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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Mom's That Stick Around Too Long
Francine 04:44 AM 07-02-2010
How do you discourage Mom's from hanging around? I have a new little guy that just started this week, yesterday the Mom comes in and sits down and says something like " I was thinking that I should get to know you" and then started asking questions about whether I like coffee, do I like tea, how do I take me coffee etc. etc. Getting to know my morning beverage choice but not really asking any questions about me. So I'm trying to decide, was she hinting that I should offer her a cup of coffee or is she going to start bringing me Starbucks every morning ???? It just seemed kind of funny the " getting to know you" questions that she was asking.

I am NOT going to offer her a cup of coffee in the morning, NO WAY she needs to start dropping off and leaving. But what if she shows up with a cup for me and a cup for her? We shall see in about 20 minutes!
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tymaboy 06:07 AM 07-02-2010
That was my thought reading the 1st half is that she might bring you coffee or something in the morning. Those are odd 'get to know you' questions. I also go over the quick drop off at interview time.
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Francine 06:23 AM 07-02-2010
Well she didn't bring coffee this morning but she did stay for way to long, finally she did say " I'm not going to be able to do this" so it gave me the opportunity to say " no, you are going to have to drop and go, stay just makes it worse".

This is the one year old that goes down for a nap with an 8 ounce bottle of milk at home, I'm not going to do that but when he is up he can drink as much as he wants. So this morning she says " can you try to give him more to drink, he was so thirsty when he got home last night" Good Grief! This is also the one year old that weighs 30 pounds...maybe he doesn't need so much milk.
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JenNJ 06:35 AM 07-02-2010
The "stay too long at drop off" parent is the WORST! It just makes the little ones confused and makes for a much more difficult goodbye.

I hope that next week she drops and leaves!
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QualiTcare 07:53 AM 07-02-2010
Originally Posted by Miss Joy:
Well she didn't bring coffee this morning but she did stay for way to long, finally she did say " I'm not going to be able to do this" so it gave me the opportunity to say " no, you are going to have to drop and go, stay just makes it worse".

This is the one year old that goes down for a nap with an 8 ounce bottle of milk at home, I'm not going to do that but when he is up he can drink as much as he wants. So this morning she says " can you try to give him more to drink, he was so thirsty when he got home last night" Good Grief! This is also the one year old that weighs 30 pounds...maybe he doesn't need so much milk.
THIRTY pounds?! WTF!!

yeah, sounds like a concerned parent.
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originalkat 08:05 AM 07-02-2010
I have a mom who says good-bye to her child like 10 times..."Okay, give mommy a kiss and a hug, I have to go." 15 minutes later she leaves. I think she comes early just to have time to hang out. I just go about my business and dont pay much attention.
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Crystal 08:07 AM 07-02-2010
Yep....he doesn't need that much milk. Let her know that he can have all the water he wants, but milk is at mealtimes only. He's one.....doesn't need a bottle AT ALL, and if he does have a bottle, it should NEVER be milk, only water. Weight and baby bottle tooth decay are factors to consider when giving children bottles.
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pigletsmommy 08:14 AM 07-02-2010
I have a mom that stays too long at pick up. I have tried every hint in the book. Even straight out told her that she needs to pick the kids up & go.

Her oldest (boy, just turned 4) is good for about the first 2 minutes she is here. When I am giving her a rundown of their day, he starts bouncing all over the place. If she doesn't pay attention to him, he will start to hit & kick her.

I make it a point to have all their things together & even put their shoes on within 10 minutes of her arrival. All I have to do is tell her how they ate & slept, then she can go. Somehow she always drags it out. I don't know how much more blunt than I can get with her.

Oh and this is my parent with a 34lb girl who is 20 months. (Probably more now, she was 34lbs at her 18 mo check up).

I've just come to the realization that some of them will never get it.
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Francine 08:15 AM 07-02-2010
Originally Posted by Crystal:
Yep....he doesn't need that much milk. Let her know that he can have all the water he wants, but milk is at mealtimes only. He's one.....doesn't need a bottle AT ALL, and if he does have a bottle, it should NEVER be milk, only water. Weight and baby bottle tooth decay are factors to consider when giving children bottles.
This is exactly what I am doing, this week I did give him the bottle but with about 3 ounces of water at nap time, next week he will get half of that and then none. I actually put him on my scale yesterday because I wanted to see,yep 30 pounds.
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momma2girls 08:44 AM 07-02-2010
Originally Posted by pigletsmommy:
I have a mom that stays too long at pick up. I have tried every hint in the book. Even straight out told her that she needs to pick the kids up & go.

Her oldest (boy, just turned 4) is good for about the first 2 minutes she is here. When I am giving her a rundown of their day, he starts bouncing all over the place. If she doesn't pay attention to him, he will start to hit & kick her.

I make it a point to have all their things together & even put their shoes on within 10 minutes of her arrival. All I have to do is tell her how they ate & slept, then she can go. Somehow she always drags it out. I don't know how much more blunt than I can get with her.

Oh and this is my parent with a 34lb girl who is 20 months. (Probably more now, she was 34lbs at her 18 mo check up).

I've just come to the realization that some of them will never get it.
This is what I do as well. About 10 min. before it is time to go, I have them, or I place their shoes, coats, etc. on, and wait by the door for their parents. THis has helped out alot!!!
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Unregistered 06:58 PM 07-04-2010
Uggggg....I have a dcd here that used to do that ALL the time...he actually sat down one day and stayed and stayed and stayed...and then announced that he had the day off and it was so nice that he had time to stay and "chat"....I was HORRIFIED!! I don't like this dcd at all and I certainly did not want to chat with him!!

I started doing things to get ready for the other kids, told his son that we were going to the kitchen to get his breakfast and to say goodbye to his dad...I finally grabbed the phone and said I HAD to call my grandsons right that minute to make sure they had gotten up and ready for the bus (they are 12)....he finally got the hint and left but I was shaking with anger by the time he left...what the heck is wrong with some people??

If anyone can come up with a really good, but not too ignorant a response to people like this, I'd love to be able to use it...
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TGT09 05:40 AM 07-05-2010
I only have one that hangs around much too long in the morning. We both stand there awkwardly and don't even say anything....I don't know why they put off the inevitable! Luckily, she's a teacher and the summer is limited interactions since dcb only comes randomly.
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melskids 06:12 AM 07-05-2010
i have good families right now but i had to share....

when i worked at a center i had one dad who would stay FOREVER. one day he was sitting on the floor playing with the kids, and he laid down and FELL ASLEEP he slept for a good 45 minutes.

he was also the type to say goodbye a 1000 times, to the point of purposely upsetting his kid, and then say, "emmy, do you just want to come home with me?" (he worked from home) WTH, why bother coming in the first place i just dont get some people....
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skittles 06:18 AM 07-05-2010
If a parent stays too long I will put them to work. I usually will hand them an infant and a bottles or have them help with breakfast ect.. Usually they get the hint and the time they stay lessons each day.
Hope this helps
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Daycare Mommy 06:35 AM 07-05-2010
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Uggggg....I have a dcd here that used to do that ALL the time...he actually sat down one day and stayed and stayed and stayed...and then announced that he had the day off and it was so nice that he had time to stay and "chat"....I was HORRIFIED!! I don't like this dcd at all and I certainly did not want to chat with him!!
.....
If anyone can come up with a really good, but not too ignorant a response to people like this, I'd love to be able to use it...
If you aren't comfortable with him there, I'd just tell him, "I'm sorry, but I'm not available for this during the day since I am working and if you'd like to set up a conference after hours I'd be more than happy to do that. How about tonight at 5?" Then you can arrange for your husband (or whoever) to be there in the house too.

And this second part is just me personally since I'm only contracted to watch kids while the parents are working, so if you don't care in your daycare that's fine too! I would also say, "Well we need to be getting on with our day and since you are off today I'm sure you guys have all kinds of things to do." Then maybe make some suggestions, "It's a beautiful day for the park," or, "I think the library has a storytime coming up. Johnny let's get your shoes on so you and daddy can get going."
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Daycare Mommy 06:51 AM 07-05-2010
Originally Posted by melskids:
when i worked at a center i had one dad who would stay FOREVER. one day he was sitting on the floor playing with the kids, and he laid down and FELL ASLEEP he slept for a good 45 minutes.
That is so bizarre! I've never had one so extreme thank goodness! I'm also thinking a licensing rep or another parent would not be pleased to see this. I mean he's not had a background check or been TB tested like everyone else who works with the kids...
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melskids 10:50 AM 07-05-2010
yeah, i found it bizarre too, but i was new there, and who was i to say anything. the director was always afraid to open her mouth to parents, and they walked all over her. needless to say, i'm not there anymore...lol
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Unregistered 06:43 AM 08-09-2010
I had a mother that did that as well, she would stay for 1 or 2 hours in the morning and at least an hour at pickup, it got to the point where I would just gets the kids shoes and coats on as soon as she got there and told her we were going out for our daily walk and she would leave, same thing at pickup I would tell her we had to go out and she finally got the hint and stopped hanging around.
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MrsCoffee 03:55 PM 08-09-2010
I currently have a Dcd that does this... talks a bit to much, I am friendly it is my job to care for his little one and he wants to know about his day. I don't mind that but what can be a bit flustering is how he asks about his dinner every day.. I have a ROUTINE we do the exact same thing every day. I finally told him - Meals are the same every day.... If he for some reason doesn't finish a meal or has a difficult time I will let you know. (he has actually gotten in his car and ready to leave to come back in and ask me.) Plus he is the last pick up of the day and I am always so ready to just enjoy my kids and family.

On a side note I have a Dcb that is 21/2 and weighs 59lbs I love this boy so much, I am part of the ACD Food Program and he flat out refuses most of his meals. I have always had a good relationship with this family until recently his dad has made comments about how he goes straight home and can't wait to eat goes directly to the cupboard to get food do I feed him?! I chart what he is offered and eats everyday and thank goodness I do. I was able to tell dad and show him. I told him that it saddens me to see Dcb turn away good food but that I am never going to FORCE him to eat just keep reintroducing healthy choices that I BY LAW am required to give him.
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professionalmom 05:32 PM 08-09-2010
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Uggggg....I have a dcd here that used to do that ALL the time...he actually sat down one day and stayed and stayed and stayed...and then announced that he had the day off and it was so nice that he had time to stay and "chat"....I was HORRIFIED!! I don't like this dcd at all and I certainly did not want to chat with him!!
I would be concerned about having a male (DCD) in the house for more than 3-5 minutes if my husband was not home. Why? Because it does not look good. It can cause suspicions to emerge. Does this man have a crush on you? What would the neighbors think? Would people start to gossip? I would never want to be in the position of trying to defend myself against such suspicions. Tell him it is inappropriate for you to have male visitors while children are present and your husband is not. Does his wife know? What does she think of her husband hanging out and chatting with another woman? I know I wouldn't like it.
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kidkair 06:43 PM 08-09-2010
Originally Posted by pigletsmommy:
I have a mom that stays too long at pick up. I have tried every hint in the book. Even straight out told her that she needs to pick the kids up & go.

Her oldest (boy, just turned 4) is good for about the first 2 minutes she is here. When I am giving her a rundown of their day, he starts bouncing all over the place. If she doesn't pay attention to him, he will start to hit & kick her.

I make it a point to have all their things together & even put their shoes on within 10 minutes of her arrival. All I have to do is tell her how they ate & slept, then she can go. Somehow she always drags it out. I don't know how much more blunt than I can get with her.

Oh and this is my parent with a 34lb girl who is 20 months. (Probably more now, she was 34lbs at her 18 mo check up).

I've just come to the realization that some of them will never get it.
If I had to face this situation I would make a 'how our day went' sheet and fill it out in those 10 minutes and then hand it to her with her kids. I have walked out of the room as if I'm busily getting things ready in the kitchen and just tuned out a parent for a bit. Then I return and say "oh sorry I need to get some stuff done. We'll talk later, okay? Thanks. Bye kids!" And then I'd leave the room again.

I had one parent who would stay a bit long every morning and though I really liked chatting with her the kids got tired of being ignore for 15 mins. So one day the oldest asked the DCM to read a book to them. Soon she was reading a book every morning and then the kids began to argue over who got to pick a book and the DCM gave it up and started coming a bit later and dropping off her kid quickly. Sometimes kids come up with the better solutions!
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jen 06:54 PM 08-09-2010
Originally Posted by kidkair:
I had one parent who would stay a bit long every morning and though I really liked chatting with her the kids got tired of being ignore for 15 mins. So one day the oldest asked the DCM to read a book to them. Soon she was reading a book every morning and then the kids began to argue over who got to pick a book and the DCM gave it up and started coming a bit later and dropping off her kid quickly. Sometimes kids come up with the better solutions!
hahaha!! That is funny! I'm sure she gained a whole new appreciation for you as well!
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QualiTcare 07:00 PM 08-09-2010
Originally Posted by professionalmom:
I would be concerned about having a male (DCD) in the house for more than 3-5 minutes if my husband was not home. Why? Because it does not look good. It can cause suspicions to emerge. Does this man have a crush on you? What would the neighbors think? Would people start to gossip? I would never want to be in the position of trying to defend myself against such suspicions. Tell him it is inappropriate for you to have male visitors while children are present and your husband is not. Does his wife know? What does she think of her husband hanging out and chatting with another woman? I know I wouldn't like it.
if my husband told me that our child's daycare teacher told him it wasn't appropriate to have male visitors without her husband around - i'd be offended and think she was crazy. just sayin.

i had other parents tell me in the past that they wished their husbands would go to the daycare more - cus they always saw my husband there or us there together. even still, he felt like he wasn't involved enough - so he would ask a lot of questions when he'd pick up just to let the teacher know he cared. at least in his mind that's what he was doing.

i think men want to do the right thing but they feel awkward and don't know how - and it's no wonder.
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Unregistered 07:01 PM 08-09-2010
Originally Posted by professionalmom:
I would be concerned about having a male (DCD) in the house for more than 3-5 minutes if my husband was not home. Why? Because it does not look good. It can cause suspicions to emerge. Does this man have a crush on you? What would the neighbors think? Would people start to gossip? I would never want to be in the position of trying to defend myself against such suspicions. Tell him it is inappropriate for you to have male visitors while children are present and your husband is not. Does his wife know? What does she think of her husband hanging out and chatting with another woman? I know I wouldn't like it.
I have no idea what the heck is wrong with this dipstick but I do know that I'm only 4 years younger than his MOTHER!! I think he just likes to talk..mostly about himself AND ask questions about everything and anything...mostly not his freakin' business! I'm always more than willing to talk about anything to concern his child but other than that , I clam up and barely speak until he gives up and stops the 20 questions routine.

Mu husband is semi-retired now so he is always here when the dork shows up..I never go to the door for that one anymore...he is ALWAYS here first so my dh talks to him for a minute while I'm out in the kitchen clattering pans and running water...being just TOO busy to go to the door...LOL!! He isn't as bad as he used to be because I think he got the hint and my dh won't answer his 1001 questions either unless it has to do with the boy...
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Abigail 08:58 PM 08-09-2010
Originally Posted by pigletsmommy:
I have a mom that stays too long at pick up. I have tried every hint in the book. Even straight out told her that she needs to pick the kids up & go.

Her oldest (boy, just turned 4) is good for about the first 2 minutes she is here. When I am giving her a rundown of their day, he starts bouncing all over the place. If she doesn't pay attention to him, he will start to hit & kick her.

I make it a point to have all their things together & even put their shoes on within 10 minutes of her arrival. All I have to do is tell her how they ate & slept, then she can go. Somehow she always drags it out. I don't know how much more blunt than I can get with her.

Oh and this is my parent with a 34lb girl who is 20 months. (Probably more now, she was 34lbs at her 18 mo check up).

I've just come to the realization that some of them will never get it.
Have you tried "daily reports" and let her know you're going to start this so all the information she wants to know will be handed to her and you will only discuss something if it's important from now on? If they are the last kids to go home, make sure to say that you are closed and have to get to your family time. If you have other kids still, make sure to say you have other kids you need to be helping right now.
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MARSTELAC 11:02 AM 11-19-2010
I do the daily reports but the parents stay and scrutinize every little thing on them. I swear, my parents don't want to go home! I also have one parent that will come in before pm snack and walk right to my kitchen and hang out until her boys get their snack...this usually causes a commotion because the 4.5 year old gets upset if I discipline (which I always end up doing because he gets out of his chair and whines for different things). I sent home an addendum to parents telling them they couldn't hang around here but they simply don't get it.
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MommyMuffin 02:40 PM 11-19-2010
I have a split entry and a very small foyer. At the top of the stairs I have a gate that parents can never figure out. They usually do not want to take their shoes off too so they dont even come up the stairs. When they come I open the gate and take their child to them along with their parent note. I then go back up and shut the gate so that I can see the other children and talk to the parent from up there. As they get their child ready I say something like, I am going to go change so and so...they dont seem to stay too long. Unless my blabby hubby starts talking to them. hahah
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boysx5 02:58 PM 11-19-2010
I get them ready as soon as the parent walks in and then say oh time for me to get going I have things to do this is Ms. Julie's time
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