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Old 10-30-2012, 09:47 PM
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Default New Issues with DCB

SO, I have a child who previously was a cake walk. He started in I think July?? No problems other than the typical sharing issues. His family life seemed great. They seemed to all be happy while here. Seemed to work well together. Been together I think she said for like 5 years or something like that? DCB is 3.

All the sudden, one day she comes in super late without a call and drops him off with a gash under her eye. She's dressed in sweats which I don't think she can wear to work. I did not ask her about her eye but I think she could tell that I was a little thrown off by it. I got the feeling like something major had happened.

They all stopped coming when expected for both arrivals and departures. Pay which was always consistent previously all the sudden started having issues and this child started acting up more often. One day she picked up a 45 minutes after close. When I called her to find out if she was planning on picking her child up or if he was (because at the time she was already 25 minutes over... she hadn't left work yet) she gave me a chilly response and was a little PO'ed when she picked him up. She seems to get a little moody whenever I push the rules right now. They also had not be talking about who was picking him up when so there were days they would tell me one or the other would pick up at a certain time and they never showed because the other didn't know of a schedule change or whatever. If it wasn't so difficult to fill spots right now I would not care about her being annoyed or upset but I'm having a difficult time getting them filled.

I mentioned something to her about getting me a new schedule written out a couple weeks after the gash under her eye and she breaks down crying and says that they had separated a couple of weeks ago. She did not go into detail about what happened and I did not ask. She said that she's never been without him and she is trying to work with him on when he can have DCB but it's up in the air right now until they get it worked out. So trying to be sympathetic to her I said ok well we will work through it and for now just keep me informed as far as when he's coming and going for the time being but we will need to get it worked out eventually.

They have been telling me probably only 50% of the time drop offs or pick up times. He gets dropped off a lot of times during meals right now and they don't even talk to me the jst open the door and let him in and leave without a word. If I wasn't in the middle of stuff like changing diapers as well I'd meet them at the door but some days he comes at 7:30, others it's 9, or 9:30, or 10 and even as late as 11. He always tells me he didn't eat and he wants a snack of course which he usually never finishes.

Anyway... so as all of this goes on his behavior is getting worse and worse. He has been a terror. The sharing issue has been increasingly worse. He has been pushing, kicking (both legs) & hitting (two fists) and lying like no other. He was like an angel prior to this. I never had issues with him. He always listened and now he does not. He hit one of the kids and I told him that "We don't hit. You have to be a big boy like daddy. You don't see daddy hit mommy do you?" and his response was, "yes". I honestly don't know what to say about it. I don't know if it's true. I think it's a possibility this may be why he's been this way. I don't think if that is what happened with this, that it's anything that had ever happened previously ... or since.

She did inform me about 4 weeks ago she was filing a restraining order on him and that I was not to let the child go with him if he came to pick him up. I would assume that he did hit her because I thought you could only get a restraining order if their was abuse?? I told her I needed a letter and a court order. The next day she said that she was just going to file it for herself and the child could see him. Apparently it was never filed because a week later they are back together apparently. That is all I know of the situation. She doesn't tell me specifics... just basically their status reports and that is it.

As of right now things are somewhat better other than the child's behavior. They still have not gotten me a schedule but I feel like with the situation that they are in right now if I push the buck they might find somewhere else to go. It has been really difficult to fill spots here lately. I already have two spots open and not enough income as it is.

I guess my main concern is what is going on with this child. His behavior has changed so much. He is not the child he was before this "incident" and he has so much potential but he's really turning into a bully. Since his mom isn't telling me specifics I think she's smart enough to know I'd have to report it if I knew for sure. I don't know how to help this child without them bouncing out of here and if I can't help the situation how do I handle this child?
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Old 10-31-2012, 06:30 AM
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Heidi Heidi is offline
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Have you told mom about his behavior?

I think you need to ask her to have someone else pick up kiddo one evening, then come over for a meeting. You need to tell her gently but directly that whatever is going on at home is really affecting dcb. You love the little guy, you know she loves him, wants what's best. She needs a wake up call!


Seriously, let me call her. I'll give her an earful of what it's like to grow up like that! Mom gets wacked, leaves, and then comes right back. nice...
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Old 10-31-2012, 09:06 AM
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Yeah I have told her about it. And i update her daily on his behavior. She just seems really cautious about what she tells me so I don't know that she will be open with me. She just keeps saying that she thinks he is confused because of all the changes that happened and she is hoping that he will go back to better once he realizes dad is back and things are normal for awhile. She is almost starting to get defensive about it though. Kind of like "I get it... You can quit bringing it up now." so i think she will leave. All I know is this kid has been the devil ever since... He was near perfect before!
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