I found a super cute craft idea for the kids to make for Mothers Day. Ive had "blended" families before. In fact, we are one. Ive always treated my stepkids as equal as my own kids.

I have a mom who brings her stepdaughter a few days a week and her biological daughter all week. There's been many times that this mom talks about the bm (in front of her stepdaughter). Its like a soap opera! and she shows hatred for the stepdaughter as well Thats a whole story by itself!

My question is....Ive had blended families in the past, no big deal. When it comes to holidays, I always have the kids make two crafts. One for mom and one for step mom or dad or whatever.

BUT this one is different! I can almost guarantee this step mom wont let the child give her mother the gift. She would probably throw it away! Probably In front of the little girl! Im worried what this will do to the little girl

I could just let her make one for the step mom but I also know this child will tell me its not her mom, lol Uggg What should I dooo? I hateeee this whole situation and honestly Id give notice to this family if the kids werent so good! and I feel Im probably the only piece of mind this lil girl gets while visiting her dad because the stepmom creates nothing but drama during the entire visit then brags to me about it!

Reply

Do you have an address you could mail the card/gift for the bio mom?

Reply

I was just going to suggest this.

Reply

Aww..thats rough for the little girl. Why are some adults so petty..I'm thinking i would forgo the moms activity this year. Just me though.

Reply

I'd send it if you have the address.

I have one DCG where DCD/Fiancé and DCM are not on friendly terms, but I don't have any of DCMs information. Thankfully DCD isn't vindictive enough to throw it away (what a terrible thing to do! ) something DCD makes for mom. She's just making a mother's day gift for whoever she wants and I bought an extra one in case she wants to make two.

Reply

I am not sure of the full extent of any issues they have or their family dynamic, but IMHO, it shouldn't be any of the stepmom's business. I am not trying to offend anyone who is a stepmom but unless there is a court order that says that the mom is not to have any contact with her (which is rare for moms) or bio mom legally gave up her rights to her daughter (also very rare) I am pretty sure the bio mom still has rights and DCG has a right to make something for her mother. It should be DCG's decision as to whether or not she wants a relationship with her mom, not stepmom's or even dads decision (unless of course mom is abusive). If stepmom is too blind to see that then that speaks volumes about how much consideration she has for DCG's feelings, which saying bad things about her mom already says (especially if she says it in front of DCG).

My mom has always said that even though she has lots of issues with my dad (he physically/emotionally abused her) he is still my dad and she is not going to stop me from communicating from him if I want- that's up to me and my dad. I choose not to just because I don't see him making much effort to try to talk to me. My cousin says the same about her son and his father. She even says that she tells her potential boyfriends from the beginning "you can be his friend and another adult role model he can go to if he needs help, but you are not his dad; Because he has a dad that is a part of his life". She also makes it clear that they are not to punish her son, anything more than distraction for hurting someone/self or sending him to his room (when he gets older). She even had one bf tell her off the bat the same thing she was going to tell him and she was happy that he understood that without her having to tell him. She also came from a blended family where her mom (my aunt) had her call her new husband "dad" (they remarried when she was about 3) even thought her bio dad was still apart of her life, but my aunt got mad when a few years later her ex-husband got remarried and my cousin was going to call her stepmom "mom".

Reply

Thanks! I do not have bio moms address Mom does have rights, mom and dad share 50/50 joint custody. Sigh. I dont know what to do When dcg first started here...we were working on our ABC's...she was so excited to show mom and dad so I let her make two! When step mom picked her up I gave her the papers, told her one is for mom. She said...well she isnt getting it and she laughed

Reply

Do you have Mom's phone number, like as an emergency contact? I would phone her and get her address and tell her that you don't want to get involved in any drama, but you would like to have a way to get important crafts to her from her daughter.

Reply

Nope I dont even know her name! Ive given info forms to be filled out TWICE but the step mom fills them out and I never get mom info :/

Reply

Wow. That seems like it would be a huge liability on your end to not even have any information about a parent that also has custody rights! Not about this, but just in general. I would probably go over the step mom's head and phone the dad. Let him know that it is a liability issue to not have the info of a parent that has custody and you have given two forms and not received the correct info back. So you need another form filled out before his daughter can come back to care and you will be checking to verify the accuracy of it. Then you have info which is good for you in case that mom ever did show up on your doorstep and you can send her daughter's craft. Win-win. That step mom sounds like a piece of work.

Reply

Can you phone/email dad & ask him for bio mom's address? Tell him you need it incase licensing decides to make a visit? Or is the girl old enough to know her mom's address?

Reply

Honestly I think that is illegal for her to do that, especially if stepmom hasn't legally adopted DCG (extremely rare if daycare mom is still alive and still has legal rights). I would tell them that you don't get in the middle of separations or anything but I would tell DCD for the sake of the children involved you do not allow any type of gossip/belittling about daycare parents at the daycare (even in the same family)- especially if it is in front of the DCK. I would let dad know that you notice step mom does this a lot and that you will no longer tolerate it in your home because this is a safe zone for DCG- and that is all that matters. That is extremely petty of her- she has absolutely no right to do that. That is the reason why most kids hate when their parent's remarry- they are afraid that the new person will try to be their new mom or dad and wont allow them to see their bio parent. That behavior she depicted really is really the definition of the "evil stepmother" type in my book.

Reply

It is really sad that some step parents behave towards step children and their bio parent in ways they do.

Makes you wonder how they would feel if the shoe was on the other foot and they suddenly become the other parent....kwim?

Anyways, if I were you, ANY time the DCM makes a negative comment about the step DD or step DD's mom, I would sharply cut her off and let her know that talk like that will NOT be tolerated in your home and that you like to promote positive feelings and expressions towards ANYONE in a child's life who loves and cares for them.

If you have contact info for the father, I would call him up and ask him for the bio-mom's address and or telephone number and go from there.

Reply

Thats too bad, its hard enough having parents separated, no need to add to it.

Just curious, what is the craft you are going to do? I'm looking for ideas.

Reply

I do not do ANY crafts/gifts for Mother's Day or any holiday. If it cannot be 100% inclusive of ALL of the children, then it shouldn't be done.

Makes it VERY easy

Reply

With my DCG mentioned above I don't have any of bio mom's information either. I know her name because DCG has told me, I have a copy of the custody agreement, and DCD's checks still have her name on them (he said its from their previous joint account that he had her removed from when they broke up, he just never writes checks so he hasn't had to reorder them in 3 years) but other than that I have nothing. No phone, email, or address.

DCG is here on DCD's days only, she goes elsewhere on DCM's days (they live in separate towns)

I bought 2 pots (we making planters) for DCG so if she wants to make one for both she can, I don't care either way its up to her to make them. Thankfully even though they don't get along DCD and fiancé aren't a jerk about it in front of DCG. Plus she is here only part time so if it was an issue or would cause headaches I'd just do it on a day she wasn't here.

Reply