...When his sibling is here. I have a 2 year old boy who comes full time and his 11 year old brother is here early on Fridays. ANYTIME brother is here, he feels he can do what he pleases with hopes of his big brother "saving" him. I usually lay down my "law" and get him to comply; he'll get combative but with bad behavior comes time out.

Today he refused to eat and nap and screamed at the top of his lungs during naptime. My other daycare babies couldn't even sleep.

While this was taking place mom calls and I inform her that he has been acting out all day and refuses to nap.

Her reply "he needs a sippy cup to take to the cot with him so he can sleep". I never used this sippy cup while he was in my care I shelved it and didn't bother it anymore as with all my other dck's.

I calmly advised her that this won't resolve the issue I never had to do so I shouldn't have to do it now. When his brother is NOT here he acts like a little man. If I start this and he acts out again it will become a trend and that makes providing care for him a little harder. She became frustrated and stated she will hang up now because she can't stand to hear him cry.

He didn't want the sippy cup (he never EVER asks for his cup while here) he wanted his brother and now he is up snuggled under his brother wide awake, he didn't take a nap and I'll wait on mom to pick him up so he can give her hell when he gets home.

I feel like I'm not handling this the right way. What am I doing wrong??? Please help!!!

Reply

hmmm I have never had this issue but that is only because I don't take kids older than 5.

I would be telling the 11 year old what the rules are and everyone is expected to follow these rules. He also needs to be told that when he is at your house that little brother does not get special privileges and needs to follow the rules just like everyone else. When he sees his little brother acting this way, big brother needs to tell him to follow the rules.

DO NOT negotiate under any circumstances. If you do, you are opening a can of worms for a battle every time. If its nap time, then its time to nap. Period. Big brother has to go in a different room and let little one sleep.

I would be telling the mother this as well so that she understands that it only happens when BB is there....

Reply

This is the thing, BB seemed very irritated that the little boy wanted to come to him when it was time for him to follow directions. When I gave direction and his BB followed up with "Ms. Daycare Lady" said go do XYZ, he'll scream to the tippy top of his lungs. BB is always compliant and he understands that his little brother must follow directions.

As far as how he acts when BB is here, I told mom this. I let her know before how he behaves when BB is here. This time she says, "Something must be hurting on his body because I never heard him cry like that before".

I never offered him that cup and I told her I won't start that trend. This is simply not how I run my business. I let him stay up because he was a huge destraction to the other children. I have to find a better way to deal with this because he cried so hard and loud my other littles cried.

But today on this Fabulous Friday, little, cranky, no-nap man shall work mothers nerves for the remainder of the day

Reply

would it be possible for you to still have him nap in another room???

Reply

She has never heard him cry like that before because she has obviously not ever told him no.

As far as big brother goes, why not encourage big brother to tell the little one to go lay down? Have big brother more or less shun him and not give into little brother's wishes to cuddle and play.

Once little brother figures out big brother does NOT want to play or cuddle with him, he might be more inclined to follow the rules.

When he DOES follow the rules, have big brother praise him for doing so.

I understand the big sibling/little sibling thing but this seems to have become the norm now in most families and I honestly think it is because the bigger sibling spends ALOT of time at home occupying or playing with the younger ones per parent requests.

I had a similar situation a few years back and it came out that mom and dad expected older sister to be repsonsible for the younger one a lot more than she should have ever had to be. ESPECIALLY when the age gap is big.

Reply

Yes but the room is to the farthest part of my home. I would feel very uneasy with having him there and I'm unable to keep an eye on him and vice versa.

Reply

I think that BC hit the nail on the head here......



"She has never heard him cry like that before because she has obviously not ever told him no. "



and as a parent of children with a huge age gap, I do admit that my older kids help take care of my little guy quite a bit. they are not required to, but they just do......

Reply

do you have a baby monitor with video? I used to have one of these for a problem sleeper that I had.... I had to put them in a PNP at the age of 2 and have them away from the group. I used the monitor and checked in physically every 10 min or so......

I used the CIO method with little to no reminder that it was nap time...

Reply

@ the bolded, when I told her this before, oh she swore to the holy heavens that she can be so strict with him and how "she don't play". It's clear he is spoiled rotten.

What if I said that we have tried BB encouraging him and it doesn't work?

Mom has volunteered her time here a few days when she was off work because of a work injury and she saw with her own eyes how he acted a complete fool. She wouldn't take charge and I had to take charge, when it came to bad I had to ask her to leave. I had to remind her of this today.

But the sibling expectations is exactly what this case sounds like because when BB is here, he does not want to be bothered with little brother at all. And is quite elated when he has to do something so he can no longer be his shadow.

Reply

I don't have one but this may be my next investment. Does it hook up to the TV or something?? I don't know much about the video monitors.

Reply

I had this same issue at my old job. We had a family of five and I had all five siblings in my room at one point or another. It started when the oldest was old enough to go to school, and then when she would be out on breaks and in the summer the other ones would cry for her, and act up. And it just went on for years, as each one went to school, the younger ones would not listen, throw fits etc when the older siblings would be in the building all day.

I admit,it was hell at times. I even posted about the last two on here.... But it never lasted more than a few hours at a time, once I laid down the law and they realized they weren't going to hang under there siblings and nothing was going to be different, they gave it up. Just be consistent.

Oh, and don't call the mom anymore. She probably doesn't understand why you didn't just send him to his brother in the first place. Parents often dont get why siblings aren't just given all access to each other. I've had many kids tell me "my mom said i had to make sure my brother/sister doesn't cry" etc...

Reply