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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Bad Mother Or Overwhelmed???
kayla 01:47 PM 12-06-2011
I have a daycare child who is almost 5. His mom drops him off right at 7 waits til 5 to pick him up. Thats when i open and when i close. Today he told me his bed time is 7 oclock. So this means she spends absolutely no time with him. If she picks him up at 5 basically she only has enough time to go home make dinner eat and put him to bed. She rarely gives him a bath, and when she does she doesnt get any time with her 6 kids. I find this so disgusting!!! I do not think people like this should be aloud to have children. Mind you my husband works with her and she gets off at 2 so it would be one thing if she just had to work those long hours. But she dont she just doesnt like to spend time with her own children. This is also my problem child, now i see why hes acting up all the time. It makes me so sad...Also im still waiting for the day he shows up with clothing that actually fits him. I understand people dont have alot of money but when you can go out and buy ciggarettes and booze save that money and buy your kids clothes from the goodwill. I know she smokes cause her child smells like it the moment he enters my house and i know she drinks because my husband works with her.... Get your D*** priorities in order!!!
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youretooloud 01:52 PM 12-06-2011
I used to close late every night. I had kids at my house 12 hours a day, even though the parents were off work at 4:00, they would wait til 5:59 and then drive up to my house in workout clothes, all ready to take the kids to the gym daycare so they could get in a two hour workout before having to be at home with the kids.

SOme of the kids never even ate dinner.
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KBCsMommy 02:03 PM 12-06-2011
This sounds like the perfect parent to introduce NannyDEs payment plan to!!!!
Basically the longer they leave their child in daycare, the more they pay! An average rate for pickup at 3 pm. After that it goes up $10 for every hour they are in care!!!!!!!

Parents like that drive me nuts too. If they would just parent their child instead of ignoring them and tossing them aside,the kids would act better. It would be better for mom and child!
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bice99 02:14 PM 12-06-2011
Originally Posted by KBCsMommy:
This sounds like the perfect parent to introduce NannyDEs payment plan to!!!!
Basically the longer they leave their child in daycare, the more they pay! An average rate for pickup at 3 pm. After that it goes up $10 for every hour they are in care!!!!!!!

Parents like that drive me nuts too. If they would just parent their child instead of ignoring them and tossing them aside,the kids would act better. It would be better for mom and child!
Nanny D - I need your payment plan again. One of my first clients just gave notice. She's starting her barely 3 year old in preschool midyear. Ugh. I know the little girl will not do well. She's a wonderful girl and part of our family. But she is not ready for that level of work or school setting for that many hours a day (daycare onsite afterwards. SDA jr academy). So now all of my kiddos are gone by 4:30. New mama and I have been playing phone tag. I told her I close at 4:30 It used to be 5.
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wdmmom 05:26 PM 12-06-2011
Payment schedule

Pick up at 3pm, your base rate
Every 15 minutes thereafter, add $5.00

I add $2.50 to every 15 minutes.

She comes at 3pm, great, weekly rate stays the same.

She wants to come at 5pm, that'll be an extra $20 per day!

I work for parents according to their work hours. If DCD works 6am to 2pm and DCM works 9am to 5pm, the DCK comes at 830am and leaves at 230pm. If they want more, they PAY...royally!

The way I see it, daycare is one rate, babysitting is another because it's a convenience. If the parents feel inconveniences by being a parent and caring for their child/ren, charge more!
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countrymom 07:14 AM 12-07-2011
I just got rid of the exact same family, heck they even forget to pick their kid up twice, imagine that. Same routine, pick up at 530pm and in bed at 7pm, sad parenting. Acually I think they dispised their kids, and dumped them off at whoever would watch them.

I now ask parents for their work schedual, I do close at 5pm, but I don't have anyone here till 5pm. I took the advice of you ladies and started working around parents schedual, not them working around mine. Its so much better.
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Lilbutterflie 07:37 AM 12-07-2011
During the interview process, I ask the parents what their work schedule is; and explain to them that their schedule here is based on their work schedules and commute time. I also have in my contract that anything over a 10 hour day is overtime, at $5 for every hour/partial hour.
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Mrs. CC 08:43 AM 12-07-2011
When DH and I both worked we picked our son up at 5 and his bedtime was 7. That was all he could handle and had huge meltdowns if not. I don't understand the idea that children need to be up late.

He still (age 3.5) goes to bed between 7-8 each night. Some kids need more sleep.
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Ariana 09:27 AM 12-07-2011
I think if I had 6 kids I'd want to run away and hide from them too!!!
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Country Kids 09:41 AM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by Mrs. CC:
When DH and I both worked we picked our son up at 5 and his bedtime was 7. That was all he could handle and had huge meltdowns if not. I don't understand the idea that children need to be up late.

He still (age 3.5) goes to bed between 7-8 each night. Some kids need more sleep.
I don't think its the idea of your child being up late but spending quality time with them. I know myself there is no way I could pick my child up from childcare, get home, make dinner (even in the crockpot you probably need something else with it), set the table, eat, clean up, give the child a bath, get them ready for bed and then put them into bed all in two hours. I would be soooooo frazzled!!!
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Ariana 10:20 AM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
I don't think its the idea of your child being up late but spending quality time with them. I know myself there is no way I could pick my child up from childcare, get home, make dinner (even in the crockpot you probably need something else with it), set the table, eat, clean up, give the child a bath, get them ready for bed and then put them into bed all in two hours. I would be soooooo frazzled!!!
Me too, not to mention with 5 other kids running around. Maybe she makes the dinner and cleans up before she comes to get the kid?
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Mrs. CC 10:23 AM 12-07-2011
We did clean up after he was in bed and we missed out on many things keeping to his schedule.

meals were not fancy (carb, 2 veggies and a protein) so not hard to put together. Many times they were leftovers, so with less than 10 minutes commute we were home and eating and in tub by 6 pm.

We wrestled with him on the floor, read books and tucked him in.

then had to clean, do laundry, etc after he was asleep.

Like I said, some kids need more sleep so you adjust.
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Mandy_Jane 12:49 PM 12-07-2011
I think I'd have to quit my job if it meant only seeing my kids for 2 or less hours a day, of which included driving and cooking time. I just wouldn't be able to handle that as a mother. Thank God that I have been able to afford to stay home with my girls since they've been born. I do understand that others aren't that fortunate, but I just wouldn't feel like I was a good mother if my childcare provider was with my child more than I was
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Unregistered 12:59 PM 12-07-2011
Some people don't have a choice. I pick up my DD around 5:45 and we're home by 6-6:15, depending on traffic. Dinner, play a bit, bath and bed. She's in bed by 8. Do I like it this way? No! But there's not a whole lot I can do about it. She sleeps from 8pm-7am, then we're out the door by 7:20 in the morning. She can't go on less sleep. I can't work fewer hours. I'm at work from 8:30-5 each day. It doesn't automatically mean I'm a bad mom or I love my daughter any less. I just have to make the most of the time I do have with her, in the evenings and on the weekends.
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MsMe 01:09 PM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Some people don't have a choice. I pick up my DD around 5:45 and we're home by 6-6:15, depending on traffic. Dinner, play a bit, bath and bed. She's in bed by 8. Do I like it this way? No! But there's not a whole lot I can do about it. She sleeps from 8pm-7am, then we're out the door by 7:20 in the morning. She can't go on less sleep. I can't work fewer hours. I'm at work from 8:30-5 each day. It doesn't automatically mean I'm a bad mom or I love my daughter any less. I just have to make the most of the time I do have with her, in the evenings and on the weekends.
You are right some people don't have a choice and it sounds like you are a very good mother doing everything you can to get good time in with your child. it make s me sad when Mothers have to work so hard and don't have enough time left over. You are also completly right about your child needing good rest. Your daughter is very lucky to have a great mom like you.

The mother the OP is writing about gets off of work at 2 each day and doesn't not pick up untill 5. Not a hard workign mother like you who makes the most of every minute you do get to spend with your child.

I always feel bad when parents who do try hard are teh ones who get offfended or upset when we post about small number of parents that take advantage of care.
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Unregistered 01:12 PM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by MsMe:
You are right some people don't have a choice and it sounds like you are a very good mother doing everything you can to get good time in with your child. it make s me sad when Mothers have to work so hard and don't have enough time left over. You are also completly right about your child needing good rest. Your daughter is very lucky to have a great mom like you.

The mother the OP is writing about gets off of work at 2 each day and doesn't not pick up untill 5. Not a hard workign mother like you who makes the most of every minute you do get to spend with your child.

I always feel bad when parents who do try hard are teh ones who get offfended or upset when we post about small number of parents that take advantage of care.
I understand that, but the poster before me said:

"I just wouldn't feel like I was a good mother if my childcare provider was with my child more than I was "

I feel bad enough as it is, I don't think I get enough time with me daughter. But I don't think that automatically means I'm a BAD mother.
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kayla 01:18 PM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Some people don't have a choice. I pick up my DD around 5:45 and we're home by 6-6:15, depending on traffic. Dinner, play a bit, bath and bed. She's in bed by 8. Do I like it this way? No! But there's not a whole lot I can do about it. She sleeps from 8pm-7am, then we're out the door by 7:20 in the morning. She can't go on less sleep. I can't work fewer hours. I'm at work from 8:30-5 each day. It doesn't automatically mean I'm a bad mom or I love my daughter any less. I just have to make the most of the time I do have with her, in the evenings and on the weekends.
no but my point is this parent is not at work... she gets off at 2 and just doesnt feel like being with her child she leaves him from 7-5 picks up makes dinner and puts him to bed at 7 this is wrong to me!!! The only time she has ever picked up early was to drop him off at his dads, they are divorced... pretty sad, and how do you know your child cant make it on less sleep your not with them anyway but for 2 hrs!!!
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Unregistered 01:23 PM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by kayla:
no but my point is this parent is not at work... she gets off at 2 and just doesnt feel like being with her child she leaves him from 7-5 picks up makes dinner and puts him to bed at 7 this is wrong to me!!! The only time she has ever picked up early was to drop him off at his dads, they are divorced... pretty sad, and how do you know your child cant make it on less sleep your not with them anyway but for 2 hrs!!!
My DD is 18 months old. On the weekends she sleeps at least 11, usually 12 hours a night and takes a 3 hour nap. On weekdays she gets a 2 hour nap at daycare and needs all 11 of those hours at night. I can't keep her up any later than 8, she gets cranky. And wouldn't a daycare provider prefer a well rested child, instead of a cranky one because I purposely kept her up late?
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Mandy_Jane 02:10 PM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
My DD is 18 months old. On the weekends she sleeps at least 11, usually 12 hours a night and takes a 3 hour nap. On weekdays she gets a 2 hour nap at daycare and needs all 11 of those hours at night. I can't keep her up any later than 8, she gets cranky. And wouldn't a daycare provider prefer a well rested child, instead of a cranky one because I purposely kept her up late?

Maybe you could suggest to your provider that she lay the baby down for two naps during the day, so you could spend more time with her in the evening. That way she would get all the sleep her body needs and get to spend more quality time with you.
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sharlan 02:51 PM 12-07-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
My DD is 18 months old. On the weekends she sleeps at least 11, usually 12 hours a night and takes a 3 hour nap. On weekdays she gets a 2 hour nap at daycare and needs all 11 of those hours at night. I can't keep her up any later than 8, she gets cranky. And wouldn't a daycare provider prefer a well rested child, instead of a cranky one because I purposely kept her up late?
I understand exactly what you are saying. My youngest had to be in bed by 7 every night until she was over 2.. At 7:05 she was unconsolable (SP). At 7, she went right to sleep, at 7:30, she cried for an hour.

You are not a bad mother, just one who has to do what she has to do to keep a roof over your child's head.
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Christian Mother 07:29 PM 12-07-2011
Nope, not a bad mother at all. Both my children are in bed now by 8pm..but they are now 8 and 4 1/2. A yr ago it was 7:30pm and a yr before that 7pm. When I worked and my son was in childcare I worked 8am til 5pm however, my husband had a 5am to 2pm job so he was able to pick up our son at 2:30pm but I am sure there where times in there that my son had to stay later til 5:30pm bc my husband had a side job or doctor appt or other plans. We all do what we can to survive and although the OP is talking about why isn't this parent picking up her child at 2:30pm when she gets off at 2pm...she should address it right away. I only provide care for working families...as soon as there off they must pick up there child. If I knew a parent left at 2pm I'd be making arrangements for a meeting.
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mainegal 07:42 AM 12-08-2011
I *DO* understand what the poster is trying to say, and normally I might have agreed except that I was in a very similar situation as a working mom (back in the day). Working all day (and being away from your children) is not a 'break' - it's often frustrating work (if you have a job like the one *I* used to have before opening up my childcare!).

After working 8 hours under frustrating conditions, and then you pick up your child (especially if your child is very 'active') can be exhausting to deal with. You do what you can to enjoy dinner and evening rituals together before they finally go to sleep. Then, if you're lucky, you can manage to stay up another hour or so to unwind before you go to sleep yourself and start all over again with the morning shuffle.

If a parent is lucky enough to get out in the early afternoon, I personally do not see anything wrong with them taking an hour or so to run arrands or have some 'me' time away from their kids. We all deny that to ourselves, and really I happen to believe that self-care is very important!

That mother is probably much better able to give their child quality time after recharging for an hour or so after work.

I just ask that the parent have a cell phone or other way for me to reach them in an emergency.
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Tags:mandated reporter, neglect, overwhelmed, parent - overwhelmed, parental life choices, parental responsibility, priorities, training
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