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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>5 Year Old Complains Relentlessly
April7 11:34 AM 02-25-2016
I have a 5 year old boy new to my program. He has been here for 3 weeks now and usually here just before and after school.

This week was school vacation and it cannot end fast enough. He whines over everything we eat. Has tantrums when he doesn't get his way or there are consequences for misbehaving. Getting him to listen is a major chore. Everything has to be discussed at length and then he tests, tests, tests. He is also very persistent. If he asks for something he cannot have, he relentlessly pursues me by asking over and over and over, even talking over me when I'm talking to someone else.

I am trying hard to be patient, to clearly state the expectation, to state his feelings, and then to ignore repeated attempts, but Lordy, he is wearing me down.

I am so grateful he isn't here all day, all the time and now I am very nervous about future vacations. He does not nap or rest so there is zero break from him for 10 hours straight.
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Blackcat31 11:47 AM 02-25-2016
Originally Posted by April7:
I have a 5 year old boy new to my program. He has been here for 3 weeks now and usually here just before and after school.

This week was school vacation and it cannot end fast enough. He whines over everything we eat. Has tantrums when he doesn't get his way or there are consequences for misbehaving. Getting him to listen is a major chore. Everything has to be discussed at length and then he tests, tests, tests. He is also very persistent. If he asks for something he cannot have, he relentlessly pursues me by asking over and over and over, even talking over me when I'm talking to someone else.

I am trying hard to be patient, to clearly state the expectation, to state his feelings, and then to ignore repeated attempts, but Lordy, he is wearing me down.

I am so grateful he isn't here all day, all the time and now I am very nervous about future vacations. He does not nap or rest so there is zero break from him for 10 hours straight.
Sounds like he may not be a good fit for your program.

I wouldn't keep a child that stressed me out that much.
It's not worth the money in my opinion.
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Leigh 11:49 AM 02-25-2016
Originally Posted by April7:
I have a 5 year old boy new to my program. He has been here for 3 weeks now and usually here just before and after school.

This week was school vacation and it cannot end fast enough. He whines over everything we eat. Has tantrums when he doesn't get his way or there are consequences for misbehaving. Getting him to listen is a major chore. Everything has to be discussed at length and then he tests, tests, tests. He is also very persistent. If he asks for something he cannot have, he relentlessly pursues me by asking over and over and over, even talking over me when I'm talking to someone else.

I am trying hard to be patient, to clearly state the expectation, to state his feelings, and then to ignore repeated attempts, but Lordy, he is wearing me down.

I am so grateful he isn't here all day, all the time and now I am very nervous about future vacations. He does not nap or rest so there is zero break from him for 10 hours straight.
This is why lots of us don't take school aged kids! Sounds like you're doing it right. There's no reason that he can't lie down for a rest with the other kids, whether he naps or not-he's not too old. Keep ignoring repeated attempts to get what he wants-the only answer I give is that I've already given my answer. Tantrums? That means you need some alone time in the calm down corner, and may come out when you're ready to socialize again.
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BumbleBee 11:54 AM 02-25-2016
Basically you have 3 choices:

1. Keep plugging along and being consistent and hope it doesn't drive you crazy.

2. Don't take school agers during vacations

3. Don't take that particular school ager during vacations.

I had one like this. 4 year old. Constant stress with him around. I 'highly recommended' he go to preschool when I hit my breaking point last summer. What a relief when he was gone.

2 preschools later and he came back at the beginning of this month, but only after school. That I can deal with and it's been going well.

Today is a snow day. He's here all day for the first time since August. I remember why I hit my breaking point.

Do yourself a favor and don't take him all day if it's going to stress you out.
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Play Care 11:55 AM 02-25-2016
This is a frequent issue.
I find SA kids can be tough, usually because they are now used to having their days carefully planned and monitored.They also need kids their age to play with and toys appropriate for older kids.

I firmly believe that SA kids DO NOT belong in a day home with littles.
As pointed out here, there are TONS of SA programs over breaks and vacations. They may cost a little more but are specifically designed for SA kids.

That said, I do take a couple of SA kids, but my rule is that they must have a younger sibling anchoring them in care, and they have also attended my program before going to school. I learned the hard way not to take on SA kids that did not, and by having been here for years, they've already been well trained as to what behavior I expect

In any event, I try to make the day really fun and out of the ordinary. I am normally a screen free day care, but DO allow tablets at quiet time (no internet) or do movies (with popcorn!) at nap. Thankfully in my state the SA kids can be outside without me, and the back of my house is pretty much full windows on the backyard. So I send them out to do "chores" like filling the bird feeders, shoveling, etc. Obviously this last one doesn't work for everyone, but it's a lifesaver here.

That said, I have no problem telling a parent that "your child has outgrown my program and I suggest a program geared for school aged kids would be a better fit."
Good Luck!
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April7 12:49 PM 02-25-2016
He has an infant sister in my care. Otherwise, I would consider being done with it.

He just turned 5 and is in all day prek. He is nearly the same age as my oldest prek child who still rests. But because it isn't an expectation anywhere else for him, he FREAKS OUT if I say he needs a rest and I just haven't felt it worth fighting him on it when he won't be here at nap time very often.

I am thinking though that I cannot do this for an entire summer.

Mom says she distracts him from his behavior. I told her that doing so may not be allowing him to learn to cope with his feelings. He seems immature compared to my other 5's in the past.
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Laurel 10:04 AM 02-26-2016
Originally Posted by April7:
I have a 5 year old boy new to my program. He has been here for 3 weeks now and usually here just before and after school.

This week was school vacation and it cannot end fast enough. He whines over everything we eat. Has tantrums when he doesn't get his way or there are consequences for misbehaving. Getting him to listen is a major chore. Everything has to be discussed at length and then he tests, tests, tests. He is also very persistent. If he asks for something he cannot have, he relentlessly pursues me by asking over and over and over, even talking over me when I'm talking to someone else.

I am trying hard to be patient, to clearly state the expectation, to state his feelings, and then to ignore repeated attempts, but Lordy, he is wearing me down.

I am so grateful he isn't here all day, all the time and now I am very nervous about future vacations. He does not nap or rest so there is zero break from him for 10 hours straight.
For this I would use what my mom used back in the day. You tell him no once or even twice and after that it is "another word about it and (tell him a consequence here)." I would not allow him to keep asking over and over. No one wants to hear that. That's what I would say "No one wants to hear you keep asking so if you do it one more time then (consequence)."

My grandson is 5 and I watch him after preschool. He tends to complain and whine although not the other things you mentioned thank goodness. I tell him to stop that I don't like to hear whining and complaining. I tell him I want him to be pleasant and say nice things. Sometimes I might mention he sounds like Oscar the Grouch. If he then continues I tell him to go across the room or playground or wherever so I can't hear him because I don't like to hear it. If he is going to do it, it isn't going to be where I can hear him (or he doesn't think I can).

I also watch my granddaughter after school who is 10. Her reaction to his complaining is priceless. She just gives him a blank stare and doesn't say one word to him. She gives him a brief stare and just completely ignores him. I wish I had that kind of fortitude!
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Leigh 11:19 AM 02-26-2016
You know, April7, one other thing that can work is simply answering once and then completely ignoring further arguments. If he escalates, then tell him that it seems that he is bored, and then give him a chore. I like to give kids a damp washcloth and ask them to clean the floor-they usually like to do it, it gets rid of some pent up energy, and by the time they're done, they've forgotten what they were upset about in the first place.
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Tags:5 year old, complaining child, pessimistic child
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