I've had a child for about a month now. I get her mostly full time...from 3-5 days per week. It's second shift and she's been in daycare since she was little and has been used to the second shift schedule for some time.

The issues we have...

She's very picky... sometimes just outright won't eat for days (mom can't get her to eat either)
Is used to making all her own decisions...
doesn't play with kids... wants adults to entertain her all the time...
doesn't nap, but comes over at 1 pm and is already miserable because she's wearing down....

So, while I am sorry she feels miserable because her tummy is overly hungry, she's tired, I spend the first two hours basically dealing with a cry-fest and I want my mommy I don't like your house, I don't want to play with your kids, I don't like your kids...

So anyway, this is what I've started doing. "So-and-So, I know you want mommy, but you are comfortable and safe at my house. If you want to cry, this is your cry spot. When you are done, come play with the kids."

I am trying this, because she will sit and refuse to play and then sitting makes her bored and she starts throwing her arms around, sighing, and crying all over again because she's bored. The kids try to get her to stop crying and she actually gets touchy and mean, so that's partly why I put her in her cry spot... to give her a place to say/feel what she wants without affecting others.

I'm not a licensed provider, and mom knows this is mostly just babysitting. we do crafts and fun things once in a while, but mostly, kids that come here are expected to be able to play for part of the day without needing constant adult attention. (I am nearby, just not entertaining them)...

Other issues, she'll just glare at my daughter out of the blue, for no reason and say, I don't like her in my face... she needs to keep out of my face. (By the way, this is said when my daughter is playing in the living room and she is sitting coloring at the table.) She'll also say, "your daughter needs to be quiet. I don't like her talking and she will have to be quiet."

I usually respond with, "She is not in your face, honey, she's not even in the room with you. I think you need to make sure you are being kind."

or I say, "Sorry, but so-and-so is not being noisy and she is allowed to talk. Please make sure that you are being kind."

Even though I say it nicely, and not harshly, she starts crying all over again for mom.

Anyway, from you licensed and maybe more experienced providers, am I handling this well, or do you have other suggestions?

*sigh* she refused snack, and now wants to eat before dinner, I told her sorry, but it's almost dinner time now not snack time, and she lasted five more minutes before falling to pieces again and put herself back in her cry spot. She came right back out and is standing sniffing in my living room. If I look at her or make any suggestion of doing anything fun, she'll start bawling again, so I'm making a point of not bothering with her... is that right??? wow, I feel like a bear.. LOL! I really feel bad she's so sad!!!

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That one heck of a 3 year old!

I placed some tags on the bottom left that lead to other threads with similar topics. Monday should bring a lot of comments from other members.

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I don't have a lot of advice but I definately feel that you should stop interacting with her when she's acting like this. If she's in her "cry spot" then no one engages with her until she's calm enough and nice enough to interact with the group. It feels to me that this child is just wanting major attention. I can also guarantee she's not going days without eating, her parents are likely giving into her crying jags and giving her what she wants...to eat or otherwise.

I had a 5 year old that was very similar. Turning on the water works got her everything she wanted at home so she tried the tactic here as well. Once I stated the expectation "I'm sorry but yellow cheese is all I have" (she refused to eat anything but orange cheese at home!!) I'd stop talking to her.

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I am unlicensed also. I had a 4 year old who cried for everything. She has been here a couple of months and I rarely have to deal with that. IGNORE HER. IF SHE STARTS CRYING PUT HER IN HER SPOT. WHEN SHE STOPS INVITE HER OVER IF SHE STARTS CRYING AGAIN PUT HER BACK. She has to know that it will not work! AT ALL. My dcg cries. When it is time to stop playing with toys or when nap time comes she starts pouting and saying i wanna play with toys or i do not want to nap but I IGNORE it and pray to God that she does not start screaming but if she does she is in her spot. even when she cries now it is so low because i guess she is just hoping that it is going to work but she really knows it is not...lol

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Thanks for your encouragement! She and I talked a little tonight when I was putting her in PJ's... I said, well, honey, you would be happier here if you would play and have fun. She said. I just don't like your house and don't want to come back. So I said, well, where do you want to go when mommy's working? She says, I will tell my mommy she can't go back to work. She was so serious it was so hard not to laugh, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

I did tell her how important mommy's job was... so that she can buy food for them to eat, and to take care of their puppy, and to buy other special things they need and want. She said, "Well I'm going to tell mommy that I'm not coming back here." So I smiled and said, Ok, you should tell mommy how you feel.....

LOL! I have never had a kid like this!

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Hmmmmm it really sounds like she's missing mommy!! She is still doing this for attention of course but I think acknowledging her feelings and talking to her like you did was wonderful!! I have a book called "When I miss you" which talks about feelings of missing people and coping with change. The kids love the book and it helps them.

The DCG I was talking about above would always tell her mom she didn't want to be here because all I had were "baby toys" meanwhile I knew it wasn't the reason (she played with all the toys and had fun here) it was 100% because she had supervision here and had to follow rules. It can be a big adjustment for kids to go from being the king of the castle to having to be like everyone else and follow rules. Hang in there

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This whole scenario is super common with 3 and 4 year old girls. She's trying to hold you as an "emotional hostage" and you can bet that this works with mom becomes she seems very far into it. I would keep doing the cry spot (we have one here) and if she continues the rude behavior, have her face the wall. She can come out whenever she wants so any time of separation is really her own doing. My 4 year old tries stuff like that. Anytime she comes over with dramatic tears, rude remarks or sad faces, I send her to her room. I dont want to be around that behavior and neither does anyone else. To be honest, she is much worse with Dad than me because it works on him. We do talk about feelings and learning how to treat others, etc. but after a certain point, the drama queen behavior is treated just like any other habit that needs to stop.

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lol...what do you think dcm would do if I said to her SON (who acts just like this) "Hey, stop being such a drama queen!!!"

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I think someone has given this a name (Catherder?)....Screamer Princess. I've had many of them.

I would tell her one good time, and not worry if she cries (because she's going to cry anyway).

"I know you want your mommy, I know you want to go home, and I realize you dont like my house,my food, my other kids or my daughter much right now. And that's okay. BUT, you don't get to tell me those things anymore. If you do, you'll have to go sit in your crying chair."

Slowly, I'd increase it to rudeness at the table, "pining princess" syndrome (sighing and looking like she will waste away at any moment), and meanness to other kids.

And be consistent that she go every time. Eventually crying WILL get old, and she'll realize that her emotions don't rule your world.

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Update...

Interesting how one day of a crying spot can improve things at least a little.

She of course cried at drop off, but I was thinking she was not going to and then mom said an EXTRA "goodbye I love you" and she started and mom picked her up again. I just waited a moment and took her from mom and said, wave bye to mom out the window!.

As mom pulled out of driveway, I went back to playdough table with kids and she followed. She cried about four more minutes, which to me is healthy and fine... but then she was just angry... angry at the playdough... at herself for not being able to make anything, etc.... I just ignored it and helped when she asked nicely. It cleared up, and she ended up playing playdough with us for about 2 1/2 hours!!

Then we cleaned up for snack, she only ate the minimarshmallows at snack and not the pb crackers or apple slices. and she started again because she wasn't happy with snack. This worked up to a cry after snack and she ended up on her cry spot, but she stopped within two minutes and was back out with us... quietly!

But... she stood in my dining room between my living room and kitchen pretty much the rest of the day twirling her hair (remember, she is second shift, so I have her until 10:15 most nights.)

Dinner, she refused to eat, so I said, sorry, honey, since you won't make healthy choices to eat, then I have to make them for you. Finish your sausages, banana, and milk (three things I know she likes) and I wouldn't let her down until she did. This started a HUGE crying fit and she sat for over an hour after everyone else was done.

As soon as she finally drank at least half her milk, ate a banana, and ate two out of three sausages, I told her she had eaten well and she could be done. I did this one other time, and fifteen minutes after being made to actually put food in her belly she was a happy child!

Today, after she was done, she jumped up on my lap for a cuddle and was all giggles and smiles.

Argh... LOL!

Anyway, I think I've gotten so used to older kids, I like school aged kids because I'm tougher on them and they actually thrive with that type of leadership. I'm not used to the sweet little three year old... (which she doesn't scream, she just sits and cries like her heart will never mend).. crying her eyes out after this long with me.

Have I just gone soft???

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I think she desperately needs a firm role model in her life. Her cuddles were her way of saying "thank you for taking care of me and making me feel safe". It sounds scrazy but kids love boundaries and rules in order to feel safe, protected and loved!!

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It was me. I have only had one and she wore me out...... I dubbed her "Screamer Princess" while asking for suggestions (I can't use names, just behaviors) .

Some behaviors were similar to OP's, Although mine would not talk or sit quietly. The screaming including kicking, spitting, throwing toys, rolling, head banging, clawing, biting, hiting, pulling out her own hair, undressing and screaming at the top of her lungs (without tears) for hours no matter what was done.

The words "NO", "Not right now", "Time to clean up" or "Wait your turn" provoked it. She was not special needs.

I had a soft seating area, with books and soft toys, that she was sent to until she was done. She knew once she got quiet she could walk back over and join us. I just pointed at it and she went. I worked through 4 different disciplinary plans with the parents. She was the same at home for them, at Grandma's and at the back-up providers. I was at a loss.

When she left the other daycare kids still walked in big circles around that area like it was possessed. I finally just got rid of it altogether. I RARELY have tantrums here, it just does not happen.

I can only hope I end my career with her having been the only one.

OP, it sounds like you are already on the right track. Stay consistent with her and she will build trust in you. Sounds like she already likes you to me.

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I think you're doing a great job with her. It's important that you can feel/acknowledge her pain and it's smart that you have a "crying spot" so you have some control. I wouldn't try to reason with her though because it's giving her the power. I would give it a few more weeks and if it doesn't get better, I'd probably term her for both your sanity and hers.

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I think you are doing a great job! I'd have a talk with the mom though and let her know that a shorter drop off would make it a lot easier on you. If mom is hesitating at drop off like she doesn't want to leave, her daughter will pick up on that and assume that the proper response is to not want to be there

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