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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Sending a Kid Home For Playing "Guns"
LovetheSun 06:16 PM 08-04-2015
Hello Everyone!
We have a little one who has been building "guns and weapons" from anything possible such as makers caps, Legos, play kitchen items... And then pretends to shoot all his friends.
We don't tolerate guns games or flight even ninjas.
We have been very strict, and took away the toys away everytime but he continuing and it seems to get worse.
The youngest ones are now trying to. I am thinking to let the parents know that he will need to go home for the day if that happens again (the shooting everyone and using bad language) as I believe it must be something from home (inappropriate video games or shows).
What do you guys think? Is that too much?
We have a little one who has been building "guns and weapons" from anything possible such as makers caps, Legos, play kitchen items... And then pretends to shoot all his friends.
We don't tolerate guns games or flight even ninjas.
We have been very strict, and took away the toys away everytime but he continuing and it seems to get worse.
The youngest ones are now trying to. I am thinking to let the parents know that he will need to go home for the day if that happens again (the shooting everyone and using bad language) as I believe it must be something from home (inappropriate video games or shows).
What do you guys think? Is that too much?
permanentvacation 07:24 PM 08-04-2015
If it is something that is against your rules and you have tried over and over again to get the child to stop, then I believe you have the right to send him home for it. I think you should give the parents a verbal warning of you needing to send him home the next time he does that. Actually, you might want to have a written warning with the parents signing the fact that he is behaving in a manner that is unacceptable and that the next time he will be sent home. That way, you have written proof that you have discussed the problem with the parents.
LovetheSun 07:52 PM 08-04-2015
It been a few weeks that he is doing this. And it is becoming worse. we talk about it a lot with the parents.
The sign paper is a very good idea, I will give them a print out warming then.
I feel bad but I think I need to stop it now... been curious about fights/ and more aggressive pretend play is ok at this age (4) but he is really unaware that is not a positive behavior and is doing it so much that he has to spend time away from everyone.
The sign paper is a very good idea, I will give them a print out warming then.
I feel bad but I think I need to stop it now... been curious about fights/ and more aggressive pretend play is ok at this age (4) but he is really unaware that is not a positive behavior and is doing it so much that he has to spend time away from everyone.
CalCare 10:22 PM 08-04-2015
Where I have worked, and and my son, pretend weapon play has been allowed if the child playing it asks the other child if they want to play (no pretend weaponing someone who says 'no'). Also you weapons are never provided but the children are free to create their own (and they do- out of any and everything). It is normal, age appropriate and to be expected. In another place I worked, it was not allowed- that was a pita. I prefer the allowed. http://boysalive.com/aggression-viol...he-difference/
This is a link to a very short but interesting take on it. I really like Michael Gurian who is brought up in the article. I think we really need to consider our view on boys and what we expect (demand) of them and what is in their nature. Good luck
This is a link to a very short but interesting take on it. I really like Michael Gurian who is brought up in the article. I think we really need to consider our view on boys and what we expect (demand) of them and what is in their nature. Good luck
Josiegirl 03:27 AM 08-05-2015
I don't encourage but I don't make a big issue of it either. The more of on issue you make of it, the worse it'll become. They'll create guns out of everything and anything. If they're in the mood to shoot, have them shoot bears out the window. Never let them point at each other.
I think I'd be more upset about the bad language, to be honest.
That's just me though. I hate guns, I hate hunting. If it's bugging you, try more redirection. Take away all the toys they're using as guns until it slows down a little.
I grew up in a non-hunting, non-gun owning family but I pretended cowboys and Indians all the time with my brother. I've never touched a real gun, nor do I want to. I'm not a violent person.
I think we've all tried to become over-the-top politically correct and sometimes it's draining to keep up with our beliefs. Maybe we need to do some modifying somewhere along the line. I'm certainly not saying you should if that's a strong belief of yours. I was just thinking...when I said Cowboys and Indians, that's probably not even PC these days.
I think violence comes more from media these days, what has become allowed for children to watch, rather than pretend play. Our kids(and adults) have become desensitized from day 1, watching and listening to, everything around them.
But that's just me. I could be wrong.
I think I'd be more upset about the bad language, to be honest.
That's just me though. I hate guns, I hate hunting. If it's bugging you, try more redirection. Take away all the toys they're using as guns until it slows down a little.
I grew up in a non-hunting, non-gun owning family but I pretended cowboys and Indians all the time with my brother. I've never touched a real gun, nor do I want to. I'm not a violent person.
I think we've all tried to become over-the-top politically correct and sometimes it's draining to keep up with our beliefs. Maybe we need to do some modifying somewhere along the line. I'm certainly not saying you should if that's a strong belief of yours. I was just thinking...when I said Cowboys and Indians, that's probably not even PC these days.
I think violence comes more from media these days, what has become allowed for children to watch, rather than pretend play. Our kids(and adults) have become desensitized from day 1, watching and listening to, everything around them.
But that's just me.
I could be wrong.
Blackcat31 05:26 AM 08-05-2015
If this is something you do not allow in your program then yes, you need to let the parents be the one to take responsibility where they can.
Depending on the age of the child they may or may not have any success. If they child is old enough the parents can definitely discuss with him when things are appropriate and when they are not.
If he is too young for a discussion they can certainly limit what their child is exposed to as far as TV/Video games but because gun play and the eternal struggle between good and evil is embedded into most boys' DNA, it doesn't necessarily mean that it comes from home.
The child can hear/see something ANYWHERE and act it out or add to it. Pointing the finger towards home is only part of it.
The child care also has an obligation in my opinion to have a consequence for the behavior as well and to implement a plan of action for any behavior that is unwanted before immediately calling a parent and sending them home.
As a parent, Id want to know what steps the program takes before resorting to sending the child home.
I personally DO allow gun play (with rules and guidelines) but when things happen at daycare because of something I believe started or is rooted in the child's home life, I prefer to have a partnership and plan of action with the parents so we are both working towards a common goal.
Depending on the age of the child they may or may not have any success. If they child is old enough the parents can definitely discuss with him when things are appropriate and when they are not.
If he is too young for a discussion they can certainly limit what their child is exposed to as far as TV/Video games but because gun play and the eternal struggle between good and evil is embedded into most boys' DNA, it doesn't necessarily mean that it comes from home.
The child can hear/see something ANYWHERE and act it out or add to it. Pointing the finger towards home is only part of it.
The child care also has an obligation in my opinion to have a consequence for the behavior as well and to implement a plan of action for any behavior that is unwanted before immediately calling a parent and sending them home.
As a parent, Id want to know what steps the program takes before resorting to sending the child home.
I personally DO allow gun play (with rules and guidelines) but when things happen at daycare because of something I believe started or is rooted in the child's home life, I prefer to have a partnership and plan of action with the parents so we are both working towards a common goal.
kendallina 05:32 AM 08-05-2015
Originally Posted by CalCare:
Where I have worked, and and my son, pretend weapon play has been allowed if the child playing it asks the other child if they want to play (no pretend weaponing someone who says 'no'). Also you weapons are never provided but the children are free to create their own (and they do- out of any and everything). It is normal, age appropriate and to be expected. In another place I worked, it was not allowed- that was a pita. I prefer the allowed. http://boysalive.com/aggression-viol...he-difference/
This is a link to a very short but interesting take on it. I really like Michael Gurian who is brought up in the article. I think we really need to consider our view on boys and what we expect (demand) of them and what is in their nature. Good luck
This is how I handle it as well. It's very difficult to not allow any gun play with this age group. It's age appropriate. When I have worked places that don't allow it, I felt like the kids tried to play it more. So, I don't know if you can print out the article for your director/co-teachers to read and see if there is a possibility of a rule change??Where I have worked, and and my son, pretend weapon play has been allowed if the child playing it asks the other child if they want to play (no pretend weaponing someone who says 'no'). Also you weapons are never provided but the children are free to create their own (and they do- out of any and everything). It is normal, age appropriate and to be expected. In another place I worked, it was not allowed- that was a pita. I prefer the allowed. http://boysalive.com/aggression-viol...he-difference/
This is a link to a very short but interesting take on it. I really like Michael Gurian who is brought up in the article. I think we really need to consider our view on boys and what we expect (demand) of them and what is in their nature. Good luck
AmyKidsCo 12:22 PM 08-05-2015
Originally Posted by kendallina:
This is how I handle it as well. It's very difficult to not allow any gun play with this age group. It's age appropriate. When I have worked places that don't allow it, I felt like the kids tried to play it more. So, I don't know if you can print out the article for your director/co-teachers to read and see if there is a possibility of a rule change??
ITA that gun play/power play is normal and developmentally appropriate for children. Not to mention that having a No Guns rule encourages children to lie and be sneaky more than it keeps them from playing this way.This is how I handle it as well. It's very difficult to not allow any gun play with this age group. It's age appropriate. When I have worked places that don't allow it, I felt like the kids tried to play it more. So, I don't know if you can print out the article for your director/co-teachers to read and see if there is a possibility of a rule change??
Heather Schumaker has a great chapter about it in her book "It's OK Not to Share and Other Renegade Rules for Raising Caring and Compassionate Children."
Thriftylady 02:51 PM 08-05-2015
I have a no gun play policy, only because of all the horror stories that I have heard about young children getting in huge trouble and kicked out of school for something as little as a finger gun, one ate a sandwich into the shape of a gun... The list goes on and on. So my policy is an effort to help prepare them for what they need to do at school when they leave here.
Unregistered 03:44 PM 08-05-2015
Those who allow gun play can u explain some rule to go with it right now I do not allow but not too strict on itI have two familys that dont like it dont allow it but also have some who do allow it even one parent kinda obsess with guns.years ago I had nerf guns with the velcro sheild kids only played twice (I put them up and forgot out them) they loved it I wanted to bring out again.
Blackcat31 05:27 PM 08-05-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Those who allow gun play can u explain some rule to go with it right now I do not allow but not too strict on itI have two familys that dont like it dont allow it but also have some who do allow it even one parent kinda obsess with guns.years ago I had nerf guns with the velcro sheild kids only played twice (I put them up and forgot out them) they loved it I wanted to bring out again.
No shooting people.Those who allow gun play can u explain some rule to go with it right now I do not allow but not too strict on itI have two familys that dont like it dont allow it but also have some who do allow it even one parent kinda obsess with guns.years ago I had nerf guns with the velcro sheild kids only played twice (I put them up and forgot out them) they loved it I wanted to bring out again.
(Although I have in the past over looked a couple epic battles over enemies crossing the moat and a stronghold at the castle door.
)Basically my rules are no extremely aggressive violence and to make sure we always talk about safety (in a variety of areas) and I consider what type of "play" is and isnt okay depending on developmental ages and maturity levels
A re-enactment of Grand Theft Auto by my 3 yr olds is NOT ok.
A re-enactment of George Washington/Battle of Trenton by my 5 yr olds is ok.
Every year my group is different so every year my rules vary with the exception to the extreme/unnecessary violence. That is always steadfast.
LovetheSun 11:34 PM 08-05-2015
Thank you all for your replies.
He is 4 and the big issue is that is a all day thing. He is constantly building weapons and pretending to hurt his friends (he will say " I am going to hurt you"). The other boys (and girls) are able to superheroes while respecting the rules (no pretend hurting or weapons). He doesn't seem aware that is not a normal behavior and that it should only be for pretend play.
Is interesting to see everyones policies, and I am wondering if I am too strict with this policy and the no violence/aggressive play. I will stick with the no weapons because majority of the parents attending are against guns (so am I) but I like the idea of allowing "good guy/bad guy play" (with no pretend weapons).
He is 4 and the big issue is that is a all day thing. He is constantly building weapons and pretending to hurt his friends (he will say " I am going to hurt you"). The other boys (and girls) are able to superheroes while respecting the rules (no pretend hurting or weapons). He doesn't seem aware that is not a normal behavior and that it should only be for pretend play.
Is interesting to see everyones policies, and I am wondering if I am too strict with this policy and the no violence/aggressive play. I will stick with the no weapons because majority of the parents attending are against guns (so am I) but I like the idea of allowing "good guy/bad guy play" (with no pretend weapons).
LovetheSun 11:35 PM 08-05-2015
Originally Posted by CalCare:
Where I have worked, and and my son, pretend weapon play has been allowed if the child playing it asks the other child if they want to play (no pretend weaponing someone who says 'no'). Also you weapons are never provided but the children are free to create their own (and they do- out of any and everything). It is normal, age appropriate and to be expected. In another place I worked, it was not allowed- that was a pita. I prefer the allowed. http://boysalive.com/aggression-viol...he-difference/
This is a link to a very short but interesting take on it. I really like Michael Gurian who is brought up in the article. I think we really need to consider our view on boys and what we expect (demand) of them and what is in their nature. Good luck
This link was very interesting to read and I will share it with some of the parents attending. Thank youWhere I have worked, and and my son, pretend weapon play has been allowed if the child playing it asks the other child if they want to play (no pretend weaponing someone who says 'no'). Also you weapons are never provided but the children are free to create their own (and they do- out of any and everything). It is normal, age appropriate and to be expected. In another place I worked, it was not allowed- that was a pita. I prefer the allowed. http://boysalive.com/aggression-viol...he-difference/
This is a link to a very short but interesting take on it. I really like Michael Gurian who is brought up in the article. I think we really need to consider our view on boys and what we expect (demand) of them and what is in their nature. Good luck
CalCare 07:43 PM 08-06-2015
I wanted to add that if you have a chance to watch Michael Gurian youtube lectures, they are very insightful. I was always "no guns, no rough stuff, no wrestling, no, no, no", but I have shifted. Especially having two boys of my own now, I don't want them to feel like I disapprove of their innate urge to rumble because that's just part of them and how can I tell them part of them is just bad/unacceptable.
And I have to really wonder how CAN they play good guys v bad guys without weapons (as mentioned above)? What would they do? There's chasing, grabbing and putting in jail I guess, but then the grabbing and man-handling to jail would probably result in the adult's disapproval too (I'd probably be going "Gentle, Gentle!). They can't talk crap to the bad guys 'cause I'm sure the adults won't approve of that! So, really what is left for them to do?
Recently my sons were tying up a stuffed animal and hitting it. I felt that was pretty disturbing! I wasn't sure if I agreed with it or not. It was just a stuffed animal. They were playing together and making plans and having fun. I told them I didn't like them doing that to Moosey. They stopped. Not sure where I stand on some of these!
And I have to really wonder how CAN they play good guys v bad guys without weapons (as mentioned above)? What would they do? There's chasing, grabbing and putting in jail I guess, but then the grabbing and man-handling to jail would probably result in the adult's disapproval too (I'd probably be going "Gentle, Gentle!). They can't talk crap to the bad guys 'cause I'm sure the adults won't approve of that! So, really what is left for them to do?
Recently my sons were tying up a stuffed animal and hitting it. I felt that was pretty disturbing! I wasn't sure if I agreed with it or not. It was just a stuffed animal. They were playing together and making plans and having fun. I told them I didn't like them doing that to Moosey. They stopped. Not sure where I stand on some of these!
Blackcat31 07:08 AM 08-07-2015
Originally Posted by CalCare:
I wanted to add that if you have a chance to watch Michael Gurian youtube lectures, they are very insightful. I was always "no guns, no rough stuff, no wrestling, no, no, no", but I have shifted. Especially having two boys of my own now, I don't want them to feel like I disapprove of their innate urge to rumble because that's just part of them and how can I tell them part of them is just bad/unacceptable.
And I have to really wonder how CAN they play good guys v bad guys without weapons (as mentioned above)? What would they do? There's chasing, grabbing and putting in jail I guess, but then the grabbing and man-handling to jail would probably result in the adult's disapproval too (I'd probably be going "Gentle, Gentle!). They can't talk crap to the bad guys 'cause I'm sure the adults won't approve of that! So, really what is left for them to do?
Recently my sons were tying up a stuffed animal and hitting it. I felt that was pretty disturbing! I wasn't sure if I agreed with it or not. It was just a stuffed animal. They were playing together and making plans and having fun. I told them I didn't like them doing that to Moosey. They stopped. Not sure where I stand on some of these!
Yes! The lines are often very blurry and the best I can do is know my kids and their developmental stages/ages. I wanted to add that if you have a chance to watch Michael Gurian youtube lectures, they are very insightful. I was always "no guns, no rough stuff, no wrestling, no, no, no", but I have shifted. Especially having two boys of my own now, I don't want them to feel like I disapprove of their innate urge to rumble because that's just part of them and how can I tell them part of them is just bad/unacceptable.
And I have to really wonder how CAN they play good guys v bad guys without weapons (as mentioned above)? What would they do? There's chasing, grabbing and putting in jail I guess, but then the grabbing and man-handling to jail would probably result in the adult's disapproval too (I'd probably be going "Gentle, Gentle!). They can't talk crap to the bad guys 'cause I'm sure the adults won't approve of that! So, really what is left for them to do?
Recently my sons were tying up a stuffed animal and hitting it. I felt that was pretty disturbing! I wasn't sure if I agreed with it or not. It was just a stuffed animal. They were playing together and making plans and having fun. I told them I didn't like them doing that to Moosey. They stopped. Not sure where I stand on some of these!
Some things are ok by some kids and some things would not be okay...it all really depends on the group dynamics and the overall tone of the play.
Tying up "Moosey" the loveable cuddly stuffed animal "friend to all" and beating him senseless for no apparent reason would concern me.
Tying up "Moosey" (in an Oscar award winning performance as "Moose the giant man eating monster) because he has been terrorizing the village for days now and has finally been captured thus leaving the villagers safe to sleep and spend time outdoors is acceptable.
Every situation is different and with each situation comes a lot of discussion too so gun play/good guy-bad guy play is handled on a case by case basis.
There really is no other way as I feel VERY strongly that a better teaching tool is education with limits verses eradication all together.
There is NO lesson in simply banning ALL of that type of play.
MrsSteinel'sHouse 09:59 AM 08-07-2015
Originally Posted by LovetheSun:
Thank you all for your replies.
He is 4 and the big issue is that is a all day thing. He is constantly building weapons and pretending to hurt his friends (he will say " I am going to hurt you"). The other boys (and girls) are able to superheroes while respecting the rules (no pretend hurting or weapons). He doesn't seem aware that is not a normal behavior and that it should only be for pretend play.
Is interesting to see everyones policies, and I am wondering if I am too strict with this policy and the no violence/aggressive play. I will stick with the no weapons because majority of the parents attending are against guns (so am I) but I like the idea of allowing "good guy/bad guy play" (with no pretend weapons).
ok so if kidlet built a a super sonic bubble blowing machine that paralyzes bad guys is that a weapon?? See I can see all kids of senerios that my kids could come up with to "get around" the no weapons rule. Is a dart gun used by the zoo keeper a weapon? oh I have smart kids... Thank you all for your replies.
He is 4 and the big issue is that is a all day thing. He is constantly building weapons and pretending to hurt his friends (he will say " I am going to hurt you"). The other boys (and girls) are able to superheroes while respecting the rules (no pretend hurting or weapons). He doesn't seem aware that is not a normal behavior and that it should only be for pretend play.
Is interesting to see everyones policies, and I am wondering if I am too strict with this policy and the no violence/aggressive play. I will stick with the no weapons because majority of the parents attending are against guns (so am I) but I like the idea of allowing "good guy/bad guy play" (with no pretend weapons).
My son would have looked at you and said that the gun is not a weapon unless if you use it as such. It is an inanimate object and a pretend gun is certainly not a weapon because it really can't be used to hurt anyone. My son shoots every day (has for the past 7 years) and at no point is his gun a weapon. It is a piece of sporting equipment. The box of nerf guns I can't part with because of all of the memories of him and his friends lying in wait to "attack" me as I walked through the house and the epic nerf battles are not weapons. The supersoakers are not weapons.
What do you do with tube people that have guns or bows? Cannons? Cars that run over people? I am just curious.
I find this topic very interesting.
Oh my funny weapon/ rifle story. My son was 17 and stopped by Delta from flying with his air rifle (which by the way is not classified by TSA as a weapon and he is legal to fly with it) The lady at Delta said it looks like a weapon to me. I laughed- I had a bunch of cub scouts tell me that it looks like a nerf gun. Lets not go by what it looks like but by what it is. He did make his flight- barely. A poptart is still a poptart even in the shape that looks like a gun or several states.
Nisaryn 10:46 AM 08-07-2015
I'm a little late posting to this but, what does the father/mother do for work? I only ask this because as a military provider I find that a LOT of my boys want to "be like daddy" and want to play soldier/sailor/marine etc. I don't discourage play weapons but I DO discourage them aiming them at people and animals etc. or saying things like "I'm gonna get you!" while playing with 'weapons'. If they want to 'shoot' at pretend dragons etc. then I will allow it. It's hard to keep children who come from families where weapons are such a visible part of the job (even if they don't work directly with weapons the advertisements etc. for the military always highlights these types of positions) to not want to emulate their parents in this regard. I do spend a lot of time reiterating that weapons are NOT toys in any way and that they can hurt people or even kill them.
Shell 11:19 AM 08-07-2015
I always told my students that they could only "shoot" pretend water.
They were always creative and often I would find them shooting things other than water. I would just remind them to pretend it was a water gun or hose, and then I would walk away.
As long as no one was crying or upset, I let it continue with a few reminders.
BC, I really like your take on this issue.
They were always creative and often I would find them shooting things other than water. I would just remind them to pretend it was a water gun or hose, and then I would walk away.
As long as no one was crying or upset, I let it continue with a few reminders.
BC, I really like your take on this issue.
LovetheSun 11:41 PM 08-11-2015
Originally Posted by CalCare:
And I have to really wonder how CAN they play good guys v bad guys without weapons (as mentioned above)? What would they do? There's chasing, grabbing and putting in jail I guess, but then the grabbing and man-handling to jail would probably result in the adult's disapproval too (I'd probably be going "Gentle, Gentle!). They can't talk crap to the bad guys 'cause I'm sure the adults won't approve of that! So, really what is left for them to do?
I thought of a game where together we decided who are the "bad guys", which we pretend stoled something from the group and then they can "catch them" by taping them gently which freeze the bag guys then they have go to " jail" (an area under our climbing outdoor toy which has plenty of safe space). Then we take turns in changing up the bad/good guys. They can elaborate on how to freeze the bad guys by hiding and surprising them, doing a bicycles chase etc...And I have to really wonder how CAN they play good guys v bad guys without weapons (as mentioned above)? What would they do? There's chasing, grabbing and putting in jail I guess, but then the grabbing and man-handling to jail would probably result in the adult's disapproval too (I'd probably be going "Gentle, Gentle!). They can't talk crap to the bad guys 'cause I'm sure the adults won't approve of that! So, really what is left for them to do?