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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>I Don't Know How Much More I Can Take Of This Kid!!
busymomof2 12:58 PM 07-17-2012
I have this new dcg she is 3 years old. For the most part she is well behaved. She has never been in daycare before just with dad or grandma. The parents have placed her in daycare so she can learn some social skills. Unfortunately, her behavior reflects where she has been and it's driving me NUTS!!!!

1. She never wants to play outside. I have to force her to go out side and play with the other kids. She doesn't want to do anything that requires too much energy...just sit next to me (I'm caring for a baby). She always tells me that she is tired. BTW I should mention that she is on the chubby side and both of her parents are obese too. I only mention this because childhood obesity has become an epedimic and she is showing behaviors of going down that route..read on.

2. She never wants to eat my food. I am part of the food program so my food has to be healthy. She only wants the sweet stuff (blueberry muffins, juice, some fruit, etc). I told mom to give me a list of foods her daughter likes. I about peed in my pants. Among other things she wrote were "she likes her sandwhiches with the crusts cut off and cut into 4, fruit with no skin, food not touching eachother, McDonalds, and hard to make Mexican food". I don't even do that for my kids. They have spoiled this girl so bad. The other day I took the kids to Mc D's to play on the inside play structures and possibly get a cone or some fries. Mom gives me $7 to buy whatever her daughter wants because "she sometimes wants alot of things". I gave her the money back and told her she will be getting what ever the other kids get.

3. She throws cryng tantrums for the TV. Now I won't lie to you, the TV is on (PBS Kids) while kids are arriving, while kids are getting picked up at end of day and while I made lunch and that's it. I believe that too much TV is bad for kids especially at this age. But she wants the TV on ALL the time. She cries and cries begging for the TV. I have talked to mom and dad about it. Dad talked to her infront of me saying "Now ---- we can't watch too much TV here. That told me that they watch alot of TV at home. Anyways I refuse to give in to her but her crying makes the other kids start crying. Her dad's talk did not help because she still cries for the TV. I need some advice or words of encouragement.

I am at my wits end. BTW her social skills need serious help. She pushes, says mean things, won't share, and grabs away toys but she is very smart.
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Meyou 01:04 PM 07-17-2012
She needs some time to adjust IMO and to learn how to function in your group. She doesn't know how to play, she's had tv on all her life and she's be waited on by multiple adults for her whole life.

I would get in a nice pattern of repeating and give her a few weeks to learn how to be a kid. "Go play toys" "It's not time for tv." "Go play toys" Same thing over and over until she goes to do it.

The food might be a never ending battle but I would offer and dump and not worry about that.
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Heidi 01:29 PM 07-17-2012
Originally Posted by Meyou:
She needs some time to adjust IMO and to learn how to function in your group. She doesn't know how to play, she's had tv on all her life and she's be waited on by multiple adults for her whole life.

I would get in a nice pattern of repeating and give her a few weeks to learn how to be a kid. "Go play toys" "It's not time for tv." "Go play toys" Same thing over and over until she goes to do it.

The food might be a never ending battle but I would offer and dump and not worry about that.
That's all you've got, really...

At 3, she CAN comprehend that things are different at your house. Be empathetic.."I know this is a change for you", but it is what it is, and she'll have to deal. She will, too.

Remove all "seating" from your yard except one chair for you...a single seat. I have a couch in my yard (an outdoor one) and I have contemplated getting rid of it because the MINUTE I sit on it, everyone is on it, too. 5 minutes before, they were trying to run in the house like maniacs, but as soon as we get outside, they want to hang on me...uh NO!!
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countrymom 01:56 PM 07-17-2012
I had one like this. She too was obese (like her parents) but the more she was here the more I found out about her. She was a child who was played with every single minute of the day but it was the mother. Whatever the mother did, she did, so she too watched tv alot of it, esp. soap operas. She was big into junk food too, even thou mom said she ate "lots of healthy food" um then she wouldn't be obese (and yes she was way off the scale, at the age of 4 you shouldn't be wearing size 12 clothes) she didn't know how to do anything by herself, it drove me crazy.

but what took the cake was when I let her play with the dress up clothes and she ripped some of them because she was so big, but one day she came out dressed in a princess costume and said to me "don't I look sexy" I just about fell on the floor. dh said that something hinky was going on in that house (there were other comments that made us question what was going on and the father was in his 50's while mom just turned 30) I did term them because she refused to pay. But it took a long time for her to get use to playing by herself. Lots of redirection.
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daycarediva 05:50 PM 07-17-2012
I had the same situation with a little guy in my care. He was cared for solely by grandma for the first 3 years of his life. In grandma's defense, my kids would be MONSTERS if that happened, I don't even think it's worth it when they spend the night there most of the time!

In my enrollment packet there is a place to list favorite foods. Breakfast was frozen chocolate chip waffles, frozen chocolate chip pancakes, bacon. <yes, that was IT. There wasn't a fruit or vegetable that he would eat and I feed the kids whole grain, home made, organic food! Needless to say the first few weeks were rough. He wouldn't drink milk unless it was chocolate and once came with soda in a sippy cup! (which I took away and handed back to Mom, citing my regulation about no food from home )He cried at every meal. I did feel awful for him, it wasn't his fault that he had been taught such unhealthy habits. It took a good 2-3 months, he ate a LOT of cereal (my sub if they don't want the hot breakfast option) and PB & J (lunch sub) I started by putting the sides on his plate and encouraged everyone to try them. I never made a big deal about it or singled him out specifically. Once I got him trying things, I 'ran out' of pb & j. He is one of my BEST eaters now. He clapped & cheered about mangoes today!

TV was another issue. I have a TV in my daycare room but it isn't even plugged in unless there is a specified movie day. My kids get ZERO screen time on a daily basis. He would sit crying with the remote and I would have to redirect. I once cut a large cardboard box to look like a tv and used the scrap to make a toy remote. I got all of the kids involved acting out their favorite movies or shows, and then encouraged them to make up new shows. If I get a big enough box, I still do this. It makes for good rainy day fun with props/costumes & lots of imagination.

I guess my best advice is to encourage and redirect. Do you have a kid you can buddy her with? "Today is shadow day. Amy is going to pretend to be Sarah's shadow." I have found this tip (from a class I took) very useful with almost any behavior. I have one little girl who is awesome at manners and I made her a cat and all the other kids 'copy cats' for a few lunches. Please and thank you's were repeated! Good luck!
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Country Kids 06:02 PM 07-17-2012
I think most kids eat junk, junk, junk. Even alot of the healthy foods really aren't that healthy.

There is one like this in my care and boy do they pout at the lunch table. Today for lunch we had sandwiches, broccolli, and applesauce. Wouldn't touch a thing!!!! Nippled on a piece of broccolli.

Had to probably understand why though. His breakfast before he came was totally healthy-a can of ravioli's.

You would think though that these kids would pick up the awesome eating habits we give them. I have some that eat 4 times a day here. Wouldn't they eventually like that food. When you eating 95% of your meals somewhere healthy wouldn't you just start eating it?
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Unregistered 10:06 AM 07-18-2012
Hi!

Her behavior is that of an elderly person. She just spent 3 years with older people. She doesn't go outside, wants to sleep, wants to watch TV....you will just have to break her of this. Keep encouraging healthy food and activity. Maybe it isn't too late. Good Luck!!
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Tags:3 year old, adjustment period, fitting in
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