Hi everyone!

I'm a full time babysitter for a 3 year old boy. I babysit him full time in my home 5 days ac week. At first everything was going very well. He was potty trained and we started bonding and formatting a great routine. I have two surviving triplets tray are now in big kid school...so by taking this job it has allowed me to be home with my kids after school which is great.
However....in their past two months some big changes have been going on with this little guy. Please know he is considered special needs if he were to go to a Daycare being as he has SEVERE eczema, bad asthmatic attacks, cannot be in the sun light and is allergic to just about everything. His parents of course supply his snacks and lunch..
Getting back to My questions...

This is what has been going on in the past two months...
I already put the creme supplied by his parents on his body art least. 4 times a day. No biggie. They now want me to give him two baths per day which i have been doing but they stopped packing his special soap and daily creme. (I keep asking and they st they will pack it and don't). I ended up buying it myself bc i can't stand to see him in so much pain.
He is no longer potty trained. I have a son and know regardless of age that kids go through stages. We are again going on two months and they stopped providing pull ups and diapers. I him every half hour to go But bc he is on antibiotics all the time he has been having severe diarrhea blow outs all over the house. They are bad and require bathing when this happens. (It happens at least twice a day now) . Im not supposed to wash his clothes and they pack an extra set...(i have asked for multiple sets bc the diarrhea is so bad now) and they again.....just don't pack any.
We spend most of the day bathing and putting on his special creme. His parents are totally aware but I'm not getting help from them so instead of him going without i went ahead and bought a case of pull ups and send home his clothes double wrapped in a bag. I don't know what to do.
I'm frustrated and don't know what to do. I make $250 every TWO weeks and have to remind them to pay me because they forgot one time and unfortunately I'm on a tight budget and need that paycheck.
I told them that i went ahead and bought pull ups and his special creme. I thought they would pay me back but i was wrong.
I know I'm getting lengthy here but what else can i do to get the parents help? If this was just a short phase than i would feel differently but i had no idea when i started in January that most of what i would be doing is cleaning him up. His speech is greatly impaired and i really wanted and was helping him so much. All of that has now changed.
I would appreciate any and all advice. What would you do If you were me?
Oh...they stopped supplying his albuterol treatments awhile ago. I have a machine of my own bc of my own kids needing it as preemies. Im about out of his puffer medicine and am scared they won't provide that asap as well. I told them that I'm out of the one and they again haven't packed another puffer or the albuterol.
And last but least, their daughter picks him up from my house every day. She is 16. When the kids dont have school i remind her to be here by 5 pm. I'm lucky if she is here by 5:45. The parents again....aware... help! Please!

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Wow! These parents are super lucky to have found you!

As far as the issues go...please don't take offense as I mean this in a helpful way...but these parents are doing these things (forgetting items/supplies, the late pick ups etc) because YOU are allowing them to happen.

If the child needs daily cream for his skin, refuse care unless they bring it.

If you close at 5 and they pick up late (even if it's someone else) charge a late fee and do not provide care until they pay the fee.

If they owe you for something, give them a due date and do not provide care until it is paid.

Whether you watch one child or a couple.....this is still your source of income.

You have a right to expect the items this child needs on a daily basis and it should NOT be coming out of YOUR pocket.

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You are being used.

I would send them something similar to the following text or sit down and tell them verbally:

Hello Mom & Dad,

We are unfortunately having a communication breakdown. I’ve asked for diaper, pull-ups, creme, soap, multiple changes of clothiers and _______’s life saving medication. I have bonded with your child and would love to keep him in my care. Even so, at drop-off each and everyday I will checking his bag for all the items needed for his care. If all the items listed are not in his bag I will be unable to accept him for care. You have an opportunity to take him with you to run back home to get all appropriate items needed.

Also due to late payments and late pick ups, I will be unable to provide care until payments are up to date and late fees are received. $1 per minute is my late fee. No pay, no play!

Sincerely,

Babysitter

Now I get you need the income. Do not be desperate and accept their abuse! Also be prepared to lose him. Summer is coming and their teenage daughter may be your temporary replacement.

And what BC typed!

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Don't forget an invoice for the cost of the pull ups, creams, and whatever else you have bought and INSIST they pay for it and refuse care until they pay.

Refuse all care if items are forgotten in the future.

Refuse care until they bring the albuterol and if he runs out of ANY medication.

If he has an asthma attack in your care and you knew he didn't have his life saving medication... Then YOU can be held responsible for it. Asthma can be FATAL. Let me repeat. ASTHMA CAN BE FATAL and yes, in minutes before emt personnel show up.

No way in heck would I provide care without life saving or any other type of medications.

There's no way to take care of your own kids if you are in jail or bankrupt because a child died in your care when it could have been prevented.

Please don't take this wrong. But this is VERY VERY serious.

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I agree with PP, you can either stand up for yourself or let them walk all over you. Why can't they do a bath in the morning and one in the evening? Start refusing care when they do not have correct supplies, don't allow late pickups and charge a hefty late fee. Advertise, replace and term...

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Um, yes this. ALL of this.

My ds has pretty bad eczema, and we were told NOT to bathe him that frequently as it dries out his skin.

I would want a dr's note with their plan for crème, medication, etc, as well as a referral for early intervention. ANY loss of skills, physical or otherwise warrants an evaluation.

Also, get a contract, and for goodness sake, raise your rates. You are essentially a nanny/nurse. You could get a PT job from 9-1 and make more than $125/week!!!

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yup. refuse care until the laundry list of needs are met and fees are paid. There is nothing you can do but do tough love at this point. Start interviewing for a new family......one that pays, provides supplies, and has a child that is easier to care for. I just personally would not be doing all those baths and creams and special stuff.....not for $125 a week. A nanny for a special needs child, which is what you are, should be getting paid minimum wage, if not more. You would be getting paid $8 to $15 an hour around here, a lot more in other parts of the US.

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bbbbbbbbbbingo!

I suggest you take some classes on being a childcare provider through your state. This will also help you.

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Yes to all of the above! They are using you and you are the one who can put a stop to it by taking all the advice above.

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your getting some great advice. Bathing kids is not something I would do. That is the parents job. If the child has bad eczema bathing will dry out the skin. You need some childcare classes, they would greatly help you. Your also being underpaid. Nannies are paid more then this and babysitters too!

I too see the 16 year old taking over come summer. These clients saw you coming a long ways away- I suggest you get your daycare license and go from there. I wish you the best-

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I also wanted to say none of these things qualify this child for being special needs- These are conditions that he has but this kiddo is not special needs. Many kids become potty trained and then have a set back for a bit- These clients are too much of a liability not having what the child needs and not providing the child with the care he needs- like bathing them, no way would I do that unless I was a nanny-

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I would NOT be bathing a 3 yr old because of possible allegations of abuse. I hope you have everything documented- instructions etc.

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You have already received good advice. You simply can't allow him there without his medications, and you should NOT be purchasing them yourself. This child is NOT YOURS. YOU are NOT responsible for providing these things. Simply stop doing it. Definitely give them a total of what you have spent so far, and insist that they pay it immediately. Let them know that if they don't have supplies, the child can NOT be at your home.

I would not hesitate to let them know how difficult it would be to replace you. I can't think of ANY daycare provider that I know who could handle this workload. You are NOT being paid enough.

If they are short on funds, suggest that they apply for child care assistance through your state's program. You should be compensated MUCH more than you are now...in my state, special needs kids can be paid at twice the rate that other kids are, even higher, if negotiated in advance. I would be asking for at least $10.00 per hour, myself. This child is basically receiving nursing care that would cost $30+ per hour if provided by a professional in my area. You deserve to be compensated better, but at a MINIMUM, you should be compensated for what you have already negotiated and NOT be purchasing meds/clothing/diapers/supplies for this kid.

I think that the level of care required for this child COULD qualify for special needs payments from child care assistance-it is worth looking into.

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Agree with so much that has already been said above.

Sometimes we put up with situations that we know we shouldn't, because we want to help, and/or we feel we don't have any other options.

I just typed out a very long description of a family I nannied for, but then deleted it. Let's just say it was an awful and unsanitary position, the pay was horrible, and the parents were constantly late, late with pay, and one hundred percent ungrateful for anything I did for their kids.

I stayed in the position much longer than I should have (I should have quit after day one), because I felt I didn't have any other options at the time. It was extremely important to me that I find a position where I could bring my own child, which isn't common in my area, so I just went with it.

All I can say to you is that you are being taken advantage of, and I wouldn't tolerate it for one more second. I feel like the level of care you are being asked to do is beyond a typical caregiver, and you should be compensated as such- definitely not putting out your own money. I really wouldn't stay in this position, and I would give notice. This is not worth it.

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BINGO!

This child is their responsibility. The services you provide, even just those you agreed to, are already WAY beyond what most people would do for $125 per week. Don't be afraid to stick up for yourself!

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I agree with everything said. They are totally taking advantage of you and the more you provide that stuff, the longer they will let you.
No way would I be accepting and watching a child that has to be bathed twice a day by me. If they don't come with all supplies the child needs, especially his life saving medicine, then don't provide care. Tell them they can come back when they have the supplies and have reimbursed you for the ones you already bought.
As for sister picking up late, charge fees each time. Again, refuse care the next morning if they are not paid, in cash. I charge $1 per minute past closing time if they have not called ahead and gotten permission, and even then it's $.50 per minute.
They are walking all over you and for such measly pay. For all that work you should be paid like a nanny and they still should be supplying his things.
Also, giving him the medicine you have that isn't his could lead to liability issues. I wouldn't do it and if they don't bring his medicine (and sign a form giving permission to give it to him), then don't take him that day, or the next etc. until they do.

Oh, and if they say "I'll leave dcb here and go grab it and come back" then nope. They take the kiddo with and come back with him and supplies.

Good luck!

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Thank you!! All of you!!! And I'm sorry for the typos above but I'm typing from my phone which makes it hard to go back and edit/re read what i have written.
I feel used...and yes, i have thought about their daughter watching him this summer as well...but they have voiced concerns of trust to me about her but still..after the lack of help from them these past couple of months, nothing would surprise me.

I DO document everything. My mom works in H.R. and always tells me that documenting is the key.
Today was the worst day yet...he went #2 all over the house. I'm exhausted..and literally wanted to cry when i read all your replies BECAUSE finally. ..someone...rather all of you agree with what any common sense has been telling me. I LOVE the letter idea and invoice idea as well.

My problem is that i felt so bad for this kiddo and couldn't stand watching him go without. I will definitely start typing those documents tonight. My husband knows about most of this and has been telling me since the beginning that I'm under paid. I do have a degree but not in child care. Yes, i /we need this extra income but he keeps telling me that they need me more than i need them RIGHT NOW. (When the summer comes i agree that i will be replaced possibly by the daughter bc they are obviously trying to save a buck).

As far as getting my pay rate changed, I'm trying to come up with an approach that won't come out how i feel right now... have any of you had to deal with a pay rate change?? I don't want to slam them at one time with these letters along with a pay rate change unless that IS a good idea?
Thank you again.....i appreciate everyone being a straight shooter!

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Whoa!! And i made a typo about the daughters age...she is 13 not 16. Not sure if it's legal in FL . I need to look that up..and i wish i knew why their Daycare "dropped him" last minute at the end of last year. Literally i was asked too babysit the night before they dropped him off. I wonder if it was due to finances?? I was told that they told the parents there wasn't an opening in the 3 year old class. (He JUST turned 3 in January).

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I'm sure someone here can help you with a great letter! I would address everything at once and be done. Increase your pay (prepay), charge late fees, ALL supplies must be provided prior to care, Dr's note for all medications/medical related care!, I see no reason for you to spend all day bathing this child, they can do the baths at home (morning/night), usually for that condition fewer baths are recommended so I don't quite get that part. Diapers until he is accident free for 2 full weeks. Be firm, don't budge!

I would start advertising right away though...

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I would call his previous daycare. My DHS lady suggested I do this with all new kids. I had already enrolled one child who was a handful but his parents were nightmares! I termed them after the dad had me blocked from getting out of my kitchen. He wasn't threatening, but I felt like he would go off if I tried to get by him. He was talking to me in a heated way and I had kids here. I just talked calmly until he left. I then packed up all his belongings, put them on my porch, called the mom, termed immediately and went to Olive Garden. I called the boys last 3 providers and they all had stories like mine. All of that to say......I would call his last provider.

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I'm typing the Letter today in between diarrhea spells. (He is on this antibiotic for 30 daddy's). Yesterday he went at least. 15 times...on the floor...couch and of course bathroom. It's so bad that it leaks through his diaper. Right on to the floor or where ever he is. I get paid at some point today. Usually they show up around 7 pm...(they live right down three street from me). I'm going to hand him the note when he hands me the cash. I'm going to be firm and as professional as i can be. I'm nervous but know i have my husband's back. Its time for me to grow a back bone. You are ALL right.
I REALLY wish i knew the name of his previous daycare but i don't. Any ideas on how i can ask this in a....slick...not obvious way?
Thanks again for all the help, suggestions and ideas. I will keep you posted!

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Almost all, if not all providers on this forum would send home after 1-2 bouts of diarrhea. You DO NOT have to work in these conditions. That child is SICK and needs to be HOME.

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You remind me so much of myself before I got licensed

...the parents I worked for had absolutely zero respect or appreciation for all the extra I did, when they wouldn't..the more I did, the more became expected of me and I think this is happening to you
...I had a parent that actually cut my pay in half when she added the second child, her reason was that 2 kids play together so are less work, and I was dumb enough to go along with it cause I was attached to the first child I had for some time....and that's the reason why I got licensed and developed my "zero tolerance" plan.."you either appreciate me, and treat me fair, or you can find someone else.

If I were you, I would give her a warning, and if nothing improves I would simply quit

she doesn't deserve you!

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The diarrhea may be from them letting him eat foods he can't tolerate because they know you will be on the hook for the end result.

I would not do this level of care. I certainly wouldn't do it without being highly compensated. Even with supplies brought I wouldn't do this. It's a level of care that needs at least minimum wage plus deposits to cover professional cleaning. He needs a nurse caring for him. They are abusing your kindness. You can surely get a kid for that price who needs zero medical care.

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Instead of asking his previous daycare at this point, I'd start advertising a nanny service in your home on craigslist, facebook, wherever you can think of. They are going to be unhappy with your new backbone and will probably look for a new person to take advantage of. Please start looking for a new client asap!

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Good idea....CL is huge around here as well as FB. I guess now if anything, i have learned what is RIGHT to do. Vs. Being taken advantage of. I'm already nervous about the letter but proud of myself. I feel like handing it to them...saying. ..ok...gotta go!!! And slamming the door! Lol....oh man...TGIF...
They are going to have a hard time with a deposit anywhere else but again...with summer beginning. ..i can already forsee him with his sister... have to keep in mind that i come first...my family comes first....and this kind of care is not healthy...

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update?

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Does he get the care he needs at home?? I'm only asking because if not, wouldn't that be considered neglect?
It is certainly not up to you to be his mom but it sounds like that's what they're expecting from you.
Not supplying albuterol or a machine, and he has asthma? I'd be scared to death something would happen while he's with you. And parents could sue like crazy. I'm not saying they'd have a case but people sue over everything these days.
I'm sorry but I'm with Nannyde on this one; there's no way I'd care for a child with that many needs(just the diarrhea alone!!), especially if the parents are not willing to work with you one bit, not to mention aren't even paying you on time.
PLEASE, if you want to babysit, find another family!! There are so many families with infants and they have a harder time finding care because as providers we're more limited to the number of children under 2 yo.

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I'm also confused about the baths. My children have eczema and we do as few baths as possible with as little soap as possible.

Considering that his parents slack off with so much with you, I'm guessing they are not properly taking care of this child at home.

My guess Is:

Too many baths making eczema worse than it needs to be

Parents not taking care/applying cream to skin at home

Parents feeding him foods he is allergic to causing worse diarrhea and/or asthma attacks (may not know he is allergic)

Asthma attacks may also be due to an allergy (pets? dust mites? mold? food?)

I feel like a lot of these things may be lessened if the parents were taking better care of his conditions. Just given the general disregard for his health by not providing the necessary items at your house, one can only assume they do the same at home

I may be wrong, just how it's sounding to me

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I agree, it was the first thing that popped to my head too. My dd has asthma, I couldn't imagine leaving her somewhere without her inhaler.

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Update!

First i will answer about the baths. They started asking me to give him baths in March...(2 months into taking care of him). They said it greatly helped his skin and to try and give at LEAST two a day. My gut, (again...i learn the hard way), thought this was strange bc of ALL the law suits out there. Too many "what ifs" in other words. And who goes down...the babysitter of course. I didn't find this site and posted a question on a non related site where everyone made me feel like a horrible person if i DID NOT give him the requested baths. So i did two a day and continued keeping him moist with his creme.
Then the rest of the drama started occurring....bms on the floor...then diarrhea explosions constantly. I always update both parents and they blame it on his meds. He is always on something bc of his skin. It's bad...so bad in fact that my husband, (he is a nurse) told me that it doesn't look like eczema anymore...He has open wounds ALL over his poor body and sheds skin. I don't want to even think about it right now bc it makes me sad...angry...(i have no idea what goes on at their home bc he barely speaks). I WAS working on that but now again all i do is clean him up.
So. ...i hope i answered some questions about the baths.
Going back to this past Friday...aka D DAY!
It was going on 7 pm and as always i had to text the parents and ask them where they would be over to pay me. The father showed up at 7:30 and handed me the cash. I had my letter along with another form i found online that i used as an example for them to sign. Without getting too lengthy i stated the needs...****les, (he needs to be diarrhea FREE otherwise i will expect him to stay home that day or if he has any accidents then i will expect him to be picked up. I wrote about the puffer, diapers, creme, ETC....EVERYTHING including the pick up time along with a SET payment TIME every two weeks. (In regards to being late it's a dollar per minute to be paid BEFORE i babysit him again). I remained firm and professional in what i wrote and emailed it to my mom to proofread bc she works in HR. And is good with stuff like this. I handed it to him in an envelope and asked him if he wanted to discuss my new "contract" . He said "no...kinda in a hurry but i will call if i have any questions".
He hasn't called...nor responded to any test texts i wrote today, (just one) to check on the little guy.
I'm guessing I'm out of a job but honestly am relieved. I AM however prepared just in case the sister comes over tomorrow morning with him. Before she leaves i made it clear that the papers need to be signed...and all the items i discussed must be in the bag. I also GULP changed my pay rate. I know they can't afford this or am just guessing bc they had their power shut off one day and actually ASKED if he could stay the night. I felt sick about it but said. NO....somehow? They paid the bill and had the power back on that same night. I'm asking for 200 per week. I called other home daycare places in my area and acted like a potential client. Wow......i was...totally getting ripped off. MY FAULT...i should have done my homework in advance but everything happened so suddenly. They never asked me now that ii think about it how much they should pay....THEY decided the rate. It wasn't so bad in the beginning but again...with all the new issues and summer coming up...(i could already forsee the daughter showing up at least a half hour late every day)....made me cringe.

I won't know for sure until tomorrow...the parents leave at 8 am and he gets dropped off at 5 after. I will keep you posted. I'm trying to stay positive but i just don't see how he can all of a sudden be diarrhea free over the weekend. I also stated that with the new contract i need to be paid weekly. Not bi weekly. (It was weekly for a month then they said they couldn't afford too do that anymore). I was expecting that money and couldn't believe they did that to me on the day i was expecting to be paid. I should have seen there red flags then but thought...hey. ..we all have difficult times here and then so i let it go... Im trying to cover all my bases. If he somehow hasall the supplies tomorrow, signed papers AND is diarrhea free....i could see them skipping out on pay in two weeks. I will At least have a signed form stating the above.
What do you all think?

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Sorry about all the typos again! Errr...auto correct on phone!

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you need to be paid in advance or they will leave owing you two weeks pay

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You should have it paid in advance. Then they can't skip out on paying you!

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Looks like I'm no longer taking care of him.
The low down...
Sister tried to drop off....note was not in the bag, (signed) nor were his puffer, creme and diapers. In other words they didn't take me seriously.
I told the sister i was sorry for getting her in the middle but she needed to go back home while I called her parents. She was in total shock.
It took 3 times for the dad to answer, (the mother didn't)....and 10 minutes after tryin. .( I'm v sure the daughter called him as a warning).
He finally answered i was very short and to the point and asked if he didn't understand my contract. To make a long story short i got a million excuses basically having him beg me to watch him.
I told him a firm NO each time.
He hung up on me!
I did my research in advance to cover myself and a 13 year old is allowed to babysit. So either she will have to watch him or one of the parents will.
DONE. I know they are super angry and will short me out of pay...and I'm disgusted at their negligence.
I'm going to call thought to let them know I'm finished as short and sweet so to speak as possible.
So....i guess i stara. Advertising all over the place.... any suggestions besides FB and CL?
How dare them....i shouldn't be in shock....feel bad for the little guy but enough is enough.

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Good for you! You will find a good replacement who respects you (and their own child).

Some parents are so nervy and self centered

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care.com is another good place to advertise.

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Don't forget to send your final invoice that includes reimbursement for the products you purchased for him.

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Absolutely this with a deadline or you will be taking them to court.

Facebook mom groups have always been the best advertising source for me in addition to uploading pics on my business fb page and tagging parents in them. They signed waivers.

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You have cut off neglectful con artists who some call parents. I don’t know who usually drops off. However, if they usually drop off and the daughter showed up then they were trying to get over on you once again.

You were on your toes, kudos to you!

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They definitely didn't take you seriously. I guess they just expected you to continue to be taken advantage of and to continue to give care over and above what most providers will do.

I re-read your original post and you are well rid of these people! If they try to come back, even with the money and supplies, I would still term.

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Thank you SOOOOOO much everyone! And thank you for the advice on the last invoice. I kept receipts but am in doubt in ever seeing that money and am still owed for a week...(which is because of the way they decided to change from weekly to bi weekly) . I know better than to expect that....angers me But i never had an ORIGINAL contact...(live and learn). I don't think i have a leg to stand on do i if i were to TRY and threaten them? (My sister in law is an Attorney and knows about everything that has been going on). Wonder if just a letter from her office could help me get reimbursed?
SINCE they live literally 3 doors down from me. (The whole street knows i babysit him)...i can't help but wonder what stories if any were to be told about me. I would normally care less but my kids play with a few of the neighbors and I'm the type to believe nothing i hear and half of what i see. I just hope others feel the same. I don't want my kids suffering bc of this.

I know they are beyond angry bc i called the mother to tell her that i would no longer be able to take care of him anymore. She let out a huge sigh and started yelling at her husband basically blaming HIM for the termination. I was about to speak to tell her that it would be best for me to hang up but she hung up on me instead.
Thank you again everyone for your support....wise wisdom and a lending ear with thoughtful advice! I am going to lurk around to see what some of the forms on the site look like and get my ducks in a row. As bad as it sounds its as if a huge weight was just lifted off my shoulders. You ALL are fantastic!!!

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