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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Embarrassed to Even Write This.....
KBCsMommy 04:34 PM 07-11-2012
One of my dc families abruptly left. They were a no call no show for 2 days. After calling the family for 2 days, Dcm finally returns my call to say they have enrolled their 19 mo dd in a center. When I asked why, dcm said she felt like my 4 yo ds was bullying her dd.

I was completely shocked. Although the two don't always get along I wouldn't classify it as bullying. Maybe more of a differing of personalities.
Dcm never brought any of this to my attention and never indicated they were concerned or unhappy.

When I asked dcm why she didn't talk to me about it she said " I did, remember when I told you dcg was saying "mine" that was because your son is always taking toys away from her and saying mine to her". I remember dcm bringing this up about a month ago, but dcm wasn't saying it as if it was an issue and never indicated she learned it from my son. She was saying it more like "dcg is saying mine now, oh great!!" Maybe I misread her or I didn't understand where she was coming from, but I never thought of it being because my son is bullying her.

So, since dcm did not give me any notice what-so-ever there is the contractual obligation that dcm and dcd signed which is the required two weeks written notice or 2 weeks payment, take your pick!!

Am I in the wrong for sending them a bill for 2 weeks worth of payment, even though they pulled because of my son's poor behavior? I mean they never gave me any indication they were ever unhappy wtih dcg being here.

And then the issue with my son!! He ran off a client!!! OMG!!

Now what do I do!!!!!!
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Crazy8 04:41 PM 07-11-2012
Originally Posted by KBCsMommy:
One of my dc families abruptly left. They were a no call no show for 2 days. After calling the family for 2 days, Dcm finally returns my call to say they have enrolled their 19 mo dd in a center. When I asked why, dcm said she felt like my 4 yo ds was bullying her dd.

I was completely shocked. Although the two don't always get along I wouldn't classify it as bullying. Maybe more of a differing of personalities.
Dcm never brought any of this to my attention and never indicated they were concerned or unhappy.

When I asked dcm why she didn't talk to me about it she said " I did, remember when I told you dcg was saying "mine" that was because your son is always taking toys away from her and saying mine to her". I remember dcm bringing this up about a month ago, but dcm wasn't saying it as if it was an issue and never indicated she learned it from my son. She was saying it more like "dcg is saying mine now, oh great!!" Maybe I misread her or I didn't understand where she was coming from, but I never thought of it being because my son is bullying her.

So, since dcm did not give me any notice what-so-ever there is the contractual obligation that dcm and dcd signed which is the required two weeks written notice or 2 weeks payment, take your pick!!

Am I in the wrong for sending them a bill for 2 weeks worth of payment, even though they pulled because of my son's poor behavior? I mean they never gave me any indication they were ever unhappy wtih dcg being here.

And then the issue with my son!! He ran off a client!!! OMG!!

Now what do I do!!!!!!
from the terms of your contract you are absolutely in your right to send her a bill for the 2 weeks. I wouldn't hold my breath on actually getting the payment from her though. You can take it to court if you'd like but personally I couldn't be bothered and this is why I collect a deposit of 2 weeks. They get their last 2 weeks free if they give notice, but even if they don't give notice they never leave owing me money.

And while her reasons may be valid, she didn't go about it the right way at all. She didn't bring it to your attention as a problem, didn't discuss it, etc.. I don't know a single child in my 13 years as a parent who didn't go thru a bit of a "mine" phase at some point in the toddler years!!!
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Heidi 04:48 PM 07-11-2012
Send her a bill, expect nothing, and chalk it up to a lesson learned. Get a deposit and/or payment in advance of care from now on.

As for your son, I'm sure he's a normal little boy, and guess what dcm?: Toddlers favorite words are "MINE" and "NO". DUH

Don't feel bad. Even if they were unhappy with anything, their child was not in ANY danger, ever, and to pull him without notice after signing a contract is called...WRONG!
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Truly Scrumptious 04:54 PM 07-11-2012
Because of things like this, I now require parents to pay for their last two weeks of child care upon enrollement. That way if they skip out...I already have payment.

I would send a copy of their contract they signed (just the contract, not the policy) and highlight the part about the notice...then give them a deadline as to when you expect payment (and add any late charges). If they don't pay by the date given...turn them over to collections.

A provider friend of mine did this and the family would not pay...even after turning them over...the collection agency called and told her the next move was either to forget about it or take it to court. She chose court and won!
They tried all kinds of excuses....in the end the judge asked "Is this your signature on this agreement"? They said yes...the judge said "Then you have to pay it".
She did have to give the collection agency a % of what she collected, but she ended up with more money than it started out being because of added late charges.
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Heidi 04:56 PM 07-11-2012
Originally Posted by Truly Scrumptious:
Because of things like this, I now require parents to pay for their last two weeks of child care upon enrollement. That way if they skip out...I already have payment.

I would send a copy of their contract they signed (just the contract, not the policy) and highlight the part about the notice...then give them a deadline as to when you expect payment (and add any late charges). If they don't pay by the date given...turn them over to collections.

A provider friend of mine did this and the family would not pay...even after turning them over...the collection agency called and told her the next move was either to forget about it or take it to court. She chose court and won!
They tried all kinds of excuses....in the end the judge asked "Is this your signature on this agreement"? They said yes...the judge said "Then you have to pay it".
She did have to give the collection agency a % of what she collected, but she ended up with more money than it started out being because of added late charges.

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BumbleBee 05:54 PM 07-11-2012
My gut reaction is they were looking for a way out without having to pay 2 weeks notice. For whatever reason they wanted to put her in a center.

Regardless, I think you should send her a bill with your 2 week notice clause.

As far as your son, he's 4. He didn't purposefully run off a client-if he even did. I doubt that's why they left and they just saw it as an easy excuse. If it wasn't "bullying" it would be food/naps/discipline/play area/toys/etc.

Just wait until their little darling picks up some new "awful" habit from the center. It's going to happen and if they come crawling back in a few months I'd be inclined to tell them you are full.

Sorry to be so snarky tonight, but the whole "blame the provider's child" instead of being an adult and telling you the real reason they pulled their dd is just ridiculous.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 05:55 PM 07-11-2012
Originally Posted by Truly Scrumptious:
Because of things like this, I now require parents to pay for their last two weeks of child care upon enrollement. That way if they skip out...I already have payment.

I would send a copy of their contract they signed (just the contract, not the policy) and highlight the part about the notice...then give them a deadline as to when you expect payment (and add any late charges). If they don't pay by the date given...turn them over to collections.

A provider friend of mine did this and the family would not pay...even after turning them over...the collection agency called and told her the next move was either to forget about it or take it to court. She chose court and won!
They tried all kinds of excuses....in the end the judge asked "Is this your signature on this agreement"? They said yes...the judge said "Then you have to pay it".
She did have to give the collection agency a % of what she collected, but she ended up with more money than it started out being because of added late charges.
EXACTLY this.
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KBCsMommy 07:07 PM 07-11-2012
As for your son, I'm sure he's a normal little boy, and guess what dcm?: Toddlers favorite words are "MINE" and "NO". DUH

Exactly Right!!! Dcg was learning all this, you know terrible two's!!! I had a feeling that if I said dcg was saying any of this I would get the " well she learned it from your son"!


Just wait until their little darling picks up some new "awful" habit from the center. It's going to happen and if they come crawling back in a few months I'd be inclined to tell them you are full.

Right again!! I know a teacher at this particular center who very recently was complaining HFM Disease was running rampant, and the toddler room's children were horrible about biting and hitting!!!

That's going to be a shock to dcm and dcd when precious gets sent home for any sickness, dcg has only been sick here once in the 15 months shes been here. And hardly ever left with a scratch!!


As far as your son, he's 4. He didn't purposefully run off a client-if he even did. I doubt that's why they left and they just saw it as an easy excuse. If it wasn't "bullying" it would be food/naps/discipline/play area/toys/etc.

I don't blame my son!! And I agree they would have used any excuse they could find!!

As for the 2 week notice I sent a certified letter. If I don't get any response, Im going to send it to collections!! From now on Im going to collect a two week deposit when I enroll new families. They were my second family I enrolled so I was still new!
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cheerfuldom 07:14 PM 07-11-2012
sounds like they were looking for a reason to leave. making one small comment and expecting you know that it was supposedly a huge concern to them is just ridiculous. this had nothing to do with your son. we've all seen this type of thing before. toy stealing is not bullying....kids take time to learn boundaries and toy stealing happens. its not like their kid was going home with bruises and bites and crying every day...now thats bullying.
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KBCsMommy 07:23 PM 07-11-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
sounds like they were looking for a reason to leave. making one small comment and expecting you know that it was supposedly a huge concern to them is just ridiculous. this had nothing to do with your son. we've all seen this type of thing before. toy stealing is not bullying....kids take time to learn boundaries and toy stealing happens. its not like their kid was going home with bruises and bites and crying every day...now thats bullying.
Completely agree cheer. This particular child would literally run in and hug my leg until I picked her up every single morning. Afternoons she would cry when dad picked her up, or wouldn't even acknoledge he was there.

Im sure they will figure out toy stealing happens when it itensifies more at the new school.
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MyAngels 07:34 PM 07-11-2012
Originally Posted by KBCsMommy:
Completely agree cheer. This particular child would literally run in and hug my leg until I picked her up every single morning. Afternoons she would cry when dad picked her up, or wouldn't even acknoledge he was there.

Im sure they will figure out toy stealing happens when it itensifies more at the new school.
I once had a family that pulled their child for this very reason . You'd have thought they would be glad their child like it so much here, but no...

I would definitely go to whatever lengths I had to to collect that last two week payment - including court - even if I had to give a huge chunk up in fees, just because I'd rather pay a collection agency than have them get away with not paying. But, as I've said before, I'm kind of *itchy that way .
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Buxterboo 07:38 PM 07-11-2012
HAHA (to the parents). Kids pick up ALL kinkds of stuff (bad words/manners, illness, attitude) at daycare. Now they are going to have to deal with the influence of the entire class vs "mine" from one boy. They will figure out that they made a mistake...

I hope you get the money they owe you and a new kiddo to fill that kid's spot!
P.S. I dont know ANY kid that hasnt said "mine." I think the parents were just looking for an excuse.
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cheerfuldom 08:04 PM 07-11-2012
Originally Posted by KBCsMommy:
Completely agree cheer. This particular child would literally run in and hug my leg until I picked her up every single morning. Afternoons she would cry when dad picked her up, or wouldn't even acknoledge he was there.

Im sure they will figure out toy stealing happens when it itensifies more at the new school.
yup, they will have to learn the hard way. this whole thing reminded me of something that happened to me that was very similar. i had a little boy for almost a year and then the parents suddenly ditched me with no notice and the "reason" that was given was that my assistant (who no longer worked for me), forgot to feed one jar of food one day about a month ago. He ate 3 or 4 jars a day. mom saved this one mistake for when it was convenient to mention it instead of saying that day "hey DCB did not get all his food today. Can you tell me why that was?". I did not know anything about the mistake until way later. The last day of care, mom came and picked up and DCB was crying because he was not being held because I was holding my infant daughter. This was the only time EVER that he was crying at pickup. My thought was that mom was not happy to see that anyone, including an infant and my own child, would be given any attention whatsoever over her son even though he was almost a year at this point. Some parents like to live in the illusion that their kid is the only kid on the planet and the first time they see anything different, they freak out and assume that they can recreate that illusion somewhere else.
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dave4him 08:24 PM 07-11-2012
We tend to consider the word mIne as a mean word here
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cheerfuldom 08:31 PM 07-11-2012
Originally Posted by dave4him:
We tend to consider the word mIne as a mean word here
I dont think anyone was saying that that word is okay to use, only that every kid learns it with or without the help of daycare and it takes time to learn how to use a more appropriate word or behavior instead. if a child uses this word, that doesnt mean that their daycare is a horrible place and from the sounds of the ratio and issues at the center, this little one is going to be learning a lot more than "mine" at this new daycare
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spud912 08:58 PM 07-11-2012
I remember a family one time blamed their child's potty accidents on the fact that my daughter (who is much younger) was not potty trained yet
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Truly Scrumptious 09:14 PM 07-11-2012
Originally Posted by spud912:
I remember a family one time blamed their child's potty accidents on the fact that my daughter (who is much younger) was not potty trained yet
Wow!! Some parents really are idiots.
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Meeko 07:01 AM 07-12-2012
The Toddlers Creed

ďIf I want it, itís mine.
If I give it to you & I change my mind later, itís mine.
If I can take it away from you, itís mine.
If I had it a little while ago, itís mine.
If itís mine, it will never belong to anybody else, no matter what.
If we are building something together, all the pieces are mine.
If it looks like mine, it is mine.Ē


The faster those parents learn this the better! Normal toddler behavior!
Go get the money they owe you!
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Kiki 07:13 AM 07-12-2012
Originally Posted by Meeko:
The Toddlers Creed

ďIf I want it, itís mine.
If I give it to you & I change my mind later, itís mine.
If I can take it away from you, itís mine.
If I had it a little while ago, itís mine.
If itís mine, it will never belong to anybody else, no matter what.
If we are building something together, all the pieces are mine.
If it looks like mine, it is mine.Ē


The faster those parents learn this the better! Normal toddler behavior!
Go get the money they owe you!

So very very true. And go get your money, send them a notice, give them 30 days, then send them to collections. You can do it!
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crazydaycarelady 07:53 AM 07-12-2012
Wait till she gets a load of the things her dd learns at the center! LOL
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clep 09:20 AM 07-12-2012
I see several things here.

1) Parent has a serious lack of skills in the communication department. It's gonna suck for their child as we can't pass on what we don't know.

2) You do not require payment for the last month up front taking care of the issue of parents not providing proper notice.

3) The world does not see your child through the rose colored glasses you do and it is not uncommon for providers to justify the actions of their child that they would find unacceptable for another child to have.

Don't worry about their lack of skills. It isn't your issue. Implement asap that your parents have to pay the first month and last month up front. I have a thirty day trial first before that so I know if I even want to have them permanently and if all goes well, they pay the 1st and last month up front. It's amazing how different people are when they have to give notice or lost a months fees.
No to offend you, but might be an idea to look at the fact that it is possible you are justifying poor behavior in your child. If upon reflection and keeping track in the future you notice you are, change it. Your child will do better without the justification in the long run.
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KBCsMommy 10:35 AM 07-12-2012
Originally Posted by clep:
I see several things here.

1) Parent has a serious lack of skills in the communication department. It's gonna suck for their child as we can't pass on what we don't know.

2) You do not require payment for the last month up front taking care of the issue of parents not providing proper notice.

3) The world does not see your child through the rose colored glasses you do and it is not uncommon for providers to justify the actions of their child that they would find unacceptable for another child to have.

Don't worry about their lack of skills. It isn't your issue. Implement asap that your parents have to pay the first month and last month up front. I have a thirty day trial first before that so I know if I even want to have them permanently and if all goes well, they pay the 1st and last month up front. It's amazing how different people are when they have to give notice or lost a months fees.
No to offend you, but might be an idea to look at the fact that it is possible you are justifying poor behavior in your child. If upon reflection and keeping track in the future you notice you are, change it. Your child will do better without the justification in the long run.
You have hit the nail on the head!!!

1. The parents DID have a serious lack of communication.

2. I NEED to implement a new deposit policy immediately.

3. I understand my child is not perfect, and is only special in my eyes only. My son does have poor behavior on occasions, and recently it has gotten worse. It is something we are dealing with and working on.

Im not trying to justify my son's behavior. But these parents called my son a bully which is the furthest thing from the truth. The dcg in question was never afraid of my son and would get excited when she would see him. They played very well together. I wouldn't classify it as bullying.

I will definately be watching my son more closely to see how he is behaving around the other children.
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KBCsMommy 10:43 AM 07-12-2012
Originally Posted by dave4him:
We tend to consider the word mIne as a mean word here
Mine is not a pretty word!! I don't like it either but kids will learn it eventually.

Toddler's are sponges. They learn "no" "mine" and other words we tend to think of as negative.

They also learn positive words too "yes" "please" "thank you" "help me" (instead of screaming!)!!

It seems like dcp are always quick to say their children learned all negative behaviors from daycare. They don't stop to think their child may have learned to say "please" and "thank you" at daycare. It just magically appeared in the child's language one day!!
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