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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>I want to term my 4 years old son
TXhomedaycare 03:24 PM 06-04-2015
I started my home daycare a year ago and my son loved it at first and now he hates it and acts out daily. My son was 3 at the time and was already acting out a little since I had my second son in May 2014 and my 3 year old wants a lot of attention. I quit my real estate job last year in July and had 6 full time kids my first day. My son hits, kicks, is disrespectful, manipulative and down right terrible from 7 a - 6p. I take away privileges , spank him, have his dad take him, sign him up for activities to get him out the house and he is still a mess. We are very strict and believe in tough love but he also gets mom date time after daycare hours. I have tried everything (I am a problem solver and read a lot of resources) but think he might just be this way because he will always want attention in his home. My sister in law says I need to send him to another preschool during the day but I hate the thought of sending him away when I quit my job to be with him. He hated daycare when I was working and I would have to peel him off of me to go to work but he is always happy when he is playing with kids older than him. When he was 2 they put him I the 3 year old class and he did better and when he plays with our neighbors kids that are older he is happy and challenged. My son is the oldest child in my daycare and will be starting kindergarten next year but I have 2 other boys here that are only a few months behind him. I need to figure out how to handle him until he starts kindergarten next year. I also realize he is 4 and seems to want whatever he doesnt have. Does he need to have attention and be challanged at home or should I find somewhere to send him?
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Indoorvoice 05:15 PM 06-04-2015
My 4 year old daughter is extremely hard to manage in my daycare. I enrolled her in a half day preschool 2 times a week, and it was great for both of us. I got a little break from her and she got a break from daycare. Plus, I still get to spend the majority of the day with her. Win-win!
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childcaremom 05:21 PM 06-04-2015
I only did daycare with my oldest as part of it. He was by far the most challenging in my group.

I am back doing daycare again with my kids in school all day and it is so much easier.

I like the advice above. It may be a break that you both need. Even if you could find another home daycare with an older group? Try it out and see how he does? Play it up so it's a fun thing for him.
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Shell 06:17 PM 06-04-2015
Been there, and am sometimes there if ds doesn't get enough sleep or what have you.
I tried preschool, and pulled him out of two different programs. One was a few hours, so it was tricky doing drop off and pick up, and the other was a full day center type that was beyond expensive. In both situations, I felt like I was wasting money on programs that claimed to offer lots, but didn't deliver.

I don't know if you have this option, but I started by having Gma take ds to free library story and craft time at the ymca ($15 a month for a kid membership). Combined with gma's gym pass, ds could go to craft hour, go swimming, or run around the indoor play space. It made a difference-
He needed some "me" time where it was all about him and not the daycare kids.

If you have family/friends nearby, maybe they can take your child somewhere special 1-2 times a week? We planned a lot of ours for nap time, since ds had given up naps by 4.

Best of luck- our kids can be the hardest dc kids we get!
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Blackcat31 05:54 AM 06-05-2015
Originally Posted by TXhomedaycare:
I started my home daycare a year ago and my son loved it at first and now he hates it and acts out daily. My son was 3 at the time and was already acting out a little since I had my second son in May 2014 and my 3 year old wants a lot of attention. I quit my real estate job last year in July and had 6 full time kids my first day. My son hits, kicks, is disrespectful, manipulative and down right terrible from 7 a - 6p. I take away privileges , spank him, have his dad take him, sign him up for activities to get him out the house and he is still a mess. We are very strict and believe in tough love but he also gets mom date time after daycare hours. I have tried everything (I am a problem solver and read a lot of resources) but think he might just be this way because he will always want attention in his home. My sister in law says I need to send him to another preschool during the day but I hate the thought of sending him away when I quit my job to be with him. He hated daycare when I was working and I would have to peel him off of me to go to work but he is always happy when he is playing with kids older than him. When he was 2 they put him I the 3 year old class and he did better and when he plays with our neighbors kids that are older he is happy and challenged. My son is the oldest child in my daycare and will be starting kindergarten next year but I have 2 other boys here that are only a few months behind him. I need to figure out how to handle him until he starts kindergarten next year. I also realize he is 4 and seems to want whatever he doesnt have. Does he need to have attention and be challanged at home or should I find somewhere to send him?
I don't think sending him somewhere else is the answer.

I also don't think it sounds like he is in need of MORE attention. I think he has figured out how to get attention already but has learned to get attention via the negative behaviors.

How was he BEFORE you started daycare? Not in his old daycare but in situations with other kids? Cousins, your friends kids, neighborhood kids?

You've said a few things that immediately brought back memories in regards to my own son. He is in his early 20ies now but I started daycare because he was a difficult child and needed me. I never intended to be a provider. My original career choice is the opposite end of this one...

But anyways, your son almost sounds as if he is angry or has some anxiety issues..... NOT trying to diagnose...but the behaviors almost sound anger based. I know as an adult we equate anger with something to be mad about but with kids anger can just be a symptom of something else or it can be for reasons we simply don't understand... he might be struggling with all the change. Not the changes themselves but change. Just the fact that things changed. No daycare outside of home, new sibling, mom home. He might even love the changes but hate the fact that things changed just because change makes him uncomfortable or uneasy/anxious. kwim?

One of the best parenting guides I have ever used is a book called "Parenting by the Book" by John Rosemond. I used it like my Bible...

Check his site/books out..... I really like his methods of discipline/guidance and they worked wonders for my son.

http://www.rosemond.com/
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