Potty Training Question...

Hello!

My son attends a home daycare one day per week. He has been potty trained since his 3rd birthday. He is now 3.3 months old. He still has to wear a pull up at daycare (which I am fine with), because he will have an accident there. He does tell me at home that he has to go and if it has been ages, I do ask him if he has to go. I asked the provider if she would be willing to tell him he needs to use the bathroom, as I am guessing he may be too shy to ask her, or just go on his own, because he comes home with a soaked pull up. She told me she sees him doing the "potty dance", but misses it, because she gets busy with the other children. And when I asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him to use the toilet after some time has passed, she said her 7 month old grandson keeps her busy, so it is hard for her to ask or tell him. She cares for 6 children at a time.
My question to you...is it normal for a child my son's age, to have full control over the bathroom (going into the bathroom on his own), or does a daycare or provider usually assist with this in the beginning? Like having a set bathroom break time.
I know daycare is busier than home. I completely understand this. My son can pull up and down his pants and underwear himself. He just needs some assistance hopping on the toilet. I'm just unclear as what is normal? Any input would be helpful. Thanks!

[Cat Herder]

I take children to the potty when they tell me they need to go.

We do go potty upon arrival, after meals/snacks, before and after playground time and before and after naptime as routine.

[racemom]

I work in a center with 2 and 3 year olds, so lots of new potty training and trained. We have set times we go potty, and if we see anyone showing signs send them to go potty. We also have a small stepstool, so everyone can get on the toilet unassisted, but we also watch to see if they need assistance.

[jenboo]

She sounds lazy imho

I have kids go potty when we do diaper changes. Outside of that, I take them when they ask.

I do not take kids every 20 mins but it's not sounding like you are asking her to do that.

If she is too busy to take kids potty at regular transition times, I would wonder what else she is too busy to do...

[Snowmom]

Originally Posted by jenboo

She sounds lazy imho

I have kids go potty when we do diaper changes. Outside of that, I take them when they ask.

I do not take kids every 20 mins but it's not sounding like you are asking her to do that.

If she is too busy to take kids potty at regular transition times, I would wonder what else she is too busy to do...

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that she's lazy.
I would want clarification on what her potty training policy is- especially if it's not written in a handbook or contract.

I will say, if a child couldn't vocalize the need to go and physically get on the toilet by themselves, they wouldn't be toilet training here.

The only time I tell kids "take a bathroom break" is right before nap and that's purely for selfish reasons.

I have a nearly 4 year old who has been in a pull up for almost a year here. He still has accidents 2-3 times a week.
I'm not going to remind him to go. He needs to recognize that for himself. I'm not doing him any favors by taking over the process. Yes, there are some days he goes home in a wet pull up too. I ask him if he stayed dry after nap or outside and he tells me yes (although sometimes that's not true- he just doesn't want to tell me). Sometimes I double check if I visually see it's full but most of the time, I don't. I also don't assist in the bathroom after the first week of PT. I might observe, but don't assist unless absolutely necessary.

I think it is fair if the provider at least helps. Three year olds are just that, three.

My 6 year old FINALLY decided to stop peeing herself many times a day-she doesnt power struggle for control with other adults so a simple reminder was all she needed with others (not me, it was a battle until I recently decided she should handle it herself, and now Im able to ask if she needs to go without a tantrum.)


To the PP-when my daughter was almost 5 she started a new center (I switched jobs and she came to my childcare) and what the teacher did was wake her in the middle of nap to pee and after a couple of days she stopped nap time peeing. She pee'd right before nap, too.

[Ariana]

If your provider is telling you she cannot take him all the time then that is what you have to work with unless you find other care. What I do personally should not have any impact.

It sounds to me like your child is not potty trained at all and is waiting for an adult to tell him when to go. Your provider is likely trying to send you a message that this is the case. I do not bring kids to the toilet either. When they are potty trained enough to be out of a pullup they go on their own completely. I come in to help wipe a BM but that is it. If a child never asks to go and soaks a pullup every day they are not potty trained. The only reason he is dry at your house is because you are in control of his bodily functions.

[jenboo]

Originally Posted by Ariana

If your provider is telling you she cannot take him all the time then that is what you have to work with unless you find other care. What I do personally should not have any impact.

It sounds to me like your child is not potty trained at all and is waiting for an adult to tell him when to go. Your provider is likely trying to send you a message that this is the case. I do not bring kids to the toilet either. When they are potty trained enough to be out of a pullup they go on their own completely. I come in to help wipe a BM but that is it. If a child never asks to go and soaks a pullup every day they are not potty trained. The only reason he is dry at your house is because you are in control of his bodily functions.

Just curious. I don't take kids to the potty at intervals (like every 20 min ect), but we do have group potty times at transitions and diaper changes (so pretty much every 2 hours).
So you are saying that you never have group bathroom breaks? Im just curious because a pp said they don't and I've never worked at a program who didn't have bathroom breaks in their schedule. So im just curious Haha.

[Ariana]

Originally Posted by jenboo

Just curious. I don't take kids to the potty at intervals (like every 20 min ect), but we do have group potty times at transitions and diaper changes (so pretty much every 2 hours).
So you are saying that you never have group bathroom breaks? Im just curious because a pp said they don't and I've never worked at a program who didn't have bathroom breaks in their schedule. So im just curious Haha.

No I don’t have group potty breaks! We did at the centre where I used to work but every program is different. I might get then to go before we go out in the winter but not always.

[jenboo]

Originally Posted by Ariana

No I don’t have group potty breaks! We did at the centre where I used to work but every program is different. I might get then to go before we go out in the winter but not always.

Interesting! I learn something new everyday.

I thought about it after I wrote the question and I should have asked if it is common to do group toilet breaks throughout the day- without adding in my story (as conclusions can be jumped to). Thank you for all those who took the time to respond.

And no.... I don’t expect the childcare provider to take him every 20 minutes. We are way beyond that point. I did that when I was first training him. I do have experience with children, multiple children too. I was a professional nanny for over 20 years. I have trained many children throughout this time.. My son is potty trained. He tells me (or his dad, or his grandmother when he has to go). We just took a flight to the UK (where we are now on holiday) and he has told all of his immediate family members when he has to go.... He is surely potty trained. I didn’t even question that the provider has him wear a pull up. It says in her handbook that the child will wear a pull up until they are two weeks dry. That is a complete NON issue. I understand he can’t go wetting on her floor (he doesn’t poop at daycare- he has held that in since he was 2, waiting until he arrives home). I was just wondering if it was normal for a younger three to be completely on their own when it comes to the toilet. I was just wondering what the consensus was. And you know the difference a year makes in a child’s development, so it is hard to compare to a 4 year old.
My son is introverted and it is really hard for him to speak up in a louder environment. We are a house of introverts, actually. The positive is that he is a good listener and is very calm, easy going. The downside is, he has a hard time speaking up. I was not asking the provider to take him every 20 minutes or even every hour. I was only asking if she sees him doing a dance (I didn’t ask her, she told she sees him doing the dance and misses him- because it is busy), if she could tell him to go to the toilet. And I asked her is she could send him every so often- which really just means before lunch, nap, or whenever it is convenient. And he does hold it for hours, so he doesn’t have a need to go every 20 minutes.
And when I asked her if some time has passed, if she could send him to the toilet (he can do everything on his own, he just needs a stool to hop on the toilet), she said the baby kept her busy- as he is starting to walk.
I just thought it was a strange response, when you are responsible for the well being of all 6 children. And no, there is not any hidden issues or animosity that someone may be hoping to find.

[Ariana]

Stop taking him when he is at home and see what happens. If he is indeed fully potty trained as you assert then he will begin asking to go and will gain confidence over his own bodily functions and his ability to self advocate when he needs to go to the bathroom. Maybe he simply needs more practice in recognizing his body signals and then asking to go. Even an introverted child will ask to go to the bathroom.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I thought about it after I wrote the question and I should have asked if it is common to do group toilet breaks throughout the day- without adding in my story (as conclusions can be jumped to). Thank you for all those who took the time to respond.

And no.... I don’t expect the childcare provider to take him every 20 minutes. We are way beyond that point. I did that when I was first training him. I do have experience with children, multiple children too. I was a professional nanny for over 20 years. I have trained many children throughout this time.. My son is potty trained. He tells me (or his dad, or his grandmother when he has to go). We just took a flight to the UK (where we are now on holiday) and he has told all of his immediate family members when he has to go.... He is surely potty trained. I didn’t even question that the provider has him wear a pull up. It says in her handbook that the child will wear a pull up until they are two weeks dry. That is a complete NON issue. I understand he can’t go wetting on her floor (he doesn’t poop at daycare- he has held that in since he was 2, waiting until he arrives home). I was just wondering if it was normal for a younger three to be completely on their own when it comes to the toilet. I was just wondering what the consensus was. And you know the difference a year makes in a child’s development, so it is hard to compare to a 4 year old.
My son is introverted and it is really hard for him to speak up in a louder environment. We are a house of introverts, actually. The positive is that he is a good listener and is very calm, easy going. The downside is, he has a hard time speaking up. I was not asking the provider to take him every 20 minutes or even every hour. I was only asking if she sees him doing a dance (I didn’t ask her, she told she sees him doing the dance and misses him- because it is busy), if she could tell him to go to the toilet. And I asked her is she could send him every so often- which really just means before lunch, nap, or whenever it is convenient. And he does hold it for hours, so he doesn’t have a need to go every 20 minutes.
And when I asked her if some time has passed, if she could send him to the toilet (he can do everything on his own, he just needs a stool to hop on the toilet), she said the baby kept her busy- as he is starting to walk.
I just thought it was a strange response, when you are responsible for the well being of all 6 children. And no, there is not any hidden issues or animosity that someone may be hoping to find.

Regular potty breaks through out the day is common in most child care programs that I am familiar with.

I don't take anyone to the bathroom but we certainly have times during the day where everyone has the opportunity to use the bathroom during times we transition from one activity to another.

The kids are also free to use the bathroom when they feel the need to, on their own without asking me. They just go in and do their thing.

I do agree with you that your provider is responsible for ALL children in care and in my opinion what you are asking isn't that big of a deal...

I remind kids to get a tissue when I see them picking their nose, I remind them to cover their mouth when coughing/sneezing, I remind them to keep their hands to themselves, to use their words and not their hands, to play nicely or to clean up or settle down etc. I also praise positive behaviors I see throughout the day so it is absolutely not outside the realm of possibilities for your provider to prompt your child to use the bathroom if he is doing the potty dance. Her response was odd in my opinion as well.

I don't know but it almost feels like your providers response wasn't really about reminding your son or about her being busy with her nephew/infant (at 7 months, they can entertain themselves while she provides for the others and don't require being held the entire day). It almost feels like maybe she just didn't like being asked/told to do something...kind of like a power struggle for control.

I've seen many providers react with resistance to a parent simply because of issues with control or "who's in charge" type feelings. Hoping that makes sense.

Wondering however, what was the issue that occurred that led up to you and your provider having this discussion? How did you ask her to remind your child or rather what was the question? What was the conversation between you two that this came to light?

[Rockgirl]

I send all kids to potty & wash hands before breakfast and lunch, and after nap, which is right before snack. For some, those are the only times they go during the day. Others go 6-8 times. But I think it’s reasonable to expect the provider to have him go a few times, especially since he’s doing so great at home. I love having daycare parents who have put in the work at home, and I’m definitely willing to support that. I’d rather assist a child in the restroom than keep changing their diapers.

You said it was her grandson...maybe there is some favortism there. It isnt hard to verbally tell a child to go

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

Regular potty breaks through out the day is common in most child care programs that I am familiar with.

I don't take anyone to the bathroom but we certainly have times during the day where everyone has the opportunity to use the bathroom during times we transition from one activity to another.

The kids are also free to use the bathroom when they feel the need to, on their own without asking me. They just go in and do their thing.

I do agree with you that your provider is responsible for ALL children in care and in my opinion what you are asking isn't that big of a deal...

I remind kids to get a tissue when I see them picking their nose, I remind them to cover their mouth when coughing/sneezing, I remind them to keep their hands to themselves, to use their words and not their hands, to play nicely or to clean up or settle down etc. I also praise positive behaviors I see throughout the day so it is absolutely not outside the realm of possibilities for your provider to prompt your child to use the bathroom if he is doing the potty dance. Her response was odd in my opinion as well.

I don't know but it almost feels like your providers response wasn't really about reminding your son or about her being busy with her nephew/infant (at 7 months, they can entertain themselves while she provides for the others and don't require being held the entire day). It almost feels like maybe she just didn't like being asked/told to do something...kind of like a power struggle for control.

I've seen many providers react with resistance to a parent simply because of issues with control or "who's in charge" type feelings. Hoping that makes sense.

Wondering however, what was the issue that occurred that led up to you and your provider having this discussion? How did you ask her to remind your child or rather what was the question? What was the conversation between you two that this came to light?

Hopefully I tagged this correctly. I apologize if I did not.

Just in case it was missed, my provider cares for my son one day per week (I only need one day for my work). A bit before he turned 3, she would ask about potty training. I had been working on it beforehand, but not full on. Once he turned 3 (or maybe a month before) I really worked on it- taking him every 20 minutes or so to the toilet. So, for 3-4 months he has been fully trained at home. I kept bringing him in pull-ups and I would ask how he did (not mentioning anything about asking her to take him to the toilet or ask him to go). It was during this time frame that he was still coming home in a soaked pull-up. I was surprised that he was taking so long to train. The week before last was when she randomly told me she sees him doing the potty dance. I didn’t say anything to that, but that is what got me thinking he must be holding it for quite some time to get to that point. When I went to pick him up last week, I mentioned that he may be too shy or quiet to ask (trying to figure out, as his mother, why he isn’t using the toilet and coming home soaked still after 3-4 months). That’s when I asked her is she could possibly tell him to use the toilet (at least he would go sit on the toilet to try). In my mind, I pictured during a transitional time. For instance.... after or before snack, saying... “okay, it’s bathroom time”, or something on those lines. That’s when she said she was busy with her grandson, who is on the verge of walking. Again... if I had a 4 year old, maybe I would feel different, but I didn’t think it was an over the top request to ask a 3.3 year old to go sit on the toilet, clearly if he is in need of using it.

And I completely understand that it may be a control thing for the provider. I know you don’t know me, but I am one of the most responsible, but easy going people out there. I worked as a nanny for so long and I have been micromanaged- so I avoid doing that to other people. And because i have worked with many unpleasant families, I always used the Moto - I want to raise children that other adults don’t mind being around. So, I don’t think it is a resentment thing. She has told me my child is very well-behaved. Not perfect with me (of course), but he is a good boy in general. And my older son went to a provider, who retired, so I understand how daycares work a bit. I literally just asked her is she wouldn’t mind telling him, that maybe it would help with moving forward. I have never asked for another request before. 🤷*♀️

Originally Posted by Ariana

Stop taking him when he is at home and see what happens. If he is indeed fully potty trained as you assert then he will begin asking to go and will gain confidence over his own bodily functions and his ability to self advocate when he needs to go to the bathroom. Maybe he simply needs more practice in recognizing his body signals and then asking to go. Even an introverted child will ask to go to the bathroom.

He does go on his own. He will tell us he has to go- he makes an announcement to us for whatever reason. And we send him on his way. He had a hard time reaching to sit on the toilet at first, but he is much better about scooting on it now. I wanted to be in there more (in the beginning), so he was aimed into the toilet properly. He also goes on his own outside too (our house is private, so it isn’t too much of a big deal to go outside at home).

Originally Posted by Ariana

If your provider is telling you she cannot take him all the time then that is what you have to work with unless you find other care. What I do personally should not have any impact.

It sounds to me like your child is not potty trained at all and is waiting for an adult to tell him when to go. Your provider is likely trying to send you a message that this is the case. I do not bring kids to the toilet either. When they are potty trained enough to be out of a pullup they go on their own completely. I come in to help wipe a BM but that is it. If a child never asks to go and soaks a pullup every day they are not potty trained. The only reason he is dry at your house is because you are in control of his bodily functions.

Hello, I answered below, but he has been going on his own for about 1.5 to 2 months. Potty trained for a total of 3-4 months. He tells us he has to go and goes in on his own. I’ve nannied for over 20
Years and have helped multiple children potty train (plus I have a 9 year old son). My child wears underwear at all
Times with no accidents. I don’t Prompt him to go to the toilet either.

[Mom2Two]

When kids here are at that stage, I have them go at regular intervals--usually the same time I am doing routine diaper changes (I check and change for wetness every two hours).

If he needed help navigating the toilet, I would help him until he was able to be more self-sufficient. I don't potty train, but I do support it.

I think that most professional home providers have their own sticking points about different issues. But with so many who actually will DO potty training for parents, it sounds funny to me that your provider doesn't even want to verbally give a reminder.