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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>DCD Told Me That 3yo DCG Hasn't Been Wanting To Come To My House In The Mornings....
crazydaycarelady 07:26 AM 12-02-2014
....for the last few weeks. They are trying to figure out why.
Well, I know why! I have been riding her hard trying to improve her behavior. She is the definition of "brat" and her parents will go to whatever extreme necessary to avoid her crying. I have been giving her time-outs when she hits, says mean things, or otherwise treats the other kids bad. Then I make her apologize which is like pulling teeth. I also do not let her have her two full size blankets at anytime other than nap.
Her parents set me up all the time. Like when they arrive dcm will get out the two huge blankets and give them to dcg. Dcg will start crying because she knows I will put them up the second dcm leaves. They also bring toys and let me be the bad guy taking them away.
I would just continue with the behavior modification however, dcparents are trying to figure out why dcg does not want to come, trying to read into the situation. What is going on here that is SO BAD that dcg doesn't want to come?
What would you do?
Well, I know why! I have been riding her hard trying to improve her behavior. She is the definition of "brat" and her parents will go to whatever extreme necessary to avoid her crying. I have been giving her time-outs when she hits, says mean things, or otherwise treats the other kids bad. Then I make her apologize which is like pulling teeth. I also do not let her have her two full size blankets at anytime other than nap.
Her parents set me up all the time. Like when they arrive dcm will get out the two huge blankets and give them to dcg. Dcg will start crying because she knows I will put them up the second dcm leaves. They also bring toys and let me be the bad guy taking them away.
I would just continue with the behavior modification however, dcparents are trying to figure out why dcg does not want to come, trying to read into the situation. What is going on here that is SO BAD that dcg doesn't want to come?
What would you do?
KIDZRMYBIZ 08:26 AM 12-02-2014
I have had this happen a few times, too, and it was always because I've been trying to nip some bad behavior in the bud. I never discuss with DCM or DCD a daycare matter that I should be able to resolve within daycare. I learned this at an AWESOME training I went to called "From Parents to Providers."
If it gets to that point that the child obviously doesn't want to come and it is making DCM or DCD anxious, I am very matter-of-fact then. I fill them in then with, "Yes, DCK is having a hard time with such-and-such. And yes, DCK has been experiencing some negative consequences because of it, but I have a handle on the situation. I'm sure DCK doesn't want to come here right now where we have to follow all of the rules all of the time so that everyone is happy and safe...but this, too, shall pass AND he or she will be grow to be an even greater kiddo for it!" Then, I let them know (since they brought it up) what they can do to help, like in your instance leaving the blankets at home or in the car.
I used to feel like I almost had to hide some of the realities of the way some things absolutely have to be in group care (like no security blankets and just waiting to take away after DCM or DCD goes) from DCFs because they wouldn't understand and think I was being too strict or even unkind. Not anymore. I just take a minute to explain the what and why for group care success, and they seem to get it and comply.
If it gets to that point that the child obviously doesn't want to come and it is making DCM or DCD anxious, I am very matter-of-fact then. I fill them in then with, "Yes, DCK is having a hard time with such-and-such. And yes, DCK has been experiencing some negative consequences because of it, but I have a handle on the situation. I'm sure DCK doesn't want to come here right now where we have to follow all of the rules all of the time so that everyone is happy and safe...but this, too, shall pass AND he or she will be grow to be an even greater kiddo for it!" Then, I let them know (since they brought it up) what they can do to help, like in your instance leaving the blankets at home or in the car.
I used to feel like I almost had to hide some of the realities of the way some things absolutely have to be in group care (like no security blankets and just waiting to take away after DCM or DCD goes) from DCFs because they wouldn't understand and think I was being too strict or even unkind. Not anymore. I just take a minute to explain the what and why for group care success, and they seem to get it and comply.
Kabob 08:39 AM 12-02-2014
Originally Posted by KIDZRMYBIZ:
I have had this happen a few times, too, and it was always because I've been trying to nip some bad behavior in the bud. I never discuss with DCM or DCD a daycare matter that I should be able to resolve within daycare. I learned this at an AWESOME training I went to called "From Parents to Providers."
If it gets to that point that the child obviously doesn't want to come and it is making DCM or DCD anxious, I am very matter-of-fact then. I fill them in then with, "Yes, DCK is having a hard time with such-and-such. And yes, DCK has been experiencing some negative consequences because of it, but I have a handle on the situation. I'm sure DCK doesn't want to come here right now where we have to follow all of the rules all of the time so that everyone is happy and safe...but this, too, shall pass AND he or she will be grow to be an even greater kiddo for it!" Then, I let them know (since they brought it up) what they can do to help, like in your instance leaving the blankets at home or in the car.
I used to feel like I almost had to hide some of the realities of the way some things absolutely have to be in group care (like no security blankets and just waiting to take away after DCM or DCD goes) from DCFs because they wouldn't understand and think I was being too strict or even unkind. Not anymore. I just take a minute to explain the what and why for group care success, and they seem to get it and comply.
Agreed.I have had this happen a few times, too, and it was always because I've been trying to nip some bad behavior in the bud. I never discuss with DCM or DCD a daycare matter that I should be able to resolve within daycare. I learned this at an AWESOME training I went to called "From Parents to Providers."
If it gets to that point that the child obviously doesn't want to come and it is making DCM or DCD anxious, I am very matter-of-fact then. I fill them in then with, "Yes, DCK is having a hard time with such-and-such. And yes, DCK has been experiencing some negative consequences because of it, but I have a handle on the situation. I'm sure DCK doesn't want to come here right now where we have to follow all of the rules all of the time so that everyone is happy and safe...but this, too, shall pass AND he or she will be grow to be an even greater kiddo for it!" Then, I let them know (since they brought it up) what they can do to help, like in your instance leaving the blankets at home or in the car.
I used to feel like I almost had to hide some of the realities of the way some things absolutely have to be in group care (like no security blankets and just waiting to take away after DCM or DCD goes) from DCFs because they wouldn't understand and think I was being too strict or even unkind. Not anymore. I just take a minute to explain the what and why for group care success, and they seem to get it and comply.
I remind parents that their children work a lot on social skills here and sometimes they just don't like that "work".
I would also tell them to leave all toys at home for safety and social reasons (dcg needs to follow the same rules as everyone else). Blankets must be left in cubby by the parent. I don't take food/toys/whatever at drop off anymore...that's their job to make sure their child is ready for daycare and if their child is freaking out about their parent taking away something then they aren't ready for daycare and need to leave until they are ready...I learned that the hard way.
I had a blanket issue too and was afraid to take it away in front of dcm until finally I had enough and told dcm that dcg needed to follow the same rules as everyone else since everyone was getting jealous and kept trying to take dcg's blanket away from her which led to dcg melting down. So to keep the peace, I told dcm to leave it in dcg's nap bin.
If your dcg freaks out about it, tell dcm to make drop off quick or do bye bye outside. You could also tell dcm to pick one item to leave for nap time at daycare so it doesn't travel back and forth so there is no struggle at drop off. Otherwise, she can just not have a nap object from home and she can pick something at daycare to use for nap time.
nannyde 08:46 AM 12-02-2014
Tell them no toys or blankets from home. Tell them she doesn't want to come because she wants to be home. Tell them you have never met a kid who would want to be in a group away from home when they have the option to be home as the only child with one or two adults to serve their wants.
Ask them if they need daycare or not. If they do and want to continue with you then her not wanting to come is a family matter and you don't need to discuss it again. What you need them to do is to not bring ANYTHING from their car into your house but the child. They can bring it in the car if they like but it is not to come out of the car. If she protests at the car please pull out of the driveway until she is ready to come in without anything.
Ask them if they need daycare or not. If they do and want to continue with you then her not wanting to come is a family matter and you don't need to discuss it again. What you need them to do is to not bring ANYTHING from their car into your house but the child. They can bring it in the car if they like but it is not to come out of the car. If she protests at the car please pull out of the driveway until she is ready to come in without anything.
KIDZRMYBIZ 08:49 AM 12-02-2014
Originally Posted by Kabob:
I remind parents that their children work a lot on social skills here and sometimes they just don't like that "work".
This is perfect! A cute and simple way to explain what DCG is going through.I remind parents that their children work a lot on social skills here and sometimes they just don't like that "work".
Unregistered 08:55 AM 12-02-2014
She doesn't want to come because you are the bad guy. Stop allowing the parents to put you in that position. When they come in with two big blankets, say "Mom knows the rules, no blankets until nap time. Mom will need to put them back".
Same with the toys. YOU are allowing the parents to set you up so you bear some responsibility in this too.
Same with the toys. YOU are allowing the parents to set you up so you bear some responsibility in this too.
Unregistered 09:32 AM 12-02-2014
I wold be very matter of fact about your rules. Maybe update your policies and have parents read and sign a form. Don't be afraid to say at the door in front of the parents 'I'm sorry I don't allow the 2 blankets at daycare' 'XXX isn't in my polcies'. I've had to do it many times with toys.
It's your business! Do what works for you
It's your business! Do what works for you
CraftyMom 09:48 AM 12-02-2014
I wouldn't wait for mom to leave to take the blanket away. Stop her before she even gives it to dcg. "Sorry, blankets are for nap time only, dcg knows the rules"
EntropyControlSpecialist 11:19 AM 12-02-2014
Originally Posted by CraftyMom:
I wouldn't wait for mom to leave to take the blanket away. Stop her before she even gives it to dcg. "Sorry, blankets are for nap time only, dcg knows the rules"
This is what I do any time someone has tried something like this (I don't allow blankets period, but sometimes they will try to bring a toy when it isn't Show & Tell day). I also tell Mom/Dad that I will trade them. I'll take their child and they can take the object and I smile a great, big smile. I wouldn't wait for mom to leave to take the blanket away. Stop her before she even gives it to dcg. "Sorry, blankets are for nap time only, dcg knows the rules"
They always look baffled as to why I wouldn't possibly want BOTH. 
AmyKidsCo 12:16 PM 12-02-2014
It's too late this time, but I always give parents the heads up that children go through phases where they don't want to go home, and phases where they don't want to come. I think it helps if they know that it's coming before it happens, then they don't overreact and think the child hates it here when it happens. Just something to think about for next time.
For your situation, I'd just say something vague about how hard it is for young children to share and take turns, so it's no wonder she'd rather stay home where she can have her toys all to herself.
For your situation, I'd just say something vague about how hard it is for young children to share and take turns, so it's no wonder she'd rather stay home where she can have her toys all to herself.
midaycare 01:00 PM 12-02-2014
My ds would have much rather stayed at home with me, but it didn't mean anything.
It is hard to share toys and go by different rules than at home. Maybe while this dcg is having a hard time, you can give her a little special time with you? Just 5 minutes out is your day, something she can look forward to? I do something different with all of my dck's that is ours and ours alone. The early drop offs are easy because we get extra time together, but for others it is an extra book being read, sitting close to someone while they are going to sleep ... Any little thing.
It is hard to share toys and go by different rules than at home. Maybe while this dcg is having a hard time, you can give her a little special time with you? Just 5 minutes out is your day, something she can look forward to? I do something different with all of my dck's that is ours and ours alone. The early drop offs are easy because we get extra time together, but for others it is an extra book being read, sitting close to someone while they are going to sleep ... Any little thing.
ColorfulSunburst 05:48 AM 12-03-2014
Why do YOU fighting with girl over toys and blankets? Just don't allow parents to bring all of this stuff into your house. Let parents fighting with girl over all of this at home. As a result YOU will be a good policeman and they will not.
I provide here all bed clothes for children. I don't want to have here anything from parents' houses but only children, diapers and extra children's clothes.
I provide here all bed clothes for children. I don't want to have here anything from parents' houses but only children, diapers and extra children's clothes.