I watch my friends' 2 children 2 days a week. It's been great, but I finally had an interview today for a full time spot that will give me more money for one child than what I get for their 2 kids combined. And honestly, this child will fit in much better with my group. I offered the full time position to my friends a month ago when the spots opened up, and they politely declined saying they didn't want to fire their other care provider, but loved me and wanted to stay with me too. I did tell them that I would be interviewing and if a full timer came along, that I would have to let them go to make room. They understood. So why am I having such a hard time writing the term letter? I feel weird just handing them a letter saying it's over because we are so close. So should I give them a phone call before I hand over the letter? Should I just give them the letter and tell them to call me if they have questions? I can't talk to them at pick-up or drop-off because their children make it hard to talk, if you know what I mean. It's just too hectic. Any other family, this would be no problem for me, but it's just hard because it's so personal. Any experience with this?

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I would call and let them know you have filled your full time slot and no longer will be able to watch their children. Being friends, I feel they would be hurt to be handed a term letter w/o discussion. It isn't something out of the blue, you offered them the spot, they said no, so they should understand this is coming. Hope it goes good for you, terming is always hard.

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Maybe call them and say that you have found a full time family like you had anticipated. Ask them if they are sure they don't want the spot. If not, you will give it to the new people. In other words, give them one more chance to take it. Maybe it will easier to put it that way.

Like "Are you sure you don't want it before I give it to someone else?"

Laurel

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I would call them and let them know I’ve signed on a full-time client. Thank them for trusting you to take care of their littles.

I would not re-offer them the spot considering you feel the incoming child is a better fit for your program. At drop-off I’ve give them the official term letter like you would your other clients. It’s still business.

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No need for a letter. Just call her and tell her you have good news... you filled the slot with a full timer and when the new one starts. Be as polite as she was when she declined your offer to have them go full time. It wasn't personal when she said no. It's not personal when you say you have the fortune of finding a better deal.

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Thanks everyone. Even though I already knew it, I needed to hear that I wasn't being a bad friend for doing this. Now to put my big girl pants on and make the call...the worst that can happen is that she will be upset. But at least since i already told her i was interviewing and by giving her a phone call, she can't say she was blindsided. She also will get a whole month notice, so that's not a bad deal either, right?

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It did not go well. I totally flaked when I called the mom tonight and offered her to consider the full time spot again. What??! I don't even know how that came out of my mouth! I thought about it a lot and decided it was best to take this other family, but when she started to sound upset I immediately started to feel bad and back tracked. She said she would think about it and get back to me. Now she's in the control seat and I'm feeling pretty stupid.

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Maybe she'll try to wheel and deal again, and you can get firm then.
Sometimes I have to set my words in my head, almost to the exact word.
Practice When you want to speak, just STOP. Think. THEN speak.
I know, I'm not good at delivering the tough stuff either, but I've gotten much better lately

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I have also written things down and just read them to start. Then, when the back and forth starts after the initial things I want to say, I'm fine.

Laurel

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I'd just sit down and talk to her in person then also give a letter for formalities. You never know when a friend becomes not your friend over stuff like this. (Then you sorta know their true motives, anyway)

Oops saw your update.
I would call her back and say "You know, actually I had a few minutes to think about things, and I already had offered the spot to *new family* based on our previous conversation. I am sorry that I can't offer the FT spot after all. I hope you understand"

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Well, I decided to email her this morning and let her know I thought it about it more and needed to take the full time for both of our benefit. Honestly, it really is a benefit for her too because her other care provider is a family member and she felt like firing her would be upsetting to the provider which is why she didn't want to take my full time spot to begin with. This way, the kids are in a consistent environment throughout the week and they don't have to up and switch rules and caregivers every other day. I really think it is win-win and I don't think I presented rudely- at least I tried not to. I STILL have not heard back from mom. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt, and thinking that she just did not read it yet, but that is unlikely considering I sent a text also letting her know I emailed her so as not to bother her with a phone call while at work. As it is, she told me on the phone last night she would call me today and "today" is coming to end quickly. I *think* I'm supposed to watch the kids tomorrow but that too is unclear. DH thinks I should give her a call, but I don't want to seem desperate or annoying at this point as I have already, texted, emailed, and she knows I'm expecting a phone call from her. I just wish that this didn't have to turn awkward.

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