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JoseyJo 08:30 AM 05-31-2014
My new grandbaby is 3 weeks old. The doctor, nurses at hospital,breastfeeding clinic, and internet keep telling her she "can't spoil a newborn" "her needs are same as wants" and that she isn't doing her job if she isn't picking her up every time she cries. I keep telling her she doesn't need to hold her constantly and since she is planning on going back to work she shouldn't train her to be held all the time because it won't happen at daycare. Grandbaby is pretty gassy and does fuss alot because of it. What do the experts at daycare.com say?
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melonieb 09:23 AM 05-31-2014
Originally Posted by JoseyJo:
My new grandbaby is 3 weeks old. The doctor, nurses at hospital,breastfeeding clinic, and internet keep telling her she "can't spoil a newborn" "her needs are same as wants" and that she isn't doing her job if she isn't picking her up every time she cries. I keep telling her she doesn't need to hold her constantly and since she is planning on going back to work she shouldn't train her to be held all the time because it won't happen at daycare. Grandbaby is pretty gassy and does fuss alot because of it. What do the experts at daycare.com say?
i currently have a breastfed baby, 9 month old. she can be a handful at times. this week has been the worst. she screamed continuously, not sleeping well unless cuddled with me. Mom co-sleeps so child can feed during night, mom doesnt believe in CIO. i believe that the child will be ok if allowed to cry every once and a while. being 3 weeks old, your grandbaby will get in the habit of just whining to get picked up. i would break the habit before its gets worst. is this her first child?
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JoseyJo 09:29 AM 05-31-2014
Originally Posted by melonieb:
i currently have a breastfed baby, 9 month old. she can be a handful at times. this week has been the worst. she screamed continuously, not sleeping well unless cuddled with me. Mom co-sleeps so child can feed during night, mom doesnt believe in CIO. i believe that the child will be ok if allowed to cry every once and a while. being 3 weeks old, your grandbaby will get in the habit of just whining to get picked up. i would break the habit before its gets worst. is this her first child?
Yes, 19yo and first child! She is staying with me for the next month or so, then she will be getting her own place and going back to work. The plan is for me to watch gb for a few months, then enroll her in a daycare at 3 months old or so (when I go back to work). I closed my daycare and am in school, going back to work in the fall.

I also think that she will get into the habit of whining to be picked up, but DD is afraid that she is parenting "wrong" if she doesn't tend to her every "need". The advice she is getting is that every time the baby cries or fusses it is because she has a need that isn't being met. Even if she is fed, changed, burped, etc the need may be comfort, closeness, love/affection and if DD doesn't meet those needs immediately then grandbaby will be ill adjusted.
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cheerfuldom 09:56 AM 05-31-2014
Originally Posted by JoseyJo:
Yes, 19yo and first child! She is staying with me for the next month or so, then she will be getting her own place and going back to work. The plan is for me to watch gb for a few months, then enroll her in a daycare at 3 months old or so (when I go back to work). I closed my daycare and am in school, going back to work in the fall.

I also think that she will get into the habit of whining to be picked up, but DD is afraid that she is parenting "wrong" if she doesn't tend to her every "need". The advice she is getting is that every time the baby cries or fusses it is because she has a need that isn't being met. Even if she is fed, changed, burped, etc the need may be comfort, closeness, love/affection and if DD doesn't meet those needs immediately then grandbaby will be ill adjusted.
at three weeks old and with mom there to tend to baby, I would just leave it alone. Rather a young mom be over attached than under attached, you know? since you will be caring for baby in a bit, I would then start gently working toward a routine. At three weeks, if mama wants to hold baby all the time, go for it. The time passes quickly as it is. I personally think on demand for a newborn is a-ok! life will force mama and baby to detach before too long with work/school so it will happen no matter what pretty soon. I dont think you can "teach" a 3 week old anything so I wouldnt even try to schedule or force independent time. Now if baby is happy laying down, I would encourage mom to leave a happy baby alone! Some moms make it worse by constantly burping, changing and fussing over a baby till they get overstimulated and really start crying.
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KiddieCahoots 10:01 AM 05-31-2014
I'm a mom of five breastfed babies. As all babies have different characters, they all were different with breastfeeding too. Some of my fussier babes had food intolerances that I needed to adjust my diet, in order for them to be more comfortable with less gas, and less fussiness. I would start here.
Dairy....shellfish....nuts....eggs
I would have to cut one at a time from the group, for at least two weeks to get out of my milk supply, and then observe the baby to see if that made a difference.
There are a lot of foods that can also cause gassiness, chocolate and broccoli are some of them.
Here is a more extensive list of foods that can cause allergies, that may help.

http://www.chop.edu/service/breastfe...allergies.html
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e.j. 10:05 AM 05-31-2014
Originally Posted by JoseyJo:
My new grandbaby is 3 weeks old. The doctor, nurses at hospital,breastfeeding clinic, and internet keep telling her she "can't spoil a newborn" "her needs are same as wants" and that she isn't doing her job if she isn't picking her up every time she cries. I keep telling her she doesn't need to hold her constantly and since she is planning on going back to work she shouldn't train her to be held all the time because it won't happen at daycare. Grandbaby is pretty gassy and does fuss alot because of it. What do the experts at daycare.com say?
I'm probably going to be the odd man out but for a baby that young, I agree with the doctors and nurses and would be responding to her each time she cries. There's a difference between holding her constantly and responding to her needs/wants. If she's very gassy, she's fussing because she's uncomfortable. I'd maybe ask the dr. for ideas on preventing/relieving the gas. It could be your dd is eating something that's causing the gas.
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playground1 10:48 AM 05-31-2014
Originally Posted by e.j.:
I'm probably going to be the odd man out but for a baby that young, I agree with the doctors and nurses and would be responding to her each time she cries. There's a difference between holding her constantly and responding to her needs/wants. If she's very gassy, she's fussing because she's uncomfortable. I'd maybe ask the dr. for ideas on preventing/relieving the gas. It could be your dd is eating something that's causing the gas.
Nope, I agree as well. And most experts agree. A baby at that age really does need closeness and cuddling and I don't believe there's a good reason not to be there for them.

That being said, I am a mom to four and the last two are 18 months apart. So there were times that I was unable to pick him up and carry him around, for reasons of safety or sometimes sanity. I used a sling a lot. When they weren't being held but were fussy, they were eye level with me while I did whatever stuff I needed to do. They were still with me, kwim?

I do agree that babies that are going to go into day care need to be prepared for it. I apparently do thing differently than a lot of DCPs so, probably someone else could better say what the best way to prepare them is.

Originally Posted by :
Grandbaby is pretty gassy and does fuss alot because of it.
I don't understand this. She's gassy because she's being picked up?
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preschoolteacher 10:55 AM 05-31-2014
I agree with the doctors and nurses. Let the mom bond with her baby! Three weeks is so young. She has plenty of time to be independent later.
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Chellieleanne 01:26 PM 05-31-2014
I agree I birth the doctor. Let her bond and fuss over her baby. I co slept, i made sure every need was tended to for my babies, and they are just fine. Only when I knew all their needs had been met and they were still fussy, then I would leave them be unless a full out screaming fit started. Babies sometimes cry and fuss just because, nothing wrong with it but only if all other needs have been met.
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debbiedoeszip 01:48 PM 05-31-2014
I agree as well with the advice she's been given as well. At this stage, the baby needs to have the crying addressed, even if all anyone can do is hold her and try to comfort her. I know that in the US that maternity leave ends around six weeks post-partum, and that she might be needy for the daycare provider, but I'd go the route of finding the right provider (maybe someone willing to baby wear, or a provider who will only have a few children?) rather than training her to accept that her crying will be ignored.
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nannyde 01:54 PM 05-31-2014
Three week old held a lot. No sleeping in swings. On back in hard surface crib and put to bed wide awake.
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MotherNature 06:19 PM 05-31-2014
I totally agree with the doctors, nurses, etc. You really can't spoil a newborn; you can meet their needs. Especially a 3week old..has needs, including feeling mom a lot. They just got out of the womb, constantly snuggled and embraced inside mom. They don't know how to adjust yet, and will learn by having their needs met, especially for security by holding.
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JenNJ 06:49 AM 06-01-2014
Originally Posted by e.j.:
I'm probably going to be the odd man out but for a baby that young, I agree with the doctors and nurses and would be responding to her each time she cries. There's a difference between holding her constantly and responding to her needs/wants. If she's very gassy, she's fussing because she's uncomfortable. I'd maybe ask the dr. for ideas on preventing/relieving the gas. It could be your dd is eating something that's causing the gas.
At three weeks old, she should absolutely be responding to every cry. Put baby down when she is almost asleep and content. If she yells, give her a soothing pat or snuggle and try again. At three weeks old she needs to be bonding with her mom and mom responding to each cry is very important to meet that goal.
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Blackcat31 09:14 AM 06-01-2014
Originally Posted by debbiedoeszip:
I agree as well with the advice she's been given as well. At this stage, the baby needs to have the crying addressed, even if all anyone can do is hold her and try to comfort her. I know that in the US that maternity leave ends around six weeks post-partum, and that she might be needy for the daycare provider, but I'd go the route of finding the right provider (maybe someone willing to baby wear, or a provider who will only have a few children?) rather than training her to accept that her crying will be ignored.
This. The bolded part is the next step. Parents need to make sure they find a provider that DOES offer what their child NEEDS.

There are so many different types of providers that if ALL parents did that, there would be so many less issues in regards to this issue.

I know there is a lack of infant care in some areas but I'd keep looking until I found the right one, no matter what. That is just SOOOO important imho.
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JoseyJo 01:23 PM 06-01-2014
She doesn't want to hold her baby all the time. She wants her baby to be able to be awake (or asleep for that matter) for at least a few minutes without being held/rocked/walked/snuggled, etc. She is tired to the bone because baby essentially cries or fusses anytime she isn't being paid attention to. Even if you are holding her if you aren't walking, bouncing, moving she fusses. If she falls asleep and you lay her down she wakes and fusses. If she is in the swing she fusses after 30 seconds. If you sit holding her to eat she fusses. My daughter can't take a shower, do any type of chore, make herself food without screaming/crying/fussing. So pretty much everyone else has to do everything for her so she can rock/walk/tend to baby or we have to rock/walk/tend to baby so she can do anything. I KNOW this isn't how most moms or daycares do it. It would be impossible to exist this way without a family of 5 tending to the mother and child together.
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KiddieCahoots 04:47 PM 06-01-2014
Originally Posted by JoseyJo:
She doesn't want to hold her baby all the time. She wants her baby to be able to be awake (or asleep for that matter) for at least a few minutes without being held/rocked/walked/snuggled, etc. She is tired to the bone because baby essentially cries or fusses anytime she isn't being paid attention to. Even if you are holding her if you aren't walking, bouncing, moving she fusses. If she falls asleep and you lay her down she wakes and fusses. If she is in the swing she fusses after 30 seconds. If you sit holding her to eat she fusses. My daughter can't take a shower, do any type of chore, make herself food without screaming/crying/fussing. So pretty much everyone else has to do everything for her so she can rock/walk/tend to baby or we have to rock/walk/tend to baby so she can do anything. I KNOW this isn't how most moms or daycares do it. It would be impossible to exist this way without a family of 5 tending to the mother and child together.
You are describing my 4th baby to a "T"!

She had an extreme case of acid reflux, that can be very painful for babies.

Contact your pediatrician and explain this.

After my daughter saw her pediatrician, she went on to see a specialist in gastronomy, who helped. When she was put on medication, she was a different baby, and could finally eat, sleep, and just relax....actually we all could.
My daughter was so extreme, she needed to be put on adult previcid during her grade school years to keep her comfortable, and from staying back in school due to her excessive absences. And later an endoscopy of her esophagus to make sure she didn't have holes due to the back up of stomach acid.
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KiddieCahoots 05:19 PM 06-01-2014
Sorry.....
If the baby actually has acid reflux, I should've added that most babies outgrow this, usually starting around 6 months of age.
My daughter was an extreme case.

But still.....contact your pediatrician and explain the symptoms the baby is having.
And don't allow the pediatrician to "down talk" what you are experiencing. Even if it isn't acid reflux, you should be able to put the baby down, even for just a little bit without the baby crying.
Some pediatricians have tried to "down talk" to the parents of babies that have been in my care, only to later be diagnosed with acid reflux or gurd. And once they were on medication, same as my daughter, finally happy, comfortable babies.
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SignMeUp 05:26 PM 06-01-2014
And not to be discouraging, but just for the childcare angle, I had an infant with severe reflux the year before our state revoked parental permission for sleep position. The doctor wrote a prescription for a particular piece of 'sleep & play' equipment, which is where this infant slept. This equipment put the baby at the proper angle to help prevent reflux during sleep.
All run by licensing, all approved. But it would not be any more because all infants must sleep in a crib or pac 'n' play.

I would not be able to provide the care that this infant needed anymore.
I hope this never happens again; this was a family with an older child I had since infancy also, and I would have been so sad to have to refuse their baby because of the reflux needs. But there is no provision in licensing rules for infants who need this for appropriate care.
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KiddieCahoots 05:50 PM 06-01-2014
Originally Posted by SignMeUp:
And not to be discouraging, but just for the childcare angle, I had an infant with severe reflux the year before our state revoked parental permission for sleep position. The doctor wrote a prescription for a particular piece of 'sleep & play' equipment, which is where this infant slept. This equipment put the baby at the proper angle to help prevent reflux during sleep.
All run by licensing, all approved. But it would not be any more because all infants must sleep in a crib or pac 'n' play.

I would not be able to provide the care that this infant needed anymore.
I hope this never happens again; this was a family with an older child I had since infancy also, and I would have been so sad to have to refuse their baby because of the reflux needs. But there is no provision in licensing rules for infants who need this for appropriate care.
your right SignMeUp!
My daughter's severe condition was the deciding point for me to obtain my child care license.

Don't get discouraged though JoseyJo! If it does get diagnosed as reflux, some of my more severe babes responded extremely well to medication. And I will care for reflux babes because I've dealt with my own daughter's reflux, and know how to work with families on the issue. So...just saying, there are providers out there who will work with you.
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SignMeUp 06:18 PM 06-01-2014
Originally Posted by KiddieCahoots:

Don't get discouraged though JoseyJo! If it does get diagnosed as reflux, some of my more severe babes responded extremely well to medication. And I will care for reflux babes because I've dealt with my own daughter's reflux, and know how to work with families on the issue. So...just saying, there are providers out there who will work with you.
I'm glad you put the positive spin back on this, KiddieCahoots. I also have had a couple of other children with reflux and they were absolutely fine on medication, and using specific bottles (Dr. Brown's, I believe).
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MotherNature 06:44 AM 06-02-2014
In the meantime, you and your daughter should look up high need babies/ spirited babies. I felt like I was the only one until I ran across the term. My 3rd is so unlike my other kids, and is extremely challenging. Finding others in the same position helps, especially to get tips from.
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Oss_cc 07:44 AM 06-02-2014
Originally Posted by MotherNature:
In the meantime, you and your daughter should look up high need babies/ spirited babies. I felt like I was the only one until I ran across the term. My 3rd is so unlike my other kids, and is extremely challenging. Finding others in the same position helps, especially to get tips from.

My first (DD) was like this. My second (DS) was so easy compared to my first that I thought something was wrong lol.
DCG 11 months is 10x higher needs than my DD. Kids have their own personalities and some are just more work than others!
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Heidi 08:19 AM 06-02-2014
The PP's had some great ideas, but, what I think you're wanting to hear is that it's OK for your daughter to put her down, EVEN IF THAT MEANS SHE"S CRYING.

So, feed, diaper, etc. Snuggle (swaddle if allowed in your state), and put her down. Then, go take your shower! Go eat your lunch! IT"S OKAY!

You can take 10 minutes to tend to your own needs, and then go right back to holding her, if you want. Crying for 10 minutes will not hurt her.

In fact, if you remember our shaken baby syndrome training...this was one of the things we SHOULD do if overwhelmed! Give yourself a "time out"...or in this case, time away.

I would also recommend that if she is crying in bed, she try the "shhhh" and tummy rubbing vs. picking her up. Put a chair next to the basinet, and try that. Maybe that'll help, and she will slowly become accustomed to her bed. Also, if you are walking/jiggling/bouncing etc, and it's not making her stop crying, then why do it...maybe she needs LESS stimulation, not more. Try cooling down the room, bringing down the lights, a swaddling sack, and less motion.

Elevating the head side of the bed slightly, with blocks or something under the head end, might also help, if reflux is indeed the issue.

Honestly, if she's just super gassy, I would try some different formulas. My own kids HAD to have low-iron formula (not sure if that's made anymore). My dcb (now 11 months) switched to a 'Gentle" one, which helped a lot! scratch that....she's breastfed...sorry!
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JoseyJo 08:28 AM 06-02-2014
Originally Posted by Heidi:
The PP's had some great ideas, but, what I think you're wanting to hear is that it's OK for your daughter to put her down, EVEN IF THAT MEANS SHE"S CRYING.

So, feed, diaper, etc. Snuggle (swaddle if allowed in your state), and put her down. Then, go take your shower! Go eat your lunch! IT"S OKAY!

You can take 10 minutes to tend to your own needs, and then go right back to picking helping her.

I would also recommend that if she is crying in bed, she try the "shhhh" and tummy rubbing vs. picking her up. Put a chair next to the basinet, and try that. Maybe that'll help, and she will slowly become accustomed to her bed.

Elevating the head side of the bed slightly, with blocks or something under the head end, might also help, if reflux is indeed the issue.

Honestly, if she's just super gassy, I would try some different formulas. My own kids HAD to have low-iron formula (not sure if that's made anymore). My dcb (now 11 months) switched to a 'Gentle" one, which helped a lot! scratch that....she's breastfed...sorry!
LOL! That is what I want to hear, just want it to really be true too My daughter herself was VERY fussy (we called it colic back then)- we tried everything but nothing helped. She finally outgrew it about 7 months old. She may have had acid reflux, they didn't check for that back then. I didn't work when she was little so I literally never put her down. I carried her in a football hold for the first 7 months of her life and co-slept with her (not because I wanted to but just because of the constant crying- those things brought it down to a constant whimper)

Grandbaby's tummy is almost always tense to the touch, she passes gas often and has a BM after each feeding. My DD has tried baby massage on her intestinal tract and that seems to help clear out the gas and make her more comfortable but it takes almost an hour to get all the gas worked out and during that time she is crying more because you are massaging her bloated tummy

Another question I have (I have done daycare for 5 years, but I never take babies!) She puts her on a positional sleeper in her bassinet (I'll post a pic of it if I can figure out how) or lets her sleep in a swing- the kind that lays almost flat- or co-sleeps with her just because she (my dd) is SO sleep deprived and she is willing to do anything to just get her to sleep! Suggestions?

Edited to add pics- can't figure out how to put them in the post but here's the link
https://plus.google.com/photos/10713...40108105519793
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Heidi 08:35 AM 06-02-2014
Originally Posted by JoseyJo:
LOL! That is what I want to hear, just want it to really be true too My daughter herself was VERY fussy (we called it colic back then)- we tried everything but nothing helped. She finally outgrew it about 7 months old. She may have had acid reflux, they didn't check for that back then. I didn't work when she was little so I literally never put her down. I carried her in a football hold for the first 7 months of her life and co-slept with her (not because I wanted to but just because of the constant crying- those things brought it down to a constant whimper)

Grandbaby's tummy is almost always tense to the touch, she passes gas often and has a BM after each feeding. My DD has tried baby massage on her intestinal tract and that seems to help clear out the gas and make her more comfortable but it takes almost an hour to get all the gas worked out and during that time she is crying more because you are massaging her bloated tummy

Another question I have (I have done daycare for 5 years, but I never take babies!) She puts her on a positional sleeper in her bassinet (I'll post a pic of it if I can figure out how) or lets her sleep in a swing- the kind that lays almost flat- or co-sleeps with her just because she (my dd) is SO sleep deprived and she is willing to do anything to just get her to sleep! Suggestions?
The positional sleeper...is it the Nap Nanny thing? If so, cut it to pieces and throw it away! There was just a thing shared here about them. Very dangerous!

The problem I see with the swing, if it's flat, is that her dcp is not going to be able to do that. So, at some point, she will have to be trained away from it. So, how is she going to feel when her very kind dcp tells her after a week or a month that she just can't take the crying? What if she ends up going through 2 or 3 daycares in the first 6 months? You know that's what will most likely happen if she swing sleeps.

So...if she is in this positional sleeper, she's content for a while?

Has mom looked at her diet regarding the gas?

Have you tried gas relief drops?
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JoseyJo 09:00 AM 06-02-2014
Originally Posted by Heidi:
The positional sleeper...is it the Nap Nanny thing? If so, cut it to pieces and throw it away! There was just a thing shared here about them. Very dangerous!

The problem I see with the swing, if it's flat, is that her dcp is not going to be able to do that. So, at some point, she will have to be trained away from it. So, how is she going to feel when her very kind dcp tells her after a week or a month that she just can't take the crying? What if she ends up going through 2 or 3 daycares in the first 6 months? You know that's what will most likely happen if she swing sleeps.

So...if she is in this positional sleeper, she's content for a while?

Has mom looked at her diet regarding the gas?

Have you tried gas relief drops?
I agree totally with the sleep issue- I don't want her to have problems with daycare since I know she will be going there in a few months! The problem is the advice from everyone that if she cries she should be attended to- what to do if she cries all the time? THAT is why she is resorting to the positioner, swing and co-sleeping- because she is told if the baby is crying she needs to DO something about it.

When GB is very obviously tired the only way to get her to sleep is walking, rocking, in the swing. As long as you don't try to move her she will sleep an hour or so at a time in one of those positions (variable, my DD just tries it all until she goes to sleep). If she has to put her down in the bassinet she will stay there longer with the positional sleeper, like maybe 10 min instead of instant crying ramping up to screaming.

I keep telling my daughter it may be her diet but EVERY time she brings it up to dr/nurse/BF clinic/WIC etc they say that no, mom's diet doesn't affect baby when BF. THat wasn't the case when I BF mine, but I don't know what to tell her when the "experts" are telling her that it doesn't matter what she eats.

She has tried gas drops. GB likes the taste so she stops fussing for 30 seconds or so but they dont seem to do anything. She still tries them every time GB's tummy is super hard. The only thing so far that has worked to get the tummy soft is baby massage on the intestinal tract but it took over an hour to get all the gas worked out. Then GB slept in her bassinet for 4 hours! She woke up with a hard belly again and back to fussing.

She has also tried peppermint tea (cooled and sweetened, 1 oz in a bottle), every hold known to (wo)man, clothing changes to try to account for too cold/hot, bath/lotion before laying her down, and music.
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KiddieCahoots 09:06 AM 06-02-2014
Originally Posted by JoseyJo:
LOL! That is what I want to hear, just want it to really be true too My daughter herself was VERY fussy (we called it colic back then)- we tried everything but nothing helped. She finally outgrew it about 7 months old. She may have had acid reflux, they didn't check for that back then. I didn't work when she was little so I literally never put her down. I carried her in a football hold for the first 7 months of her life and co-slept with her (not because I wanted to but just because of the constant crying- those things brought it down to a constant whimper)

Grandbaby's tummy is almost always tense to the touch, she passes gas often and has a BM after each feeding. My DD has tried baby massage on her intestinal tract and that seems to help clear out the gas and make her more comfortable but it takes almost an hour to get all the gas worked out and during that time she is crying more because you are massaging her bloated tummy
Not being critical or assuming in any way
What your describing...gas, food intolerances, food allergies, reflux? I'm sure you know these all cause a baby discomfort and pain to different degrees. With today's diagnostic abilities, there are many remedies that can be taken to help alleviate the baby's pain and discomfort.
Even though I mentioned earlier that I accept the care of babies that have these issues, I will only continue to work with these families if we remedy the babies pain.
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JoseyJo 09:12 AM 06-02-2014
Originally Posted by KiddieCahoots:
Not being critical or assuming in any way
What your describing...gas, food intolerances, food allergies, reflux? I'm sure you know these all cause a baby discomfort and pain to different degrees. With today's diagnostic abilities, there are many remedies that can be taken to help alleviate the baby's pain and discomfort.
Even though I mentioned earlier that I accept the care of babies that have these issues, I will only continue to work with these families if we remedy the babies pain.
I agree- I think she has gas, food intolerances, food allergies, reflux, something like that. What to DO about it? She has taken her into every place she can think of and everyone just poo-poo's her (young first time mom syndrome I think) and tells her it's normal.
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KiddieCahoots 09:14 AM 06-02-2014
Her diet most certainly can cause issues for the baby.

Try insisting that the pediatrician send you to a specialist. A gastrologist.
Maybe even find a new pediatrician.
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Heidi 09:20 AM 06-02-2014
Originally Posted by JoseyJo:
I agree- I think she has gas, food intolerances, food allergies, reflux, something like that. What to DO about it? She has taken her into every place she can think of and everyone just poo-poo's her (young first time mom syndrome I think) and tells her it's normal.
If her tummy really is hard and that is why she's crying, I would have your daughter try a bland diet for a week, and see what happens. No "gassy" veggies, no milk.

You have to eliminate any medical reasons first. Then, you can develop good sleep habits. It wouldn't be fair to do so when she's clearly in pain.

Also...please direct her (after reading a little yourself) to Magda Gerber's work.

http://www.magdagerber.org/

Magda wrote "your self confident baby". Her approach is both respectful, and encouraging of independence. You can do both!
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Oss_cc 09:39 AM 06-02-2014
Originally Posted by JoseyJo:
I agree- I think she has gas, food intolerances, food allergies, reflux, something like that. What to DO about it? She has taken her into every place she can think of and everyone just poo-poo's her (young first time mom syndrome I think) and tells her it's normal.
Yeah, that's just silly. If her tummy is hard and she's in pain, it can CERTAINLY be because of mom's diet. With my DD, I had to avoid beans like the plague. A couple bites of hummus (by me, while BFing) would destroy her poor tummy. :/

I agree with a PP, try a blander diet, maybe try eliminating the common offenders first (dairy, beans, etc.)
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JoseyJo 10:39 AM 06-02-2014
Originally Posted by Oss_cc:
I agree with a PP, try a blander diet, maybe try eliminating the common offenders first (dairy, beans, etc.)
Can someone give me a list of common offenders?

I know dairy, beans, apples, sulfury veges
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Unregistered 11:01 AM 06-02-2014
Originally Posted by e.j.:
I'm probably going to be the odd man out but for a baby that young, I agree with the doctors and nurses and would be responding to her each time she cries. There's a difference between holding her constantly and responding to her needs/wants. If she's very gassy, she's fussing because she's uncomfortable. I'd maybe ask the dr. for ideas on preventing/relieving the gas. It could be your dd is eating something that's causing the gas.
This is how I would handle this.
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debbiedoeszip 11:10 AM 06-02-2014
Originally Posted by JoseyJo:
Can someone give me a list of common offenders?

I know dairy, beans, apples, sulfury veges
Here's a link that can help identify the bland foods for mom to eat. Under the heading "Solutions" is the list of foods. Good luck to your DD.
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nannyde 07:33 PM 06-03-2014
Josey I will give you and your daughter a consult if you would like some help. I think I can help a lot. Would you like that? Free of charge of course!
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Crystal 07:58 PM 06-03-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Josey I will give you and your daughter a consult if you would like some help. I think I can help a lot. Would you like that? Free of charge of course!


Take her up on this offer, I assure you that you, you're daughter and your grandchild will all benfit from it.

Nan....what a sweet offer!
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JoseyJo 08:23 PM 06-03-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Josey I will give you and your daughter a consult if you would like some help. I think I can help a lot. Would you like that? Free of charge of course!
Thank you so much NannyDe! That is SO sweet! Since I posted last I talked to my DD about what ya'll said and about the bland diet website. While she was talking she gave me lots of different info than before (she is always like this- for some reason in her brain whatever is happening now has always been happening so it is hard to get a clear picture of the overall story).

I have been trying to be background advice but I decided I needed to find out exactly what was going on. Over the last 2 days I have got in the middle of all her "business" in regards to the baby. I *think* I may be on track to getting it fixed. I took away the positioner, no more co-sleeping, no more swing sleeping. Right now GB is sleeping in her bassinet w/ no binkie

I think what was causing the problem was my DD letting GB get WAY too tired. I told her she can't take the easy way out and not deal w/ her until she is screaming- she needs to be paying attention to her cues and start a sleep routine when she first starts getting tired. Her tummy has been soft all day. I think it is because I haven't been letting her get worked up enough to get into a screaming fit and get air into her tummy.

I WILL take you up on that NannyDe if this doesn't fix the issue though
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Heidi 08:30 AM 06-04-2014
Originally Posted by JoseyJo:
Thank you so much NannyDe! That is SO sweet! Since I posted last I talked to my DD about what ya'll said and about the bland diet website. While she was talking she gave me lots of different info than before (she is always like this- for some reason in her brain whatever is happening now has always been happening so it is hard to get a clear picture of the overall story).

I have been trying to be background advice but I decided I needed to find out exactly what was going on. Over the last 2 days I have got in the middle of all her "business" in regards to the baby. I *think* I may be on track to getting it fixed. I took away the positioner, no more co-sleeping, no more swing sleeping. Right now GB is sleeping in her bassinet w/ no binkie

I think what was causing the problem was my DD letting GB get WAY too tired. I told her she can't take the easy way out and not deal w/ her until she is screaming- she needs to be paying attention to her cues and start a sleep routine when she first starts getting tired. Her tummy has been soft all day. I think it is because I haven't been letting her get worked up enough to get into a screaming fit and get air into her tummy.

I WILL take you up on that NannyDe if this doesn't fix the issue though

awesome job, Grandma!
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cheerfuldom 11:06 AM 06-04-2014
Originally Posted by JoseyJo:
She doesn't want to hold her baby all the time. She wants her baby to be able to be awake (or asleep for that matter) for at least a few minutes without being held/rocked/walked/snuggled, etc. She is tired to the bone because baby essentially cries or fusses anytime she isn't being paid attention to. Even if you are holding her if you aren't walking, bouncing, moving she fusses. If she falls asleep and you lay her down she wakes and fusses. If she is in the swing she fusses after 30 seconds. If you sit holding her to eat she fusses. My daughter can't take a shower, do any type of chore, make herself food without screaming/crying/fussing. So pretty much everyone else has to do everything for her so she can rock/walk/tend to baby or we have to rock/walk/tend to baby so she can do anything. I KNOW this isn't how most moms or daycares do it. It would be impossible to exist this way without a family of 5 tending to the mother and child together.
Sounds like this is not the average baby then. I would definitely explore reflux, silent reflux, issues with moms milk (I had to do an elimination diet with my 2nd child and breastfeeding). It is certainly possible that baby is high needs and demanding and mom needs to find a provider that is ready to deal with that.
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cheerfuldom 11:09 AM 06-04-2014
Originally Posted by JoseyJo:
LOL! That is what I want to hear, just want it to really be true too My daughter herself was VERY fussy (we called it colic back then)- we tried everything but nothing helped. She finally outgrew it about 7 months old. She may have had acid reflux, they didn't check for that back then. I didn't work when she was little so I literally never put her down. I carried her in a football hold for the first 7 months of her life and co-slept with her (not because I wanted to but just because of the constant crying- those things brought it down to a constant whimper)

Grandbaby's tummy is almost always tense to the touch, she passes gas often and has a BM after each feeding. My DD has tried baby massage on her intestinal tract and that seems to help clear out the gas and make her more comfortable but it takes almost an hour to get all the gas worked out and during that time she is crying more because you are massaging her bloated tummy

Another question I have (I have done daycare for 5 years, but I never take babies!) She puts her on a positional sleeper in her bassinet (I'll post a pic of it if I can figure out how) or lets her sleep in a swing- the kind that lays almost flat- or co-sleeps with her just because she (my dd) is SO sleep deprived and she is willing to do anything to just get her to sleep! Suggestions?

Edited to add pics- can't figure out how to put them in the post but here's the link
https://plus.google.com/photos/10713...40108105519793
you might also consider a chiropractor. This works wonders for my 2nd daughter and she would pass so much stinky gas after each adjustment, it was crazy. the adjusments were done while I was holding her and very very gently.....it is not the crazy neck twisting and back cracking so dont worry about that...it is a small tool that clicks and baby did not even notice it.
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Casey ann 02:51 PM 06-04-2014
You can't spoil a baby. New research shows this. She may just have a high needs baby. My 2.5 year old was the same way. Still is. My 5 month old is super easy going. I suggesting finding a small in home daycare that can meet the baby's needs. If you were upset, wanting to be held, etc, wouldn't you be mortified and sad if the people around you did not respond? A baby is no different. I'm not being rude and I wish you could hear my tone. It's loving, I promise! I'm super passionate about this.
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Casey ann 02:55 PM 06-04-2014
Good job, grandma!!! You rock!! 👍
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Unregistered 08:45 PM 06-04-2014
I was going to say that it soy da to me like a very tired baby.

Granted, tummy aches will keep her awake but some babies are just sooo sensitive to their sleep need yet so unable to sleep as needed that they get all out of whack.

Many moms don't realize that a 3 week old baby can only stay awake (without getting overtired) for 30 min max. They think the baby will just fall asleep whenever they need. Nope, some just don't!

She needs to watch her cues and give her the best environment possible to sleep (safe, dark, white noise, swaddle).

However, at the same time, she needs to know that optimal time to teach babies to sleep on their own is 4-5 months and that many fussy babies grow out of it by 4 mo.

It will not harm her baby to do her best to meet its needs as often as possible while still putting her down when she needs a break.
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Indianadaycare 12:44 PM 06-20-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
This. The bolded part is the next step. Parents need to make sure they find a provider that DOES offer what their child NEEDS.

There are so many different types of providers that if ALL parents did that, there would be so many less issues in regards to this issue.

I know there is a lack of infant care in some areas but I'd keep looking until I found the right one, no matter what. That is just SOOOO important imho.
I agree! I purposely take only 4 little ones; up to the age of four, so that I CAN provide that kind of infant care. The first year especially is formative for the child - how they will view the world, be secure to explore, etc. I would quickly respond to her cries whenever possible. Keep searching for the RIGHT provider.
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