Daycare.com Forum

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 04-30-2012, 01:42 PM
Oneluckymom's Avatar
Oneluckymom Oneluckymom is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: california
Posts: 1,002
Default Parents Who Spend Vacation Without Their Children

So, I have a couple of parents who took vacations and left their children with grandma. I cannot even think of doing this, esp. if I had my child in daycare 10hrs a day/5days a week. When do they get quality time with their kids.

One of my parents went to Las Vegas for without their child for 5 days and left DCG with grandma, and the other has been in town but has their kid with grandma for 4 days. I just don't get it? They are already away for so long during the day and then to leave them for that length of time at a solid stretch is just unthinkable.

I just feel like parents don't REALLY enjoy being parents anymore.

Our family goes EVERYWHERE together...unless we really can't help it which is RARE
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 04-30-2012, 01:48 PM
SunshineMama's Avatar
SunshineMama SunshineMama is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Legally unlicensed state
Posts: 1,576
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oneluckymom View Post
So, I have a couple of parents who took vacations and left their children with grandma. I cannot even think of doing this, esp. if I had my child in daycare 10hrs a day/5days a week. When do they get quality time with their kids.

One of my parents went to Las Vegas for 5 days, and the other has been in town but has their kid with grandma for 4 days. I just don't get it? They are already away for so long during the day and then to leave them for that length of time at a solid stretch is just unthinkable.

I just feel like parents don't REALLY enjoy being parents anymore.

Our family goes EVERYWHERE together...unless we really can't help it which is RARE
Are we living in a parallel universe? I had the SAME thing happen- Vegas for one kid and grandmas for a week for the other.

The only time I ever spent a night without my kids was when I was in the hospital- delivering another one of my kids!

I just miss them too much and am a worrier. Kudos to the parents who have that kind of trusting relationship and freedom- I don't have it in me.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 04-30-2012, 01:57 PM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

I don't think it's bad if you want to take a trip without the kids once in a while. We take one trip with the kids and one without them each year. Grandma & Grandpa LOVE to have 5 days with them while we're gone. I don't think I could just do trips that don't include them ever though. I like doing one of each since it feels more fair this way. They still get to go somewhere and we still get to have a little time to ourselves.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 04-30-2012, 01:58 PM
cheerfuldom's Avatar
cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 7,415
Default

We will be going on a vacation without our kids coming up soon....it wont be five days and we dont regularly leave our kids. We are lucky to have in-laws that are 100% capable of caring for the kids and our kids have no issue spending the night over there. I wouldnt be too hard on the parents because we all need kid free time. As long as it is not like every other month, i wouldnt be too judgey about it.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 04-30-2012, 02:01 PM
Christian Mother's Avatar
Christian Mother Christian Mother is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Sunny Out Here, AZ
Posts: 876
Default

Can I join in on this...What is with Vegas?

I too have a family going on vacation to Vegas beginning of July. I thought it would be the 4th through the 8th turns out it is only the 5th through the 8th when I told them how much for a holiday.

They normally take a couple of vacations with out the kids each yr. i can never understand it but I am like you guys. We like having the kids with us and we choose things that involve the kids although I do understand the need to get a way with hubby it's just that for my husband and I...we love doing things with the kids. Sometimes when their young it's hard to enjoy. I just think when their young and you do vacations with the kids...you feel like a kid as well...
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 04-30-2012, 02:04 PM
Springdaze's Avatar
Springdaze Springdaze is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
Default

I would LOVE to get away without my kids! I think we need to focus on how we can give the best experience when they are with us and not wear ourselves out worrying about how the parents choose to raise their kids.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 04-30-2012, 02:08 PM
Oneluckymom's Avatar
Oneluckymom Oneluckymom is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: california
Posts: 1,002
Default

The reason I just can't understand it is because of a few reasons: first, they are in daycare ALL DAY already, second when you take kids with you you are making memories that kids will forever keep with them, and third if you need to get out with hubby can't you just do a nice dinner evening out or a day trip (why 5 days alone).
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 04-30-2012, 02:24 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 17,000
Default

Maybe they never got a honeymoon?
Maybe they have never been offered a week at grandma's before?
Maybe they won the trip?
Maybe they work really hard and have never had a vacation alone before?
Maybe they plan on taking all future vacations as a family but since their kids are little now, it is more beneficial to have a vacation without them?
Maybe they are Bill and Jane and NOT just a mom and a dad?
Maybe they are going to Vegas to do something inappropriate so it is a good thing the kids aren't going?
Maybe one of them has some weird disease and they are seeking alternate treatment from some wack-o quack only found in Vegas?
Maybe they are meeting up with another couple for a ......(well another reason to not bring the kids with).?
Maybe they just need a break from their daily life so they can come back refreshed and ready to deal....?
Maybe they are attending a marriage group?
Maybe they are job seeking?
Maybe they are house hunting?
Maybe one of them is dying and seeing Wayne Newton is on their bucket list?

Who knows.....but I really don't think we can or should be judging these parents. We have never walked a mile in their shoes, we aren't living in their homes or living their lives so I don't think we ever really know the whole story. Everyone defines parenting differently and I honeslty think that if it really bothers people so much, then refuse to participate in the fact that they leave their child in child care for such long hours. If they use 50 hours per week but don't work that many, then don't provide care for them.

You can't control what others do but you can change what you do. If you don't like the type of parenting a person has going on....and it really gets to you, then don't provide care to those kinds of parents.
We can't have it both ways.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 04-30-2012, 02:25 PM
wdmmom wdmmom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: WDM, IA
Posts: 2,669
Default

Between my husband and I, we have 5 children. Do you have any idea how hard it is to have a weekend alone, let alone an entire week?! And, how do these people afford it?! I haven't been on a weeks vacation (kid free) since my honeymoon back in 1999!!!

I had a family go to Florida back in October for a wedding. They were gone Thursday through Tuesday and DCB stayed with grandma and auntie. They then returned to Florida earlier this month taking their child with them.

Most either take their children with them or don't take a vacation.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 04-30-2012, 02:33 PM
dave4him's Avatar
dave4him dave4him is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,336
Default

I married my wife and think we have every right to get away and enjoy being married and remember the blooming love we have. Right about now we could use some time together for sure
__________________
"God said, ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart. He will do everything I want him to do.'"
Acts 13:22
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 04-30-2012, 02:56 PM
MN Mom's Avatar
MN Mom MN Mom is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Over the Rainbow
Posts: 396
Default

Because sometimes having a little *nudge nudge, wink wink* time without the kids in the house is necessary (not to mention FUN). I don't know about you, but it's much better for me without worrying if they will wake and walk in on something inappropriate between the husband and I. Granted I stay at home, but would still take an annual vacation without my children if I worked outside the home.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 04-30-2012, 02:57 PM
Angelwings36's Avatar
Angelwings36 Angelwings36 is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 438
Default

My husband and I have a trip to Toronto planned in August (I live in Saskatchewan). We will go for a total of 8 days. My 7 year old son will be spending a total of 10 days with his grandparents over this time. We chose not to take our son for several reasons:

1. I, personally have never been on a vacation someplace other than where I am from.

2. We have never been on a vacation by ourselves.

3. I have never been on a plane before and have an extreme fear of going on one and I don't need my son taking on my bad vibes.

4. We plan on going to 3 blue jay games and my son would not enjoy sitting through something like that for that extent of time, three times at his age.

5. We plan on drinking alcohol.

6. We plan on checking out some clubs.

7. We plan on going to Niagara falls for a couple days as a romantic treat and renting two hotel rooms with a child the age of 7 is not an option (if you know what I mean).

I have no problem with any of you all thinking that I am a bad mom because I plan on going for a trip with my husband without my son for 8 days, with him being away for 10 days. Least you forget I am not just a mom. I am a wife too. Sometimes my husband deserves my undivided attention and vice versa.

It was our marriage that created our child and its beyond important to maintain a marriage too. That means *gasp* spending quality alone time as a couple without the children in tow.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 04-30-2012, 02:57 PM
Oneluckymom's Avatar
Oneluckymom Oneluckymom is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: california
Posts: 1,002
Default

Don't you think its odd that we are the only society that feels perfectly fine leaving our children for days at a time. Or that we are quick to move a baby to a completely different room when the rest of the world has been co-sleeping for generations?

I just think that our society feels fine being separated from their own children. We are moving farther and farther from a family centered society.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 04-30-2012, 03:12 PM
wdmmom wdmmom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: WDM, IA
Posts: 2,669
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oneluckymom View Post
Don't you think its odd that we are the only society that feels perfectly fine leaving our children for days at a time. Or that we are quick to move a baby to a completely different room when the rest of the world has been co-sleeping for generations?

I just think that our society feels fine being separated from their own children. We are moving farther and farther from a family centered society.
I couldn't agree more! I have children and understood going in that I would be responsible for many years to come. That means if hubby and I get a "kid free" weekend, we lavish it! It seldomly happens. And, given that we have no children together and neither my childrens dad nor my step-sons mom have anything to do with them, we are full time parents. That means less quality time, less affection and more stress. So be it. I knew all of this when I signed on to being a parent.

My mother has taken the kids for days at a time, even a full week once, but it was to her benefit, not mine. She takes the kids one week during the summer (we live about 3 hours away) but I still work and so does my hubby. We aren't living it up, clubbing or vacationing. We are doing the same ol', same ol' just with a lot less cleaning, laundry and dishes.

I can count how many days I've been away from my children.

I don't see a problem with a weekend getaway (my husband and I did that once in the almost 6 years we've been together) but I could never leave my kids with someone for a week. 5 children is a lot of responsibility and I wouldn't want to ask someone to take it on.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 04-30-2012, 03:17 PM
SilverSabre25's Avatar
SilverSabre25 SilverSabre25 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Where I am legally unlicensed ;), USA
Posts: 7,626
Default

Ditto to what Blackcat said.

The few times my husband and I have gotten a break from DD was when the IL's practically demanded to have her to themselves for a bit. Or we had something to do (board gaming convention) that we preferred to have a couple days alone...let's face it, 3 year old + game with many small pieces + 3 hours in one spot = IMPOSSIBLE. Should DH and I give up our boardgaming just because we have kids? Should I have to give up my hobby and my friends because I have kids? Or is it acceptable to take a few days off of reality and parenthood AND give the IL's time with their granddaughter (time which they are always begging for)?
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 04-30-2012, 03:45 PM
spud912's Avatar
spud912 spud912 is offline
Trix are for kids
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 2,314
Default

I agree . . . I don't think there is anything wrong with parents taking an occasional break from their children and go on vacation.

The only night I've ever spend away from my older dd is when my younger dd was born and she spent the night with grandma. I felt HORRIBLE and she made a point to give my husband and I the cold shoulder when she saw us. My younger dd is very much attached to me and has only spent a max of 8 hours away from me at one time (it was for a daycare training). I would be more worried about leaving her overnight with grandma because of her strong attachment to me.

We are planning an overnight getaway (even if it is a staycation) in a few months to celebrate our 10-year anniversary (without the kids!). There are also some trips that would be better without having 2+ young kids tag-a-long. For example, I would love to visit New York City. Both of my kids are too young to really form any long-lasting memories. Also, nap times would really interfere with venturing out in the city and who wants to stay in a tiny cramped hotel room with 2 wild children under the age of 3?
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 04-30-2012, 03:56 PM
Country Kids's Avatar
Country Kids Country Kids is offline
Nature Lover
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 5,026
Default

Actually if I were to go away I would love to go away by myself! Even when my hubby and I go away, there is still someone there wanting my attention and actually wanting it more then the kids. I would love to go away and just be able to watch a movie, take bath, relax, sleep in, take my time doing things with no one needing my time or attention.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 04-30-2012, 04:00 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 16,021
Default

Sorry, I did not get a chance to read all of the other posts, but I live for my children 360 days out of the year. I don't think its horrible of me to take 5 days a out of that and spend it without them. It helps keeping my bond with my partner together...

I have 3 kids, 1 with me daily and the other 2 are older.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 04-30-2012, 04:08 PM
saved4always's Avatar
saved4always saved4always is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,011
Default

I've never taken a week long vacation without my kids. But my husband and I have taken a weekend away (1 or 2 nights) here and there throughout our 22 year marriage where the kids have stayed with Grandma and Grandpa. We average maybe about 2-3 weekends a year now and maybe one a year or less when the children were very young. We feel this is very important for our marriage. One day our children are no longer going to be living with us and I don't want to look at that man I married and be like "who the heck are you?!" We have been to marriage conferences like the Family Life Weekend to Remember (highly recommend for any married or engaged couple, btw ) or we've gone to a local hotel just to have time to be a couple. With 3 kids and 2 dogs, we really need to do this as well as occassional date nights so that we are reminded that we are a couple, not just parents, and so we stay connected.

So, I really don't have anything against parents wanting to take time to be alone with their spouse. They are really doing something that is good for thier marriages, IMHO.

Last edited by saved4always; 04-30-2012 at 04:18 PM. Reason: fix sentence
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 04-30-2012, 04:17 PM
saved4always's Avatar
saved4always saved4always is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,011
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Maybe they never got a honeymoon?
Maybe they have never been offered a week at grandma's before?
Maybe they won the trip?
Maybe they work really hard and have never had a vacation alone before?
Maybe they plan on taking all future vacations as a family but since their kids are little now, it is more beneficial to have a vacation without them?
Maybe they are Bill and Jane and NOT just a mom and a dad?
Maybe they are going to Vegas to do something inappropriate so it is a good thing the kids aren't going?
Maybe one of them has some weird disease and they are seeking alternate treatment from some wack-o quack only found in Vegas?
Maybe they are meeting up with another couple for a ......(well another reason to not bring the kids with).?
Maybe they just need a break from their daily life so they can come back refreshed and ready to deal....?
Maybe they are attending a marriage group?
Maybe they are job seeking?
Maybe they are house hunting?
Maybe one of them is dying and seeing Wayne Newton is on their bucket list?

Who knows.....but I really don't think we can or should be judging these parents. We have never walked a mile in their shoes, we aren't living in their homes or living their lives so I don't think we ever really know the whole story. Everyone defines parenting differently and I honeslty think that if it really bothers people so much, then refuse to participate in the fact that they leave their child in child care for such long hours. If they use 50 hours per week but don't work that many, then don't provide care for them.

You can't control what others do but you can change what you do. If you don't like the type of parenting a person has going on....and it really gets to you, then don't provide care to those kinds of parents.
We can't have it both ways.
This for sure!
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 04-30-2012, 04:27 PM
saved4always's Avatar
saved4always saved4always is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,011
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oneluckymom View Post
The reason I just can't understand it is because of a few reasons: first, they are in daycare ALL DAY already, second when you take kids with you you are making memories that kids will forever keep with them, and third if you need to get out with hubby can't you just do a nice dinner evening out or a day trip (why 5 days alone).
There are some things that my husband and I cannot do at a restaurant without getting arrested.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 04-30-2012, 04:59 PM
cheerfuldom's Avatar
cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 7,415
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oneluckymom View Post
Don't you think its odd that we are the only society that feels perfectly fine leaving our children for days at a time. Or that we are quick to move a baby to a completely different room when the rest of the world has been co-sleeping for generations?

I just think that our society feels fine being separated from their own children. We are moving farther and farther from a family centered society.
I wouldnt get too high on this soapbox. There are many generations and cultures that do not co-sleep, have something similar to childcare (nannies, governess, boarding schools, tutors), find adult only activities perfectly acceptable. I agree that as a whole, too many people have too little time for their kids. But we shouldnt automatically judge parents that take a vacation without their kids. Or parents that choose to not co-sleep or room share.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 04-30-2012, 05:00 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 16,021
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by saved4always View Post
There are some things that my husband and I cannot do at a restaurant without getting arrested.
lol hahahahhaahhahhaah
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 04-30-2012, 05:02 PM
cheerfuldom's Avatar
cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 7,415
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by saved4always View Post
There are some things that my husband and I cannot do at a restaurant without getting arrested.
ha! Some people need more than 2 hours ay a restaurant. We are going on an overnight soon because we have a free gift certificate to a pricey B and B. I cant wait, I wont feel bad at all for some kid free time with the hubby. And this is coming from a mom that co-sleeps and spends every waking minute with at least one child. I need a break too!
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 04-30-2012, 05:41 PM
AnneCordelia AnneCordelia is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 813
Default

I am so excited for my husband and I to go away ALONE together next year for our 10th anniversary. I have no qualms about leaving my kids!

I did have a dcm who took a week vacay so she could "spring clean" and still sent her child. It was odd but I still got paid.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 04-30-2012, 05:49 PM
familyschoolcare's Avatar
familyschoolcare familyschoolcare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: California
Posts: 1,287
Default

Alright so my hubby and I would not even think of going away without the children for more than 2 days. However, if our situation was different we

might. We are a blended family we have no children of our own so as the visitation schedgule falls we usually have about 3 or 4 chidless weekends a

year. Now if we did not then I think we would be getting away to spend quaility time with each other so that the marriage could stay strong.
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 04-30-2012, 05:57 PM
littlemissmuffet's Avatar
littlemissmuffet littlemissmuffet is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,081
Default

The only issue I have are the parents who have 4 weeks vacation/year - and don't spend a single one of those 20 days with their child. That is the epitome of selfish.

I think it's important for partners to bond without their children from time to time. I personally could never leave a child under 5 for more than 2-3 days at a time (and only with grandma)... but I would most definitely enjoy a 2-3 break from being mom to focus soley on being a wife and lover
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 04-30-2012, 06:09 PM
Ariana's Avatar
Ariana Ariana is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 6,889
Default

I completely understand going to Vegas without kids. My sister wants to go for her 40th birthday and wants me and DH to go and leave the kids with the grandparents (they're moving here this summer). I just can't do it!! I have zero family around right now and we haven't been on a vacay alone together in nearly 3 years and we go out to eat alone only when family is in town (maybe 3X per year) but isn't that what you sign up for when you become parents? We had a wonderful 6 years of vacationing sans kids BEFORE we had kids. I don'tjudge a few days in Vegas but weeks on end is a different story.

My current DCF went to Disney and took only their 4 year old DD and left their 2 year old at home with the grandparents. That breaks my heart
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 04-30-2012, 06:39 PM
saved4always's Avatar
saved4always saved4always is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,011
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet View Post
The only issue I have are the parents who have 4 weeks vacation/year - and don't spend a single one of those 20 days with their child. That is the epitome of selfish.

I think it's important for partners to bond without their children from time to time. I personally could never leave a child under 5 for more than 2-3 days at a time (and only with grandma)... but I would most definitely enjoy a 2-3 break from being mom to focus soley on being a wife and lover
That is really sad. We really look forward to our few weekends a year away to just be a couple. But we look just as forward to our vacations with our kids. My boys are 17 and 19 now. I don't even know if the 19 yo is going to get off from work to go on vacation with us this summer. If not, it will be the first family vacation without him. Parents who only spend thier vacations without thier kids are missing some awesome bonding. They may regret it when thier kids are older. I have so many memories and pictures from family camping weekends, Disney World, Virginia Beach, etc. that I treasure. There has to be a balance of couple time and family time.
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 04-30-2012, 06:40 PM
littlemissmuffet's Avatar
littlemissmuffet littlemissmuffet is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,081
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by saved4always View Post
There has to be a balance of couple time and family time.
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 04-30-2012, 06:52 PM
DBug DBug is offline
Daycare Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 934
Default

OP, I think I get what you're saying. There are some parenting styles that don't seem to miss the kids when they're not around, and look for every opportunity to spend MORE time without them.

I strongly believe that a married couple NEEDS couple time. You're going to be with your spouse alot longer (hopefully) than you're with your kids, so you need to invest in building that relationship so that it stays strong.

But at the same time, you also should be feeling the need to invest in your children's lives by giving THEM as much family time as possible too.

I've heard it said that you should spend one night/week, one day/month, one week/year with just your spouse. The rest of the time should be focused more on spending time with your spouse AND kids as a family.

What gets me is the parents that have NO inkling that they should be looking to spend vacations/day trips/family time with their kids in addition to the vacations they're getting with their spouses. They're always looking to get away from their kids somehow (daycare to sitters' to Gramma's on the weekend to daycare again). It's just sad
__________________
www.WelcomeToTheZoo.ca
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 05-01-2012, 05:41 AM
Solandia's Avatar
Solandia Solandia is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 372
Default

My parents have always taken the kids for a week during the summer...I think my oldest dd was about a year old and just toddling around. My oldest kids LOVE this traditions and have wonderful memories of grandma & grandpa out on the farm without mom and dad. They are very close to my parents (as am I). As a child I remember making the rounds of my cousins' houses during summer break(my mom had 5 siblings)...it was the thing to do, my mom would have some of my cousins for a week and then we would go to the other house for a week. So, my mom got a few kidless weeks during the summer, and then other weeks there would be 3 or 4 extra kids. LOL. It was awesome.

And I do not feel bad leaving them for days at a time. Why would I feel bad about my kids having an wonderful experience and happy memories without me?
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 05-01-2012, 07:18 AM
lil angels's Avatar
lil angels lil angels is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 645
Default

I love having a night or two alone with my husband. I have been doing daycare since before my boys were. Born and I don't feel bad at all letting them spend a weekend at grandmas. They call and ask if they can have the kids because they miss them and love waking up with them.. It is awesome to have the kids have those memories and my parents to. They always know grandma makes cinnamon rolls in the morning if they are there . That is there thing. Have anyone ever heard is takes a village to raise a child??? It is so true I think it is selfish to not let your child have those nights here or there away from you. They are missing a lot. And if something were to happen and they need to be away from you for a few days they won't be a basket case because they will be comfortable with someone other than you.

Don't get me wrong I don't think it's ok to drop them for weeks at a time but two have a week or a few weekend here or there is great. Those kids get big fast and if you don't spend that time being a wife, lover,ect when they are gone what are you going to talk about.
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 05-01-2012, 07:40 AM
MsMe's Avatar
MsMe MsMe is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 712
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet View Post
The only issue I have are the parents who have 4 weeks vacation/year - and don't spend a single one of those 20 days with their child. That is the epitome of selfish.

I think it's important for partners to bond without their children from time to time. I personally could never leave a child under 5 for more than 2-3 days at a time (and only with grandma)... but I would most definitely enjoy a 2-3 break from being mom to focus soley on being a wife and lover
I agree with this. I get really excited for some DCP when they are able to get some time to themselve and others I feel sick when they leave their kids AGAIN.

I try really hard not to judge, but you know the ones who need a break and the ones that never spend an extra minute.

NOT one provider here has every started a 'how could they leave their kids' post about a faimly that leaves their children with Gma and Gpa once or twice a year.
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 05-01-2012, 07:43 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 17,000
Default My 2 cents...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oneluckymom View Post
Don't you think its odd that we are the only society that feels perfectly fine leaving our children for days at a time. Or that we are quick to move a baby to a completely different room when the rest of the world has been co-sleeping for generations?

I just think that our society feels fine being separated from their own children. We are moving farther and farther from a family centered society.
I don't find it odd at all. As a matter of fact I kind of believe the exact opposite. I think the problem with our society is that parents have children and suddenly life 100% revolves around those children making the children feel or believe that they are the absolute center of the universe. THAT is the problem IMHO.

In previous generations, children were "additions" to the family NOT the center of them.

I don't think parents should be made to feel bad that they aren't treating their children as the basis for EVERYTHING; above their husbands, their marriages, their careers, themselves as individuals. I think that is sad. Children come into our lives, we love them, we care for them, we guide them and teach them to be part of the "bigger picture", part of the world.

Why would I want to raise my child as if they ARE the world and then basically throw them to the wolves when they grow up and leave home? And they do leave.....then what? You have no marriage because you never took the time to vacation alone () with your husband and build that relationship, you have no interests (other than your children) because someone made you feel bad about having a hobby or interest that wasn't centered around your child, you have no friends because they moved on with their lives because you were too busy focusing on your children....

I love my children more than anything in the world but I am not going to teach them that I will give up everything for them. What good would that do them? What is that teaching them? How does that train them to be functioning, contributing, responsible adults? My job is to make sure that they can be proud of who they are and be self-supportive and make a place in the world. My job is to "parent" them, so they fit into the world, not build the world around them.
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 05-01-2012, 07:45 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 17,000
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MsMe View Post
NOT one provider here has every started a 'how could they leave their kids' post about a faimly that leaves their children with Gma and Gpa once or twice a year.
Um, that is the first sentence of this thread: "So, I have a couple of parents who took vacations and left their children with grandma" and the other 2 examples in her original post....she just never specified if it was a one time, yearly or regular thing with those families.
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 05-01-2012, 08:47 AM
MyAngels's Avatar
MyAngels MyAngels is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,988
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I don't find it odd at all. As a matter of fact I kind of believe the exact opposite. I think the problem with our society is that parents have children and suddenly life 100% revolves around those children making the children feel or believe that they are the absolute center of the universe. THAT is the problem IMHO.

In previous generations, children were "additions" to the family NOT the center of them.

I don't think parents should be made to feel bad that they aren't treating their children as the basis for EVERYTHING; above their husbands, their marriages, their careers, themselves as individuals. I think that is sad. Children come into our lives, we love them, we care for them, we guide them and teach them to be part of the "bigger picture", part of the world.

Why would I want to raise my child as if they ARE the world and then basically throw them to the wolves when they grow up and leave home? And they do leave.....then what? You have no marriage because you never took the time to vacation alone () with your husband and build that relationship, you have no interests (other than your children) because someone made you feel bad about having a hobby or interest that wasn't centered around your child, you have no friends because they moved on with their lives because you were too busy focusing on your children....

I love my children more than anything in the world but I am not going to teach them that I will give up everything for them. What good would that do them? What is that teaching them? How does that train them to be functioning, contributing, responsible adults? My job is to make sure that they can be proud of who they are and be self-supportive and make a place in the world. My job is to "parent" them, so they fit into the world, not build the world around them.
Agreed, as usual .
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 05-01-2012, 09:02 AM
Jewels's Avatar
Jewels Jewels is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 534
Default

Judgy judgy! Man. I am very much looking forward to my husband and I taking a 5 night getaway for our anniversary in August. And I can totally imagine leaving the kids with their grandparents, they love them! This will be the longest I have ever left my kids, and it is actually a little hard for me, but 5 nights just the 2 of us, that is so good, the healthier our marriage, the better for my children! But this weekend we will be spending 2 nights at a hotel waterpark with them, and I'm excited for that, I want to make sure I always take my kids special places with us, But I always want to make sure I go away with just my husband, as it is very important to him to have me to himself, and I know he looks forward to a week of my undivided attention.
Even though these parents have their children in daycare 10hrs/5 days, They are also away from each other that much time to, at work, then home with kids, sports...etc. Its very healthy to have a vacation with just each other.
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 05-01-2012, 09:05 AM
Country Kids's Avatar
Country Kids Country Kids is offline
Nature Lover
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 5,026
Default

What I find funny is what did parents do in the past? They didn't have date nights, vacations, me time, etc.?

I'm not saying they were perfect,happy, etc., but I'm think the majority was. They had no choice but to raise there kids. I'm still trying to figure out when all this started.
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 05-01-2012, 09:16 AM
Soupyszoo's Avatar
Soupyszoo Soupyszoo is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 328
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I don't find it odd at all. As a matter of fact I kind of believe the exact opposite. I think the problem with our society is that parents have children and suddenly life 100% revolves around those children making the children feel or believe that they are the absolute center of the universe. THAT is the problem IMHO.

In previous generations, children were "additions" to the family NOT the center of them.

I don't think parents should be made to feel bad that they aren't treating their children as the basis for EVERYTHING; above their husbands, their marriages, their careers, themselves as individuals. I think that is sad. Children come into our lives, we love them, we care for them, we guide them and teach them to be part of the "bigger picture", part of the world.

Why would I want to raise my child as if they ARE the world and then basically throw them to the wolves when they grow up and leave home? And they do leave.....then what? You have no marriage because you never took the time to vacation alone () with your husband and build that relationship, you have no interests (other than your children) because someone made you feel bad about having a hobby or interest that wasn't centered around your child, you have no friends because they moved on with their lives because you were too busy focusing on your children....

I love my children more than anything in the world but I am not going to teach them that I will give up everything for them. What good would that do them? What is that teaching them? How does that train them to be functioning, contributing, responsible adults? My job is to make sure that they can be proud of who they are and be self-supportive and make a place in the world. My job is to "parent" them, so they fit into the world, not build the world around them.
Perfect!!
Reply With Quote
  #41  
Old 05-01-2012, 09:19 AM
Soupyszoo's Avatar
Soupyszoo Soupyszoo is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 328
Default

Some of you are making, "taking a vacation without the kids" sound like an epidemic!! Like "what is the world coming to"!! Give me a break! I could go on but I think black cat nailed it...
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 05-01-2012, 09:25 AM
MN Day Mom's Avatar
MN Day Mom MN Day Mom is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 246
Thumbs up

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I don't find it odd at all. As a matter of fact I kind of believe the exact opposite. I think the problem with our society is that parents have children and suddenly life 100% revolves around those children making the children feel or believe that they are the absolute center of the universe. THAT is the problem IMHO.

In previous generations, children were "additions" to the family NOT the center of them.

I don't think parents should be made to feel bad that they aren't treating their children as the basis for EVERYTHING; above their husbands, their marriages, their careers, themselves as individuals. I think that is sad. Children come into our lives, we love them, we care for them, we guide them and teach them to be part of the "bigger picture", part of the world.

Why would I want to raise my child as if they ARE the world and then basically throw them to the wolves when they grow up and leave home? And they do leave.....then what? You have no marriage because you never took the time to vacation alone () with your husband and build that relationship, you have no interests (other than your children) because someone made you feel bad about having a hobby or interest that wasn't centered around your child, you have no friends because they moved on with their lives because you were too busy focusing on your children....

I love my children more than anything in the world but I am not going to teach them that I will give up everything for them. What good would that do them? What is that teaching them? How does that train them to be functioning, contributing, responsible adults? My job is to make sure that they can be proud of who they are and be self-supportive and make a place in the world. My job is to "parent" them, so they fit into the world, not build the world around them.
Totally agree!!
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 05-01-2012, 09:28 AM
JenNJ's Avatar
JenNJ JenNJ is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Burbank
Posts: 1,203
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Country Kids View Post
What I find funny is what did parents do in the past? They didn't have date nights, vacations, me time, etc.?

I'm not saying they were perfect,happy, etc., but I'm think the majority was. They had no choice but to raise there kids. I'm still trying to figure out when all this started.
My parents had all that. My siblings and I would go stay with Grandma for the weekend, or visit aunts and uncles when my parents took a few days to go to the beach, camping, out of town, etc. They had regular date nights (about 1x a month) where the high school girl down the street would come and babysit us. My mom got "me time" while we went to a neighbor's house for a few hours to play with our friends. She would return the favor for the neighbor.

Want to know what the difference is? The difference is that the cost of living is increasing faster than inflation. This has been going on for decades and it forces most families to have both spouses working just to afford a typical lifestyle. This effects everyone. Grandparents may not be in a financial position where they can afford to retire as early. So more grandparents working = more kids in daycare. Families are more spread out now because people need to go where the jobs are. So they are further from family and they don't have someone closeby to call for a night out. Single parents need subsidy because one job is not enough to make it.

50 years ago, it was typical for the man to work and that supported the entire family comfortably. My grandfather was a mason and supported a wife and 4 children easily. My other one was a freelance photographer and he supported 7 kids and a wife on that. Nowadays that is unheard of. It simply cannot be done on an average or even an above average salary.
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 05-01-2012, 09:32 AM
MarinaVanessa's Avatar
MarinaVanessa MarinaVanessa is offline
Family Childcare Home
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ventura County, CA
Posts: 7,200
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I don't find it odd at all. As a matter of fact I kind of believe the exact opposite. I think the problem with our society is that parents have children and suddenly life 100% revolves around those children making the children feel or believe that they are the absolute center of the universe. THAT is the problem IMHO.

In previous generations, children were "additions" to the family NOT the center of them.

I don't think parents should be made to feel bad that they aren't treating their children as the basis for EVERYTHING; above their husbands, their marriages, their careers, themselves as individuals. I think that is sad. Children come into our lives, we love them, we care for them, we guide them and teach them to be part of the "bigger picture", part of the world.

Why would I want to raise my child as if they ARE the world and then basically throw them to the wolves when they grow up and leave home? And they do leave.....then what? You have no marriage because you never took the time to vacation alone () with your husband and build that relationship, you have no interests (other than your children) because someone made you feel bad about having a hobby or interest that wasn't centered around your child, you have no friends because they moved on with their lives because you were too busy focusing on your children....

I love my children more than anything in the world but I am not going to teach them that I will give up everything for them. What good would that do them? What is that teaching them? How does that train them to be functioning, contributing, responsible adults? My job is to make sure that they can be proud of who they are and be self-supportive and make a place in the world. My job is to "parent" them, so they fit into the world, not build the world around them.
I agree with BlackCat. Our world is already filled enough with over-indulged kids as it is and this may be just one part of a very long list of examples but it's still one of the things on the list.

I for one make sure that my DH and I get just me and him time. It's important to work on your bond with your DH because one day your kids will leave and then who do you have left? Of course I think that it's easier for me to say that because I am with my kids all of the time except for when my DD is at school so I don't have that added guilt of leaving them with someone.

I do remember however when I was working away from my home (before DC) and how overwhelmed I felt. I wish that I would have taken some time for myself without my DD earlier in the beginning (I was a single parent, DD is from a different relationship) because I was so stressed over finances, family issues, work and trying to be a good mom that I don't think I could have put 100% of myself into anything that I did ... much less parenting. We're not just "moms" or "dads". We're partners, lovers, friends, daughters and individuals ... when I did start taking some time for myself (hobby) and later with DH (when we started our relationship) I was a better person, much calmer and clear-headed. People have to take care of themselves too, otherwise you'll be no good to anybody.
__________________
Daycare Ninja, CA
Helping Hands Childcare
Reply With Quote
  #45  
Old 05-01-2012, 10:31 AM
Ariana's Avatar
Ariana Ariana is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 6,889
Default

I guess I completely disagree with Blackcat (you know I love you )

I don't think taking a vacaton WITH your kids constitues any of the things you've mentioned or that I think my life revolves around my kid or that my kid is the centre of the universe. It just means I choose to spend time with my kids so I can give them the best out of life. Maybe some people can't handle being around their kids as much as me, I don't know, but I don't like feeling that because I spend a lot of time with my kids I'm "ruining" them or not preparing them for the world. Preparing them for the world involves a heck of a lot more than whether or not you vacaton with them. I feel that you've made some overgeneralizations.

I know 2 particular parents who spend as little tme as possible with their kids and their marriage is ending very soon. Not all people who spend time without their children have happy and successful marriages and vice versa. Marriage should be strong whether you vacation with your kids or not. If I thought my marriage wasn't going to work unless we took a vacay alone together I'd be questioning my marriage and our commitment to eachother. What makes a good marriage good is the EVERY day struggle and going through it together...not running off to Vegas for 5 days alone. I don't judge people who want to take vacays without their kids but to say that it's to "help their marriage" I just call that bollocks!! JMO

What kind of a place have we gotten to where taking a vacation with your kids is considered "overindulging them" Seems to me like the pendulum has swung completely in the opposite direction.
Reply With Quote
  #46  
Old 05-01-2012, 11:13 AM
My3cents's Avatar
My3cents My3cents is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 2,839
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soupyszoo View Post
Perfect!!
bumping you up blackcat you nailed it! I wish more people thought this way. We wouldn't have a world of selfish entitled you fill in the rest........ you get my point. I just wanted to bump this but had to write more then bump
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 05-01-2012, 11:32 AM
Texasjeepgirl's Avatar
Texasjeepgirl Texasjeepgirl is offline
Director Licensed Care
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 304
Default

I 100% agree with BLACKCAT... I didn't quote her...but there were several posts...
The FIRST one was word for word the thoughts that were developing in my mind...
I just don't ever judge parents on this issue...AT ALL...

I was married 15 years to my first husband...
We took a snow ski trip with another family... every year for 5 years... Our children were always with us... both families.. and it was a wonderful time.. CREATED THE BEST memories for myself.. my children...
I wouldn't take for those family vacations..
but.. When I divorced... and remarried...
My husband and I were both the 'visiting' parents...
My two girls lived a few blocks away.. with their daddy...
My husbands two daughters...and step daughter... lived with their mom..

What a life altering adjustment.. to be with my children only PART TIME...
But... My husband and I made a committment... to our girls...
We never missed a visitation weekend or holiday/summer visitation.. and when they were with us we spent that time as a family... we took a family trip to Hot Springs... 4 wheeling/camping trips with our jeep club to East Texas and Hot Springs... and in '08 we took our daughters on a 5 day cruise..

But...in our KID FREE TIME.... My husband and I have been on 3 cruises without the children .. '02...'05...'10 ...As well as trips to Colorado in '06... Cancun...'09
In a few weeks we are going on a 4 day trip to Cancun for a friends wedding.. we are taking my 17 year old daughter with us... 3 weeks later we leave for another 5 days...again.. Cancun.. and this time.. ALONE... ADULT ONLY ALL INCLUSIVE RESORT....

I think it is important for couples to spend ALONE TIME... otherwise.. you loose sight of your commitment to each other.. to your marriage... which leads to divorce...and ...destroys families... Every single second of every single day does not have to be all about the children...
You have no idea what they may do as a family on the weekends.. long holidays... evenings...
The hour routine of bath and reading a book can be some of the most quality time a parent can spend with their small child... and frankly.. I've seen some fabulous vacations ruined by cranky fussy.. overstimulated short folks...

I have a sister that is one of those parents that NEVER EVER EVER leaves her kids for vacations...She and her husband have NOT EVER taken a trip together ALONE... and.. to save money of course they are always in one room... AS A RESULT... their marriage is a disaster.. the husband is sullen.. it's a mess...and frankly I think it would help if they had taken one of those couple vacations...and left the boys with granny...or a LOVING AUNT like me... but she is one of those moms that thinks she just can't be away from them... they might suffer...or be sad....
What about the wonderful time the kids might be having on their visit to grandma's house... ? That is special .. quality time that all children need also...

__________________
~ t ~
Reply With Quote
  #48  
Old 05-01-2012, 11:54 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 17,000
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariana View Post
I guess I completely disagree with Blackcat (you know I love you )

I don't think taking a vacaton WITH your kids constitues any of the things you've mentioned or that I think my life revolves around my kid or that my kid is the centre of the universe. It just means I choose to spend time with my kids so I can give them the best out of life. Maybe some people can't handle being around their kids as much as me, I don't know, but I don't like feeling that because I spend a lot of time with my kids I'm "ruining" them or not preparing them for the world. Preparing them for the world involves a heck of a lot more than whether or not you vacaton with them. I feel that you've made some overgeneralizations.

I know 2 particular parents who spend as little tme as possible with their kids and their marriage is ending very soon. Not all people who spend time without their children have happy and successful marriages and vice versa. Marriage should be strong whether you vacation with your kids or not. If I thought my marriage wasn't going to work unless we took a vacay alone together I'd be questioning my marriage and our commitment to eachother. What makes a good marriage good is the EVERY day struggle and going through it together...not running off to Vegas for 5 days alone. I don't judge people who want to take vacays without their kids but to say that it's to "help their marriage" I just call that bollocks!! JMO

What kind of a place have we gotten to where taking a vacation with your kids is considered "overindulging them" Seems to me like the pendulum has swung completely in the opposite direction.
First off, love you too! I wasn't implying that taking a vacation WITH your kids is over indulging them. I was simply saying taking a vacation WITHOUT them is benficial at times to the marriage, the child(ren) and the individual.

FWIW~ For every vacation I took alone with my DH, we had twice as many WITH the kiddos. I also want to say that we couldn't afford ANY vacation until we had already been married a few years and that included a honeymoon which we took several years into our marriage.
Reply With Quote
  #49  
Old 05-01-2012, 12:07 PM
My3cents's Avatar
My3cents My3cents is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 2,839
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Texasjeepgirl View Post
I 100% agree with BLACKCAT... I didn't quote her...but there were several posts...
The FIRST one was word for word the thoughts that were developing in my mind...
I just don't ever judge parents on this issue...AT ALL...

I was married 15 years to my first husband...
We took a snow ski trip with another family... every year for 5 years... Our children were always with us... both families.. and it was a wonderful time.. CREATED THE BEST memories for myself.. my children...
I wouldn't take for those family vacations..
but.. When I divorced... and remarried...
My husband and I were both the 'visiting' parents...
My two girls lived a few blocks away.. with their daddy...
My husbands two daughters...and step daughter... lived with their mom..

What a life altering adjustment..this must have been. I could not leave my kids if I divorced. How did you get through this and come to this if you don't mind me asking? Not judging you, only saying that I couldn't do it. to be with my children only PART TIME...
But... My husband and I made a committment... to our girls...
We never missed a visitation weekend or holiday/summer visitation.. and when they were with us we spent that time as a family... we took a family trip to Hot Springs... 4 wheeling/camping trips with our jeep club to East Texas and Hot Springs... and in '08 we took our daughters on a 5 day cruise..

But...in our KID FREE TIME.... My husband and I have been on 3 cruises without the children .. '02...'05...'10 ...As well as trips to Colorado in '06... Cancun...'09
In a few weeks we are going on a 4 day trip to Cancun for a friends wedding.. we are taking my 17 year old daughter with us... 3 weeks later we leave for another 5 days...again.. Cancun.. and this time.. ALONE... ADULT ONLY ALL INCLUSIVE RESORT....

I think it is important for couples to spend ALONE TIME... otherwise.. you loose sight of your commitment to each other.. to your marriage... which leads to divorce...and ...destroys families... Every single second of every single day does not have to be all about the children...
You have no idea what they may do as a family on the weekends.. long holidays... evenings...
The hour routine of bath and reading a book can be some of the most quality time a parent can spend with their small child... and frankly.. I've seen some fabulous vacations ruined by cranky fussy.. overstimulated short folks...

I have a sister that is one of those parents that NEVER EVER EVER leaves her kids for vacations...but this works for her, for now- some women are horrible to be around when they are not with their kids, they don't function well. Everyone is different and what they needShe and her husband have NOT EVER taken a trip together ALONE... and.. to save money of course they are always in one room... AS A RESULT... their marriage is a disaster.. the husband is sullen.. it's a mess...and frankly I think it would help if they had taken one of those couple vacations...and left the boys with granny...or a LOVING AUNT like me... but she is one of those moms that thinks she just can't be away from them... they might suffer...or be sad....
What about the wonderful time the kids might be having on their visit to grandma's house... ? That is special .. quality time that all children need also...

I replied above hopefully in red color-
Reply With Quote
  #50  
Old 05-01-2012, 12:13 PM
MarinaVanessa's Avatar
MarinaVanessa MarinaVanessa is offline
Family Childcare Home
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ventura County, CA
Posts: 7,200
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariana View Post

What kind of a place have we gotten to where taking a vacation with your kids is considered "overindulging them" Seems to me like the pendulum has swung completely in the opposite direction.
I didn't read it that way at all. I think her point here was more that in this time the consensus is that taking some time off without your kids makes you a bad person, which is not true at all. Taking an occasiona vacation without your kids is healthy and actually needed. Of course I'm speaking for myself here but we are talking about the occasional vacation with your hubby for some "adult only" interaction. I personally don't see this as bad even if the children are in DC 50 hours a week. It's time away from everything hectic so that you can find peace and relaxation for a few days out of the year. Now if the parents do this all of the time AND their child is in DC 5 days a week then I can see this as an issue.

I just really don't find the idea that taking a week off away from work and your kids as a bad thing just because the kids are away from their parents during the day. That would be like me feeling guilty about not spending the time away from my DD when she's away at school and then doing sports after school or in her after-school program. JMPO of course.
__________________
Daycare Ninja, CA
Helping Hands Childcare
Reply With Quote
  #51  
Old 05-01-2012, 12:21 PM
DCMom's Avatar
DCMom DCMom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 874
Default

My kids are now 25, 23 and 19. We have been married 27 years. I've been a daycare provider for 25 of those. I've always considered myself a 'working mom' and my kids 'in daycare'.

Since the youngest was 2, we have taken a winter vacation. We own a timeshare so it is the same week every year. Either my in-laws or my mom would come and stay at our house. The kids loved having 'no daycare' and the undivided attention that only a grandparent can provide. Up until a few years ago, we took a family vacation each July and it often included one or more grandparents. We have put more miles on our travel trailer than I can count and made family memories galore.

My point is, there is no 'family' without the 'couple' and in my book, grandparents are 'family'.

To the op~ unfortunately, there are always people who take it to an extreme. In the end, you can only do what is best for you and your family. There isn't a darn thing you can do about what other people do or how they raise their kids, so why waste time thinking about it?

As my mother always said: "Do not judge lest ye be judged".
Reply With Quote
  #52  
Old 05-01-2012, 12:39 PM
Country Kids's Avatar
Country Kids Country Kids is offline
Nature Lover
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 5,026
Default

When my hubby and I have gone for the weekend we receive numerous phone calls from the kids! This happens if we happen to go away for the day!

Grandparents have been told not to let them call us but they still let them. Two of mine went away for the week with a set of grandparents and everytime they called they cried and wanted to come home. They weren't really even having fun even though they were doing loads of fun things.

My husband is sometimes the same way. I will go away with the kids to visit relatives and if its the weekend he will call me constantly. I would rather just us all be together. One of my children just in the last two years started liking to stay the night at peoples houses and he's in highschool (this includes grandparents). Actually 3 of my 4 kids haven't really enjoyed staying away for the night.
Reply With Quote
  #53  
Old 05-01-2012, 12:40 PM
DCBlessings27's Avatar
DCBlessings27 DCBlessings27 is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Kansas
Posts: 332
Default

I guess I can see both sides of this issue. My parents raised 5 kids on just a farmer's income. They always took us with them until my oldest sister and I were in high school. Now that we're all out of the house/college, they are free to be by themselves.

My husband's 30th birthday is in June and our 5th anniversary is in September. We're going to Chicago for 5 days. At first, I planned to go without our 3 year old. However, my husband wants to share the experience with her, so we're taking her with us. After thinking about it, I agree that she should go with us. I can barely survive a night away from her when she visits grandparents. I'm not sure how I would survive that long without her. We might take a weekend around our anniversary without her, but that would be only a couple days away from her. After our honeymoon, dh and I haven't ever done a vacation with just the two of us. We even went with my husband's whole side of the family to Disney World.

I do have a couple sets of parents who left their children with grandmas while they went on vacation. One did so because they went to have their destination wedding, and it was an adult only place. Another took a cruise. I can see why the parents left the children with grandma in those circumstances.

I've also been to Vegas a couple times. I wouldn't take my dd there with me. I don't think it's the place for children, though I did see families with kids there when I went.
Reply With Quote
  #54  
Old 05-01-2012, 12:56 PM
Texasjeepgirl's Avatar
Texasjeepgirl Texasjeepgirl is offline
Director Licensed Care
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 304
Default

obviously this goes off the subject of this thread...
But.. I suspected that if I put in there that I was the visiting parent.. I would get some comments/questions... considering I am a LICENSED CHILD CARE PROVIDER...

When my ex-husband and I divorced... after 15 years.. it wasn't an ugly horrible divorce...
it was calm... rational.. ... we just realized.. after 3 years of discussing it now and then...that we had both reached a point where we knew our marriage was over.. and time to move on ...

When it came to deciding who would have custody of our two girls.. ages 10 and 6...
Our daughters were both attending private Catholic school ( we are not Catholic...but it is an EXCELLENT school in our town...and the public school.. well.. not as excellent)... the school is small.. and does not provide transportation...parent delivery and pick up only.
My daycare is open from 7 a.m. til 5:30 p.m.... I am LICENSED for 12 children.... and I work alone.
I would not be able to drive my 2 daughters to school each day... nor would I be able to pick them up.... My ex-husband is self employed... and his shop is only a few blocks from the school.. so.. he would be able to drop them at school each day... and pick them up......
So after much soul searching...agony..... I knew the best option.. for least amount of disruption in everyone's day..... was for my two girls to live with their daddy...
It just made more sense...than for him to have to drive to my home every single day... twice...once to pick them up to deliver them to school...and once in the afternoon to drop them off...

I have paid child support for 10 years...
I've had plenty of judgement over this issue... Most especially from my new husband's ex wife...
She is mean... and works hard to cause as much misery to us as possible...
She loves to tell my step children that I don't love my girls... that I never wanted them.. that I 'gave them up' because I didn't want to be burdened by them...
When in fact... I believe I was doing what was best not only for my children...but for all of us...

The fact is... My ex-husband is a fantastic man.. a MORE THAN WONDERFUL FATHER...
I have a tremendous amount of love and respect for him...
and I knew he had as much right to be the PRIMARY Parent as I did ...

Obviously.. most of the time.. children live with their mommy after a divorce...

I've heard so many women say to me..
No way would ever 'let' my ex TAKE MY CHILDREN AWAY from me..
Well that is NOT how this was...
I didn't feel he took them from me...we made this decision together..
and it made the most sense given our circumstances...

The trauma of divorce is difficult .. The changes the kids must go through are so rough.. I just wanted there to be as much consistency for them as possible..
The great thing is... this is a small town.. my ex husband ended up buying a house about 8 blocks from the house I bought... My girls spent the night with me every Wednesday...and 1st .. 3rd and 5th weekends.. holidays... 4-5 weeks in the summer...
etc..
My oldest daughter came to live with me a week after she graduated from high school... in '08...she went back and forth living with me.. living on her own.. living with me... till she got married 1 year ago...my granddaughter is 16 months old...and is in my daycare every day
My 17 year old daughter came to live with me 18 months ago... she loved living with her daddy and stepmom.. but...she also wanted to live with mama for awhile before she was grown...She is a senior in high school.. will graduate in a few weeks.. works at Chili's as a hostess...and the rest of the time is my frequent companion... since my husband took a second shift job last year...
She is going with us at the end of May.. on our first trip to Cancun..(as mentioned in previous post)..
....



WWW.TEXASJEEPGIRL.SHUTTERFLY.COM
__________________
~ t ~

Last edited by Texasjeepgirl; 05-01-2012 at 01:17 PM. Reason: ADD info
Reply With Quote
  #55  
Old 05-01-2012, 01:15 PM
itlw8's Avatar
itlw8 itlw8 is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Missouri
Posts: 2,199
Default

As a child I LOVED my time spent at Grandmas house it was magical

And now as a grandparent I think it is good for the kids to come here. I do things different than their daily routine. I think is is good for my ds and dil have some time alone also... They do lots of things as a family also.
Reply With Quote
  #56  
Old 05-01-2012, 04:40 PM
saved4always's Avatar
saved4always saved4always is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,011
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I don't find it odd at all. As a matter of fact I kind of believe the exact opposite. I think the problem with our society is that parents have children and suddenly life 100% revolves around those children making the children feel or believe that they are the absolute center of the universe. THAT is the problem IMHO.

In previous generations, children were "additions" to the family NOT the center of them.

I don't think parents should be made to feel bad that they aren't treating their children as the basis for EVERYTHING; above their husbands, their marriages, their careers, themselves as individuals. I think that is sad. Children come into our lives, we love them, we care for them, we guide them and teach them to be part of the "bigger picture", part of the world.

Why would I want to raise my child as if they ARE the world and then basically throw them to the wolves when they grow up and leave home? And they do leave.....then what? You have no marriage because you never took the time to vacation alone () with your husband and build that relationship, you have no interests (other than your children) because someone made you feel bad about having a hobby or interest that wasn't centered around your child, you have no friends because they moved on with their lives because you were too busy focusing on your children....

I love my children more than anything in the world but I am not going to teach them that I will give up everything for them. What good would that do them? What is that teaching them? How does that train them to be functioning, contributing, responsible adults? My job is to make sure that they can be proud of who they are and be self-supportive and make a place in the world. My job is to "parent" them, so they fit into the world, not build the world around them.
Amen to this!!!!!
Reply With Quote
  #57  
Old 05-01-2012, 06:50 PM
saved4always's Avatar
saved4always saved4always is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,011
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Country Kids View Post
What I find funny is what did parents do in the past? They didn't have date nights, vacations, me time, etc.?

I'm not saying they were perfect,happy, etc., but I'm think the majority was. They had no choice but to raise there kids. I'm still trying to figure out when all this started.
My parents didn't do vacations without us kids...actually we didn't do too many family vacays, either. Except to visit my aunt in IL. Now that they are retired, they don't go anywhere either...I think they just weren't into vacations. But they did go on date nights where we stayed home with a teen age babysitter. Our favorite sitter was the one who would play train with us. We would hold on to her shirt and she would run around through the kitchen/dining room in a circle as fast as she could and we would fly off...we thought it was hysterical. She's also the one who brought games to play with us! My parents were happy to have a night out and we kids had fun with someone who actually had the energy for us...lol!

Mom also got "me" time when she sent us out to play. We would be with friends for hours outside or at each others' houses. I think parents today are more micro-managing with their kids' time so they don't necessarily get time without the kids if they don't leave the house. My siblings and I didn't have all the lessons and sports that the kids all do now. We just played. So my parents weren't constantly running with us.

My parents are 80 and 81 years old now so I would think that is in the past. And I don't think they were the only ones of their generation that hired sitters so they could go out. I had many parents I babysat for when I was a teen, too, while they went out. I don't think that is new to this generation.
Reply With Quote
  #58  
Old 05-01-2012, 06:57 PM
saved4always's Avatar
saved4always saved4always is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,011
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Texasjeepgirl View Post
obviously this goes off the subject of this thread...
But.. I suspected that if I put in there that I was the visiting parent.. I would get some comments/questions... considering I am a LICENSED CHILD CARE PROVIDER...

When my ex-husband and I divorced... after 15 years.. it wasn't an ugly horrible divorce...
it was calm... rational.. ... we just realized.. after 3 years of discussing it now and then...that we had both reached a point where we knew our marriage was over.. and time to move on ...

When it came to deciding who would have custody of our two girls.. ages 10 and 6...
Our daughters were both attending private Catholic school ( we are not Catholic...but it is an EXCELLENT school in our town...and the public school.. well.. not as excellent)... the school is small.. and does not provide transportation...parent delivery and pick up only.
My daycare is open from 7 a.m. til 5:30 p.m.... I am LICENSED for 12 children.... and I work alone.
I would not be able to drive my 2 daughters to school each day... nor would I be able to pick them up.... My ex-husband is self employed... and his shop is only a few blocks from the school.. so.. he would be able to drop them at school each day... and pick them up......
So after much soul searching...agony..... I knew the best option.. for least amount of disruption in everyone's day..... was for my two girls to live with their daddy...
It just made more sense...than for him to have to drive to my home every single day... twice...once to pick them up to deliver them to school...and once in the afternoon to drop them off...

I have paid child support for 10 years...
I've had plenty of judgement over this issue... Most especially from my new husband's ex wife...
She is mean... and works hard to cause as much misery to us as possible...
She loves to tell my step children that I don't love my girls... that I never wanted them.. that I 'gave them up' because I didn't want to be burdened by them...
When in fact... I believe I was doing what was best not only for my children...but for all of us...

The fact is... My ex-husband is a fantastic man.. a MORE THAN WONDERFUL FATHER...
I have a tremendous amount of love and respect for him...
and I knew he had as much right to be the PRIMARY Parent as I did ...

Obviously.. most of the time.. children live with their mommy after a divorce...

I've heard so many women say to me..
No way would ever 'let' my ex TAKE MY CHILDREN AWAY from me..
Well that is NOT how this was...
I didn't feel he took them from me...we made this decision together..
and it made the most sense given our circumstances...

The trauma of divorce is difficult .. The changes the kids must go through are so rough.. I just wanted there to be as much consistency for them as possible..
The great thing is... this is a small town.. my ex husband ended up buying a house about 8 blocks from the house I bought... My girls spent the night with me every Wednesday...and 1st .. 3rd and 5th weekends.. holidays... 4-5 weeks in the summer...
etc..
My oldest daughter came to live with me a week after she graduated from high school... in '08...she went back and forth living with me.. living on her own.. living with me... till she got married 1 year ago...my granddaughter is 16 months old...and is in my daycare every day
My 17 year old daughter came to live with me 18 months ago... she loved living with her daddy and stepmom.. but...she also wanted to live with mama for awhile before she was grown...She is a senior in high school.. will graduate in a few weeks.. works at Chili's as a hostess...and the rest of the time is my frequent companion... since my husband took a second shift job last year...
She is going with us at the end of May.. on our first trip to Cancun..(as mentioned in previous post)..
....



WWW.TEXASJEEPGIRL.SHUTTERFLY.COM
That is just awesome that you and your ex-husband were able to make important decisions together in your kids' best interests like that! Your children had to have felt so loved by both of you. I wish all couples who divorce could be friends and always do what is best for the kids. I have a friend whose marriage fell apart last year and there has been nothing but animosity between her and her now ex-husband. I see how it is hurting her girls and it breaks my heart.

And how awesome is it that you get to be with your granddaughter now every day!!!!
Reply With Quote
  #59  
Old 05-01-2012, 07:22 PM
Christian Mother's Avatar
Christian Mother Christian Mother is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Sunny Out Here, AZ
Posts: 876
Default

I know that a lot of people on here ask not to judge the parents...and you are right...but it is SOOO hard..specially when we care for them 50+hrs a week. Why should we care or exspress a feeling about it...bc sometimes it's just sad...specially when the child is 3 wks. Yes...that would be one of mine...

And I understand...boy do I understand needing time with just the hubby and not w/kids in tow. In today's world.. everyone struggling...struggling to find good jobs that pay ins. that are family friendly...that pay good. Parents that wish to stay home to parent at home... can't. Those that do manage to stay home.. sacrifice. And it is a sacrifice in today's world to stay home and raise your children. You either make enough to stay home or you don't. but understand the sacrifice in loss of income bc of it. Anyway you put it...it's a huge sacrifice to be home for the children.

Do I feel parents should have a outlet and spend quality time for a marriage..oh yes def. It's healthy...I also feel though that it's healthy to have family vacations also with the entire family just as much as just husband and wife.
Reply With Quote
  #60  
Old 05-01-2012, 07:28 PM
Texasjeepgirl's Avatar
Texasjeepgirl Texasjeepgirl is offline
Director Licensed Care
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 304
Default

For the first year.. although we put our children FIRST.. no matter what...but... he couldn't really look at me .. would always turn to the side rather than look right at me when we spoke...but.. I let him have his time..

The second year we started being friends again..
He grew up with my 'now' husband.. they are a few year apart in age...but...
knew each other all their lives...actually very very distant cousins.. like 5th I think.
My ex's great great grandfather...and my new husbands great grandfather...were brothers... or something like that... translation...My ex husband's mother's maiden name.. same as my new husband's last name..
translation.. my kids are very distant cousins to their stepdad...
WELCOME TO SMALL TOWN AMERICA..

Year 2... and 3... we live in our furniture store... (see some of my other posts to catch up on this story)... my ex asked if he could spend the night here on Christmas Eve... so he could be here when my kids woke up on Christmas morning... (it was my year to have them)... he slept out in the store in a recliner...

We also went to dinner together .. following school program's... several times this happened... once.. on me and new hubby's wedding anniversary...
The looks.. from local people... hilarious...
I've been here 27 years..
Married to the first one 15 years.. married almost 10 years now to hubby #2... Many many local people know all of us...

Year 4 and 5...
He said to me on the phone.. All I want is to find what you and (new hubby) have... it is obvious to everyone that you two were meant for each other... and I want that...

a few months later.. he said..I think I've found her...

several months later...he asked if my husband would go with him to the jeweler ( jeweler that my new hubby recommended) to pick out diamonds for the engagement ring..
Every diamond the jeweler showed him...he immediately handed to my husband and said... what do you think?
My husband ended up choosing the diamond...and the setting...
Then seperately...we each coached him on how to propose...


__________________
~ t ~
Reply With Quote
  #61  
Old 05-01-2012, 07:38 PM
Country Kids's Avatar
Country Kids Country Kids is offline
Nature Lover
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 5,026
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Texasjeepgirl View Post
For the first year.. although we put our children FIRST.. no matter what...but... he couldn't really look at me .. would always turn to the side rather than look right at me when we spoke...but.. I let him have his time..

The second year we started being friends again..
He grew up with my 'now' husband.. they are a few year apart in age...but...
knew each other all their lives...actually very very distant cousins.. like 5th I think.
My ex's great great grandfather...and my new husbands great grandfather...were brothers... or something like that... translation...My ex husband's mother's maiden name.. same as my new husband's last name..
translation.. my kids are very distant cousins to their stepdad...
WELCOME TO SMALL TOWN AMERICA..

Year 2... and 3... we live in our furniture store... (see some of my other posts to catch up on this story)... my ex asked if he could spend the night here on Christmas Eve... so he could be here when my kids woke up on Christmas morning... (it was my year to have them)... he slept out in the store in a recliner...

We also went to dinner together .. following school program's... several times this happened... once.. on me and new hubby's wedding anniversary...
The looks.. from local people... hilarious...
I've been here 27 years..
Married to the first one 15 years.. married almost 10 years now to hubby #2... Many many local people know all of us...

Year 4 and 5...
He said to me on the phone.. All I want is to find what you and (new hubby) have... it is obvious to everyone that you two were meant for each other... and I want that...

a few months later.. he said..I think I've found her...

several months later...he asked if my husband would go with him to the jeweler ( jeweler that my new hubby recommended) to pick out diamonds for the engagement ring..
Every diamond the jeweler showed him...he immediately handed to my husband and said... what do you think?
My husband ended up choosing the diamond...and the setting...
Then seperately...we each coached him on how to propose...


I see a live time movie being made out of this story! What a story it is. I'm so glad that you to have the relationship that you have and your new hubby is accepting of it.

Have they got married yet?


Another question did your kids ever resent that you gave custody to your ex because of the childcare? I know it wasn't easy as a mama but I wonder if they ever have talked to you about how they felt. I know it wasn't per say "the childcare" that did it but because of it there were certain things you couldn't do.

I know personally mine would be heart broken if I (even if it was for all the right reasons) did that. They would think that it was once again the childcare that took there mama from them. Mine really struggle with the childcare and 3 of them have been born into it.
Reply With Quote
  #62  
Old 05-01-2012, 07:46 PM
EntropyControlSpecialist's Avatar
EntropyControlSpecialist EntropyControlSpecialist is offline
Embracing the chaos.
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: A toasty environment!
Posts: 7,430
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I don't find it odd at all. As a matter of fact I kind of believe the exact opposite. I think the problem with our society is that parents have children and suddenly life 100% revolves around those children making the children feel or believe that they are the absolute center of the universe. THAT is the problem IMHO.

In previous generations, children were "additions" to the family NOT the center of them.

I don't think parents should be made to feel bad that they aren't treating their children as the basis for EVERYTHING; above their husbands, their marriages, their careers, themselves as individuals. I think that is sad. Children come into our lives, we love them, we care for them, we guide them and teach them to be part of the "bigger picture", part of the world.

Why would I want to raise my child as if they ARE the world and then basically throw them to the wolves when they grow up and leave home? And they do leave.....then what? You have no marriage because you never took the time to vacation alone () with your husband and build that relationship, you have no interests (other than your children) because someone made you feel bad about having a hobby or interest that wasn't centered around your child, you have no friends because they moved on with their lives because you were too busy focusing on your children....

I love my children more than anything in the world but I am not going to teach them that I will give up everything for them. What good would that do them? What is that teaching them? How does that train them to be functioning, contributing, responsible adults? My job is to make sure that they can be proud of who they are and be self-supportive and make a place in the world. My job is to "parent" them, so they fit into the world, not build the world around them.
I agree.
Reply With Quote
  #63  
Old 05-01-2012, 07:49 PM
Texasjeepgirl's Avatar
Texasjeepgirl Texasjeepgirl is offline
Director Licensed Care
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 304
Default

Honestly...they have never said they resented it...
They loved their daddy so much.. and loved me also... so.. I think it would have been hard either way.. living with me.. visiting dad.. or living with dad.. visiting me..
No matter how nice it all has been.. it's still divorce...and still the end of a family...
Obviously we have all adjusted.. but.. divorce still beats kids up in ways we might never really see or discuss...

Yes ex did marry her... and they are still happy...
I totally love her...
Now that older daughter is married...and younger daughter lives with me.. we don't talk quite as much... but.. anytime it involves our girls...we talk...either in person.. on the phone.. email..text...

I missed out on allot of class parties.. allot of field trips...
One thing I did not miss was 8th grade trip for both girls.. I closed the daycare both times... and went ... and there were other times that .. if I had enough advance notice.. I closed the daycare... but... so often you don't get enough advance notice...

Life time movie?
Yeah... probably..
I can tell you stories about the things we have gone through with my new husband's ex wife that will stand your hair on end...
But..we make it through...happier than ever...
celebrating 10 years of marriage on May 25
__________________
~ t ~
Reply With Quote
  #64  
Old 05-01-2012, 07:57 PM
cheerfuldom's Avatar
cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 7,415
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by itlw8 View Post
As a child I LOVED my time spent at Grandmas house it was magical

And now as a grandparent I think it is good for the kids to come here. I do things different than their daily routine. I think is is good for my ds and dil have some time alone also... They do lots of things as a family also.
This is a good point as well! In our case, we have amazing in-laws. They have 80 acres out in the middle of nowhere, a lake, a huge garden, animals......going to their house for a few days IS magical for my kids and I am thankful that they have this opportunity. They are not being traumatized or neglected in any way by going over to the grandparents! They get the huge benefit of being around people from a different generations, learning skills and values that they cant necessarily learn from mom and dad. Weekends away or short vacations are a win-win for our family.
Reply With Quote
  #65  
Old 05-01-2012, 08:03 PM
cheerfuldom's Avatar
cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 7,415
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Christian Mother View Post
I know that a lot of people on here ask not to judge the parents...and you are right...but it is SOOO hard..specially when we care for them 50+hrs a week. Why should we care or exspress a feeling about it...bc sometimes it's just sad...specially when the child is 3 wks. Yes...that would be one of mine...

And I understand...boy do I understand needing time with just the hubby and not w/kids in tow. In today's world.. everyone struggling...struggling to find good jobs that pay ins. that are family friendly...that pay good. Parents that wish to stay home to parent at home... can't. Those that do manage to stay home.. sacrifice. And it is a sacrifice in today's world to stay home and raise your children. You either make enough to stay home or you don't. but understand the sacrifice in loss of income bc of it. Anyway you put it...it's a huge sacrifice to be home for the children.

Do I feel parents should have a outlet and spend quality time for a marriage..oh yes def. It's healthy...I also feel though that it's healthy to have family vacations also with the entire family just as much as just husband and wife.
I really do think that we all are essentially saying the same thing in this thread. It is important to figure out what is right for your family and your kids as well as having a balance within your life. I think we can all agree that we know parents that leave their kids at a drop of the hat....but it is not fair to generalize all parents that take vacations without kids as the same type of parent. Even parents that work long hours and have their kids in daycare are not necessarily bad people for needing some down time without kids.
Reply With Quote
  #66  
Old 05-02-2012, 06:16 AM
Lianne's Avatar
Lianne Lianne is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 534
Default

We never went on family vacations and my parents never went away on their own. There just wasn't the money for it. I don't remember my friends going on vacation every year, either. Yet, lots of families expect to and go away several times a year.

A family I nannied for used to take a summer vacation every year. Then, in the winter, the parents would go away for a few days without the kids. The parents would then take a girls/guys weekend away with friends one a year (each). One would go in the spring and one in the fall. The length of each vacation depended on cost/time off/etc. but it seemed to be a well balanced system for them. It broke the year up, everyone felt restored afterwards and everyone's needs were met.

I'm lucky if I can afford to take a week off work once a year, forget about going anywhere! By the time I financially cover what the lost week's pay would normally covered I might have enough money left to go see a matinee movie one afternoon that I'm not working, lol. I'm already saving for my week in August, not going anywhere, but I'm still not sure I'll be afford to not work that week. We'll see.
__________________
Doing what I love and loving what I do.
Reply With Quote
  #67  
Old 05-02-2012, 12:28 PM
My3cents's Avatar
My3cents My3cents is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 2,839
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Texasjeepgirl View Post
obviously this goes off the subject of this thread...
But.. I suspected that if I put in there that I was the visiting parent.. I would get some comments/questions... considering I am a LICENSED CHILD CARE PROVIDER...

When my ex-husband and I divorced... after 15 years.. it wasn't an ugly horrible divorce...
it was calm... rational.. ... we just realized.. after 3 years of discussing it now and then...that we had both reached a point where we knew our marriage was over.. and time to move on ...

When it came to deciding who would have custody of our two girls.. ages 10 and 6...
Our daughters were both attending private Catholic school ( we are not Catholic...but it is an EXCELLENT school in our town...and the public school.. well.. not as excellent)... the school is small.. and does not provide transportation...parent delivery and pick up only.
My daycare is open from 7 a.m. til 5:30 p.m.... I am LICENSED for 12 children.... and I work alone.
I would not be able to drive my 2 daughters to school each day... nor would I be able to pick them up.... My ex-husband is self employed... and his shop is only a few blocks from the school.. so.. he would be able to drop them at school each day... and pick them up......
So after much soul searching...agony..... I knew the best option.. for least amount of disruption in everyone's day..... was for my two girls to live with their daddy...
It just made more sense...than for him to have to drive to my home every single day... twice...once to pick them up to deliver them to school...and once in the afternoon to drop them off...

I have paid child support for 10 years...
I've had plenty of judgement over this issue... Most especially from my new husband's ex wife...
She is mean... and works hard to cause as much misery to us as possible...
She loves to tell my step children that I don't love my girls... that I never wanted them.. that I 'gave them up' because I didn't want to be burdened by them...
When in fact... I believe I was doing what was best not only for my children...but for all of us...

The fact is... My ex-husband is a fantastic man.. a MORE THAN WONDERFUL FATHER...
I have a tremendous amount of love and respect for him...
and I knew he had as much right to be the PRIMARY Parent as I did ...

Obviously.. most of the time.. children live with their mommy after a divorce...

I've heard so many women say to me..
No way would ever 'let' my ex TAKE MY CHILDREN AWAY from me..
Well that is NOT how this was...
I didn't feel he took them from me...we made this decision together..
and it made the most sense given our circumstances...

The trauma of divorce is difficult .. The changes the kids must go through are so rough.. I just wanted there to be as much consistency for them as possible..
The great thing is... this is a small town.. my ex husband ended up buying a house about 8 blocks from the house I bought... My girls spent the night with me every Wednesday...and 1st .. 3rd and 5th weekends.. holidays... 4-5 weeks in the summer...
etc..
My oldest daughter came to live with me a week after she graduated from high school... in '08...she went back and forth living with me.. living on her own.. living with me... till she got married 1 year ago...my granddaughter is 16 months old...and is in my daycare every day
My 17 year old daughter came to live with me 18 months ago... she loved living with her daddy and stepmom.. but...she also wanted to live with mama for awhile before she was grown...She is a senior in high school.. will graduate in a few weeks.. works at Chili's as a hostess...and the rest of the time is my frequent companion... since my husband took a second shift job last year...
She is going with us at the end of May.. on our first trip to Cancun..(as mentioned in previous post)..
....

I am a very inquisitive person-always have been-very visual too. You could have said non of your business and I would have understood. I just want to say Thank you for sharing. I have a new respect for you- not that I didn't before. Some people on the boards just stand out more then others, you always have because I find we think alike and you always seem to make sense to me. I can relate-

It sounds like you parented together and raised your children together through your divorce. It also sounds like your husbands ex has been a nightmare for you. Did you have a daycare and move it when you divorced? I can't imagine what you went through but it sounds like it worked out best for everyone.........well almost.........the husbands ex still has issues obviously. When your all together, your husbands children's and yours, are you blended well as a family or are their issues? Again thanks for sharing-



WWW.TEXASJEEPGIRL.SHUTTERFLY.COM
I have been doing a lot of responding above in red and had to write this in order to send it out
Reply With Quote
  #68  
Old 05-02-2012, 12:34 PM
My3cents's Avatar
My3cents My3cents is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 2,839
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Texasjeepgirl View Post
For the first year.. although we put our children FIRST.. no matter what...but... he couldn't really look at me .. would always turn to the side rather than look right at me when we spoke...but.. I let him have his time..

The second year we started being friends again..
He grew up with my 'now' husband.. they are a few year apart in age...but...
knew each other all their lives...actually very very distant cousins.. like 5th I think.
My ex's great great grandfather...and my new husbands great grandfather...were brothers... or something like that... translation...My ex husband's mother's maiden name.. same as my new husband's last name..
translation.. my kids are very distant cousins to their stepdad...
WELCOME TO SMALL TOWN AMERICA..

Year 2... and 3... we live in our furniture store... (see some of my other posts to catch up on this story)... my ex asked if he could spend the night here on Christmas Eve... so he could be here when my kids woke up on Christmas morning... (it was my year to have them)... he slept out in the store in a recliner...

We also went to dinner together .. following school program's... several times this happened... once.. on me and new hubby's wedding anniversary...
The looks.. from local people... hilarious...
I've been here 27 years..
Married to the first one 15 years.. married almost 10 years now to hubby #2... Many many local people know all of us...

Year 4 and 5...
He said to me on the phone.. All I want is to find what you and (new hubby) have... it is obvious to everyone that you two were meant for each other... and I want that...

a few months later.. he said..I think I've found her...

several months later...he asked if my husband would go with him to the jeweler ( jeweler that my new hubby recommended) to pick out diamonds for the engagement ring..
Every diamond the jeweler showed him...he immediately handed to my husband and said... what do you think?
My husband ended up choosing the diamond...and the setting...
Then seperately...we each coached him on how to propose...


maybe I am just having an emotional day but this is making me teary!!! I sure hope you write a book someday. I hope you post again, I want to read more........
Reply With Quote
  #69  
Old 05-02-2012, 12:46 PM
My3cents's Avatar
My3cents My3cents is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 2,839
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lianne View Post
We never went on family vacations and my parents never went away on their own. There just wasn't the money for it. I don't remember my friends going on vacation every year, either. Yet, lots of families expect to and go away several times a year.

A family I nannied for used to take a summer vacation every year. Then, in the winter, the parents would go away for a few days without the kids. The parents would then take a girls/guys weekend away with friends one a year (each). One would go in the spring and one in the fall. The length of each vacation depended on cost/time off/etc. but it seemed to be a well balanced system for them. It broke the year up, everyone felt restored afterwards and everyone's needs were met.

I'm lucky if I can afford to take a week off work once a year, forget about going anywhere! By the time I financially cover what the lost week's pay would normally covered I might have enough money left to go see a matinee movie one afternoon that I'm not working, lol. I'm already saving for my week in August, not going anywhere, but I'm still not sure I'll be afford to not work that week. We'll see.
this is why you need to be good to yourself and put it in your policy that you get a week or two weeks PAID vacation each year.

Over the years we have done big vacations... (Disney) and then we have done the vacations that cost nothing but your normal everyday expenses........(primitive camping). Some years we can go and some years we can't. It is all good. We all do the best that we can. Some of my favorite vacations are the more simpler ones.
Reply With Quote
  #70  
Old 05-02-2012, 01:49 PM
Texasjeepgirl's Avatar
Texasjeepgirl Texasjeepgirl is offline
Director Licensed Care
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 304
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by My3cents View Post
I have been doing a lot of responding above in red and had to write this in order to send it out
If I had a nickel for everytime someone told me I should write a book about my life.. I think I might almost have enough money to do it...
lol


I did have a daycare when we divorced..
I got married in '86.. started my daycare in '92...when my first daughter was 2 years old...
When we filed for a divorce... we continued to live in the same house for several months.. I just moved in to my younger daughter's bedroom...she slept in her sisters room anyway...
We filed for divorce in April... My ex moved in to a new house in late July... I remained in the house because my daycare was there...but it sold...and I bought another house in September...
Mark and I had our wedding in the back yard of that house... But we sold it a year later... and have lived inside our retail furniture store for 8 years now..We put my daycare in 5 years ago.. I had it in a friends house for 3 years...

When Mark and I married... we blended 5 girls.
My daughter had just turned 12... Mark's stepdaughter was 3 months behind her... 11...
She had been 18 months old when he started dating her mom...he is the only daddy she's ever known.. never met bio dad..
My younger daughter was 8... Mark's girls were 6 and 5...
Honestly.. in 10 years.. There have been very few issues with the kids...
The two older one's were always close...
The 3 younger one's...well.. my youngest.. which is middle child...and the very youngest were always the closest...
There were a few issues of the other one feeling left out...but.. then all of a sudden the tables would turn and she'd be the 'in' one...and the baby would be left out..
To be completely honest.. Mark and I made a committment to each other from day 1..This is our second marriage...We did NOT have any desire to have more children... (It always amazes me how many people in second marriages think they must produce a child to show each other...and the world...how much they love each other)...
WE agreed on 1 thing... We didn't have to be married... We chose to be married... We both felt so blessed to have found each other..
AND...the other thing is.. We have gone through so much with his EX... Always such drama and VENOM from her...
The one thing we always felt we needed to give our children more than anything...was the security and knowledge that he and I loved each other... we are stable.. we are LEVEL... we are committed to each other... to our children.. to our family.. to our home..and NOTHING she ever says or does changes that...
His poor children live in constant turmoil with their mom.. and when they are with us.. We aren't wealthy... but.. we love each other.. we love them.. we treat each other.. and them... with respect and honesty... ALWAYS... if there is ONE THING they always have when they are with us.. it is PEACE...
__________________
~ t ~
Reply With Quote
  #71  
Old 05-02-2012, 04:17 PM
MNMum's Avatar
MNMum MNMum is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Minnestoa
Posts: 598
Default

I think this conversation could go on forever...

As far as why it may be important now to take childfree time, as opposed to a time before both parents worked: Now that society has made it "normal" or expected that a women be away from her home and her children 50 hours, the tasks that used to be done while husband/dad was away at work, must now be completed when he is home. If you are lucky enough, you can hire someone to clean house/wash clothes/grow or shop for food/prepare meals, for most, that's not reality. Instead of mom being home, getting all of these things done during the day, she is now doing them along side her husband(if she's lucky) in the evening or weekends. If her job does not meet her needs of getting in her girlfriend time (this is actually proven neccessary for happiness in a woman) then she is also trying to get this done in eve/weekends. Back in the day,before the divorce rate was 50%, evenings consisited of kids playing in the neighborhood with their friends, families sitting down to dinner every night together, kids getting to bed at a decent time, and then Mom and Dad having their moments together. Paint the picture today it probably looks something like this: parent A picks up kids from daycare, runs kid #1 to baseball practice, picks up dinner from Subway, meets parent B at home, they eat (maybe together, probably not), Parent B helps kid #2 with homework, parent A runs back to pick up kid #1, gets home, cleans up from dinner, throws in a load of laundry...get my drift. It is sad.

As far as vacationing without kids. We've been lucky enough to always make vacations a priority. We've taken kids, we've left kids. In my 9.5 years of being a parent, it has always depended on the situation. I'm a co-sleeping, toddler-led breastfeeding mom. I never left a child before I knew they would do fine at night without me. Additionally, I didn't leave them before I knew I'd be okay without them! During those years, it was always family vacations. By the time it was okay to leave them, it was obvious for our relationship, it was crucial to spend 1:1 time with my husband. I know I have a hard time being a loving wife with all the chaos in the house, and my husband needs the reassurance that I still care about him, too.

I do think it is sad what our two income families has done to the American family. Hopefully it will somehow come back to families being able to survive without both parents out of the home FT, but until then, parents are doing what they think is best for themselves and their kids

There's my soapbox...I'll get off of it now.
Reply With Quote
  #72  
Old 02-12-2013, 01:24 PM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Smile Vacation Without Kids

I think it depends on the couple.

Once upon a time when I lived in my fairy tale bubble prior to having kids with my 1st husband I thought - What is wrong with all those people going on vacation without their kids? Why do they even bother having kids?

However, after my husband left me at 9 months pregnant and I met an amazing man who had a daughter of his own and we married and are now expecting our own baby girl, I have different opinions.

1. I had to get used to not having my newborn son with me due to shared custody with my ex from when he was three days old. I have had to deal with not having him a couple nights a week - not from any choice of my own. However, I have realized - that he survives without me. Had I not had that happen, I am pretty sure I'd be a mom that never had her kids apart minus daycare.

2. My new husband and I have 2 kids between us and 1 on the way. We have also only been together less than a year. We are still in that honeymoon phase which I hope will never go away. On nights when we don't have my son and don't have his daughter we try to make plans to go out with just the two of us. We have realized how important a weekly date night is to our relationship. We are sooooo busy the other nights with work, kids, extra curricular activities, etc... we need to make time for us where we talk about each other and build our relationship. Have time where we discuss how we are going to adapt to this new blended family, etc.

3. My husband got a free white water rafting trip with his company last year. Neither kid was old enough to go - and being that it was a company trip, 1- we felt like we had to go 2- White water rafting? Awesome!!! Grandparents would love to have the kids for two nights.

4. One thing I have always believed is that your children are only going to be at home for roughly 18 years - if every thing is centered around them all the time, building a relationship with your partner is difficult for when you become empty nesters. You may not even know each other that well anymore. I came from a family that doesn't have any divorces so I wasn't used to the concept - however, my parents are celebrating their 45th year of marriage together this year and they are happily married. I do remember going to my Grandparents or Aunts almost every Friday or Saturday night and spending the night though. First - I usually begged for it - it was a ton of fun. Second, my parents wanted to keep their marriage alive.

5. I definitely want to take my kids on vacation. In fact we have taken a couple family vacations with the kids in the last year and have one planned this year. However, I think the kids will survive for 5 days if we went somewhere with just the two of us. Would I miss my babies? Absolutely!!! Would I enjoy alone time with my spouse? Absolutely!!! Would having some time with just the two of us strengthen our relationship so we can be better united parents? Absolutely!!!

*Not to mention there are vacations we would love to do now that the kids just aren't old enough to participate it (too rugged, strenuous, not enjoyable, etc) that we would probably not be able to do when we are in our 50s and 60s.

*What about parentst that send their kids to overnight came in the summer and take their vacation at the same time? My parents used to do that. We would go on a family vacation and then I would go to camp for a week - best time of my life - a couple times for two weeks and while I didn't know it at the time, I know now that they went on vacation while I was at camp.

*I personally don't and wouldn't go on vacation to so called get away from the kids - but bonding time with my husband while letting the kids know they can function without parents for a week and have them learn some social skills and independence didn't hurt anyone imo.
Reply With Quote
  #73  
Old 02-13-2013, 10:20 PM
craftymissbeth's Avatar
craftymissbeth craftymissbeth is offline
Legally Unlicensed
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,367
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Maybe they never got a honeymoon?
Maybe they have never been offered a week at grandma's before?
Maybe they won the trip?
Maybe they work really hard and have never had a vacation alone before?
Maybe they plan on taking all future vacations as a family but since their kids are little now, it is more beneficial to have a vacation without them?
Maybe they are Bill and Jane and NOT just a mom and a dad?
Maybe they are going to Vegas to do something inappropriate so it is a good thing the kids aren't going?
Maybe one of them has some weird disease and they are seeking alternate treatment from some wack-o quack only found in Vegas?
Maybe they are meeting up with another couple for a ......(well another reason to not bring the kids with).?
Maybe they just need a break from their daily life so they can come back refreshed and ready to deal....?
Maybe they are attending a marriage group?
Maybe they are job seeking?
Maybe they are house hunting?
Maybe one of them is dying and seeing Wayne Newton is on their bucket list?

Who knows.....but I really don't think we can or should be judging these parents. We have never walked a mile in their shoes, we aren't living in their homes or living their lives so I don't think we ever really know the whole story. Everyone defines parenting differently and I honeslty think that if it really bothers people so much, then refuse to participate in the fact that they leave their child in child care for such long hours. If they use 50 hours per week but don't work that many, then don't provide care for them.

You can't control what others do but you can change what you do. If you don't like the type of parenting a person has going on....and it really gets to you, then don't provide care to those kinds of parents.
We can't have it both ways.
Exactly this.
Reply With Quote
  #74  
Old 02-14-2013, 05:05 AM
Scout's Avatar
Scout Scout is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,740
Default

Personally, I think every parent needs and deserves a vacation away from their kids!! When I grew up my parents went to Vegas every year for Labor Day and left us with our Grandparents too. It did nothing to us emotionally in the long run. We are both good parents and good people in general. I have spent all but 3 nights, 5 if you count when I had my second child away from my DS in 4 1/2 years and I think that if we had the opportunity to get away without him it would make me a better parent!! Parents need a break sometimes, there is nothing wrong with this. Some will agree with it, some won't. It doesn't mean that they are not good parents or that the kids will grow up feeling slighted! JMHO.
Reply With Quote
  #75  
Old 02-14-2013, 05:57 AM
Binkybobo's Avatar
Binkybobo Binkybobo is offline
New Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 210
Default

Hi, I'm here to sign up for the kid free Vegas week.
Reply With Quote
  #76  
Old 02-14-2013, 06:08 AM
rmc20021's Avatar
rmc20021 rmc20021 is offline
New Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Michigan
Posts: 589
Default

I totally get what people are saying about leaving their kids while they go on vacation after their kids are already spending so much time in daycare, BUT parents need to nurture their relationships with their significant others as well.

I once (ONCE) went on a vacation with my (ex)husband without the kids and it was sooooo amazing to just be able to reconnect again and be able to do adult things. Maybe if we had done more vacations without the kids we wouldn't have gotten divorced...

Now if the parents are doing this all the time, and the kids are left behind every time the parents go on vacation, then no, I don't agree with that.
Reply With Quote
  #77  
Old 02-14-2013, 06:27 AM
makap's Avatar
makap makap is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Where children have fun!!!
Posts: 252
Default

I am taking a vacation tomorrow!!

My hubby and I are going to have some mommy and daddy alone time.

We are getting up, sending our son to school and then spending the whole day together!

It is so important to spend time alone with your partner without the children but for me to leave my son for a week or so while I go away on a holiday would never work. I would miss him way too much and feel so guilty.

I have only been away from him once when he was 3 for a week due to an emergency with one of my other grown children. I had to fly to where she lived to help her deal with an emergency. Other than that I have never been away from my son for more than 24 hours since he has been born and he is going to be 10 next week!

But that is just me and how I feel about leaving him. All parents are different and are entitled to do what they are comfortable with.

I am really looking forward to my one day "holiday" tomorrow with my hubby! It is going to be so much fun! We just may make this a one day every month thing!
Reply With Quote
  #78  
Old 02-14-2013, 07:10 AM
LaLa1923's Avatar
LaLa1923 LaLa1923 is offline
mommyof5-and going crazy
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 1,094
Default

We're going on a cruise together in September, and 2-3 weekend trips. WITHOUT any kids!!
I seriously cannot wait! , We are going on several with the kids. Our kids are 8, 7, 5, 5, and 3.
Reply With Quote
  #79  
Old 02-14-2013, 07:14 AM
Lawson2's Avatar
Lawson2 Lawson2 is offline
New Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 28
Default

I believe parenting and marriage need a healthy balance.
I don't own a home daycare yet, but I have been a nanny for 15 years. I know parents who NEVER see their children. If they take their kids on vacation, they leave them in the Kids Club the whole time.
A few years back, I nannied for a couple who NEVER spent time with their baby. They were in their late thirties and had fertility treatments to have her, so you would have thought she would be priority... The first time they left me with her, she was 5 months old. They went to Paris for 2 weeks. This was insane to me! I was with her more than they were!

Then I nannied for a family who have the means to travel and have a full time nanny. The mom only used me part time and she actually was a present parent. Her and her husband took a week away each year without the kids and I would watch them. I totally understood that they needed that break. That to me is a healthy balance.

Now I am a mother. We don't have the means for a nanny or to travel all of the time. We do take a few trips a year. We are traveling next month and taking our son. We also just went to NYC last month for a weekend and left our son with his grandparents. We had a great time seeing a show/dining out, and just catching up as a couple.

There was an earlier post about how we in America leave our children more than other countries (something on the lines of that). I can't speak for everyone, but my husband is English and my step-father is from New Zealand. It is actually normal to travel and most families do quite a bit. Of course they have more vacation time than most of us... It is very easy to travel to different countries and we know lots of people who take getaways without their children (and these are normal parents who don't neglect their kids).

What Blackcat said in a previous post was spot on.
Not sure if anyone read the book Bringing Up Bebe'? But it is about an American woman bringing up her two children in Paris and the difference in child rearing between our cultures.
Reply With Quote
  #80  
Old 02-14-2013, 07:34 AM
MsCathy's Avatar
MsCathy MsCathy is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: In a land of make believe......
Posts: 17
Default

I don't have a problem with parents taking vacation (although I've never been on a vacation without my kids and they are 20 16 and 12) I've also never been offered for someone to watch my kids so my husband and I COULD go away...but that's another forum. Lol

BUT i DO have a problem with parents taking vacations that don't coincide with mine and then complain that they can't take time off from work when I have vacation.....
Reply With Quote
  #81  
Old 11-16-2013, 08:34 AM
LadyBugHugs's Avatar
LadyBugHugs LadyBugHugs is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kansas
Posts: 9
Default

Needed that reminder! Thanks
Reply With Quote
  #82  
Old 11-16-2013, 09:13 AM
KidGrind's Avatar
KidGrind KidGrind is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Red, White & Blue
Posts: 1,108
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Maybe they never got a honeymoon?
Maybe they have never been offered a week at grandma's before?
Maybe they won the trip?
Maybe they work really hard and have never had a vacation alone before?
Maybe they plan on taking all future vacations as a family but since their kids are little now, it is more beneficial to have a vacation without them?
Maybe they are Bill and Jane and NOT just a mom and a dad?
Maybe they are going to Vegas to do something inappropriate so it is a good thing the kids aren't going?
Maybe one of them has some weird disease and they are seeking alternate treatment from some wack-o quack only found in Vegas?
Maybe they are meeting up with another couple for a ......(well another reason to not bring the kids with).?
Maybe they just need a break from their daily life so they can come back refreshed and ready to deal....?
Maybe they are attending a marriage group?
Maybe they are job seeking?
Maybe they are house hunting?
Maybe one of them is dying and seeing Wayne Newton is on their bucket list?

Who knows.....but I really don't think we can or should be judging these parents. We have never walked a mile in their shoes, we aren't living in their homes or living their lives so I don't think we ever really know the whole story. Everyone defines parenting differently and I honeslty think that if it really bothers people so much, then refuse to participate in the fact that they leave their child in child care for such long hours. If they use 50 hours per week but don't work that many, then don't provide care for them.

You can't control what others do but you can change what you do. If you don't like the type of parenting a person has going on....and it really gets to you, then don't provide care to those kinds of parents.
We can't have it both ways.
My fingers adore you.
Reply With Quote
  #83  
Old 11-16-2013, 09:33 PM
Annalee's Avatar
Annalee Annalee is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 4,279
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa View Post
I agree with BlackCat. Our world is already filled enough with over-indulged kids as it is and this may be just one part of a very long list of examples but it's still one of the things on the list.

I for one make sure that my DH and I get just me and him time. It's important to work on your bond with your DH because one day your kids will leave and then who do you have left? Of course I think that it's easier for me to say that because I am with my kids all of the time except for when my DD is at school so I don't have that added guilt of leaving them with someone.

I do remember however when I was working away from my home (before DC) and how overwhelmed I felt. I wish that I would have taken some time for myself without my DD earlier in the beginning (I was a single parent, DD is from a different relationship) because I was so stressed over finances, family issues, work and trying to be a good mom that I don't think I could have put 100% of myself into anything that I did ... much less parenting. We're not just "moms" or "dads". We're partners, lovers, friends, daughters and individuals ... when I did start taking some time for myself (hobby) and later with DH (when we started our relationship) I was a better person, much calmer and clear-headed. People have to take care of themselves too, otherwise you'll be no good to anybody.
I agree! On a different spin, I had a friend who had cancer with very small children at the time. She told me during that time she had rethought ideas like "leaving your kids", "home-schooling", "taking time for yourself" because she was made to realize she could not be in their lives forever. Even though she is ok now, she believes it is important for her kids to be "in the world" to know how to function. Not that she did not want them to miss her but she wanted to raise them to be strong and adaptable. Just a thought!
Reply With Quote
  #84  
Old 11-17-2013, 04:53 PM
caregiver's Avatar
caregiver caregiver is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 257
Default

I also agree with Blackcat. There are certain circumstances that happen where you should not take your kids with if your going out of town. When my kids were little, my Uncle passed away that lived in Florida. We wanted to go to the funeral and decided to take a few extra days to stay in Florida. It was the middle of winter here and we just thought it would be nice to have a few days with the sun and warm weather. We decided that since our kids were so young, that it would be best to not take them and have the grandparents watch them. Well, the grandparents were thrilled to death to get them for a few days.
Then my husbands brother was getting married out in California.The kids were young again and we did not want to take them out of school as it was the school year.
Las Vegas is not for kids, it is for adults and there is not much for kids to do there. I can't condemn parents for wanting some time for themselves to have fun. They work and take care of their kids. If they go on vacations a lot without the kids, then I see a problem, but once in awhile there is nothing wrong with it. Just because you have kids and are out in the work force does not mean you can have a vacation with just your spouse once in awhile. Plus it is nice that the grandparents get to spend time with their grandchildren. Being a grandparent myself, I would love to get to spend more time with my Grandkids. I have told my son and daughter-in-law to go on a trip somewhere so we can take our grandson for a few days.
I do not see a lot wrong with parents taking vacations without the kids, It is always nice when the family goes together on vacation, but I think the kids should be a little older so they can really havae fun and know what it is all about.
Reply With Quote
  #85  
Old 06-15-2015, 02:24 PM
cdub
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Red face Please take the kids...

Just from the other side of the coin. My parents never went on vacation without me and I am forever grateful for what they have given me and my siblings because of it. My parents didn’t have much money but I know that they would give to my sister, brother and I before themselves so going and experiencing a new country, a new culture and new people, languages and food without us was never done. Because of that, I grew up with knowing how much there was beyond the places I lived and the friends I made. What I got, because my parents never left us, is absolutely priceless and I know I will definitely give that to my two boys as well.

Whenever the “clan” goes out, it’s all of us, grandparents, kids, grankids, significant others and it’s a GREAT vacation. BTW, my parents have been married 35 years and will still be married another 35 years even though they never had an adults-only vacation (until we were well into our 20s). I wonder if this adults-only vacation concept is a product of the Facebook/ME-generation?

If you can, please take your kids…It’ll be so valuable to them
Reply With Quote
  #86  
Old 06-15-2015, 04:14 PM
Heidi's Avatar
Heidi Heidi is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 6,837
Default

NM..I just saw how old this thread is. I still agree with BC though...
Reply With Quote
  #87  
Old 06-15-2015, 05:27 PM
Controlled Chaos's Avatar
Controlled Chaos Controlled Chaos is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,128
Default

Yep super old thread - but I had to say: I just got home from a 3 day vacation with a friend I hadn't seen in 10 years. We were both kid free and care free in Cali and it was AMAZING
Reply With Quote
  #88  
Old 06-15-2015, 06:27 PM
Play Care's Avatar
Play Care Play Care is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 6,609
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Controlled Chaos View Post
Yep super old thread - but I had to say: I just got home from a 3 day vacation with a friend I hadn't seen in 10 years. We were both kid free and care free in Cali and it was AMAZING
DH and I spent an amazing kid free weekend in Boston last month. Tons of fun and MUCH needed.
Reply With Quote
  #89  
Old 06-15-2015, 06:50 PM
lovemykidstoo's Avatar
lovemykidstoo lovemykidstoo is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: U.S.
Posts: 4,259
Default

I don't see a problem with it. You have to nurture your relationship with your spouse and not let it be kids kids kids all the time. They grow up and leave the nest and then some people that don't have couple time look at their spouse and say, who the heck are you?!! You can be a good parent while having alone time with your spouse.
Reply With Quote
  #90  
Old 06-15-2015, 07:21 PM
Thriftylady's Avatar
Thriftylady Thriftylady is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5,887
Default

Yep an oldie, but I see both sides of this. Marriages sometimes need care, without happy parents you can't have happy children. DH and I have done this before. Never a week when the kids were younger it was two motorcycle rallys a year a weekend long. Now that DS is moved out and DD is in high school, I go out in the truck with DH sometimes. Just got off last week from being on a month. DD has been away at her church camp job most of that time. But for DH and I, especially with him being a truck driver and being away so much, if we didn't make time for our marriage, it probably wouldn't exist any more.

All that being said, I wouldn't ignore or neglect my children. I do special things with DD all the time, and did with DS when I could. For instance I went out to the camp the other night and had dinner with her. A 60 mile drive each way, but I did it because I also wanted to nurture my relationship with her. DH will likely go with me this coming weekend to do the same thing if schedules line up. With DD working now and school, she is gone more than ten hours most days so worse than daycare, but if you try and make sure you make the time you can still have special times.

I would feel bad if I was all about my kids or all about my husband and the other was getting neglected. Then I wouldn't be happy, and if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

ETA: We never had a honeymoon. DH took off work a half day early the day we got married on a Friday, back to work as usual Monday. I brought my two kiddos to the marriage, DS was 8, DD was 2. We didn't go on a honeymoon because of money, because of the kids, because of this and that. We got married at the courthouse, I have been married twice and never had a "real" wedding lol. So yes I have sacrificed for the kids and so has DH he adopted them both! But we have also sacrificed for the marriage.
Reply With Quote
  #91  
Old 06-15-2015, 08:35 PM
alicia@home's Avatar
alicia@home alicia@home is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 24
Default what happens in vegas...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Country Kids View Post
Actually if I were to go away I would love to go away by myself! Even when my hubby and I go away, there is still someone there wanting my attention and actually wanting it more then the kids. I would love to go away and just be able to watch a movie, take bath, relax, sleep in, take my time doing things with no one needing my time or attention.
AGREED! I exist outside of my relationship to my immediate family. I'm taking a girls trip to vegas for my 30th this year and I don't feel a drip bad about it. My husband tried to give me a guilt trip, but it won't work, I deserve to be alive and exist outside of the words "honey" and "mommy".

Also, my parents did everything for us kids, and while our childhood was quite memorable I don't think we would have suffered for them being away. My parents have both expressed lack the strong connection to each other and themselves now that we are all grown and wish they would've taken more time away!
Reply With Quote
  #92  
Old 06-16-2015, 04:20 AM
Josiegirl's Avatar
Josiegirl Josiegirl is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Right here
Posts: 9,086
Default

Guess it depends on what the rest of their childhood looks like. Is this the normal for the family? Do the kids ever get to do anything fun? Is it the fact that the parents never want to be with their own kids?
Reply With Quote
  #93  
Old 06-16-2015, 05:50 AM
DaveA's Avatar
DaveA DaveA is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Illinois
Posts: 3,388
Default

Out of curiosity I looked at our calendar. This year we have a 1 week vacation with kids, 2 long weekends with kids, 2 long weekends without the kids, and each of us has a weekend alone. Plus all the usual chaos and bedlam of our life. Now admittedly we lead a pretty active/ hectic life and most of these revolve around one of our interests: the vacation starts with DW's ironman race, most of the weekends are either a knife show or race, and our time alone is a knife show and a training camp for her ironman.

It's all about balance. I see nothing wrong with spending time with your spouse or alone as long as you are also an involved parent. The best gift you can give your kids is a happy parent and a happy marriage.
Reply With Quote
  #94  
Old 06-16-2015, 07:16 AM
LindseyA's Avatar
LindseyA LindseyA is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 200
Default

We have a happy medium, I believe. My in laws take our 2 kids for an overnight about once every other month. Everyone thinks that's amazing to have our in laws so close and so involved with our kids. They truely would take our kids for a week at a time, if we wanted, but I don't think I could!! We take our kids everywhere we go for vacations, camping trips, fishing trips, etc. So for us, it works great!
Reply With Quote
  #95  
Old 06-16-2015, 07:46 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Nothing wrong with getting away every now ad agai. I don't really have anyone who can watch my kids for longer than a day or two, but a getaway weekend is always fun! Now, some parents take it to the extreme and never vacation with their ids, which is so sad. My sister's SIL and BIL do that. Tey go out of town every year at christmas for two weeks. Right when their kids go on christmas break, so they spend it with grandma and my sister and her husband while their parents are gone for two weeks. It is sad, because the kids are old enough to know they are being left behind and they would love to go.
Reply With Quote
  #96  
Old 06-16-2015, 08:50 AM
kathiemarie's Avatar
kathiemarie kathiemarie is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ventura
Posts: 541
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Maybe they never got a honeymoon?
Maybe they have never been offered a week at grandma's before?
Maybe they won the trip?
Maybe they work really hard and have never had a vacation alone before?
Maybe they plan on taking all future vacations as a family but since their kids are little now, it is more beneficial to have a vacation without them?
Maybe they are Bill and Jane and NOT just a mom and a dad?
Maybe they are going to Vegas to do something inappropriate so it is a good thing the kids aren't going?
Maybe one of them has some weird disease and they are seeking alternate treatment from some wack-o quack only found in Vegas?
Maybe they are meeting up with another couple for a ......(well another reason to not bring the kids with).?
Maybe they just need a break from their daily life so they can come back refreshed and ready to deal....?
Maybe they are attending a marriage group?
Maybe they are job seeking?
Maybe they are house hunting?
Maybe one of them is dying and seeing Wayne Newton is on their bucket list?

Who knows.....but I really don't think we can or should be judging these parents. We have never walked a mile in their shoes, we aren't living in their homes or living their lives so I don't think we ever really know the whole story. Everyone defines parenting differently and I honeslty think that if it really bothers people so much, then refuse to participate in the fact that they leave their child in child care for such long hours. If they use 50 hours per week but don't work that many, then don't provide care for them.

You can't control what others do but you can change what you do. If you don't like the type of parenting a person has going on....and it really gets to you, then don't provide care to those kinds of parents.
We can't have it both ways.
Well said BC!
Reply With Quote
  #97  
Old 06-16-2015, 09:34 AM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 16,021
Default

perhaps this is why my marriage is failing. because we stopped living for each other and lost focus on us. we lived each day for our children and stopped working on us. Marriage needs work and time without children.

next weekend I will go away with my husband to a couples retreat and there will be NOOOOOO children.
Reply With Quote
  #98  
Old 06-16-2015, 10:14 AM
Thriftylady's Avatar
Thriftylady Thriftylady is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5,887
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by daycare View Post
perhaps this is why my marriage is failing. because we stopped living for each other and lost focus on us. we lived each day for our children and stopped working on us. Marriage needs work and time without children.

next weekend I will go away with my husband to a couples retreat and there will be NOOOOOO children.
I really think it is important. It is so easy to let life (kids included) get in the way, and not work on our marriage. And marriage IS work.
Reply With Quote
  #99  
Old 06-16-2015, 10:44 AM
TXhomedaycare's Avatar
TXhomedaycare TXhomedaycare is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Lonestar State
Posts: 293
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Maybe they never got a honeymoon?
Maybe they have never been offered a week at grandma's before?
Maybe they won the trip?
Maybe they work really hard and have never had a vacation alone before?
Maybe they plan on taking all future vacations as a family but since their kids are little now, it is more beneficial to have a vacation without them?
Maybe they are Bill and Jane and NOT just a mom and a dad?
Maybe they are going to Vegas to do something inappropriate so it is a good thing the kids aren't going?
Maybe one of them has some weird disease and they are seeking alternate treatment from some wack-o quack only found in Vegas?
Maybe they are meeting up with another couple for a ......(well another reason to not bring the kids with).?
Maybe they just need a break from their daily life so they can come back refreshed and ready to deal....?
Maybe they are attending a marriage group?
Maybe they are job seeking?
Maybe they are house hunting?
Maybe one of them is dying and seeing Wayne Newton is on their bucket list?

Who knows.....but I really don't think we can or should be judging these parents. We have never walked a mile in their shoes, we aren't living in their homes or living their lives so I don't think we ever really know the whole story. Everyone defines parenting differently and I honeslty think that if it really bothers people so much, then refuse to participate in the fact that they leave their child in child care for such long hours. If they use 50 hours per week but don't work that many, then don't provide care for them.

You can't control what others do but you can change what you do. If you don't like the type of parenting a person has going on....and it really gets to you, then don't provide care to those kinds of parents.
We can't have it both ways.
Amen. My husband and I have never had a honeymoon and we work opposite shifts and rarely see each other for quality time without the kids and since he works nights we don't even get to sleep in bed together. A 5 day trip without the kids seems awesome. I know by day 3 I would miss my kids terribly but we have to remember to take care of our husbands/marriage because it will still be there when the kids are gone.
Reply With Quote
  #100  
Old 06-16-2015, 01:26 PM
Crazy Baby's Avatar
Crazy Baby Crazy Baby is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 125
Default

More power to them if they can get someone to watch their children while they take some time away. I would love to have that opportunity. Parenting is hard and exhausting and we should get time away every so often.

Now I see what some people are saying about if you are already away from your kid 40+ hours per week if might be a little different than if you are a stay at home parent or work at home parent with the kids there all day.

I do not have any family and very few friends where I live and am with my baby all of the time. I would give a pinky finger for a getaway with my man.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
parents - don't want kids, pendulum swing, vacation - without kids

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
For Parents Of Children In Home Daycares mac60 Parents and Guardians Forum 71 03-03-2011 01:47 PM
Director Doesn't Hit Or Touch The Children But Is Verbally Very Harsh Elizabeth Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 3 12-21-2010 05:27 AM
Is it Common For Parents to Vacation Without Children? skittles Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 126 08-05-2010 11:14 PM
How Do You Handle the Constant Questioning That The dc Kids Do? sahm2three Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 18 07-21-2010 07:49 PM
I need a Vacation Desperately!!! How Can I Tell the Parents?? Unregistered Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 9 04-05-2010 09:55 PM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:30 PM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming