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Old 02-03-2017, 09:08 AM
happymom happymom is offline
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: Utah
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Default A Bad Influence, My Kid's "Girlfriend"

I've posted about this issue before but can't find the post. My son turns five next month. He's in the pre-k room of a center (100 kids).

A few months ago, him and another four (now five) year old became boyfriend/girlfriend. Everyone thought it was adorable at first. After a few weeks some of the teachers from other rooms in the center started telling me about how when my son isn't there -- his "girlfriend" is super flirty with another boy but when they are together. This seemed so silly to me, like they were trying to turn this into an adult relationship with four-year-olds. I honestly do not expect preschoolers to have much of an understanding of how relationships work, but these two seemed to have it figured out more than most.

The problem: She has become extremely possessive of him, not letting him play with other kids, telling him to sit on his lap (which is not allowed), they are separated numerous times daily. They have also been bullying other children together. His teacher believes that this girl is a bad influence on him, but what concerns me more is that several other staff members from the center have seen that there's a big problem and expressed concern to me.

According to some of the staff, both her and her school aged brother are very disrespectful and have come to the daycare with some very (for lack of better word) adult behaviors. They definitely lack discipline. Another staff member told me yesterday that once when my son and this girl needed to be separated, the girl got so mad about it and punched their teacher in the stomach.

I have attempted to address these issues with him:
1) It's not OK for this girl to tell him who he can and can not play with.
2) It's not OK for her to tell him what to do (his response: but I like it and I love her)
3) It is never okay for him to sit on her lap. No more touching.
4) He can sit next to her once per day, but he needs to tell me what other friends he sits next to the rest of the day

From our conversations I have learned that my son thinks if he doesn't play with this girl, no one will play with him. In his mind, she is his only friend. It never was like this before, he is a nice boy and has always easily been able to make friends --- but NOW he will tell me what's wrong with every other kid: "M can't be my friend, she always colors on the furniture" "A can't be my friend, he is so mean and he poops his pants" "J can't be my friend, he is naughty"

I don't want to tell him who he can and can't be friends with, but the possessiveness has seemed to trickle through the daycare. Teachers are constantly reminding the kids that they are to be friends with everyone and all their friends are their best friends.

Sorry, this is so long. I'm secretly hoping that this family gets termed. I am very thankful that they will be going to different elementary schools in the fall. I am very open minded to all advice. Thanks!
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communication, own child, parenting goals, parenting styles, socialization

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