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NancyDrew 11:02 AM 06-23-2014
Good Afternoon,
I am hoping someone can help me...I have a child who I have had since 12 weeks old. She is now 6. Over the past 3 years she has become more and more introverted. At this point, 4 out of 5 days she will go several hours without talking or playing. Every time i try to help her to do anything, she stares blankly at me or cries for an hr. The last two weeks, the situation has completely spiraled to a level that I am considering that my daycare is no longer the best place for her. I have discussed the issues with their parents and they told me to let her be and ignore her. I am besides myself with guilt doing this. It is not right. The parents claim it is because it is summer vacation and I have different kids on different days (some I watch and others are my childrens' friends coming over to play) and that their child doesn't handle any changes to her routine well. They told me she feels extra pressure to talk and to play and she doesn't know how to handle the extra pressure so she shuts down. During the past school year, I told the parents she will not speak to me at all about her day if asked an open ended question (will only answer yes or no). I was again told to leave her alone as she needs to "decompress" after 2.5 hours of school. I went to far as to ask my own kids' pediatrician what else i can do to help this little girl cope with her thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately without a complete evaluation, my peds dr could offer very little more than to keep trying to include her and make sure she is always a part of the other kids' activities even if just staring at them. IDK if her kindergarten teacher ever mentioned any behavioral issues to her parents. Meanwhile, if we go to my parents house, more often then not, she will play there, but still not converse much with the kids. And then every once in a while, it's like a switch is turned on and she is a happy, talkative child running around and playing with all the other kids. Any advice? I keep telling myself to just get through the summer and perhaps her first grade teacher will be able to help her more than I am able to. It just breaks my heart to watch her not have fun here and my husband is tired of me blaming myself....
I am hoping someone can help me...I have a child who I have had since 12 weeks old. She is now 6. Over the past 3 years she has become more and more introverted. At this point, 4 out of 5 days she will go several hours without talking or playing. Every time i try to help her to do anything, she stares blankly at me or cries for an hr. The last two weeks, the situation has completely spiraled to a level that I am considering that my daycare is no longer the best place for her. I have discussed the issues with their parents and they told me to let her be and ignore her. I am besides myself with guilt doing this. It is not right. The parents claim it is because it is summer vacation and I have different kids on different days (some I watch and others are my childrens' friends coming over to play) and that their child doesn't handle any changes to her routine well. They told me she feels extra pressure to talk and to play and she doesn't know how to handle the extra pressure so she shuts down. During the past school year, I told the parents she will not speak to me at all about her day if asked an open ended question (will only answer yes or no). I was again told to leave her alone as she needs to "decompress" after 2.5 hours of school. I went to far as to ask my own kids' pediatrician what else i can do to help this little girl cope with her thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately without a complete evaluation, my peds dr could offer very little more than to keep trying to include her and make sure she is always a part of the other kids' activities even if just staring at them. IDK if her kindergarten teacher ever mentioned any behavioral issues to her parents. Meanwhile, if we go to my parents house, more often then not, she will play there, but still not converse much with the kids. And then every once in a while, it's like a switch is turned on and she is a happy, talkative child running around and playing with all the other kids. Any advice? I keep telling myself to just get through the summer and perhaps her first grade teacher will be able to help her more than I am able to. It just breaks my heart to watch her not have fun here and my husband is tired of me blaming myself....
drseuss 11:16 AM 06-23-2014
Honestly, it sounds to me like this girl is just a real introvert. You need to let her be an introvert if that's who she is. Unless you are an introvert yourself, it is hard to understand.
My son is an Aspie and he is so much like this. I have dealt with a lot of guilt over the years, thinking he hasn't been getting what he needs socially, but I realized that I have been all wrong. He needs his alone time like he needs air.
You are doing a good job of being in tune with your dcg's needs. Relax and let this go.
My son is an Aspie and he is so much like this. I have dealt with a lot of guilt over the years, thinking he hasn't been getting what he needs socially, but I realized that I have been all wrong. He needs his alone time like he needs air.
You are doing a good job of being in tune with your dcg's needs. Relax and let this go.
preschoolteacher 12:07 PM 06-23-2014
It also sounds to me like she's an introvert. Honestly, after a couple hours socializing, sometimes I wish I could be alone and not talk to anyone for a few hours!! Alone time rejuvenates introverts.
If she seems content to be alone, playing, I'd let her!
You can just make yourself accessible to her do she knows she can come to you when she needs to.
If she seems content to be alone, playing, I'd let her!
You can just make yourself accessible to her do she knows she can come to you when she needs to.
Blackcat31 12:10 PM 06-23-2014
Originally Posted by preschoolteacher:
It also sounds to me like she's an introvert. Honestly, after a couple hours socializing, sometimes I wish I could be alone and not talk to anyone for a few hours!! Alone time rejuvenates introverts.
If she seems content to be alone, playing, I'd let her!
You can just make yourself accessible to her do she knows she can come to you when she needs to.
That was my first thought too...her being an introvert. It also sounds to me like she's an introvert. Honestly, after a couple hours socializing, sometimes I wish I could be alone and not talk to anyone for a few hours!! Alone time rejuvenates introverts.
If she seems content to be alone, playing, I'd let her!
You can just make yourself accessible to her do she knows she can come to you when she needs to.
Here is a great site about how to "parent" an introvert...I bet it the info would help providers too.
http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/...overted-child/
cheerfuldom 01:02 PM 06-23-2014
good advice above.
on the flip side, it is not your job to figure out why she is doing this or what should be done next. If her actions are becoming too disruptive, don't feel you have to continue caring for her. 1 hour crying tantrums from a 6 year old would be way too much for me. It wouldnt bother me at all if she was quiet or even not participating, provided she was not being disruptive. your group and activity level may just be too much for her and no longer a good fit. if she needs a lot of quiet time, it is up to the parents to find a suitable childcare arrangement that provides that.....and not expect you to work your routine around one child's preferences.
on the flip side, it is not your job to figure out why she is doing this or what should be done next. If her actions are becoming too disruptive, don't feel you have to continue caring for her. 1 hour crying tantrums from a 6 year old would be way too much for me. It wouldnt bother me at all if she was quiet or even not participating, provided she was not being disruptive. your group and activity level may just be too much for her and no longer a good fit. if she needs a lot of quiet time, it is up to the parents to find a suitable childcare arrangement that provides that.....and not expect you to work your routine around one child's preferences.
spinnymarie 02:39 PM 06-23-2014
Love the advice here, and the article too. I agree that you have done your best and maybe she is perfectly fine with things the way they are. And you are also right that maybe next year they will find out something different, but at this point, you've done all you can.
And good for you for worrying about her and going through all the right channels and trying your best to help her in any way you can.
And good for you for worrying about her and going through all the right channels and trying your best to help her in any way you can.