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littlefriends 03:38 AM 09-28-2018
Okay so I have two spots to fill right now and got asked by a family if I could watch their 3yr old boy for one month which I said sure because why not. Heís really sweet and easy going, has a few behavioral problems but nothing I canít handle throughout the day. The problem is that he smells. Terrible. Heís been coming for two weeks and Iím not sure heís had a bath at all. Heís come wearing the same socks and underwear for this whole week. Last week he didnít wear any underwear at all. I had to go buy some for him to wear so heíd have some on every day. He smells so strong I have a hard time hugging him or helping him with his table activities. I feel terrible saying all this! What do I do? This morning he arrived and my whole living room smells now. The dad is a single dad and only gets him every few months because mom lives out of state. I donít know much about the family more than that. Dad seems incredibly nice and is interested in dcbís day and behavior. Gma is picking up for the first time this afternoon.
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Cat Herder 03:58 AM 09-28-2018
Hey, DCD, do you have running water at home? What does your evening schedule look like? Do you have a washer and dryer? DCB's hygiene issue must be addressed now, how can I help?

If homeless refer to community services. If bad schedule, help him plan one. If no power refer to health department grants.

Personally, I'd give the kid a bath and wash his clothes upon arrival, then schedule the conference for this afternoon. The issue is rarely what you think it is.
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littlefriends 04:59 AM 09-28-2018
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Hey, DCD, do you have running water at home? What does your evening schedule look like? Do you have a washer and dryer? DCB's hygiene issue must be addressed now, how can I help?

If homeless refer to community services. If bad schedule, help him plan one. If no power refer to health department grants.

Personally, I'd give the kid a bath and wash his clothes upon arrival, then schedule the conference for this afternoon. The issue is rarely what you think it is.
I definitely know he isnít homeless, dad lives right down the road in a super tiny but clean looking apartment complex. I think maybe it might be that heís just clueless. Or maybe doesnít think itís noticeable to me. This am I put all of his clothes in the washer and gave him a fresh outfit. Since Iím not keeping him I donít mind washing his stuff I suppose. Iíve just never smelled anything like this before! If he was going to be staying with me I think Iíd have to grow a bigger backbone and tell him I canít keep him because the smell is so awful.
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Cat Herder 05:34 AM 09-28-2018
It really isn't about backbone, it is about advocacy. Once you tell DCD there is an issue the ball is in his court to change it. If he refuses then you know it is a reportable neglect suspicion case. Mandated reporter status.

You have the power to change this kids life.
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Miss A 05:54 AM 09-28-2018
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
It really isn't about backbone, it is about advocacy. Once you tell DCD there is an issue the ball is in his court to change it. If he refuses then you know it is a reportable neglect suspicion case. Mandated reporter status.

You have the power to change this kids life.
I second this. You are in the position to help this child and his father, and you need to take full advantage of that.

If DCD doesn't have a regular custody schedule, he may be clueless about the childs hygiene needs. Maybe DCB hates taking a bath and screams like he's participating in an exorcism, and DCD doesn't know how to handle it. Sometimes noncustodial parents are hesitant to be firm with their visiting parents because they want the child to "like" them.

Schedule a conference and talk to DCD. If it is something you are comfortable doing, you could offer to bathe DCB and wash his clothing.
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littlefriends 06:41 AM 09-28-2018
How should I word it that I need to talk to him about it? I think maybe I should ask if he can meet with me after daycare instead of at pick up so no other parents overhear our conversation.
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Ariana 09:48 AM 09-28-2018
When I took a child abuse class a few years ago this qualifies as abuse/neglect. I would absolutely bring it up to dad and find out what is going on. A single dad might be depressed and need help. Have some resources to give him as well. Is dad clean? Maybe he is afraid to give child a bath for various reasons.

If nothing changes I would likely call social services

Poor kiddo
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daycarediva 10:39 AM 09-28-2018
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Hey, DCD, do you have running water at home? What does your evening schedule look like? Do you have a washer and dryer? DCB's hygiene issue must be addressed now, how can I help?

If homeless refer to community services. If bad schedule, help him plan one. If no power refer to health department grants.

Personally, I'd give the kid a bath and wash his clothes upon arrival, then schedule the conference for this afternoon. The issue is rarely what you think it is.
Exactly this. poor kiddo!
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mommyneedsadayoff 11:03 AM 09-28-2018
Maybe just have a talk at pick up. "Hey dad, I just wanted to talk to you about Jack. He is so doing well here and is super busy and has a great time! Since we are so busy, he could definitely use a bath each night or at least a rinse and fresh undereear. You know how kids his age are...they get stinky real quick lol! If you don't have a washer and dryer at your apartment I can definitely wash his clothes if you need, so just lmk if I can help in any way!" Or something similar. Like Cat said...make him aware that YOU are aware and then give him a chance to handle it. And I don't go along with the idea that men aren't capable of keeping their children clean and need to be taught. If anything, the men I know are more clean and hygienic than the women I know! Because his time is limited with his child, I can understand him being kind of intimidated by the process, but parenting means that you work through the intimidation. You are the parent, they are the child. You have to do what's in their best interest, even if they don't care for it.
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Unregistered 12:02 PM 09-28-2018
Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:
Maybe just have a talk at pick up. "Hey dad, I just wanted to talk to you about Jack. He is so doing well here and is super busy and has a great time! Since we are so busy, he could definitely use a bath each night or at least a rinse and fresh undereear. You know how kids his age are...they get stinky real quick lol! If you don't have a washer and dryer at your apartment I can definitely wash his clothes if you need, so just lmk if I can help in any way!" Or something similar. Like Cat said...make him aware that YOU are aware and then give him a chance to handle it. And I don't go along with the idea that men aren't capable of keeping their children clean and need to be taught. If anything, the men I know are more clean and hygienic than the women I know! Because his time is limited with his child, I can understand him being kind of intimidated by the process, but parenting means that you work through the intimidation. You are the parent, they are the child. You have to do what's in their best interest, even if they don't care for it.
I texted him asking if heíd have a few minutes over the weekend to call me to chat. He hasnít replied yet, I hope he does. When gma picked up I asked her if she knows how busy they are in the evenings and she said she doesnít think they are. I let her know that I had washed his stuff this morning. I didnít go into it much but I did let her know that I donít feel heís being kept quite as clean as he probably should. I did say ďyou know how hard kids can play and heís definitely playing pretty hard and goes home pretty dirtyĒ She seemed to get it, maybe sheíll talk to him too.
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Baby Beluga 01:44 PM 09-28-2018
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Hey, DCD, do you have running water at home? What does your evening schedule look like? Do you have a washer and dryer? DCB's hygiene issue must be addressed now, how can I help?

If homeless refer to community services. If bad schedule, help him plan one. If no power refer to health department grants.

Personally, I'd give the kid a bath and wash his clothes upon arrival, then schedule the conference for this afternoon. The issue is rarely what you think it is.
CH, issues like these and similar ones have been brought up many times and you always respond the same way: asking what home life is like, asking how you can help and offering resources.

You need commended for that

I'll be honest, asking what home life is like and how I can help isn't always my first response. But I feel like often times it should be.
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Cat Herder 02:05 PM 09-28-2018
Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
CH, issues like these and similar ones have been brought up many times and you always respond the same way: asking what home life is like, asking how you can help and offering resources.

You need commended for that

I'll be honest, asking what home life is like and how I can help isn't always my first response. But I feel like often times it should be.
Thank you, but for me it is only giving back what I received. I was the ignored/tolerated kid the teachers, neighbors and classmates parents looked out for. Most of them have passed, now.
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Gemma 02:45 PM 09-28-2018
Originally Posted by littlefriends:
Okay so I have two spots to fill right now and got asked by a family if I could watch their 3yr old boy for one month which I said sure because why not. Heís really sweet and easy going, has a few behavioral problems but nothing I canít handle throughout the day. The problem is that he smells. Terrible. Heís been coming for two weeks and Iím not sure heís had a bath at all. Heís come wearing the same socks and underwear for this whole week. Last week he didnít wear any underwear at all. I had to go buy some for him to wear so heíd have some on every day. He smells so strong I have a hard time hugging him or helping him with his table activities. I feel terrible saying all this! What do I do? This morning he arrived and my whole living room smells now. The dad is a single dad and only gets him every few months because mom lives out of state. I donít know much about the family more than that. Dad seems incredibly nice and is interested in dcbís day and behavior. Gma is picking up for the first time this afternoon.
I have 2 kids that smell like that!
I still want to cuddle them so on really bad days I strip them down, temporarily dress them with spare clothes , wash the clothes they were wearing and put them back on.
On days that are just a little bit smelly I Fabreeze their clothes
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littlefriends 04:11 PM 09-28-2018
Well he did call so thatís good! I asked him if there was any way I could help him out to make taking care of dcb easier for him as I know that heís only with him for a short time and I worded it that I know kids that age can be a handful behavior wise for different parents. I said that I had noticed he might need a little help with dcbís laundry. I suggested maybe bringing me 7 full outfits each Monday and I could wash them all so heís always got something clean to wear. The conversation went really well, I was so crazy nervous at first to bring it up the right way but he was really receptive. He said the complex doesnít have a laundry facility so he has to do laundry at friends houses. Iím so relieved he called and it went okay! I didnít mention that I would report him if thereís no improvement but at least I know heís aware that Iím aware now. I documented the call in my log.
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Rockgirl 05:40 PM 09-28-2018
Originally Posted by littlefriends:
Well he did call so thatís good! I asked him if there was any way I could help him out to make taking care of dcb easier for him as I know that heís only with him for a short time and I worded it that I know kids that age can be a handful behavior wise for different parents. I said that I had noticed he might need a little help with dcbís laundry. I suggested maybe bringing me 7 full outfits each Monday and I could wash them all so heís always got something clean to wear. The conversation went really well, I was so crazy nervous at first to bring it up the right way but he was really receptive. He said the complex doesnít have a laundry facility so he has to do laundry at friends houses. Iím so relieved he called and it went okay! I didnít mention that I would report him if thereís no improvement but at least I know heís aware that Iím aware now. I documented the call in my log.
Glad he was receptive! Dcb will feel better in clean clothes, too.

The only thing I wouldíve done differently is discussing it with grandma before dcd. I would have talked to him first, and tried to come up with a solution, before bringing grandma into it. But on the other hand, maybe a word from his mom is what he needs!

I hope things improveógood job on talking to himósounds like you did great!
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Mike 09:35 PM 09-28-2018
Sounds like it's going well. We need more people willing to help other people, rather than knocking others down for anything they do wrong.
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lblanke 01:55 PM 09-29-2018
Could you give DCB an bit of an extra clean with baby wipes during diaper changes?
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Josiegirl 04:06 AM 10-01-2018
Originally Posted by Mike:
Sounds like it's going well. We need more people willing to help other people, rather than knocking others down for anything they do wrong.
Such truth in this!!

I'm glad you were able to approach the subject with dcd and it sounds like you did it with kindness and gentleness.
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Pestle 04:47 AM 10-01-2018
I gave DH a summary of this thread last night and he choked up. You'ns are good people.
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Tags:bathing issues, child advocate, confidentiality, homeless, hygiene, neglect, neglect suspicion, odor
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