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  #1  
Old 05-24-2016, 08:11 AM
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Default You Don't Get a Cookie Now

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I'm having a very hard time with one of my dck's. I told dcd how I told dck it was time to go to the bathroom the other day and dck said NO and started screaming! (He's "potty training" even though he never tells me when he has to go so I have to tell him to go.) I gently grabbed his hand to walk him to the bathroom and he wailed his arms and kept wanting to fall to the floor. This is the type of stuff that happens every single day. It's seriously giving me high blood pressure.

And it's not just something here and there, he acts like this ALL the time.

The same day, he went up and hit a kid right in the nose. For NO reason.

When dcd came to pick dck up, I told him everything that had happened and what does he say.....he told dcb that he was not going to get a cookie. That's it!!!! That's ALL he did. And then they left. It's not the first time he's told him this. I'm not a perfect parent, but I would have done more than that! No wonder he acts the way he does! And dcd admits that he doesn't discipline dcb.

So when do you call it quits? The parents don't do a damn thing about it. It would be one thing if the parents were trying to do something about it...
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  #2  
Old 05-24-2016, 08:16 AM
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I think the situation has dissolved into a battle of wills, which is making you miserable. Therefore I would term. Something along the lines of "I've loved having DCB, but it's clear he needs more of a preschool environment with kids his own age. The last day will be ______. I wish you all the best!"

I guarantee your first day without him will be like a vacation and you'll kick yourself for not having acted sooner.
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  #3  
Old 05-24-2016, 08:34 AM
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So when do you call it quits?
When someone else's child makes your day so tough that you no longer enjoy it.

You can't save or fix everyone's kids and I am in the camp or preferring that parents work WITH me or at the very least not against me.....

Most kids can and do behave as expected despite the different messages they may receive elsewhere but every once in a while you get a kid where nothing you do makes a difference and your day sucks.

When that happens, it's in everyone's best interest to term.
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Old 05-24-2016, 09:48 AM
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I think the situation has dissolved into a battle of wills, which is making you miserable. Therefore I would term. Something along the lines of "I've loved having DCB, but it's clear he needs more of a preschool environment with kids his own age. The last day will be ______. I wish you all the best!"

I guarantee your first day without him will be like a vacation and you'll kick yourself for not having acted sooner.
Thank you! I just feel so weird about terming because I knew this family before watching dcb, but I need do it so I can enjoy my job again!
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Old 05-24-2016, 09:51 AM
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When someone else's child makes your day so tough that you no longer enjoy it.

You can't save or fix everyone's kids and I am in the camp or preferring that parents work WITH me or at the very least not against me.....

Most kids can and do behave as expected despite the different messages they may receive elsewhere but every once in a while you get a kid where nothing you do makes a difference and your day sucks.

When that happens, it's in everyone's best interest to term.
Thank you, Blackcat! I dread when he comes to the door, so I think it's time! I just don't know how I'm going to do it since I'm pretty close to the mom :-/
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Old 05-24-2016, 09:53 AM
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Thank you, Blackcat! I dread when he comes to the door, so I think it's time! I just don't know how I'm going to do it since I'm pretty close to the mom :-/
This is when you play up what's best for the child.

He is not happy with you, shows aggression to others, screams and cries about stuff etc...

Basically, just say that you cannot provide the type of environment he needs.
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Old 05-24-2016, 09:58 AM
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Thank you! I just feel so weird about terming because I knew this family before watching dcb, but I need do it so I can enjoy my job again!
I would approach it as care/concern/what's best for the child, and NOT that he's having a difficult time. They may be more apt to take your advice if you go at it from that angle.

I have a love/hate relationship with "schools" for ECE. In some cases I feel their curriculum can be inappropriate for littles. Buuut, in cases like these they can take the more challenging kids because they have the multiple staff to deal with behaviors as well as usually having onsite resources to deal with them.
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Old 05-24-2016, 12:48 PM
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So what do you suggest that dcd do to discipline the boy for something that obviously happened at least 15 minutes prior? Sounds like the boy is under 3 years old.
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Old 05-24-2016, 12:52 PM
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How old is he?
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  #10  
Old 05-24-2016, 01:00 PM
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So what do you suggest that dcd do to discipline the boy for something that obviously happened at least 15 minutes prior? Sounds like the boy is under 3 years old.
I don't necessarily think that OP was looking for the dad to punish the child so much as wanting him to acknowledge dck's issues and assist with working with him. Just saying, "Welp, no cookie for you today!" isn't going to help anything.
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  #11  
Old 05-24-2016, 02:47 PM
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I don't necessarily think that OP was looking for the dad to punish the child so much as wanting him to acknowledge dck's issues and assist with working with him. Just saying, "Welp, no cookie for you today!" isn't going to help anything.
This was my sense as well. If I'm trying to let a parent know about a behavior issue, it's usually because
A. I've tried my usual bag of tricks and it's not helping and/or B. The behavior is not typical of the age (i.e. Biting in a 4 year old) and may need serious evaluation.

A comment like "I guess you don't get a cookie!" is demeaning to the provider as it trivializes the issue the provider felt was serious enough to warrant mention.
In my mind the only acceptable response is "I'm sorry that happened, we will absolutely be adressing the issue." This doesn't necessarily mean "punish" the child. But if the behavior is out of hand, it's time for the parents to have some serious conversations. Diet change? Consistancy at home? A visit to the pediatrician? Better sleep? Etc. etc. etc.

I find it tiresome when parents place their child in your care for 50+ hours a week but then dismiss concerns you have. And I find the cookie comment to be rather dismissive.
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Old 05-24-2016, 02:50 PM
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I don't necessarily think that OP was looking for the dad to punish the child so much as wanting him to acknowledge dck's issues and assist with working with him. Just saying, "Welp, no cookie for you today!" isn't going to help anything.
Exactly, thank you! I didn't expect him to spank him right then LOL! But every time I tell the parents about his behavior, they basically just say ok, have a good night or have a good weekend. They barely acknowledge it! And I seriously almost laughed about the cookie thing.

But when my oldest son was in daycare, if the daycare provider would have told me that he acted that way, I would have talked to my son about it right then and had him apologize and I would have told him it wasn't acceptable behavior!
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Old 05-24-2016, 02:52 PM
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This was my sense as well. If I'm trying to let a parent know about a behavior issue, it's usually because
A. I've tried my usual bag of tricks and it's not helping and/or B. The behavior is not typical of the age (i.e. Biting in a 4 year old) and may need serious evaluation.

A comment like "I guess you don't get a cookie!" is demeaning to the provider as it trivializes the issue the provider felt was serious enough to warrant mention.
In my mind the only acceptable response is "I'm sorry that happened, we will absolutely be adressing the issue." This doesn't necessarily mean "punish" the child. But if the behavior is out of hand, it's time for the parents to have some serious conversations. Diet change? Consistancy at home? A visit to the pediatrician? Better sleep? Etc. etc. etc.

I find it tiresome when parents place their child in your care for 50+ hours a week but then dismiss concerns you have. And I find the cookie comment to be rather dismissive.
YES! Thank you :-) I felt like I shouldn't have even brought it up because he basically shrugged it off.

-op
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  #14  
Old 05-24-2016, 02:53 PM
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How old is he?
He's 3 1/2
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  #15  
Old 05-24-2016, 05:15 PM
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It's time to term when a child makes your day too stressful, or when a child is causing trouble for the rest of the children.
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They are also our future.
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