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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Feeling Like a Jerk...
KDC 07:10 AM 06-11-2012
So, I have a family with a 3.5 yr. old. They are my FT family, and they're a great family!

So... it started Tuesday of last week.

#1 I got a call at 4:30 from DCM asking me if I could keep DCB late (she was crying, and has an ill father). I asked until what time, she said I don't know, maybe 7ish - I'll have DCD call you (to this she was snippy - but obviously under a ton of pressure!) Normal p.u. time is 4:30. The ONLY reason I asked is because my daughter had her Kindergarten shots the night before and had an allergic reaction and I was waiting for a Dr. call back, thinking they might send us to the ER. Of course, there was no time to explain this. I watched DCB until 7 that night (He gets here at 7am).

#2 Then she texted saying no DCB for the rest of the week. I'm assuming because of bad news about her father... my hear aches for her. She texted around 3 pm Sunday night to say DCB wouldn't be there Monday and she'd keep me posted. He would've been my only kid, so I made plans with my Mom to take my three kids to the museum. Then she calls Sunday night during dinner (6pm) to see if she could bring DCB Monday - and all week, but to bring him at 6am instead of 7am that whole week. I said, can I call you back in a few minutes ... I just wanted to talk to my Husband who just changed his work hours (summer hours) to see if he could help (I have three children all 6 and under).

I thought it was ok, but my Husband thought I shouldn't have hesitated and jumped at it. She's the 'client' and she should come first. She caught me off guard at dinner and I had just made plans with my Mom. But her Dad is sick so I'm pretty much a jerk. I texted right away that I could do it... but she had already made other arrangements (he's out this whole week). I literally texted her back 15 mins later.

Ugh. Feeling so guilty.
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cheerfuldom 07:18 AM 06-11-2012
Originally Posted by KDC:
So, I have a family with a 3.5 yr. old. They are my FT family, and they're a great family!

So... it started Tuesday of last week.

#1 I got a call at 4:30 from DCM asking me if I could keep DCB late (she was crying, and has an ill father). I asked until what time, she said I don't know, maybe 7ish - I'll have DCD call you (to this she was snippy - but obviously under a ton of pressure!) Normal p.u. time is 4:30. The ONLY reason I asked is because my daughter had her Kindergarten shots the night before and had an allergic reaction and I was waiting for a Dr. call back, thinking they might send us to the ER. Of course, there was no time to explain this. I watched DCB until 7 that night (He gets here at 7am).

#2 Then she texted saying no DCB for the rest of the week. I'm assuming because of bad news about her father... my hear aches for her. She texted around 3 pm Sunday night to say DCB wouldn't be there Monday and she'd keep me posted. He would've been my only kid, so I made plans with my Mom to take my three kids to the museum. Then she calls Sunday night during dinner (6pm) to see if she could bring DCB Monday - and all week, but to bring him at 6am instead of 7am that whole week. I said, can I call you back in a few minutes ... I just wanted to talk to my Husband who just changed his work hours (summer hours) to see if he could help (I have three children all 6 and under).

I thought it was ok, but my Husband thought I shouldn't have hesitated and jumped at it. She's the 'client' and she should come first. She caught me off guard at dinner and I had just made plans with my Mom. But her Dad is sick so I'm pretty much a jerk. I texted right away that I could do it... but she had already made other arrangements (he's out this whole week). I literally texted her back 15 mins later.

Ugh. Feeling so guilty.
no, dont feel guilty. you do what you can do but you arent obligated to do anything outside of what is outlined in the contract (especially doing this for free!). you did what you could do....tried to accommodate but needed to check with the family first, that makes perfect sense. dont feel that you have to be on call all the time in order to keep a daycare family. and tell your DH to butt out....which is what I have to do on occasion. if his comments are just making you feel bad, then come talk to us here for a solution before going to him. I know my husband is usually more worried about keeping income coming than about me keeping my sanity so his comments focus more on me doing more than about me looking after myself or our kids. he's not a bad person, just has a different priority.
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Heidi 07:22 AM 06-11-2012
oh...don't feel like a jerk! I understand she's got a situation, but it's really not ok to expect you to jump at her every whim immediately, no matter what the circumstances.

I'd probably call her and make sure she knows you would have gladly done it, and if she needs you this week, you'd be happy to help.
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Springdaze 07:22 AM 06-11-2012
She probably was waiting to hear back from someone and did before you returned her call. Dont feel guilty. She shouldnt have told you he wasnt coming, besides you didnt tell her no.
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Heidi 07:23 AM 06-11-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
no, dont feel guilty. you do what you can do but you arent obligated to do anything outside of what is outlined in the contract (especially doing this for free!). you did what you could do....tried to accommodate but needed to check with the family first, that makes perfect sense. dont feel that you have to be on call all the time in order to keep a daycare family. and tell your DH to butt out....which is what I have to do on occasion. if his comments are just making you feel bad, then come talk to us here for a solution before going to him. I know my husband is usually more worried about keeping income coming than about me keeping my sanity so his comments focus more on me doing more than about me looking after myself or our kids. he's not a bad person, just has a different priority.
My dh operates pretty much the same way....I guess we balance each other out..
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Blackcat31 07:34 AM 06-11-2012
Do NOT feel guilty. She is a client but you also have a family. You are not required to be a someone's beck and call, no matter what life is dishing out to them.

I am sure that my DCF's have had things like this come up as well but in allmy years of doing care, I have NEVER had someone ask me for after hours or weekend care. I assume it is because I am VERY business like and have never mixed personal and business.

I think it was nice of you to accommodate her as much as you did but you are her child care provider not her nanny so don't feel bad or guilty.
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Blackcat31 07:37 AM 06-11-2012
Originally Posted by Heidi:
My dh operates pretty much the same way....I guess we balance each other out..
My DH would be the exact ooposite. He would be like "Uh huh, no way, ain't gonna happen." He already thinks daycare parents expect too much from their providers that anything any one asks that is above and beyond my regular hours of business is OFF LIMITS..as in DON'T even ask.

Honestly, I think his attitude comes from growing up in daycare and knowing the lines were/are blurry sometimes and he likes to keep that line really clear and really bold.
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MizzCheryl 11:11 AM 06-11-2012
KDC listen, I once had a single mom (artificial incimination) of 2 boys. (she has 3 now) Her dad started getting alzhimers and her mom got very ill too. I kept the boys over night on several occasions even took the baby to the Dr for her while her mama was sick. Sometimes she would pay me a little sometimes not. She had plenty of money! I kept the boys about 4 or 5 years. She got where she would not pay me and I had to start asking her to pay me. So at thanksgiving she didn't pay me for Thanksgiving day. So when I asked here about it she brought me an envelope. I thought it was acheck and said thanks. It was a check for the day and a note stating they would not be back because sha had never paid me for a holiday and didn't like it. Well she had always paid for holidays cause I charge. I helped this lady out tons of times, even drove around looking for her dad a few times when he wondered off and more examples.

THat is just one example of a parent that I have went out of my way to be helpful for. I got screwed by almost everyone of them. This is your business and the very people you "help out" are the ones that crap on you. Sure there are exceptions, but it is a business. She should not expect an answer without giving you time to think it over. IT is your perogative to think about it and you can even say NO!!!!!!!!
She obviously can make other arrangements.

Oh yeah and when her 3rd was born she called me and wanted me to keep him after she quit by and note in sealed envelope with NO Notice.
Guess what, I said NO!
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momma2girls 12:18 PM 06-12-2012
[quote=Clueless;236486]KDC listen, I once had a single mom (artificial incimination) of 2 boys. (she has 3 now) Her dad started getting alzhimers and her mom got very ill too. I kept the boys over night on several occasions even took the baby to the Dr for her while her mama was sick. Sometimes she would pay me a little sometimes not. She had plenty of money! I kept the boys about 4 or 5 years. She got where she would not pay me and I had to start asking her to pay me. So at thanksgiving she didn't pay me for Thanksgiving day. So when I asked here about it she brought me an envelope. I thought it was acheck and said thanks. It was a check for the day and a note stating they would not be back because sha had never paid me for a holiday and didn't like it. Well she had always paid for holidays cause I charge. I helped this lady out tons of times, even drove around looking for her dad a few times when he wondered off and more examples.

THat is just one example of a parent that I have went out of my way to be helpful for. I got screwed by almost everyone of them. This is your business and the very people you "help out" are the ones that crap on you. Sure there are exceptions, but it is a business. She should not expect an answer without giving you time to think it over. IT is your perogative to think about it and you can even say NO!!!!!!!!
She obviously can make other arrangements.

Oh yeah and when her 3rd was born she called me and wanted me to keep him after she quit by and note in sealed envelope with NO Notice.
Guess what, I said N
The same thing has happened to me- daycare family wrote a bad check, 3 weeks ago, and they still have not paid it yet!! Plus owe me for 2 extra days, 2 weeks ago. They are friends of ours, so I have been very lienient, but I am finished with it all. They have til Fri. to pay me for all of it, otherwise I have to tell them other arrangements must be made, if not paid in full!!! The more you let someone get away with things, the more they will use you and abuse you!!!!
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saved4always 02:14 PM 06-12-2012
You did nothing wrong, so don't feel guilty. You are not required to say yes to all parent requests. And you are allowed to make plans when they cancel for a day. I do not agree with your husband on this. The "client" does NOT always come first. Actually, for me, the "client" would never come before my family. Will I accomodate if I am able and willing? Of course. But, I would not automatically say yes to a request for an earlier drop off or anything else outside my contracted agreement. My husband has actually told me just this last week that, in my life in general, I need to not say yes out of guilt or because I am taken by surprise by a request. He says I need to start saying "I will have to think about that and get back to you". Or, for big things, especially for church, "I will have to pray about that".
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shelby 03:07 PM 06-12-2012
You did nothing wrong. Don't worry about it... I do think that parents want you to change your plans to fit theirs.
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Soccermom 06:11 PM 06-12-2012
I absolutely cannot stand when a parent gives me the day off and then changes their mind last minute. I make plans and look forward to spending some quality time with my 3 little ones and then I get that phone call and get totally flustered.
I will usually do the same as you did in this situation when I am caught off guard. I want a moment to think about how I feel about it and if I want to give in or not. Most times I will call back and say okay but I like to feel like I am in control.
Don't feel bad. You are operating a daycare from your home and she needs to realize that you have a family too.
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KDC 05:39 AM 06-13-2012
Originally Posted by Soccermom:
I absolutely cannot stand when a parent gives me the day off and then changes their mind last minute. I make plans and look forward to spending some quality time with my 3 little ones and then I get that phone call and get totally flustered.
I will usually do the same as you did in this situation when I am caught off guard. I want a moment to think about how I feel about it and if I want to give in or not. Most times I will call back and say okay but I like to feel like I am in control.
Don't feel bad. You are operating a daycare from your home and she needs to realize that you have a family too.
So... She gave me the week off ... then received a phone call at 8:30 last night saying DCB would be showing up on Wednesday morning (*the only day all week I would not have any other DCK's) and I received the warning that his schedule was all out of whack to expect extreme crankiness. Really I had plans... so I cancelled them, but mentioned to him that I did have plans based on their previous communications, but I rescheduled for them. He did apologize. I understand they didn't intentionally set out to screw my plans over. But, the communication sucked DCB was dropped off in a mood - but they said he's be picked up by 1 Still going to make the most of it by taking my three kiddos somewhere fun!

I told my DH... how you you like it if your boss said you got the week off, then called you Tuesday night at 8:30 and said they needed you at work for an awful problem. It kinda sucks!!
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momofboys 05:47 AM 06-13-2012
Originally Posted by KDC:
So... She gave me the week off ... then received a phone call at 8:30 last night saying DCB would be showing up on Wednesday morning (*the only day all week I would not have any other DCK's) and I received the warning that his schedule was all out of whack to expect extreme crankiness. Really I had plans... so I cancelled them, but mentioned to him that I did have plans based on their previous communications, but I rescheduled for them. He did apologize. I understand they didn't intentionally set out to screw my plans over. But, the communication sucked DCB was dropped off in a mood - but they said he's be picked up by 1 Still going to make the most of it by taking my three kiddos somewhere fun!

I told my DH... how you you like it if your boss said you got the week off, then called you Tuesday night at 8:30 and said they needed you at work for an awful problem. It kinda sucks!!
No ifs ands or buts about it I would have said no to the last-minute change. Time with my kids 1 on 1 is way more important. I would have said sorry, when you told me I had the day off I made an appt & my kids & I have plans. I had a client like this who was always changing things last minute. I got very good at saying NO but they still asked all the time. What could fix it (someone on here told me this) was to add an extra fee to last minute changes. So if your normal fee is $27/day when they change plans the day before the $27/day rate goes up to $37/day. I think it would work like a charm!
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Countrygal 01:11 PM 06-13-2012
Like many on here, I am a nurturer, and I often get trompled on. I just don't seem to understand when to trust and when not to and how far to go. I have had many people I've "helped out" during various situations doing daycare. One left owing me tons of money (what a nice way to say thank you), others decided they wanted me to raise their kids rather than them - they just wanted to be their kids' friends. Others I've gotten along well with and it worked out really wonderfully.

I don't want to change being known as a helpful person, but I sure would like to not get trompled on so much. Unfortunately, MOST people take advantage of others......
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My3cents 12:06 PM 06-14-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
no, dont feel guilty. you do what you can do but you arent obligated to do anything outside of what is outlined in the contract (especially doing this for free!). you did what you could do....tried to accommodate but needed to check with the family first, that makes perfect sense. dont feel that you have to be on call all the time in order to keep a daycare family. and tell your DH to butt out....which is what I have to do on occasion. if his comments are just making you feel bad, then come talk to us here for a solution before going to him. I know my husband is usually more worried about keeping income coming than about me keeping my sanity so his comments focus more on me doing more than about me looking after myself or our kids. he's not a bad person, just has a different priority.


have a contract- your not on call. Have hours that you are open and or have contracted hours. Charge more for services outside of the contracted hours. Yes I am open from blank to blank........your contracted hours are from blank to blank....... We can't carry the world even if our heat is in a good place and wants too. I have in my contract that schedules for the following week need to be given to me on Friday. I also stress that weekends are my time- I need to have down time. Family time- I work just as they do. I work hard!
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