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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How Strict Are You?
BentleysBands 10:03 AM 11-17-2010
and be honest....how hard are you on your dck's?

i treat all mine equally and the same as my own. i run a FAMILY based childcare not a center style daycare. i'm more lient (sp?) on my dck's than some i have read about here and elsewhere. Now if the need arises , yes, i can be stern and loud

i guess sometimes what i read about i truly am shocked and would hate to be a child there...i also think IMO that sometimes people arent as true about what they 'really' do or dont do.

like what are your disciplining techniques ?

I use timeout of course, but we all know it doesnt work normally...
i remove from activity and sit them on the couch, corner sometimes or call mom/dad if necessary...normally a firm NO is all they need. i do have a dcb,2, who i will put to bed if before 2pm cuz he's just tired and acts out more
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laundrymom 10:22 AM 11-17-2010
honestly,.. Im fairly strict. With my rules,.. I mean. I do have different rules than their parents. I dont allow hitting, or anything like it, I also dont allow them to jump on furniture, throw themselves to the floor in a tantrum (it does happen but right at that moment I say stop, help them stand up, help them walk to a yellow chair, Help them sit down, and tell them that after they are finished being ugly, I will talk about how they need to act. Then I walk away. ) They must say,.. "May I , Thank You, Excuse me, ) They are not made to say Im sorry,.. because lets face it,.. they arent. They dont care, they only care about saying the obligatory phrase to get on with their day. We ask to use the bathroom, we never take down gates , we dont open doors, or fences unless we have walked to Miss Jill, held her hand, said,.. Miss Jill May I,.... whatever the request is. I have them come to me,.. take my hand,.. and I respond by kneeling,.. asking them how may I help you,.. they respond with,.. May I go potty,.. and I say Yes you may,.. or In just a minute you may someone is in there right now. Its not so much a control thing but I want to be sure they know,.. I need to SEE HEAR AND RESPOND to them if they are going out of my sight. I tell them "because what if the leaf truck comes and I cant find you to run to the window? You will miss that!!!!" (or the snow plow, or the street sweeper, or a really big tractor) Anything to get them to mot be afraid,.. but realize its a serious thing, because NO 3 yr old wants to miss something cool happening, lol)
The easiest way for me to do that is to have them take my hand, and get right on their level. They seem to like it because alot of times they come to me and take my hand,.. to have me kneel and they say,.. I love you,.. then its convenient because Im right there for a fast hug and then they are on their way. I think they like that brief moment when they have my undivided attention. Although I did have one girl who took my hand, we got real close and she said,.. Miss Jill,.. Your hair paint is coming out of your hair,... Mommy has paint if you need it. lol. (I guess Mommy colored her hair the night before, lol)

Here they know that I never change, Im always the same, and I cant be bought off with cute grins, hugs or sweet words. We only have 2 rules here, be nice, and use your manners. That pretty much covers everything.


Originally Posted by BentleysBands:
and be honest....how hard are you on your dck's?

i treat all mine equally and the same as my own. i run a FAMILY based childcare not a center style daycare. i'm more lient (sp?) on my dck's than some i have read about here and elsewhere. Now if the need arises , yes, i can be stern and loud

i guess sometimes what i read about i truly am shocked and would hate to be a child there...i also think IMO that sometimes people arent as true about what they 'really' do or dont do.

like what are your disciplining techniques ?

I use timeout of course, but we all know it doesnt work normally...
i remove from activity and sit them on the couch, corner sometimes or call mom/dad if necessary...normally a firm NO is all they need. i do have a dcb,2, who i will put to bed if before 2pm cuz he's just tired and acts out more

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DancingQueen 10:32 AM 11-17-2010
I'm strict, fun and loving.
I have a lot of rules and I enforce them but I'm not a meanie. The rules are there for their safety and mine. I love my daycare kids.

But in all fairness I'm pretty strict with my own children. I expect a lot from them. Funny thing is - when you expect a lot from children they rarely dissappoint.
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WImom 10:37 AM 11-17-2010
I'd have to say I'm the same as Dancing Queen. I also think with me being a preschool, I'm getting the kids ready for K4. They need to learn routine and rules. I rarely do time outs, I like to use redirection. I use alot of good choices/bad choices.
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DCMom 10:41 AM 11-17-2010
Define 'strict' , lol.

I have high expectations and very few rules. The kids (mine and clients) know the behavior I expect from them and they meet the goal 98% of the time. Consequences are few and far between here ~ mostly because they know that I say what I mean and I mean what I say.

So if that is strict, then yeah, I guess I'm strict. But they love me for it
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Unregistered 10:47 AM 11-17-2010
I am as strict as I have to be to make sure that the children in my care follow the rules and treat one another well. I have high expectations from my daycare kids and I expect them to be able to follow the rules in my house. If they make good choices, then I don't need to be strict at all. If they make poor choices, then I have to be strict. I am firm, but fair. The children always know that they are loved here, no matter what choices they make. They also know that when they break the rules, then there is going to be a consequence. I don't give warnings or second chances. I give them enough time to be familiar with what I expect from them and then if they break a rule, then they deal with the consequence. It's cause and effect and it works. I very seldom ever have to give a TO.
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MyAngels 10:48 AM 11-17-2010
I'm a firm believer that children will do what you expect them to do, and I have high expectations - so am I strict? I would say yes, but if you talk to the majority of children I've cared for over the years, as well as my own children, they would say no. I guess I just have a knack for getting the behaviour that I want without having to be too punitive in the process.
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SandeeAR 11:02 AM 11-17-2010
I am a family day care too. I treat the children like they were my own. Therefore, I probably expect more from them, than thier parents do. My kids are adults, so I've been there and done that and know they can do more!

Am I strict yes. I expect manners and politeness and the rules followed. I expect them to respect my home and furnishings and the others in the home.

At this point, I don't have a lot of discipline problems, due to the age of my kids. The 2 1/2 y/o is testing the limits, of course, the 11 month old understands the word NO and responds wonderful to it, the 7 month old, is learning what NO means, and the 3 month old, is just to young to do anything to be trouble yet LOL.

I redirect, use time out and....(don't flame me here, b/c I know I'm in the minority), but yes, I spank when necessary. This is with TOTAL agreement with the parents. All of which spank as I do, As a last resort on MAJOR things.....like when the 2 y/o tried to climb up on my glass top dining table and would have hurt herself.
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Blackcat31 11:12 AM 11-17-2010
I think I was a lot tougher on my own children when they were young and in daycare with me because I KNEW they knew better. I have certain expectations about the behaviors of the dck's here and most of those expectations are because as a group things must go a certain way. What is okay at home doesn't always fly here. The kids know that and act accordingly. I have very few rules like other pp said but have high expectations. I do not have rules about manners and saying please and thank you etc...those are expectations...you don't say them, we don't respond. I also use a lot of redirection. If you can't play blocks (or whatever toys) nicely, you don't play. period. I do NOT have time to figure out who had what first. They are expected to figure that out and everyone plays nicely or no one plays at all. When you leave the figuring out up to them, it is amazing how fast they work things out!
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Live and Learn 11:41 AM 11-17-2010
DC MOM and I sound similar in our philosophy.
but I think my program is different from many on this forum. My own kids are s/a. I only keep up to 4 teacher's kids and they are only here 8 hours a day. NO sa only infant to age 4.This eliminates most problems for me.....because I have such a small group it is easy for me to nip things in the bud before the behavior escalates to hitting, biting, fighting and so on. in six years of doing this I have never had a biter and only one hitter (lil guy hitting his big sis once). I don't do timeouts more redirection. I have very few rules: no running, throwing, or yelling inside. No gun play...never had this come up though. no grabbing toys from someone else's hands.....if you don't share MY TOYS than you don't get to play with them yourself. no getting up on my sofas and chairs unless invited by me.

I AM VERY STRICT WITH MY NAP SCHEDULE. I want my lil ankle biters well rested so that I don't get that tired acting out behavior.

I am sure I have a couple more rules...just basic common sense....I don't have to redirect very much at all. I like to get them when they are young and raise them up to be well behaved sweet lil people. I don't do anything less than full time because I have found in the past that these are the children who are the most disruptive to my system.

parents tell me thar I am very laid back. I think that is true but I have a system that I have improved on over the years that works well for me and my dc kids.
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MommyMuffin 12:16 PM 11-17-2010
I have been thinking about this lately. Am I being too harsh? And then I realize that I treat my own kid the same and of course she is a doll. most of the time.
I have rules, I dont yell but I do use stern voices, "dont touch that" "hands to yourself" "you cannot have more X until you try Y" I thought I would be a little mush ball but when the kids came I reallized that it was nature for me to treat them as my own.
I dont really know what you have read on this forum to be strict or too harsh. I am trying to not sound so harsh...I am a work in progress I guess.
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Unregistered 12:21 PM 11-17-2010
I'm a big meanie when I need to be...but all the kids are happy to see me and the Mom's and Dad's all say how much their children have blossomed here so...it seems to be working.

I agree with the rest who say that kids have a way of living up to the expectations that are set for them!

I also believe that 99.9% of the kids I will EVER meet are free from all forms of syndromes, mental illness, or disorders!
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Unregistered 12:24 PM 11-17-2010
Originally Posted by BentleysBands:
and be honest....how hard are you on your dck's?

i treat all mine equally and the same as my own. i run a FAMILY based childcare not a center style daycare. i'm more lient (sp?) on my dck's than some i have read about here and elsewhere. Now if the need arises , yes, i can be stern and loud

i guess sometimes what i read about i truly am shocked and would hate to be a child there...i also think IMO that sometimes people arent as true about what they 'really' do or dont do.

like what are your disciplining techniques ?

I use timeout of course, but we all know it doesnt work normally...
i remove from activity and sit them on the couch, corner sometimes or call mom/dad if necessary...normally a firm NO is all they need. i do have a dcb,2, who i will put to bed if before 2pm cuz he's just tired and acts out more
What are the approaches that are shocking to you?

Also, as far as the providers who seem to have it together, instead of doubting that it's true, consider the amount of time that the provider has been doing her job. I've been doing this for over 6 years and I have a good deal of success. What I do is effective. If I had been aasked that question when I first began, I couldn't have answered it the same way. It's a learning process.
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Crystal 01:40 PM 11-17-2010
I am lucky to have mostly very well-behaved children. Actually, I guess it's not luck, so much as the effort and time I, and their parents, have put forth to ensre that they are.

My group has all been with me since they were infants. I start from day one "teaching" what is and isn't appropriate. I use redirection " I cannot let you throw blocks, but I can let you throw balls, lets get some balls to throw if you still want to throw" OR limited choice...for instance time to go inside for lunch, child refuses, I say "you have a choice. you can go inside and get ready for lunch on your own, or I can help you go inside and get ready" usually they want to take control, so they will do it themselves, if they don't I would pick them and say I gave you a choice and you chose not to do it yourself, so now I am going to help you" I would carry him inside, help him wash up and sit him at the table. I lso use positive reinforcment when I "catch" them doing something good or right.

Do I raise my voice sometimes? Yes. Do I get irritated sometimes? Yes. Do I lose it sometimes? No, because when I feel myself getting to the point that I might lose control, I walk away and take a break from it. Happens VERY rarely, but I think we all have those days where they all just have pushed buttons and we've had enough.

But, Bentley...you have raised a VERY good point, and I agree that I would not want to be a child in some of the programs of the providers I have met via this forum....geez, some of the things that some are actually willing to openly voice on a public forum, I can only imagine the things they DON'T talk about.
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Crystal 01:42 PM 11-17-2010
Originally Posted by SandeeAR:
I am a family day care too. I treat the children like they were my own. Therefore, I probably expect more from them, than thier parents do. My kids are adults, so I've been there and done that and know they can do more!

Am I strict yes. I expect manners and politeness and the rules followed. I expect them to respect my home and furnishings and the others in the home.

At this point, I don't have a lot of discipline problems, due to the age of my kids. The 2 1/2 y/o is testing the limits, of course, the 11 month old understands the word NO and responds wonderful to it, the 7 month old, is learning what NO means, and the 3 month old, is just to young to do anything to be trouble yet LOL.

I redirect, use time out and....(don't flame me here, b/c I know I'm in the minority), but yes, I spank when necessary. This is with TOTAL agreement with the parents. All of which spank as I do, As a last resort on MAJOR things.....like when the 2 y/o tried to climb up on my glass top dining table and would have hurt herself.
Okay, I don't want to flame you....I actually really like you and respect your contribution to this forum. However, I have to ask....are you licensed? I don't see licensing allowing spanking in daycare homes or centers.

And, out of curiousity, how did you brooch the subject of spanking with your daycare parents without fear that thye would have a completely different philosophy than you and report you to the county?
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nannyde 01:44 PM 11-17-2010
Originally Posted by Crystal:
Okay, I don't want to flame you....I actually really like you and respect your contribution to this forum. However, I have to ask....are you licensed? I don't see licensing allowing spanking in daycare homes or centers.

And, out of curiousity, how did you brooch the subject of spanking with your daycare parents without fear that thye would have a completely different philosophy than you and report you to the county?
I think Arkansas allows spanking in schools. Possibly that extends to day care?
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Crystal 01:51 PM 11-17-2010
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I think Arkansas allows spanking in schools. Possibly that extends to day care?
Perhaps? I know Oklahoma allows spanking in schools too, or at least used to.

I am very curious to know....I'll have to look it up.

But, really, I want to know how it comes up with parents. I'd be concerned about what a parent might think if I even suggested it!
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SilverSabre25 02:15 PM 11-17-2010
Originally Posted by DCMom:
Define 'strict' , lol.

I have high expectations and very few rules. The kids (mine and clients) know the behavior I expect from them and they meet the goal 98% of the time. Consequences are few and far between here ~ mostly because they know that I say what I mean and I mean what I say.

So if that is strict, then yeah, I guess I'm strict. But they love me for it
This, mostly. With some exceptions that are necessary to make things run smoothly, our rules are basically: respect yourself, respect others, respect the space around you. And a few specifics like no toys in the kitchen and upstairs toys stay upstairs/downstairs toys stay downstairs and food/drink stay in the kitchen.

I come from a play-based, child-centered background. I believe, really, truly believe in every child's ability to make choices for themselves. I believe in offering respect to get respect, in offering choices and giving power everywhere it is appropriate. Reggio Emilia and Montessori are two of my biggest inspirations.

I use natural and logical consequences. I use redirection, good choice/not good choice (and safe choice, etc). I do use time out in age-appropriate ways and for major issues. I do not force sharing--I enforce children's freedom to choose who they want to play with and what they want to play with and children have to wait their turn--in most cases.

Usually, we have very few issues. What issues we do have stem more from wherever the child is developmentally rather than a lack of "discipline" or anything.
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MommyMuffin 03:25 PM 11-17-2010
Originally Posted by BentleysBands:
and be honest....how hard are you on your dck's?

i treat all mine equally and the same as my own. i run a FAMILY based childcare not a center style daycare. i'm more lient (sp?) on my dck's than some i have read about here and elsewhere. Now if the need arises , yes, i can be stern and loud

i guess sometimes what i read about i truly am shocked and would hate to be a child there...i also think IMO that sometimes people arent as true about what they 'really' do or dont do.

like what are your disciplining techniques ?

I use timeout of course, but we all know it doesnt work normally...
i remove from activity and sit them on the couch, corner sometimes or call mom/dad if necessary...normally a firm NO is all they need. i do have a dcb,2, who i will put to bed if before 2pm cuz he's just tired and acts out more
I posted a response as I am new and trying my best to discipline the children and I am constantly making sure that I am doing things the right way.
I was reading this post again and thinking...it sounds like you are not asking for discipline advice.
I am just curious as to where you want this thread to go and/or address? It seems that it is somewhat putting down providers on the forum without naming names and giving others more room to toot their own horn.
I have never been "outspoken" on this forum but i really like this forum and want to continue to use it for advice and I want other providers to feel good about coming here too.
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Lilbutterflie 05:10 PM 11-17-2010
Some school districts in Texas also still allow spanking. As a matter of fact, my niece told me at her school that sometimes the principal will walk up and down the hallways with a "spanking stick" just to let the kids know they need to behave (she was in 5th grade at the time). Her mom told me at the beginning of the school year the parents received a note from the principal stating that they DO spank for certain offenses and the parents have no say in the matter.
BUT daycare regulations in Texas are strictly against spanking.
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momofsix 06:09 PM 11-17-2010
Well, i treat treat the dcks pretty much the same as my own, (except no spanking for dcks ever) One of my daughters is taking a child dev. class right now. they are learning parenting styles and she asked me what I thought I was. (Authoritarian, authorative, permissive, neglectful) I said I strive to be authorative, but often end up swinging toward the permissive-and that's the same exact answer she gave so even though I'm far from perfect, at least my kids (and dcks) know where I stand!
I don't have a list of "rules", but if someone asked the kids what my rules were they would probably come up with:

Walking feet in the house
indoor voices in the house
keep your bodies to yourself
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safechner 07:52 PM 11-17-2010
Originally Posted by Lilbutterflie:
Some school districts in Texas also still allow spanking. As a matter of fact, my niece told me at her school that sometimes the principal will walk up and down the hallways with a "spanking stick" just to let the kids know they need to behave (she was in 5th grade at the time). Her mom told me at the beginning of the school year the parents received a note from the principal stating that they DO spank for certain offenses and the parents have no say in the matter.
BUT daycare regulations in Texas are strictly against spanking.
Daycare regulations in Texas are allowed to spank at least 5 years old with parents permission. However, they are not allowed to spank from birth to 5 years at all.
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nannyde 03:24 AM 11-18-2010
Originally Posted by Crystal:
My group has all been with me since they were infants..
Wow I've never heard you say that. How do you do that with twleve to fourteen slots and only four slots under two? How would you be able to have enough slots with the incoming infants to feed into that many over two slots at any one given time?

That would be pretty tough mathmatically. I could see it with eight slots (I do that and it aint easy) but doing it with 12 to 14 that would be a heck of a task.

When did you get to the point you had all your kids from babies? How far along were you in your career? Was that within the last months or year?

I'm intersted because I've only met a couple of providers in my career that have had larger groups where they were able to pull that off and they didn't have twelve full time and two part time slots that could be taken by five and unders.

Congrats to you for doing it though. I admire any provider that raise the "pay and stay" groups. It's one of the marks of a truly well ran business that has stability and makes it thru the long haul.
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BentleysBands 03:42 AM 11-18-2010
I'd rather not point out things i was personally shocked at...its not right. as another PP asked about.

we all seem to pretty much have the same expectations. i thought i was 'too' soft sometimes but I guess i'm the norm good to hear !

Kudos to the person who admitted they spank!! Tho i personally do not agree, I totally respect that YOUR decision to do so and ADMIT IT

my parents have ALL told me thru the years to spank as needed, i just choose NOT to. But thats a whole 'nother subject.

Reading alot of these posts also opened my own eyes to some approaches i hadn't thought of. its always nice to see someone elses point of view
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Crystal 05:41 AM 11-18-2010
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Wow I've never heard you say that. How do you do that with twleve to fourteen slots and only four slots under two? How would you be able to have enough slots with the incoming infants to feed into that many over two slots at any one given time?

That would be pretty tough mathmatically. I could see it with eight slots (I do that and it aint easy) but doing it with 12 to 14 that would be a heck of a task.

When did you get to the point you had all your kids from babies? How far along were you in your career? Was that within the last months or year?

I'm intersted because I've only met a couple of providers in my career that have had larger groups where they were able to pull that off and they didn't have twelve full time and two part time slots that could be taken by five and unders.

Congrats to you for doing it though. I admire any provider that raise the "pay and stay" groups. It's one of the marks of a truly well ran business that has stability and makes it thru the long haul.
My children start with me as infants. It has been a long time since I actually had an opening because of that. It has worked out so that when one child has gone on to school, a currently enrolled family had a baby. (This happened three times in the past two years, all within June and July of 2008) The fourth infant that started at the same time is the cousin of another child in my program. I have that happen alot as well, current families have family members that they refer to me. I have had families stay with me for years, the most recent family that moved on had been with me for 11 years, since dcb 1 was one year old, and then the family had a baby, who was 8 when they left this fall. I have been fortunate that families start with me and stay with me....even as my families have gone through long periods of unemployment, they have still stayed and paid. Right now I have 4 two year olds, 3 of those babies born into my program (met each one of them in the hospital the day they were born) and the rest are 3-6 years old. I am also still in contact with many of my former families, as once they begin here, they become part of the family.
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SandeeAR 06:54 AM 11-18-2010
Originally Posted by Crystal:
Okay, I don't want to flame you....I actually really like you and respect your contribution to this forum. However, I have to ask....are you licensed? I don't see licensing allowing spanking in daycare homes or centers.

And, out of curiousity, how did you brooch the subject of spanking with your daycare parents without fear that thye would have a completely different philosophy than you and report you to the county?
No I am not licensed. Have no plans to ever be so. That is why the parents chose me. They didn't want a large daycare center. One of my kids was pulled from one of those centers to attend at my home.

Two of my parents I knew before I opened and knew they both spanked the kids and told me to do so. One has even told me more than once when I told them what the child had done, to spank her. I told them, no I saved that for VERY serious things, things that will hurt them or is VERY out of line.

As for being reported, again, I'm not licensed, so no one to report to.
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SandeeAR 07:00 AM 11-18-2010
Originally Posted by BentleysBands:
I'd rather not point out things i was personally shocked at...its not right. as another PP asked about.

Kudos to the person who admitted they spank!! Tho i personally do not agree, I totally respect that YOUR decision to do so and ADMIT IT

Reading alot of these posts also opened my own eyes to some approaches i hadn't thought of. its always nice to see someone elses point of view
Well, you ask us to be honest. I am an honest person. To answer and leave out that part, would be lying by ommision. I dearly love my kiddos and the parents and the kiddos and parents love me.

Just two days ago, the one that I have spanked, came up to me about 6 times that day and wanted to cuddle and told me " I love you".

I spanked my own kids. I can count how many times on both hands in all their growning up. I think I raised better good kids. I know it is not a popular thing with this generation of parents. But, folks take a look at our youth in the last 25 years. Look at the problems the schools have.

When I was a kid (yep dating myself here), when you got in trouble at school, you got in trouble at home. Kids didn't get away with half what they do now days.

BTW, for the record, when I say I spank, I'm talking a couple of quick swats on the behind. Just an attention getter, that I am serious. Not a beating folks.
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TGT09 07:03 AM 11-18-2010
I feel too strict at times but then I let me guard down a little, they step on me. I have stopped letting my guard down so I feel like a big meany most days but feel like I have no choice.

I mostly have two 3yo's. Dcg's parents are fairly strict with her and I know that she just likes to test me to see what her boundaries are. Dcb's parents are not strict at all with "him" or his older sister but they have two older boys who they are much more strict on. It drives me bonkers because dcb does not listen at all.
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missnikki 07:08 AM 11-18-2010
Originally Posted by SandeeAR:
When I was a kid (yep dating myself here), when you got in trouble at school, you got in trouble at home. Kids didn't get away with half what they do now days.
Isn't that the truth! I work at a school, and let me tell you- the parents hear me, turn to the kid and say "Is that true?" The kid says "Yeah, but ____ did it first" or whatever excuse, then the parent walks out the door. Next day, I hear all about how nothing happened, almost in a 'neener neener' kind of way. I am thinking of one parent in particular, but it happens with plenty, trust me. I just want to spank the parent and say "BAD PARENT!!!"
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countrymom 07:36 AM 11-18-2010
I'm mean and strict, with my own kids and daycare kids too. Acually from reading all the posts, I'm exactly like all of you. I don't let the kids walk all over me, I don't put up with their nonsense and I discipline when needed. I think thats why the children respect each other more here, use their manners, and are really good kids. Like another poster said, "you need to show children what you expect from them" and its true. On tues. we go to the library and I take 5 kids under 5 and they are the best well behaved group, I even had a mom ask me how come they are so good (her 3 yr old runs thru the library screaming and trying to strangle the kids--nice uh!) well I told her, that they know if they misbehave that we are not going to come back and when we come home that they would stand in the corner for misbehaving. I can take my group anywhere and people are so amazed. I have this 2 yr old that for the last 2 months all he did was hit the children and run and hide, he would spend most of his days in time out (redirecting was not working) well he finally got tired of going to the corner and has stopped hitting.
Oh, what kills me the most, if you hear these parents in the morning complain how bad their kids are you would be thinking that they are talking about other children not these ones, they are so good for me. I think the problem is, is that parents would rather be friends with their children than parent their kids, its like they are afraid to put their kids in the corner because omg their child will cry or give them what the want otherwise a temper tantrum will result. But what are they really doing, creating spoiled brats.
I expect my children to do their best even in school, I don't care for slackers and because I have a niece who is barely passing highschool I always tell my kids that they don't want to be like A because she's not going to go anywhere in life. I want them to do their best so yes i'm mean. Oh, I'm a yeller, sometimes thats the only way to get my point across.
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DanceMom 08:02 AM 11-18-2010
I am very strict, if I am not these kids would be running wild and having 8 kids running wild isnt going to happen for my and their sanity ! We also have A LOT of fun ! They all know the rules in this house and they MUST follow them.
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Crystal 08:06 AM 11-18-2010
I think that "setting the expectations for behavior" from the beginning is very important and goes along way in preventing behavioral issues. If you are firm and consistent from the day they start, they will quickly understand the expectations and will comply, for the most part. That frees you up to do alot less conflict management and damage control and allows for a happy, productive daily experience for both the provider and the children.
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missnikki 08:55 AM 11-18-2010
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I think that "setting the expectations for behavior" from the beginning is very important and goes along way in preventing behavioral issues. If you are firm and consistent from the day they start, they will quickly understand the expectations and will comply, for the most part. That frees you up to do alot less conflict management and damage control and allows for a happy, productive daily experience for both the provider and the children.
If only parents would understand, too. It just takes an unnecessarily long time when everyone's on a different page. It should not be parents backing us up, it SHOULD be we are backing up the parents. That is the best way I can sum up my strictness- it is more undoing parent behaviors than kid behaviors. I am as strict with the children as I need to be, and moreso with the parents.
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countrymom 10:07 AM 11-18-2010
Originally Posted by missnikki:
If only parents would understand, too. It just takes an unnecessarily long time when everyone's on a different page. It should not be parents backing us up, it SHOULD be we are backing up the parents. That is the best way I can sum up my strictness- it is more undoing parent behaviors than kid behaviors. I am as strict with the children as I need to be, and moreso with the parents.
I have to agree too, if only......
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Unregistered 10:23 AM 11-18-2010
I spanked my own daughter when I needed to when she was younger, but I made sure that the punishment fit the crime. I grew up in a home where I got more than just spanked. I was beaten and I remember thinking to myself that I'll never be that kind of mom. I have had daycare parents in the past tell me that I could spank their kids if I needed to and while I appreciate the trust that they have in me, I'll pass on the spankings! I've had luck with just making sure that the children in my care know what I expect from them and know that I will follow through when it comes to consequences for breaking a rule. As a result, they know that I'm as serious as a heart attack when it comes to enforcing my rules.
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laundrymom 10:54 AM 11-18-2010
I have to say, I do spank my own kids,... and once in almost 22 years have I smacked a childcare child,..it was about 15 yrs ago he was three and kept going behind the edge of an end table, reaching under, taking out the plug in protector and putting it in his mouth,.laughing at me. After about 3 times, I grabbed him, sat him on the counter, held his hand in mine, popped it once, not hard but just a quick little smack, I told him it was not funny, not allowed and not going to happen again,.... then I sat him on the floor and walked away,... grabbed the phone, called his mom crying, told her,.... she said she had been having trouble at home as well, that he thought it was funny when she ran after him,.. that he actually got up on the dryer and tried to unplug it!!! well,.. he never toughed another plug, outlet or protector at home or child care,.. and Ive not had to anything like that again.
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sahm2three 11:16 AM 11-18-2010
I am strict. I treat all the dck's just like my own kids as well. I am not a yeller. I use common sense parenting techniques mostly. I do time outs starting around 18 months. Mostly just redirect, telling them a stern NO. I talk to the older kids. I ask about how they are feeling and validate their feelings. We talk about how to handle things differently next time. I am talking 4 and older. I try to remember when dealing with others kids, how lucky I was that I was able to stay home with all three of my kids, and I would have wanted a loving daycare to take my kids to if I would have had to. But I am strict. There is no hitting, no jumping on furniture, no yelling, we talk respectfully, no running (hardwood floors, ouch), no throwing toys, and we are kind and gentle to the animals. These are the main rules. And I am a stickler. I feel like there is someone getting a talking to, getting put in time out, and redirecting all day long. But then, at the end of the day, when I get hugs and I Love You's, and kids crying because they don't want to leave, I know I am doing something right!
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kendallina 01:11 PM 11-18-2010
I also have high expectations for behavior (obviously considering their age and development) and I try to be very clear about the expectations. I have found that the first few weeks is soooo important for setting up those expectations. I'm very firm and strict during those first few weeks and they start to see that I'm serious and they respect me very much for it. After those first couple of weeks, they don't try to test me much anymore as they know I don't put up with it.

I don't really do time outs or other punishments. Mostly I use redirection and just talking with them. For very serious offenses I'll say to them that they need to go sit in a chair until I can come over and talk to them (almost always within a minute or so). It's kind of like a time out, but it's really more so they can have a talk with me and get redirected. I use this mostly when we're outside and if they go out of the boundary area and don't come back when I call to them (I'm not fenced in here). I'll say, "Lily, go to the porch now." in a firm voice and i start walking to the porch (I never chase them) and they always come right away when I get that serious.

I've had parents tell me that I can spank their kids, but I don't spank my own and won't spank theirs either and I tell them this.
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Tags:rules, spanking, strict
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