I hope that you respond to this. I am a single mother, who of course has to put my son in day care. I am already a little, well alot paranoid of day....care As I worked at one that I had my child in and chose to quit and remove my child, as they had too many children, I believe to take care of and were a little wore out. Now I have been with a home daycare, which I did not want to do. He seems to enjoy it there...........but there are many questionable things, which I try to blow off because not all people raise kids the same. And I am the mother and all the better treat them as I do....blah...blah...yes have taken that into acct. But my child since going to this woman, the last 2 months, has bucked and been crazy about me changing his diaper.....every time! Never before, but at my previous job at daycare children do want to get away and off the changing table and such. But not like this, I try to put Desitin on and he freaks.And now he looks as if he has open skinon his inner anus. Can this be from new foods tried, am I insane/too paranoid/or what? What are the signs of an infants sexual abuse? And how....if needed do I request a surprise visit from the state or have an investigation done. As she is state certified daycare and foster parent home. Please respond.

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In our opinion you need to immediately take your son to his pediatrician. Since there seems to be both physical and emotional issues involved we strongly suggest you consult a professional. Always trust your instincts.

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it'sounds like he may have been molested and since he's a minor then he go straight to the doctor immediatly please do so for the sake of the child. it's very important.

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I am having trouble believing that you have even wasted as much time as it would take to write your message. I would have had him checked out at first inkling!!!

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Yes, the pediatrician needs to be informed and there are forsensic tests that can be done to look for damage. I have seen where if a child cannot talk they show signs like "humping" things. A good sign for an older child if deficating themselves. I have seen this all the way up into pre teens. I have also seen children (all children get curious so I am not talking about looking and feeling) do things to other children that they would only know if they seen it or if this act was done to them. Just go with your gut and most likely it is right. God blessed us with motherly instinct for a reason.

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At least this mother is reaching out and asking questions. All people are different. She shouldn't be made out to feel stupid or inadequate because she is asking questions before jumping in the car to the doctor...this is her way of handling it and even though you or I may have handled it different, she is doing fine because she is being proactive. I think when people make comments like this it discourages people from reporting and possibly checking on suspicions because they feel they may be judged for not doing something "in the RIGHT order" or "fast enough"....and so on. So good job for asking questions and hopefully this situation turns out for the better. I encourage all to use online, community, family, and any other resources available to gain knowledge and know how on what to do in these kind of situations.

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As a mom who's daughters WERE abused (by a family member), I can empathise with this mom's concern. I didn't know how to read the signs and the abuse of my girls went on for a long time. I don't think the first mommy is a troll, because of the way she asked her question - not sure about the second one (why is she still going to that daycare-she should move her child immediately!) Abuse is a subject that needs to be discussed. Not all who bring it up are "trolls". I appreciate these answers I think they are very helpful.
(I didn't sign in - not because Im a troll - im just in a hurry )

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Your child's safety IS your responsibilty--if you have ANY reason to believe their is sexual abuse you need to take him/her to a doctor. Nothing more needs to be said-just do it. Noone needs to know you went-if there is signs, your doctor will call authorities for you. THEN YOU TAKE ACTION w/ them-and get this monster out of care. YOU are the child's mother-he/she LOOKS UP TO YOU for help. I sure hope this is just a stage your child is going through.
GOOD LUCK

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i have been going through the same thing. when i talk to family they say i'm over reacting and that there is nothing wrong with my son. but there has been times when his stool has been runny, and it smelled like sperm to me. he has anal fissures, but everyone says its from the acid in his stool.

my son is in a church based daycare, but i guess that doesn't mean much nowadays. all the employees act really strange like they are hiding something. and at one time i thought they weren't feeding him correctly.

i feel like there is nothing i can do because who's going to believe me. my own family tells me that i'm over reacting.

so you are not alone, i've been going crazy doing research on possible illnesses, taking him to the doctor, and trying not to punch out the workers at the daycare.

but, i don't know what to do. this daycare has been around for thirty years. look how long it took for people to catch those priests.

i felt alone until i read your post.

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Please get both of these children to a hospital or doctor right away.

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I'm happy to hear this is probably trolls. I was seriously disturbed by this thread.

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I'm new to forums -- how can you tell if it's a troll (which, I take it, is just someone out to annoy people online, right?)?

Also, does anyone know of some good websites that describe the signs to look for in infant/toddler sexual abuse? I once watched a child that was exhibiting "questionable" behaviour, but thought it may be completely innocent. Two other moms who had watched this child on a casual basis also noticed the behaviour and were concerned about it. Nothing came of it, but it would be nice to know the signs in case it came up again.

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Usually they are unregistered and making emotionally charged claims...the sort of stuff that would get us going. When that didn't work, add a few unregistered responses to get the conversation going.

In this case...there were several immediate responses that were all unregistered with the final one being completely over the top. Who smells seman in thier kids diaper and doesn't immediately to the doctor and the police, but instead keeps sending the child back.

If it sounds totally crazy, it probably is. Isn't it sad that people don't have anything better to do with their time?

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You need to take your child to the doctor, and take him out of that day care. I know some people act differently in uncharted territory, and you probably just want help and advice, but if it were me, and my family said i was over reacting, i'd take him to the doctor anyways. This isn't a funny subject, it happens alot, and is a serious problem. I think, for the sake of your child, you'd take him immediately. if there isnt anything wrong, and he just has a little hiccup of a health problem with his stool, then no one needs to know. but its better be make sure then be sorry.. and do you want them doing that to other kids?

Also, if they arent feeding your kid right, wouldnt you take him out of that daycare regardless? this just doesnt make sense to me.. /:
Call the doctor if you're real. if not, its very immature, upsetting, and disturbing you'd post something like this.

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I have a yr and a half yr old daughter her father was arrested for sexually molesting his cousin and had been having our daughter overnights. She never adjusted to him she will fight me changing her clothes and diaper she has an extreme attachment to me to where i cant leave her. She has night terrors and seems miserable all the time she can be happy playing then break down over nothing. Im afraid that maybe something has happened to her and would like to know what professionals or anyone thinks should be done

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Do not allow your daughter to go anywhere with him. If he calls the police, so be it.

File a custody petition immediately, and tell them what you see. Keep a diary. If he has a record of molesting children (especially family members), no judge will agree to your daughter staying overnight with him.

Take her to the doctor. They can examine her to see if any evidence of her being molested is present.

Do these things now.

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My 2 year old toddler said to me last week "don't hurt my pee pee" I was shocked and could not believe that she said this. Also in the past few weeks she has been complaining that her pee pee hurts. Tonight after my boy friend left she said that Aaaaa bites her pull up and when I asked her if he ever put his hand down her pullup she showed me by putting her hand down there. Earlier tonight when he was here I was sitting in the chair and he and her were on the couch - wrestling as he always does with her. I have been feeling increasingly uncomfortable with their wrestling/play. At one point tonight she was under a blanket and his hands were under the blanket but I could not confirm that he was trying to touch her. Something is wrong and I am just not sure what is going on. Perhaps it's nothing but my gut is uncomfortable with him and would like some advice. Other things I have noticed include he is always saying to her...you can't do it...you're not doing it right...I stopped him from saying to her...you can't listen. He also is insisting that I discipline her by saying things like she should not be telling me no or aren't you going to do something she she refuses to eat her food and talks back when she does not get her way. I feel me punishing her is forming an alliance between him and her and I won't be encouraging it. Any advice?

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Charlotte - you are not qualified to determine whether your child has been molested or not. Asking her leading questions (such as asking her if he ever put his hand down her pull up) could just confuse her so please don't.

If you think your boyfriend is abusing her why do you allow him around her for another second??? Why haven't you had her in to see a doctor????

I have two kids, divorced their father and had to re-enter the dating scene for a time. I will NEVER understand the thought process some women have when they allow their children to be around a man that makes them uncomfortable, or who's actions with the children seem off.

You're her MOTHER. Tell the guy he's out and get her in to a hospital for a forensic evaluation TODAY.

It is YOUR JOB to PROTECT YOUR CHILD.

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Today you call your hotline and ask for advise. I would then call your dr and tell them and ask to be seen today If they can not get her in call and go into your health dept.

first step is to see it they see any signs. 2nd step is break off the relationship until it can be proven nothing has happened. Then in the future no man should be under the covers with your dd . no one should bite a childs pull up If he has not crossed the line he is showing all the signs of setting the stage.


Let me put it this way. If you let him be around your child and it is happening you can be charged also .You are suspicious so you could be suspected of knowing it was happening. They could take her away from you until it is proven you did not know anything.

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Thanks for the advice. I have scheduled a dr. appointment for her tomorrow and I have not seen him or will we be around him again until I am satisfied that nothing happened. In addition, if nothing has happened I still want to have a heart to heart with him to discuss my suspicions and concerns.

I really appreciate the advice and it did give me some courage to investigate this further.

Thanks Cherylgirl

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My problem has to do similarly with the previous posts, the night before yesterday i got home extremely tired I am a fulltime student and go to school from ten am to seven everyday and what worse that day I was up and about since about seven in the morning, I know that to many of you that might not be so hard but when I hardly get any sleep. Cut to the chase. Monday night I fell asleep and left my son with his father we've been together for two years marriage and five years together period. So he was taking care of him while I was asleep; to be honest I knocked out. The next day my son he is a year and four months, to be honest he woke up in a very I guess irritable mood he wouldn't really be himself he was just kind of there and well his dad changed his diaper and his little butthole was very irritated, we live in a very small trailer home its and rv and well I was in the room and he was changing him in the living room which is in plain view from the bedroom area, from ther I could see he was very irritated and I told my husband and he just kind of blew it off when he usually asks for the desitin creamm to put on him but he blew me off. So the day went on and well my son didn't really eat, he usually wants to eat everything he sees you eating but he didn't want to eat at all not even his bottle. I know that when he is in the middle of a growth sprout he usually won't eat but I don't know if I'm panicking or what but, im scared that all the factors put together point at something way worse. My mother took him to a lady that used to be a nurse and she said there may be signs of him being molested but my mom doesn't like my husband and I'm worried that she's making it up in a way, also my husband was in prison and now he is on probation and well I'm scared to take my son to the doctor and just get him in trouble for an overeaction to a diaper rash:/ I mean I love my son and I don't want anything to happen to him but what can I do? How am I supposed to react? Please help me I don't know what I am supposed to do in a way I'm scared for my husband but mostly I'm worried about my sons wellbeing. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!

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All you have to do is ask yourself who do you love more you daughter or your bf? Personally if I had any small suspicion that he was doing that I would dump him. I would also remind him that she is YOUR daughter (I am assuming he is not her bio father) and YOU will be the one in charge of her discipline and if he doesn't like it he can take a hike! My cousin tells all her bfs straight up from the beginning that her son has a dad and that even if things did get serious between them that they are not responsible for punishing her son (other then minor guidance when it comes to safety).

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I recently put my son in a daycare center. Its a center for 16 month olds up to kindnergaten. The center staff are working with potty training the childen. Well my 2 year old doesn't want me to change his poopy pullups, he doesn't want me to wash him up. He complains when I try to change him,telling me no and stop. He fights when I try to change his clothes. I talked to the childcare centers staff that care for him but they said they haven't noticed any difference, he's fine with them changeing him. ( but I mean really they could just be wolves in sheeps clothing)I took him to his pediatrician yestersay and she told me to take him out of there. She did a check up but she said that there wouldn't really be anything that they would find if he was being abused. But she told me to tqake him out of there. She also said I could take him to childrens hospital; they would take photo's do an examination, and send child protection services and the police to the childcare center. They would then conduct a lengthy investigation that may not lead to anything because the toddlers in the room do not talk well enough to explain what go's on there. I feel bad because my child got to know the other children there and I liked the facility, but I couldn't overlook the change in my sons behavior.

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If your child's doctor suspects abuse from the provider then your doctor is the one who needs to report it. Doctors are mandated reporters which means they are obligated by law to report suspected child abuse and neglect (physical, sexual, emotional, medical, etc.). It's not right for them to put it off and place the responsibility on the childrens hospital.

With that said, you have to do what you feel is right. If your intuition is telling you that your child is being abused, then you should go with that. It doesn't matter if it's happening or not, IMHO.

I don't know if your child is being abused by the childcare provider, but keeping your child there until you're for sure doesn't seem like the right answer. KWIM?

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Take your child to his doctor IMMEDIATELY. tell them what you suspect and ask for a thorough exam.

If you do not trust your provider, then do not take your child back. Take a leave of absence from work or bring in a trusted family member or friend who can provide care in your home until this is resolved.

With that said, constipation, a change in diet, developmental changes and other factors could all be responsible for your son's new aversion to diapering. Constipation could cause rectal or anal bleeding and tearing, and only a medical professional can help determine if that is the cause or if there is reason for suspicion.

At the heart of it though, you must protect your child no matter what. If I ever even suspected my child was being hurt at a daycare, I would remove him first and ask questions later. Never take your child somewhere you are not comfortable with! There may be nothing bad happening to your son, and I dearly hope that is the case, but your fear and suspicion should not be dismissed.

If your child's doctor feels there is cause for concern, immediately report it to the police and licensing agency and let them do their job. Take pictures if necessary of your child's bottom and document everything you can remember.

If, however, you discover there has been no foul play, consider finding a trusted person you have known a long time to care for your child going forward, which may help ease your fears. Also consider seeing a professional to see if there is a healthy way for you to deal with your anxiety so you don't feel consumed or ruled by it. That is of course if it turns out nothing is amiss.

But please never hesitate or dismiss your instincts as a mom! Always have your child checked at his pediatrician ANY time you are unsure.

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Well I don't know what to do. My son is 3 months old almost 4 months old. His father has a past of sexually abusing children about 4 years ago. He was a daycare worker at his church and abused three children a 4 year old girl, a 7 year old girl, and an 18 month old baby boy. He says that he has changed his ways and his record was expunged. he claims that since he got saved he won't ever do that again but recently my son absolutely hates him. My son loves everyone, he is usually the happiest baby in the world and now almost 4 months old I have never heard him really scream until recently. It is only with his father. His father has visits twice a week and they are in our home, and loosely supervised because we didn't think that he would dare do anything in our home. But the last 3 visits my son screams his head off as soon as he sees his father. There seems to be no physical signs but it doesn't make sense I have never seen my son act like this. as soon as he is in my arms he instantly stops crying and starts this talk as if he is trying to tell me something, but the instant I hand him back to his father he is livid, and its been consistent every visit as off a couple weeks ago. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to find out if anything is going on. I don't think there is any physical signs that I can see, and I don't even know how he would do anything in our home. I don't know what to do, or if there is any way I could expose him if he were doing something, I don't want this to keep on going on and I want to stop this as soon as possible. any ideas please?

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https://www.acep.org/Clinical---Prac...al-Abuse-Exam/

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Parents, moms, please. If you are having anyone in your life who has been accused of abuse, or has admitted abusing a child, get away. Do not believe them that they have changed. Most sexual abusers do not stop !! Ask someone you trust to let you stay on the couch or something until you can find shelter for your child and yourself ! Report any suspicions to someone and keep your child safe !! Your child/ children should be your FIRST responsibility ! If someone strikes you or your child, get them out of your home/ get out of their home immediately ! You need to keep your children safe!!

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This is an old thread, but that can't be said often enough, especially the bolded part. In the majority of cases, it's who they are.

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My newborn son was taking away from me he is a month old. He currently in a foster home, I have no idea how many kids are in the home what the age range is, or if there is a foster father. I have yet to meet the foster mother, I will be meeting her Monday at the doctors. My biggest fear is that he will get sexually abused, him not being able to talk will make him easy target. The last 2 times I have seen him/ changed him his button has been red looks like diaper rash. I just have this God awful feeling, last Saturday he went to hospital due to diarrhea. I don't know what to do. When I go to doctors Monday I will make damn sure I ask, but am scared doctor won't be able to tell just by looking good like so many other cases physicians are unable to tell. I don't know what to I'm freaking out! I feel so helpless, I don't know what I would do if I found out....help me please. I don't know who to turn to or what to do.

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Why was he removed from your care? Why the concern so specifically about sexual abuse?

Parents are more likely to abuse a child than a caregiver. I was a foster parent for years, and there are background checks and invasive home visits.

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I know this thread is 13 years old now, but I recently just had a pretty big scare. My mother suspected my partner was being inappropriate with our little one, her having walked in with his hands down her diaper one day. And there was an ongoing investigation but after a polygraph test confirmed he did nothing for sexual pleasure, my mother still thinks it was curiosity? I have absolutely no one to talk to about this, but I keep convincing myself that she is doing things that would make me think he had been doing something. For instance she always violently shakes whenever I pick her up to feed her at night. And now changing her she clenches her legs closed. Little things that make me overthink. (She is 7 months)

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If you suspect, report. It is not your to investigate. Make an appointment with her ped, voice your concerns allow them to do their job.

Polygraph has been ruled inconclusive since before I was born.

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What did he SAY he was doing?
I mean, that's not really how you would check to see if a diaper was soiled. I can't imagine why anyone would WANT to do that.

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I have a 5 week old newborn daughter. Her father and I have been in an on and off relationship. About 2 weeks ago he came to visit her and because him and I were broken up at the time I didn’t want to spend time with him, so I left him alone with our daughter for a few hours. He was with her in the room and I was still in the household, I would come in to check in from time to time. The door was always unlocked. The day after he left I noticed a pubic hair on her baby lounger (DockATot). I know for a fact it wasn’t mine, because I shave, and the only explanation I can think of was him and I had sexual relations (the week beforehand, no sex) ) and it could’ve been his left over hair from that incident. Yesterday he came over again and he watched her while I went to go grocery shopping. I called him while I was gone and he didn’t answer. He called back 2 minutes later. When I came back he was laying with her in bed, fully clothed but then he made a joke and put her pacifier on top of her vagina (over clothes) and said look she’s a boy. The joke being the pacifier was her penis. Another thing I noticed she was overly fussy when I got home. It could be because he only comes once or twice a week and she doesn’t know him. I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because he’s a loving father to his other children he has from a previous relationship. I’ve never suspected of him until now, I don’t know if it’s because I’m still postpartum and because I myself was sexually abused as a child that now that I’m a mom I am overly paranoid about someone hurting my child. I would really appreciate some advice please and if these are valid reasons to suspect?

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In my opinion you should not him be alone with her ever again and get a camera monitor that records his time with her. Be sure, don’t guess, and trust your instincts.

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