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countrymom 11:25 AM 02-16-2012
since you were little, or started doing daycare or were in daycare.
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Crazy8 11:26 AM 02-16-2012
ummm.... biggest one.... parents seemed to forget how to say "no" to their precious little ones.
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Ariana 11:28 AM 02-16-2012
Just a total lack of interest in their children. The self absorption is unreal.
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Blackcat31 11:42 AM 02-16-2012
Originally Posted by Ariana:
Just a total lack of interest in their children. The self absorption is unreal.
Hmm, I think the exact opposite.

I think some parents are too involved in every aspect of their child's life. I think too many parents mico-manage everything!! Some parent's are so concerned about little Jimmy's self-esteem that they can't possibly do what's best for him because they are so controlled by what he might think and feel.....or he might even cry?!?

My parents let me suffer natural consequences because "it was gonna hurt them far more than it would me" but it was necessary so that I learned a good lesson and not just stopped crying...kwim?
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wahmof3 11:47 AM 02-16-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Hmm, I think the exact opposite.

I think some parents are too involved in every aspect of their child's life. I think too many parents mico-manage everything!! Some parent's are so concerned about little Jimmy's self-esteem that they can't possibly do what's best for him because they are so controlled by what he might think and feel.....or he might even cry?!?

My parents let me suffer natural consequences because "it was gonna hurt them far more than it would me" but it was necessary so that I learned a good lesson and not just stopped crying...kwim?
I agree

Read a story yesterday where parents aren't letting their kids watch the fairy tales I grew up with bc they dont want to scare their children.
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Heidi 11:53 AM 02-16-2012
Yep..we went from "children should be seen and not heard" to "it's ALL about the children"

Maybe we could meet somewhere in the middle????? Oh wait....we don't do compromise anymore, either (sorry-off topic...lol)
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Cat Herder 11:54 AM 02-16-2012
The new "No Cry" parenting paired with extreme narcissism (Golden Cog Syndrome) seem to be what I witness most in recent years.....

Granted, I think I like it better than the "children should be seen, not heard" way I grew up... IDK...

There has to be something in between..... That is where I shoot with my parenting goals.
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Cat Herder 11:55 AM 02-16-2012
Originally Posted by bbo:
Yep..we went from "children should be seen and not heard" to "it's ALL about the children"

Maybe we could meet somewhere in the middle????? Oh wait....we don't do compromise anymore, either (sorry-off topic...lol)
OK...yeah....get out of my head. It is scary in here.... We HAD to be typing at the same time.
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Heidi 11:56 AM 02-16-2012
Originally Posted by Catherder:
The new "No Cry" parenting paired with extreme narcissism (Golden Cog Syndrome) seem to be what I witness most in recent years.....

Granted, I think I like it better than the "children should be seen, not heard" way I grew up... IDK...

There has to be something in between..... That is where I shoot with my parenting goals.
lol @ Catherder....we posted at the same time...same answer..JINX!!!!
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cheerfuldom 12:04 PM 02-16-2012
I think the time indoors and in front of screens has really changed parenting and children. I am continually shocked at how much screen time kids get. Also parents that do not take their kids outdoors ever. I have a DCG that never went to the park till 2 years old and has still never been in her own backyard (she's 2.5) and this according to the mom. The only reason they went to the park for awhile is because that is where her therapist met them for physical therapy.

I take my kids camping and we go on long walks. I know a lot of parents that regularly use strollers for up to 4, even 5 years if they ever do go on a walk. Kids need less screen time, more exercise!!
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MrsB 12:07 PM 02-16-2012
Lack of Boundries, Limitations, Ground rules, Consequences, and CONSITENCY

Sorry for the yelling, it just is so aggrivating sometimes.

Seems like today people/parents/kids have a very hard time admiting mistakes. Haven't figured out the ins and outs of it but I suspect has something to do with a disconect from the issues I mentioned above. Two quick examples come to mind, everyones jump to sue people and politicians.
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daycare 12:21 PM 02-16-2012
I did not grow up in the US, in my country of Egypt, it is still much the same as when I was a child. The way children are punished there, people would go to jail here. Both of my parents would have been arrested for child abuse.

The only thing that I have noticed over the time that I have been here for almost 20 years, is that it seems like now parents fear their children.

Everything and anything parents do, I hear that children threaten their paretns with Ill call CPS or I call the cops on you.....
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countrymom 12:23 PM 02-16-2012
*parents cant say "no"
*parents who buy their children everything

*parents need "me" time, this bugs me the most because I don't ever get me time, not even when I go to the bathroom.

*consistency
*tv time is crazy
*nutrition, omg I can write a book about this subject, and no eating pogo dogs is not a healthy food group

*education, so many parents don't care, they don't care if their child fails, they don't even go to parent/teacher interviews (sometimes we don't go but some have never gone)
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countrymom 12:25 PM 02-16-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
I did not grow up in the US, in my country of Egypt, it is still much the same as when I was a child. The way children are punished there, people would go to jail here. Both of my parents would have been arrested for child abuse.

The only thing that I have noticed over the time that I have been here for almost 20 years, is that it seems like now parents fear their children.

Everything and anything parents do, I hear that children threaten their paretns with Ill call CPS or I call the cops on you.....
dh grew up with the "wooden spoon" hanging on the wall, and his mom always said "I brought you into this world I can take you out"
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daycare 12:32 PM 02-16-2012
Originally Posted by countrymom:
dh grew up with the "wooden spoon" hanging on the wall, and his mom always said "I brought you into this world I can take you out"
OMG maybe we have the same mom...jk

she would tell me very mean words sometimes words that would make me cry much more than the physical abuse. My dads words were also very harsh.
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daycare 12:35 PM 02-16-2012
oh and the follow through that I see these days STINKS..

for those of you that saw the crazy country DAD shoot his daughters lap top. Well, I do think it was over the top for a city girl like me, but he did what he said he was going to do and he showed his child that he will follow through with his threats...

I have some friends, we love them to death, but they suck as parents. We can't stand their kids, (I know its not nice to say) but we just can't stand to be in the same room as these kids. And the parents always come to me for parenting advice, but when I give it they never follow through with any of it..

Its just easier to shush the kids up with toys, mc donalds, video games, and etc......

I think parents here need to realized that the word NO has not been redefined. IT STILL MEANS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....lol ok Im done......
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MamaBear 12:38 PM 02-16-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
OMG maybe we have the same mom...jk

she would tell me very mean words sometimes words that would make me cry much more than the physical abuse. My dads words were also very harsh.
I think we all have the same mom! I still remember that wooden spoon! lol She painted an evil face on one side and a happy face on the other. It never made sense to me because both sides hurt like h*ll!

Parents today just don't know how to say no and are basically letting the tv raise their kids. They are totally self absorbed and too selfish to spend any time with their own kids. They just keep giving their kids everything they want to make them happy in that way.

I grew up in the 70's & 80's... we played outside all day after school and on weekends... didn't have video games... We would get that toy we really wanted on Christmas or our birthday... not every trip to the store. We'd go camping, ride bikes and play games with our parents. I respected my parents and never questioned them. I didn't feel entitled to anything growing up like a lot of the kids & teenagers do today. Kinda sad how parenting has changed over the years.
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countrymom 12:39 PM 02-16-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
oh and the follow through that I see these days STINKS..

for those of you that saw the crazy country DAD shoot his daughters lap top. Well, I do think it was over the top for a city girl like me, but he did what he said he was going to do and he showed his child that he will follow through with his threats...

I have some friends, we love them to death, but they suck as parents. We can't stand their kids, (I know its not nice to say) but we just can't stand to be in the same room as these kids. And the parents always come to me for parenting advice, but when I give it they never follow through with any of it..

Its just easier to shush the kids up with toys, mc donalds, video games, and etc......

I think parents here need to realized that the word NO has not been redefined. IT STILL MEANS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....lol ok Im done......


can you hear me in the store hollering "no" at my kids. One time I saw a women carrying a wooden spoon in the back of her back pack for her kids, I'll never forget that.
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Country Kids 12:44 PM 02-16-2012
Kids played outside till the street lamps were on or you heard your mom calling for you.

There was a sit down meal for every dinner.

You knew all your neighbors and they knew you and reported you for any bad behavior.

Kids were potty trained by two and off the bottle or you were considered a slacker parent.

You knew the days of the week because cartoons were only on Saturday mornings.

Kids rode their bikes/walked all over town but parents still knew where they were. You even played by the town river but rarely anyone fell in and drowned.

Kids always had a dime/quarter (depending on the decade) in their shoe so they could use a payphone and call home.

You knew you were in huge, huge trouble when you got home if the parents received a phone call from the principal/teacher.

Everyone was called Mr. and Mrs./Miss


I guess looking at my list what I'm thinking is kids had freedom, ran all over, were actually kids but.........there was no disrespecting mom and dad if you were told no you need to do chores, help the parents, whatever.

Now kids have freedom and there are no guidelines, rules, punishments, etc. They are actually in charge of their own lifes with someone else footing the bill.
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MrsB 12:47 PM 02-16-2012
I have a friend who has one son. When we have get togethers and her son would act up (from age 2-5) and she would put him in timeout for acting up. She would sit there with him in time out! Then go on and on trying to reason with him on the incident. Goodluck trying to reason with a 2 year old that is fitting out. She would set the timer for an apporpriate amout of minutes but would start it immediately while he is still fitting out. Then she would let him up if the timer went off even if he was still fitting. Then afterwards, she would say, "I am so sorry mommy got mad at you, but you really need to be a better boy." LOL Although when I was a child I hated the excuse my parents had of "I said so", I use it quite frequently!
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daycare 12:47 PM 02-16-2012
Originally Posted by countrymom:
can you hear me in the store hollering "no" at my kids. One time I saw a women carrying a wooden spoon in the back of her back pack for her kids, I'll never forget that.
OMG are you serious....backpack spoon.....now thats ********.

Yes I think maybe you guys are right about that we all may have shared that same mom.

My great Uncle had a huge piece of oak wood that he turned into a paddle, which he would use to spank us with, if we got spanked with it we had to write our name on it. It really made us feel shame. A few months ago I had to go home to Egypt and We went to his house for tea. There it was staring me in the face, OMG brought back so many bad memories.

I told him Uncle when you pass this life, I would love if I can have that paddle. I would like to hang it on my wall so that my children can see what type of punishment I got when I was young. It brought tears to my eyes to see it. Of course there were so many names written on it from my siblings and cousins, that you could not count the names anymore.

He told me I can have it, but that now it is only a memory for everyone.
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Country Kids 12:52 PM 02-16-2012
I was spanked but probably could count the times on one hand. What was worse than a spanking-the look. My parents could just shoot this LOOK from whereever they were and oh my goodness! It was so, so much worse than a spanking!
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daycare 01:00 PM 02-16-2012
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
I was spanked but probably could count the times on one hand. What was worse than a spanking-the look. My parents could just shoot this LOOK from whereever they were and oh my goodness! It was so, so much worse than a spanking!
hahhah I have a dcg she is now 4, has been with me since she was a few months old...My one and only infant ever.,

When she was 2 she of course went through the terrible twos and I used to have to put her in timeout mat a lot. SO I got sick of it and started this look on my face where I would squint my eyes at her and she would stop dead in her tracks.

so one day her mom is dropping her off and her mom says to me today DCG was crying in the car on the way here saying that she does not want you to look at her....lol

SO I tell mom why and the mom begs me PLEASE teach me that look...lol it was so funny..
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MrsB 01:04 PM 02-16-2012
I only got spanked a few times and it was when I was very little and dont really remember it that well. But I knew exactly what the boundries were and if I crossed them, a spanking was a REAL possibility.

Other great things that we had to do was a chorelist everyday, without an allowance. Not that I am knocking allowance, but it did help me with a deep sense of family. Each one of us had a sense of responsibility to the family unit and we took great pride in our jobs.

Some of the punishments we had were not abusive in anyway, but I would have gladly traded for spanking.... like cleaning the gutters on an aweful, cold, rainy day or cutting blackberries, weeding every dandelion in the huge lawn. Ugggh
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Bookworm 01:41 PM 02-16-2012
When I saw that country video, my thoughts were: when did it become ok for kids to put out such horrible comments to and about their parents for the world to see. When did such blatant disrespect of parents become a right of kids. Who among us would have even had the nerve to just THINK any of the things that she posted.
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kayla 02:09 PM 02-16-2012
my biggest erk is when parents give there child something because they didnt want them to cry or throw a fit. Your child already knows he/she controls you, everytime they know if i cry or throw a fit i will get my way. Or also the parents that say" oh johnny please dont do that" who is the parent?!?!? you are not a friend you are the parent if your asking your child to follow the rules they think it is something they decide if they want to or not... people are ridiculous, but i also think alot of it is fear with some people to, like i better not yell at my child in public because i might get cps called on me.
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countrymom 06:45 PM 02-16-2012
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
Kids played outside till the street lamps were on or you heard your mom calling for you.

There was a sit down meal for every dinner.

You knew all your neighbors and they knew you and reported you for any bad behavior.

Kids were potty trained by two and off the bottle or you were considered a slacker parent.

You knew the days of the week because cartoons were only on Saturday mornings.

Kids rode their bikes/walked all over town but parents still knew where they were. You even played by the town river but rarely anyone fell in and drowned.

Kids always had a dime/quarter (depending on the decade) in their shoe so they could use a payphone and call home.

You knew you were in huge, huge trouble when you got home if the parents received a phone call from the principal/teacher.

Everyone was called Mr. and Mrs./Miss


I guess looking at my list what I'm thinking is kids had freedom, ran all over, were actually kids but.........there was no disrespecting mom and dad if you were told no you need to do chores, help the parents, whatever.

Now kids have freedom and there are no guidelines, rules, punishments, etc. They are actually in charge of their own lifes with someone else footing the bill.
I so agree with everything, were you born in the 70's because we did all that as kids.

I must be a bad parent because my children were chasing each other with the shovels while waiting for the bus and I was dying of laughter, now thats funny.
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countrymom 06:50 PM 02-16-2012
also I find that parents are either too laxed or bubble wrapping their kids. Now when you go on a sled you need to wear a helmet or parents are hovering over their children.

dh and I raise our children like we were raise, if you fall we tell them "sweep the lick" the ditch is where my kids who sledding (its on our property) they play in the ditch with rubber boots on and pick things out of it. In the summer they come in when the bats come out. they are the craziest kids ever, but thats what they should be doing, being kids and having fun, not watching tv all the time.
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PitterPatter 07:15 PM 02-16-2012
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
I was spanked but probably could count the times on one hand. What was worse than a spanking-the look. My parents could just shoot this LOOK from whereever they were and oh my goodness! It was so, so much worse than a spanking!
PLEASE send me a picture of that look!! I have heard it before and tried so many different ones but the best I ever got was a pause and "what?"

My opinion is I see parents in my area at either end of the spectrum. VERY caring and catering to princess/prince every whim or neglectful and abusive.
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Sprouts 08:30 PM 02-16-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
I did not grow up in the US, in my country of Egypt, it is still much the same as when I was a child. The way children are punished there, people would go to jail here. Both of my parents would have been arrested for child abuse.

The only thing that I have noticed over the time that I have been here for almost 20 years, is that it seems like now parents fear their children.

Everything and anything parents do, I hear that children threaten their paretns with Ill call CPS or I call the cops on you.....
Yes I totally agree...my husband is a PO and he got a call for a "suicidal" 9 YO girl who said she was going to stab herself because her mom wouldn't let her watch t.v this happened today....

I heard yesterday on a documentary that our current culture is the first culture where media, internet and culture are raising the children more then the adults are....how sad

Reason #24 of why I should homeschool my children...
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Ariana 06:09 AM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Hmm, I think the exact opposite.

I think some parents are too involved in every aspect of their child's life. I think too many parents mico-manage everything!! Some parent's are so concerned about little Jimmy's self-esteem that they can't possibly do what's best for him because they are so controlled by what he might think and feel.....or he might even cry?!?

My parents let me suffer natural consequences because "it was gonna hurt them far more than it would me" but it was necessary so that I learned a good lesson and not just stopped crying...kwim?
I guess I see this as being self absorbed! They don't take the time to discipline appropriately they just do what's right for them (the parents) in the moment...which is give them what they want so they stop crying/shut up/go away etc. I think parents who are worried about their kids crying are parents who are only concerned with themselves and their own comfort levels.

I do agree with micro-managing but I don't encounter it too often!!
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nannyde 06:36 AM 02-17-2012
I was thinking a lot about this question yesterday. I turned it upside down and thought... what is better now? What do we see in parenting that we didn't see in the past few decades.

I'm into three decades doing this so I wracked my brain to think of how we have improved as a society when it comes to our children?

Sadly, I could only come up with one thing. That is that severe physical discipline is less. I can't give credit to the last couple of generations of parents for that because it is really decided by the individual states. My state you can punish your children with corporal punishment but 24 hours later there can't be any signs of it.... no marks, bruising etc. That pretty much dictates no corporal punishment or very light. For parents concerned about getting in trouble for using corporal punishment the lack of knowledge of how hard, where, and with what to punish their children is based on not knowing what kind of marking there could be with that punishment 24 hours later. Many parents who would otherwise use spanking, do not because the measure of it being seen as punishment or abuse is something they can't work around. If a mistake is made it could mean severe consequences to their parental rights, their freedom, their jobs etc.

So I see way less interest in physical punishment. I can go five years and never even hear a parent discuss spanking. There's too much at stake to have conversations about using corporal punishment as a consequence so I never hear about it.

Not interested in a spanking debate. The severe corporal punishment is the ONLY thing I see as being different in a good way in parenting. I see no other trends in parenting that benefit the child. I can't think of anything that is being commonly done with todays parent that wasn't done a decade ago, two decades ago, or three decades ago that nets us more respectful, smarter, happier, healthier, etc kids.

Sad really. Maybe I'm missing something but I can't think of a single thing. Can you?
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Country Kids 07:17 AM 02-17-2012
IMO, when they took spanking away and TOLD us how to discipline our children that is where things started breaking down. Parents rights were slowly starting to be chipped away. Slowly overtime the children picked this up and ran with it. When I started hearing what my child could and couldn't do that is where I knew there was trouble and as parents there would be issues. I'm not condoning beating at all! If there is a child being neglected, beaten, etc. the authorities have all rights to protect that child

Also, we have homeschooled and boy was my eyes opened up when we did. You do have alot of parents raising good kids but at the same time you have parents that are letting the child do all the schooling, do unschooling and really not know what it means to have to be accountable for things. When we had conferences for our student that ended up going to school the teachers where so amazed that they had been homeschooled. The child knew how to raise there hands, not interuppet, have assignments turned in, was organized, etc. It was commented that alot of homeschoolers don't know how to act with a large group of children in a classroom sitting because it is usually only them and siblings.

Have any of you sat through a storytime at a children library? Oh, my it makes me want to crawl out of my skin. My children knew how to sit, listen and keep their hands to themselves. I have never seen such disrepectful children! They will be talking, walking, rolling, etc. while the librarian is trying to read and disracting everyone. Then you have the mom sitting across the room telling the child in a loud whisper to stop. Please get up and remove your child! Bring them back when they can sit and behave.

As a nation we need to take the parenting back! Children are not born equipped to raise themselves, make decisions, know life skills, etc. I think though we are the last generation to really raise kids the "Old Fashion" way.
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Cat Herder 07:21 AM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I can't think of a single thing. Can you?
The first thing that comes to mind is the new trend towards good nutrition/nutritional education. (I am from the Kool-Aid and Kraft Foods generation, myself.)

It may simply be the current influx of other cultures into our community (the deep south). If so, I am grateful. Great nutrition, great sleep, and great exercise = Great Kids.

So far two of my current family's have begun to put a great deal of effort into what they serve their children... They are so proud when they tell me what they made for dinner, it warms my heart.

The others will follow suit soon enough as they are friends outside of here..

I hope this trend spreads fast and strong.
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MrsB 07:22 AM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by nannyde:
The severe corporal punishment is the ONLY thing I see as being different in a good way in parenting. I see no other trends in parenting that benefit the child. I can't think of anything that is being commonly done with todays parent that wasn't done a decade ago, two decades ago, or three decades ago that nets us more respectful, smarter, happier, healthier, etc kids.

Sad really. Maybe I'm missing something but I can't think of a single thing. Can you?
I have been trying to think of something too, but I haven't come up with anything either. If I had to sum it up, I see alot of what I call fear based parenting. Scared to punish (especially in public) because they might get classified as abusive. Scared that if the child is punished the child will not "like" the parent. These kids are smart and really know how to lay on the guilt trip. or Scared that society will deam them too harsh.

If a parent doesnt want to discipline anywhere but inside the home, in today day and age, they will be doomed. Kids are only home a couple hours a day. I dont want to make too many generalizations but I see a significant difference in kids who have parents that have the same rules and are consistent ALL the time, versus the parents that I hear, "when we get home..."

On the other hand as a society we need to stop meddling in other peoples business and have less judgements.

One time my 2 year old was having a meltdown in the grocery store about wanting a box of cereal that I said "no". She threw herself on the floor and was kicking and screaming. A lady was standing there, giving me daggers. I just kept shopping, and let DD have her fit. As I turned the corner, figuring DD would eventually realize I had ignored the fit, wasnt budging and then come running, worried I left her behind. The lady goes over to her, picks her up, wipes her tears, and says oh hunny, Here is $2 and the box of cereal, but that means you need to be a good girl. Now go catch up with mommy before she abandons you here at the store!

Kids are learning that if they want something or they feel their parents have "injustified" them in some way. There is someone out their they can get on the bash the parent bandwagon. So Sad!
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Childminder 07:38 AM 02-17-2012
We want our children to have more, or better than we have. This has been the way for eternity. We work hard because we want our children to have everything we didn't get. Sometimes I feel that parental peer pressure is governing how we provide for or teach our children. The Jones family bought their children, or gave their children,or don't do that to, or do that for, etc... so we gotta do that or give this or do it cause everyone else is, so it must be right.

We as a society are just enabling our children and teaching then how to grow up "deserving" more than what they deserve. My parents didn't have a charge card, we didn't get everything we wanted let alone what we needed. We had credit cards and bought way too much for our children cause we wanted them to have what we didn't and my kids are getting everything they want plus what their kids might never even use or want and their debt is so high they will never see it paid off. My children are children of the 80s.

In the 70's we were taught to praise our children, "Great Job!" "that's Wonderful!" to build up their self esteem. Now the experts are saying that children can't do anything for themselves because we built up their little egos and now we are not to praise but encourage them. Just like foods that were so bad for us we were taught not to eat and now they have proven that those foods are better for us. Geesh! Common sense is being bred right out of the human race.
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Blackcat31 07:40 AM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by MrsB:

On the other hand as a society we need to stop meddling in other peoples business and have less judgements.

One time my 2 year old was having a meltdown in the grocery store about wanting a box of cereal that I said "no". She threw herself on the floor and was kicking and screaming. A lady was standing there, giving me daggers. I just kept shopping, and let DD have her fit. As I turned the corner, figuring DD would eventually realize I had ignored the fit, wasnt budging and then come running, worried I left her behind. The lady goes over to her, picks her up, wipes her tears, and says oh hunny, Here is $2 and the box of cereal, but that means you need to be a good girl. Now go catch up with mommy before she abandons you here at the store!
I completely agree with your thoughts, however, I have a couple of comments...and please do not think I am trying to be rude because it isn;'t meant that way...

First I would have been LIVID at the woman for giving my child money and for even interfearing at all!

However, as a parent myself and as a shopper minding my own business, I HATE when parents just keep going about their business as their child screams when they are told no about something.

I mean, good for you for saying no to your child (the easy part) and for sticking to your guns about it (the hard part) but I don't think she should have been allowed to stay in the store and have a fit. I would have immediately picked my child up, aboandoned my cart and removed her to the car until she were able to behave herself in public. Coing back later if necessary.

As a shopper, who really enjoys the "alone time", I really don't want to listen to someone's child scream while the mom just goes about her shopping.

That isn't really fair to others who are in the store.
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countrymom 08:40 AM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
IMO, when they took spanking away and TOLD us how to discipline our children that is where things started breaking down. Parents rights were slowly starting to be chipped away. Slowly overtime the children picked this up and ran with it. When I started hearing what my child could and couldn't do that is where I knew there was trouble and as parents there would be issues. I'm not condoning beating at all! If there is a child being neglected, beaten, etc. the authorities have all rights to protect that child

Also, we have homeschooled and boy was my eyes opened up when we did. You do have alot of parents raising good kids but at the same time you have parents that are letting the child do all the schooling, do unschooling and really not know what it means to have to be accountable for things. When we had conferences for our student that ended up going to school the teachers where so amazed that they had been homeschooled. The child knew how to raise there hands, not interuppet, have assignments turned in, was organized, etc. It was commented that alot of homeschoolers don't know how to act with a large group of children in a classroom sitting because it is usually only them and siblings.

Have any of you sat through a storytime at a children library? Oh, my it makes me want to crawl out of my skin. My children knew how to sit, listen and keep their hands to themselves. I have never seen such disrepectful children! They will be talking, walking, rolling, etc. while the librarian is trying to read and disracting everyone. Then you have the mom sitting across the room telling the child in a loud whisper to stop. Please get up and remove your child! Bring them back when they can sit and behave.

As a nation we need to take the parenting back! Children are not born equipped to raise themselves, make decisions, know life skills, etc. I think though we are the last generation to really raise kids the "Old Fashion" way.
omg, omg, have you been sitting at my library program. I so dread tues. because of this. My group is so good, they sit and listen and participate and then there are "those kids" my niece is one of them. She is 4 next month and is very rude, does what she wants and thinks she can do anything. She knows I don't put up with her nonsense but my sister laughs, I don't find it funny that a 4 yr old is telling me what to do in my house, I fix her every time she comes here. My mom even says that its amazing how she listens to me.
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bunnyslippers 08:46 AM 02-17-2012
I actually think parents, for the most part, are doing a good job. I am probably biased, because I am a young mother. I do put a great deal of effort into being an involved mother, and I think my children benefit from that.

I grew up in a single parent family, and I was under enormous pressure to grow up far too fast. As a result, I make the most of every opportunity to let my children be children for as long as they can.

My children know how to behave and what is expected of them. We teach them proper manners, and sit down to a family dinner every night. They do have lots of gadgets, but that is part of growing up in their generation. While I long for simpler times, that is simply not their reality. We have "power down" hours, when everything gets turned off (including dad's phone). We are active, and play outside as much as possible.

I know I am proud of the way I parent, and my friends all share the same parenting style as me. I am raising kind, generous, responsible children.
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countrymom 08:49 AM 02-17-2012
I think the ego praising bribery thing is another big thing. Long ago, you were expected to do things. Now you need to praise your children before they do it and bribe them so they will do it. It drives me crazy. Like I don't pay for grades at school. Its their job to go to school and get good grades. My dh had a mom who paid for grades because they were all bad kids. Well dh learned really fast when he had to shell out 150 dollars for grades and realized that they were expected to earn those marks.
Or the boy that takes the bus with my kids, everyday his mother has to talk to him and bribe him to go to school and behave and if he has a good week she buys him a toy. My kids know if they miss behave at school they will meet my slipper. Never had a problem yet.
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MarinaVanessa 08:52 AM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by MrsB:
One time my 2 year old was having a meltdown in the grocery store about wanting a box of cereal that I said "no". She threw herself on the floor and was kicking and screaming. A lady was standing there, giving me daggers. I just kept shopping, and let DD have her fit. As I turned the corner, figuring DD would eventually realize I had ignored the fit, wasnt budging and then come running, worried I left her behind. The lady goes over to her, picks her up, wipes her tears, and says oh hunny, Here is $2 and the box of cereal, but that means you need to be a good girl. Now go catch up with mommy before she abandons you here at the store!
I'm not being critical either, I don't know how you handled the situation after the fact (I hope she didn't get her cereal ) ... my comment is just to comment on blackcat's comment. Blackcat I would have handled the situation almost just like you .

It bothers me too when I'm in public and there are crying and/or screaming children, it really downs my experience. Every time that one of my kids cries or throws a fit, the trip is over. If I've just spent an hour at the grocery store and I only have to buy one more thing and then I'm done but my DD throws a tantrum, I walk my cart to the front and explain that I need to get her out of there and that I'll be back for it later and without my DD. If I'm at a restaurant and my 1yo cries, either myself or my husband take him outside until he is calm. If we can't calm him, then dinner is over.

Mrs.B, I commend you. You said no and stuck to your guns and that's great. If a woman would have given my DD the $2 for the cereal I would have politely given the money back and explained that I was teaching my DD that throwing a tantrum is not the right way to get her way. If the woman gave me attitude about it, oh well. Her problem not mine. If the woman would have insisted on giving my DD the money or buying her the cereal then the homeless man outside the store would have just gotten either $2 or a box of cereal. I don't know what you did after the fact but good for you for sticking to your guns.
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DBug 10:58 AM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:

It bothers me too when I'm in public and there are crying and/or screaming children, it really downs my experience. Every time that one of my kids cries or throws a fit, the trip is over. If I've just spent an hour at the grocery store and I only have to buy one more thing and then I'm done but my DD throws a tantrum, I walk my cart to the front and explain that I need to get her out of there and that I'll be back for it later and without my DD. If I'm at a restaurant and my 1yo cries, either myself or my husband take him outside until he is calm. If we can't calm him, then dinner is over.
I have to add my experience with my 2nd ds in here -- he was (and continues to be) incredibly strong-willed. He threw many tantrums in public places, but if I had EVER taken him out of a public situation to go home for throwing a tantrum, he would have jumped on it. He would have thrown more tantrums either to make me take him home (he hated running errands), or just to exert control.

I couldn't walk away from him in a situation like this, because he would have stayed there indefinitely (tried it a few times ...). What I did have to do is quickly take him to the car or bathroom for a quick spanking, and then we had to resume whatever it was we were doing. There was no way I could give him even the remote idea that his tantrum had changed my plans in the slightest.

Thing is, he was 2 or 3 when he was throwing those tantrums. He's not the 6 year old throwing the fit in Walmart, or the 9 year old freaking out at the grocery store. Maybe if those parents had stuck to their guns and annoyed a few shoppers a few years back, the big kid tantrums wouldn't be driving everyone nuts now.
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Blackcat31 11:14 AM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by DBug:
I have to add my experience with my 2nd ds in here -- he was (and continues to be) incredibly strong-willed. He threw many tantrums in public places, but if I had EVER taken him out of a public situation to go home for throwing a tantrum, he would have jumped on it. He would have thrown more tantrums either to make me take him home (he hated running errands), or just to exert control.

I couldn't walk away from him in a situation like this, because he would have stayed there indefinitely (tried it a few times ...). What I did have to do is quickly take him to the car or bathroom for a quick spanking, and then we had to resume whatever it was we were doing. There was no way I could give him even the remote idea that his tantrum had changed my plans in the slightest.

Thing is, he was 2 or 3 when he was throwing those tantrums. He's not the 6 year old throwing the fit in Walmart, or the 9 year old freaking out at the grocery store. Maybe if those parents had stuck to their guns and annoyed a few shoppers a few years back, the big kid tantrums wouldn't be driving everyone nuts now.
You are soo right about that. I guess I am annoyed by the bigger ones alot more than I am by the little ones who are suppose to be throwing fits at their age.
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Heidi 12:32 PM 02-17-2012
I have to agree with those that said they would NOT leave doing something needed, like grocery shopping, because their child was throwing a fit. Now, if we were somewhere fun for THEM, then yeah, we're done!

Having a fit at home gets you sent to your room
Having a fit when we're doing something fun means we go home
Having a fit when mom needs to get something done means one on the rear!

I can only remember one time in 22 years of parenting 4 children that I actually had to go to option #3.
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Countrygal 12:33 PM 02-19-2012
To answer the OP - I have actually been thinking about this ever since it was posted and have been doing some observation....

To me, the biggest thing I've noticed is not teaching values. Not ACTIVELY teaching them. For instance, teaching obedience. Even the most well-meaning and kind parent comes in here and tells their child to "get their coat on". I have yet to see a parent enforce this. The child runs around, gives hugs, tells the parent all about their day, but INVARIABLY does NOT put on their coat. The parent then proceeds to get the coat, attempt to corral the errant toddler who is still running all over and laughing and playing, and then proceeds to put the coat on the child FOR THEM (this is a child who is very capable of putting on coat, boots, whatever). What value are you teaching your child, here, parent??? You are teaching them 1) poor listening skills, 2) you don't have to do what you are told if you don't want to and 3) someone else will do it for you if you don't do it and there will be no consequences.

I see this carried into all aspects of life - listening, obeying, telling the truth, speaking kindly, etc, etc, etc.

I have debated where this comes from - are parents just too busy to be bothered? Are they wanting to be "nice" at the expense of training? Do they expect others to do this training? Are they afraid of being too strict or being "turned in" or even of appearances? I honestly have no answer, but I do know that every single parent I know is not teaching or training their children in the simple acts of character. Perhaps as a society we have put so much emphasis on "head knowledge" that we have forgotten about teaching values and character. *shrugs*

As I reread this it sounds very harsh. It is not meant to be so, but it is what I have observed and how I feel over 35 years of raising and working with children. I think most parents are well-meaning, but I question whether well-meaning is always what is best for our children? Sometimes we can't be their "friend" - we need to be their parent.

This is all IMO only....... I hope it does not offend anyone.....
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karen 11:00 AM 02-20-2012
Here are my thoughts hope you can relate to this stuff.....
The developmental milestones have changed.
15 years ago this is what was expected....
6 months-babies crawling
12 months-babies walking, drinking milk, done with baby food.
Done with bottles and paciís
Using a cup and spoon or at least trying.
Babies starting to talk using small words.
2 years have a bigger vocabulary can speak in 2-3 word sentences
2 Ĺ toddlers potty trained not at 3 or 4.
Now it's o.k. if baby isn't doing any of this it's more of the baby will do it when they are ready.
Parents wanted to spend quality time with their child. They enjoyed being with their child
I canít tell you how many times I have heard grrrrr my kids make me sick or here go to Miss Karen because I canít stand to be around you for another minute or I had my child all weekend I could use the break so here he is I am going back home and going to bed. I can go on but you get the idea.
To me it's very sad. I feel bad for kids today.
Children are more aggressive
Children are more wound up when they arriveÖIt used to be I would have to help them fully wake up and start our day now I have to start out with gross motor activities for at least an hour because these guys are so wired.
If a child was acting up the parent dealt with itÖ.A child was disciplined not always spanked but was taught the right way to act, not today, and yes there is absolutely a line between discipline and abuse and everyone was aware of that.
Just last week I had a kid rip my calendar just because he wanted to. He did it in front of his mom. The mom laughed but did yell at her kid. Didnít make him apologize didnít offer to buy me a new calendar didnít even apologize herself for allowing her child to act up. Oh the calendar came from discount school supplies itís not a standard calendar.
Parents seem to accept the destructiveness behavior they use age as a blame.
Sorry but if I purposely destroyed something that was someone elses wooo hooo look out! Hey you know what that taught me RESPECT! Just saying!
I can't imagine going to someone else's house and breaking something just because I felt like it!
My plan of action-While the children are with me I take everyday happenings and turn them into a learning activity, I work on manners, responsibilities and problem solving skills. On top of normal curriculum.
Not trying to get into a debate with anyone this is what I see on a regular basis.
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Tags:no cry parenting, parenting, parenting magazine, parenting styles
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