31 06:34 AM 01-14-2015
I also want to comment on the punishment...

Sitting him aside until lunch is neither appropriate or helpful as I fail to see what that teaches him.

I think that it's excessive and not something my licensing rules would be okay with as punishment and consequences for unwanted behaviors should not be that extreme.
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cheerfuldom 06:40 AM 01-14-2015
no way.

i dont do the parents job.

and second, the punishment is beyond excessive. separating a child for hours is most certainly against your licensing regulations anyway.
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Leigh 07:07 AM 01-14-2015
I agree that the punishment is excessive for most kids. However, I had 2 kids with ODD who would sometimes end up in "time-in" with me for hours at a time (mostly to keep the other kids safe). I wouldn't put a kid in a corner for half a day, but to separate them from the group with some quiet activities (puzzles, crayons, paper, books) isn't cruel, IMO. When I have had to do this (and it was only for those 2 with serious behavior issues), I just made my kitchen their zone, and they couldn't leave that room (open concept home). If I had to leave their side, they had to stay in the kitchen.

If the child is having behavioral problems, I'd go through with the consequence in some form THIS TIME. I agree that this issue belongs to the PARENT, but it sounds like it's a little late for that, since Mom announced the consequence in front of the child. Now it's a matter of whether Mom has any authority or not to the child, I think. I just really, really think that consistency in rules and discipline is so very important.

I think that the OP needs to just go with her gut on the right thing to do, and do what works for her. And again, to tell Mom that this can't happen again.
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cara041083 07:44 AM 01-14-2015
Thanks guys. I called mom at work and we had a long talk. I think the problem is way beyond myself or her. DCB's doctor has evaluated him and said he has really bad ADHD and could have other development issues. (I didn't know that this has been said by the doctor). Well the mom has decided that she wants to wait until he starts school and see what they say in regards to treatment and to decide to medicate or what other options they have. I don't have much experience with this but I can see something is not right. I don't think he is doing the things he does because he doesn't he is acting up or out, I think its out of his control. I don't think that punishing him and taking things away are going to help what he can't control. I could be wrong, like I said I have never had to deal with this before. Even talking to him he doesn't make eye contact and he looks away and just shakes his head like hes saying yes, and then he goes back to doing what he was doing whatever like you never said anything at all. I had no idea that a doctor has already spoke to her about this. The mom is young (22) and she is doing it on her own with out any help. I truly feel for her but I think she thinks she can help him on her own but I think its way bigger then what she can do. So now that I truly know what is going on I feel alot better. Now I just need to find a way to relate to him. I don't think punishment is the answer.
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Josiegirl 10:21 AM 01-14-2015
I understand you've talked with the mom and dcb has issues on top of a one time incident. My first thought was why wasn't he made to do something like make an 'I'm sorry' card for his grandmother instead of isolating him?
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Tags:punishment - carried over from home, punishment - fair, punishment issues
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