Okay, try to stay with me:

16 year old son of day care provider is babysitting two siblings outside of daycare hours. He has sex with gf with siblings in room- apparently under blanket, but older sibling (13) is aware of what happens and later tells a friend's dad (who is not a daycare parent). This dad is livid, writes provider very nasty letter, claims she is running a sex den. Provider didn't know the event had occured, thanks parent for the letter, says she's handling it as a family matter. He is not satisfied, notifies siblings' schools, takes it upon himself to make it a personal mission to close her daycare. She ends up having to get a restraining order against him. Provider notifies daycare parents of situation, they understand and see it as a family issue, feel that their kids are not in danger. Licensing has been notified by the angry parent, they've scheduled a visit.

Should the provider be worried? As a parent, would you keep your kids in the daycare? Thoughts?

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In my opinion it's a family matter. I understand why they dad would be upset that it happened with his children in the room. But it's not like he was molesting one of the kids. He made a poor decision on where to do his thing, but that has nothing to do with what's doing on at the provider's home. Nor was the provider involved in what happened. It really had nothing to do with her.

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Sorry, wasn't clear.

It was the provider's 16 year old son. Father I mentioned is just a family friend, no relation at all. His kids were not in room.

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I understood that the 16 year old was provider's son. Still didn't happen on site so I don't think it should affect that provider's business. Does this friend have children in the daycare?

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oh, sorry. no, he has no children there.

I agree, it's a family issue. Just curious what others think and wondering if she should be worried.

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I would be.

I agree it's a family issue but anything can affect ones reputation. I don't think licensing could say or do squat about it, but if the dad is nuts enough he could spread rumor enough to do lasting damage unfortunately.

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Wait a minute - so essentially a 16 year old was babysitting at another person's home, had sex with his girlfriend while there (in front of the kids?! ) and because mom happens to be a child care provider, another parent feels she should be run out of business?

Did I understand that?

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I think it is saying the 16 yo was babysitting his OWN siblings in his OWN house, but not during daycare house. Proceeds to have sex with girlfriend with other kids in the room (why? that is pretty perverted). The 16 year old's 13 yo brother tells a friends dad, whose kids are not in care at all, but is disturbed by it.

I would say it is none of this guy's business, especially since he has no kids in care there. A 16 yo making a REALLY disgusting choice does not equal a sex den.

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Yep this! I have 16yr olds.... <gag>

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Ahhhh, now I understand!

This was not during work hours and no dck's were present. Family issue, period.

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I think it could develop into a legal issue.

I don't know which state it took place or the age of the girlfriend and if she is of legal age to consent.

Frankly I think at this point it's a family issue. If my child was in her care I'd would remove them immediately.

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good point, no one has mentioned anything about the girl. Wonder if her parents are aware of the issue. Messy, messy situation- stupid, stupid kid!

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IMHO, this is a personal family matter. This is between the provider, her son, the girl, and the girl's parents. No one else needs to get involved.

Teenaged boys don't think much beyond their penises. As the mother of that boy, I would be beyond upset with him. First he had sex, probably unprotected sex with his teenaged gf in the home. Second, he did it in front of his siblings (great lack of respect, there). Millions of teenagers have sex every day. I'm not saying that it's right or wrong, just that it's a fact of life and it happens.

As the mother of the girl, I wouldn't be too thrilled, either. It sounds like the girl was a willing participant. After I got done ranting and raving, we'd be off to the dr to get bc pills.

As a daycare parent, it really is NONE of my business. This didn't happen during daycare hours. Daycare children were not present. This boy is not left in charge of daycare kids (let's just assume he's not). Drugs nor alcohol were involved.

The man involved did the right thing by notifying the provider of what took place. Now, he needs to mind his own business and butt out. He doesn't have children involved.

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Just curious, why?

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Totally a family matter! I have a 17 year old son who has a gf. Her son should of used better judgment to begin with. I dont really see why it should reflect on her dc. To be honest I would be more worried about the fact that there having sex at all! Well put sharlan, I agree but the guy didnt need to make such a stink about it. Threatening her dc and all.
Deb

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I would think that it could affect licensing if its by definition criminal based on age of gf or other kids being in the room (not getting into if it should be or not). In many states all people living in the house over 18 need to have background checks, not sure what that would mean for a 16 year old.
Yes it was a bad decision, but seems reasonable to handle this as a family matter. If my kids were enrolled I wouldn't pull my kids for this, but I may want to be reassured that the 16 year old would not be taking care of the dck.

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provider is aware her son is having sex and thought he was being responsible about it. They had all the conversations about protection and what-not. Guess she didn't realize that she needed to let him know that sex with your siblings in the room is a no-no! @@

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If the parent reports her, she could in some states be charged with something, depending on the state. It depends on what the kids actually saw. If they saw nothing, then she may not get charged. Any nudity or anything that is very sexual, that is a form of sexual abuse. Even though the mom wasn't home, she made the decision to put her son in charge of the kids. If the son was never home while the daycare is open that is one thing, but he sounds like he has some issues. I realize how teenagers can be, don't get me wrong, but that is HORRIBLE judgement.

I think it is a family matter, but I would be very concerned as to what is really going on with that boy. If it were my son? First of all, he would never be left alone with his girlfriend in the house when I wasn't there. Secondly, he would never be allowed to watch his siblings again. It would just be all bad. I cannot imagine. I hope she is not taking this lightly.

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Obviously all we know of the incident is third hand information - maybe they were not having sex but messing around (still not okay, but not SEX). Maybe the 13 yo told his friend what he did to seem "cool" (stranger things have happened). I am more concerned that mom was aware the child was having a sexual relationship and allowed the GF to be over when she wasn't there. I don't think that is something I would condone as a parent. I don't want my 16 yo's having sex, and I wouldn't make the path clear for it.

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I don't understand the thought process behind being more upset that they were having sex than the fact that it was in front of other children or not.

Teens have been messing around and having sex since....well, I'm sure forever. Not something a parents wants but can any of you honestly say you did either in front of ANYONE at that age?? Much less in front of children??

Teens are dumb, but that seems intentional and frankly, pretty darn creepy. As that teens mother s soon as I heard that I'd be first calling law enforcement to investigate if any laws were broken, if there were none broken I'd ask for an officer's cooperation to have a little scared straight moment, and then I'd be hauling their butt to therapy to sort out what in the h*ll drove them to do something so stupid and disgusting.


I would rock their world in a way it would make their knees knock even thinking about sex, much less in front of a child.

I also would NEVER trust them to be left in charge of their siblings alone again......or at least not for a very long time. The other girls parents would be notified and she certainly wouldn't be let back in my house or around my other kids.

24 months, possibly less, is all that separated this young man from serious jail time and being branded a sex offender.


It doesn't matter what any of us think when reputation is involved. If even one person thinks the same was as this guy making waves obviously does, I can see how easily that could spread like wildfire in a community and completely ruin a family's reputation.

Having sex as a teen is largely a look the other way activity these days, having sex in front of children, ones own siblings, is not and never will be.

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This is none of the other parent's business AT ALL. The 16 yo had sex..big deal. He had sex in front of his siblings, which is gross, and his parents should discipline him for that, but I see no reason why this should even affect her business. Other parent has no leg to stand on.

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This is what would concern me as a daycare parent. To me, that seems very laxed as a parent and I wonder how lenient she would be with my children in her care. I know it sounds judgemental but to me that's ok because it is my child and I need to do what I feel is right. I don't agree with parents condoning sex at such a young age or turning a blind eye to it and allowing it to happen, especially in the home.

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So you don't believe ones reputation could or should affect their business?


If a provider was known as the town drunk but has never been charged with any crimes is that nobody's business? Or if the providers children are known as bullies? If a provider is known to beat the proverbial tar out of her children, or they run around filthy and after curfew hours.....none of those things should or could affect reputation and no one would have a leg to stand on arguing otherwise simply because law enforcement hasn't gotten involved (yet?)

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sounds to me like this isn't the first time this kid did it in the house. And yes kids will do it, but I will say, that by doing it infront of other kids while babysitting shows how little respect this child has towards his family and rules. I would be worried as a dcp what is going on when my own children are there--are they doing it in their room, in a bathroom, in a corner kwim.
as the parent of the kid, I would read him the riot act, and punish him and his penis to no end. I would never ever take this light heartedly.
oh, my own kids fear the wrath of mom lol

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I think our business would be effected. Its like teachers, you need to be careful what you do out in public. thats why when I go out i'm careful what I do, because you never know where your going to meet a potential client.

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I want to be clear - *IF* they were messing around/having sex, that is clearly NOT okay...my concern is that this is something that could have been blown out of proportion or even made up. The older I get, the more I try to give people the benefit of the doubt before believing everything I hear.

So that aside, my issue is then mom knowing the child is sexually active and leaving the door wide open for that activity. However if it turns out the child DID have sex in front of siblings then yes, I would be more disturbed by that.

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And at the risk of sounding perverted, although it was not something I did, I attended many a party in high school and college where kids were intimate in front of others.

While gross, it wasn't unheard of...

It just speaks to that fact that kids are not usually ready to make good decisions regarding sexual activity.

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Poor judgment on the part of both the 16 y/o and the gf, but even worse on the part of the parent. If the parents are making those kinds of decisions in the raising of their own children, how could I , speaking from a daycare parent's point of view, trust the provider to make sound decisions when dealing with my children.

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I'm not saying it wouldn't or won't affect her business, just that it shouldn't. Wasn't even a daycare matter. Teens have sex; I don't think that's a big deal. If your teen is responsible and educated and uses protection, that's not as bad as many alternatives, if they're having sex anyway. This kid doesn't sound very responsible though. Sounds like he was thinking with the wrong head totally. I think an abusive or alcoholic provider is way different than a provider's kid acting up or making a wrong decision. Those are potential harmful issues for the kids in her care. As long as her teen isn't entertaining his gf during daycare hours, who cares? Hormones and sexual/sexualized activity are totally normal. I'd rather encourage my teens to be responsible & proactive about their own sexuality. This guy though, needs seriously grounded if he did indeed have sex in front of his siblings.

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So far she hasn't lost any families. I'm curious to see how it plays out.

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Me too! Looking forward to updates. I'd love to know what she said to her kids though.

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If the 16 year old was babysitting...........why was the girlfriend even there? That is just asking for trouble-

As a provider I would be livid at my kid. I hope I have taught my kids enough to not ever do something like this. I feel it would cause others to view my business as not good. I am always telling my daughter to be careful how she behaves out in public you never know who my next client is going to be.

Open communications parent to teens, parent to pre-teen is very important. Don't assume your child knows everything- they don't. Educate.

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If you'd be willing to answer OP, how exactly did you find out about this situation??

I network with quite a few providers, many of whom I'd consider good friends, and if this happened within my family I think I'd hesitate to tell anyone who didn't need to know......especially if I was already being harassed by someone who had intentions of using to threaten my business or slander my family kwim?

If you are a friend of hers are you relaying this information? Does she know you posted about her situation here?

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She notified her daycare families of the situation. I do not know her personally and am a few steps removed from the situation- have no personal stake in it at all. Heard about it and thought it was an interesting discussion.

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Are you a provider or parent who usually posts on this board or did you seek it out just to ask about this?

Are you the livid dad in the original post and just trying to gain some perspective?

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Not sure why you're asking. Again, just an acquaintance of one of the daycare parents- not the original dad, not a friend or other connection to the provider, I sought out the board to ask. I've giving no identifying info as far as location or names or anything, so don't feel like I've overstepped, correct?

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I was just curious is all.

Even being a provider I didn't know this forum existed until I had some major problems with a parent, and even then I just happened to run across it while searching the internet. It's always interesting to learn how people not associated with daycare especially find their way here.

I'd say as long as you're not livid dad with the restraining order against him you're not overstepping


Edited to add - if you're not directly involved with the provider and all parents and proper authorities have already been notified I do wonder why you're curious about if the provider herself should STILL be worried. Why do you care? That part makes no sense to me. I sure wouldn't be wasting my time delving further into something that had nothing to do with me directly and had already been dealt with......this whole thread sits odd now that I think about it more......I'm a nit picker of details, call it a hobby lol

Only way this WOULD make sense was if you are actually the provider herself, or the livid dad with the restraining order who sounds unnaturally obsessed with a family matter that's none of his business (as evidenced by the fact that a restraining order was even granted.....). Who would even have the whole story like that save for those two people???

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I assumed this was the provider as well. Or a parent wondering if they should pull their own child from her care.

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Without reading all posts and only going by the OP I'd say that because it didn't happen during DC hours and it wasn't "in front of" daycare children, only in front of the provider's own children (if I read that right) then it can be handled as a family problem HOWEVER licensing is now involved and they may require that the 16yo either never be left alone with the daycare children or that the 16yo not be in the daycare during daycare hours (like in an after school program).

Licensing MAY contact CPS (and the provider may think about notifying CPS herself) because someone had sex (even if it were a minor) in front of other minors. I would recommend that the provider ask licensing whether this is a reportable act or not since all daycare providers are mandated reporters.

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