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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Great: Now I Feel Like The "Bad Guy"!
bubby 05:35 AM 03-07-2012
So last night two of my dcf were late. One showed up 4 minutes late with no explanation or apologies. The other dcm text me several times to let me know that she was caught in bad traffic. She ended up being 14 minutes late. I guess my face showed that I was mad. It was probably a combination of her being late & the fact that her 11 week old daughter crys all day long!!!

So upon arrival this morning, even after telling her I wouldnt charge her, she lays down a $20 & says it would make her feel better. She goes on to say how stressed she was yesterday that she didnt even eat dinner & had a slight breakdown, crying & what not. She says she knows how much the newborn stresses me out & that makes her kinda nervous. (what in thw world? does she think I would do something to the baby? I have cared for her son for 3 yrs with no complaints!) She is stressed because not only is going to work everyday but her husband is away for business for a few months leaving her to do the day to day with a 3 yr. old & a newborn.

After I closed the door, I felt so bad for making her feel bad because she knew I was angry. That wasn't my intention to add too her stress but at the same time I had worked since 7:50. Am I not to be grumpy for having to work almost a 10 hour day? Was I in the wrong? The softy in me feels like I should do something nice for her to say sorry for & coming off mean. Would you make/buy her a sweet treat or dinner? She is a one of the best dcm I have & had never been that later before to that extreme & always pays on time...... what would you do?
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cheerfuldom 05:50 AM 03-07-2012
Just a quick comment that you appreciate her apologizing and calling to let you know she was running late. You dont have to make this into a bigger thing than it was. So she saw that you were upset at the end of the day....so what? things happen and some days are tough and you dont have to apologize for that and go crazy trying to buy her dinner and make it up. You didnt do anything wrong.
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bubby 06:14 AM 03-07-2012
Ok thanks for reassuring me. I think I do tend to "overthink" things a lot. I have to stop trying to be a "people pleaser" sometimes!!!!

As I sit her now & think about the fact that not only do I care for her kids over 9 hrs a day, she dropped off this a.m. at 7:15. She is normally here from 7:45-8:20. There is no set time. It is a different time each day which is usually not a problem but when you drop off during the time I'm trying to fix breakfast & lunch for my family so I can get them out the door so I can start prepping for daycare.

So now its just another to add to a list of stuff that dcf do to annoy us at times!
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Sunshine44 06:22 AM 03-07-2012
Honestly, I think I'd be addressing the issue that she is 'worried' about you being stressed with the newborn!!
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itlw8 06:27 AM 03-07-2012
Originally Posted by Sunshine44:
Honestly, I think I'd be addressing the issue that she is 'worried' about you being stressed with the newborn!!
she is stressed and knows the baby causes stress this is kinda a call for help.

tell her yes a baby is stressful and you understand she is alone. Tell her to call you any time it gets too much and you can talk it out.

Make a list of ideas for her to relieve stress and tll her a few of your favorites.
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My3cents 06:35 AM 03-07-2012
Originally Posted by bubby:
So last night two of my dcf were late. One showed up 4 minutes late with no explanation or apologies. The other dcm text me several times to let me know that she was caught in bad traffic. She ended up being 14 minutes late. I guess my face showed that I was mad. It was probably a combination of her being late & the fact that her 11 week old daughter crys all day long!!!

So upon arrival this morning, even after telling her I wouldnt charge her, she lays down a $20 & says it would make her feel better. She goes on to say how stressed she was yesterday that she didnt even eat dinner & had a slight breakdown, crying & what not. She says she knows how much the newborn stresses me out & that makes her kinda nervous. (what in thw world? does she think I would do something to the baby? I have cared for her son for 3 yrs with no complaints!) She is stressed because not only is going to work everyday but her husband is away for business for a few months leaving her to do the day to day with a 3 yr. old & a newborn.

After I closed the door, I felt so bad for making her feel bad because she knew I was angry. That wasn't my intention to add too her stress but at the same time I had worked since 7:50. Am I not to be grumpy for having to work almost a 10 hour day? Was I in the wrong? The softy in me feels like I should do something nice for her to say sorry for & coming off mean. Would you make/buy her a sweet treat or dinner? She is a one of the best dcm I have & had never been that later before to that extreme & always pays on time...... what would you do?
I know how you feel about wanting to be done come closing time. I understand that. Four minutes over- and a once in a great while thing. I wouldn't stress on. The other parent called and apologized. If it was something that happened all the time, a late fee would be appropriate. If it is a once in a great moon- I personally would let it slide. You know the parents that abuse and the ones that are truly running late, stuck in traffic etc..... I don't ever want a parent to get in an accident rushing to get to me on time. No ones life is worth me be upset because a parent is late. For parents that are honestly late, I let it go.

Parents don't understand that we are here before they go to work and after they go to work, and that we work long days. They don't think about this and why should they. We are offering a service that is different from what they do and for parents that work full time its going to happen that we are working 9-10 hour days. Have to have leeway-within reason.

I do get you-I do understand the crying baby all day. I do understand your frustrations of wanting to be done come 5pm. I know I am so ready to be done come 5pm. It's part of the job. I want to say this is one of those suck it up moments, but really it is more like having an understanding moment.

I would give her the $20 back and tell her this time no late fee, but if she is late again, my late fees are.......whatever you charge and have in your policy book. I would also express to her, as much as her daughter cries being an infant, that you love her and are doing everything you can for her and are willing to work with the mom to figure her out. Keep it simple and don't make more out of it like the previous poster said.

Best-
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CheekyChick 06:39 AM 03-07-2012
I would just give her a thank you card for the money (you deserve it) and give her a HUGE break if she's ever late again. I would just open the door with a huge smile and leave it at that.
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JenNJ 06:54 AM 03-07-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
Just a quick comment that you appreciate her apologizing and calling to let you know she was running late. You dont have to make this into a bigger thing than it was. So she saw that you were upset at the end of the day....so what? things happen and some days are tough and you dont have to apologize for that and go crazy trying to buy her dinner and make it up. You didnt do anything wrong.
This.
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bubby 10:15 AM 03-07-2012
I did tell dcm that payment was not necessary this time as I had told her husband the week before when he was ten minutes late to pickup. But as I have now had most of the day to reflect, dad was 10 minutes late last week even though he was working from home at the time. So NO, I don't think I will give the money back. A thank you card as a previous poster said might be nice though. I have a late fee of $1 per minute after closing. So with her being 14 minutes lates times 2 kids, that would put her late fee at $28. So by her giving me $20, I will consider it even.

I was a bit bothered by her comment about me being stressed but haven't paid much attention to it since. We all get annoyed or stressed by the dcks in our daycares but then they go home & tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start, and the slate is wiped clean.
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Sunshine44 10:24 AM 03-07-2012
Ok, she said she knows the baby stresses you out? How does she know this? Have you said it? Does the baby stress HER out?

ALSO, she said it worries HER that the baby stresses you out??

If she is worried about you being stressed by this baby, I'd have a talk with her.
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bubby 12:02 PM 03-07-2012
No havent mentioned that the baby is stressing me. I have asked does she cry all day at home or how do you keep her from fussing? Don't know if mom is stressed as she always says how well the baby slept (8pm-7am). Dad has made comments about how he is the cold one because he allows the baby to cry while he makes her bottle while mom will struggle holding her as she makes them. I never thought maybe mom was stressed & that is why she assumes that I am.

The baby doesnt stress me. It is annoying that she fusses most of the day whether you hold her or not. She is eating every 1 1/2 hours and spits up as fast as she burps. This too, I have brought up to mom about maybe the baby has a milk allergy or needs cereal or reflux problem. Seems to have fallen on deaf ears though.
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DCBlessings27 04:37 PM 03-07-2012
Originally Posted by bubby:
She is eating every 1 1/2 hours and spits up as fast as she burps. This too, I have brought up to mom about maybe the baby has a milk allergy or needs cereal or reflux problem. Seems to have fallen on deaf ears though.
My dd spit up like crazy. I nursed but also gave formula because I didn't ever seem to have enough milk. My in-laws would make comments about how we needed to switch to soy formula bc their daughter used soy with all of her kids. I got tired of hearing about it. I talked to my dd's pediatrician about it. He gave us meds that were supposed to make it so she wouldn't spit up as much. They didn't work.

My point is that spitting up is something my daughter got over. She was still gaining weight and was healthy. Yes, it was annoying and I constantly had spit up everywhere, but I never thought she needed to switch to soy. My husband read about a study(after she was off breastmilk and formula) that said soy was bad, so we'll definitely never use soy formula if we have another child.
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