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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Time Out and Nap Issues
craftymissbeth 12:08 PM 03-18-2014
I have a 3 yo dcb who will not sit in TO. He immediately tries to jump out of the chair and run off.
He's this child:
https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69431
Today he stripped naked (I can't find any footed pajamas in our local Wal-Mart bigger than a 12m and dcm said she only has fleece ones and those are "too hot") again today and I immediately put him TO and told said "everyone has to have clothes on here. You can get up when you're ready to put them back on". As soon as his bottom hit the chair he was up and running.. flailing like a mad man. I continued to pick him up and put him back... over and over and over until I finally gave him three options: put your clothes back on, sit in the TO chair, or go lay down in a PNP. He still just screamed, flailed, and tried to relax his body so he could slip out of my grip. I put him in the PNP, but then he climbs out.
The stripping thing will be taken care of. DCM will be told that until he stops that crazy business of stripping that he will only be accepted into care if he comes already in a pair of backwards footed pajamas.
My big issue is what in the world do you do with a child who will NOT sit in TO?
Also, today during nap he kept trying to run away so he didn't have to sleep on his nap mat. Well, here in my DC, if they cannot lay nicely on a nap mat then they have to sleep in a PNP. No options. He screamed, stripped, and climbed out of the PNP repeatedly.
How do I get this child to do the following:
A) stay in TO when I decide it's necessary for him to be in TO
B) either sleep on his nap mat nicely or sleep in a PNP nicely
He's this child:
https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69431
Today he stripped naked (I can't find any footed pajamas in our local Wal-Mart bigger than a 12m and dcm said she only has fleece ones and those are "too hot") again today and I immediately put him TO and told said "everyone has to have clothes on here. You can get up when you're ready to put them back on". As soon as his bottom hit the chair he was up and running.. flailing like a mad man. I continued to pick him up and put him back... over and over and over until I finally gave him three options: put your clothes back on, sit in the TO chair, or go lay down in a PNP. He still just screamed, flailed, and tried to relax his body so he could slip out of my grip. I put him in the PNP, but then he climbs out.
The stripping thing will be taken care of. DCM will be told that until he stops that crazy business of stripping that he will only be accepted into care if he comes already in a pair of backwards footed pajamas.
My big issue is what in the world do you do with a child who will NOT sit in TO?
Also, today during nap he kept trying to run away so he didn't have to sleep on his nap mat. Well, here in my DC, if they cannot lay nicely on a nap mat then they have to sleep in a PNP. No options. He screamed, stripped, and climbed out of the PNP repeatedly.
How do I get this child to do the following:
A) stay in TO when I decide it's necessary for him to be in TO
B) either sleep on his nap mat nicely or sleep in a PNP nicely
Jack Sprat 12:16 PM 03-18-2014
Can he sit on floor beside you during TO? I do that with one of my new kiddos. He sits his 3 minutes right beside me. He tries to run, I put him back. He gets to sit and watch the others play.
EntropyControlSpecialist 12:27 PM 03-18-2014
I would meet with the parents. If he will not listen to you and cannot be corrected to follow the rules that are in place at daycare then WHAT are you supposed to do? Even above the time out issue is his out of control defiance issue. 
I raised a child like that...
I sat next to the time out chair and put the child back every single time. Sometimes, I must have have put him back at least 35 times. Eventually he got it. If she puts me here she will KEEP putting me here until I stay. It took awhile and consistency. There really isn't much time for that in a group setting (nor are you paid enough!!!!). This little one had oppositional defiant disorder and it.was.crazy.
Just my 2 cents.
I raised a child like that...
I sat next to the time out chair and put the child back every single time. Sometimes, I must have have put him back at least 35 times. Eventually he got it. If she puts me here she will KEEP putting me here until I stay. It took awhile and consistency. There really isn't much time for that in a group setting (nor are you paid enough!!!!). This little one had oppositional defiant disorder and it.was.crazy.
Just my 2 cents.
craftymissbeth 12:32 PM 03-18-2014
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
I would meet with the parents. If he will not listen to you and cannot be corrected to follow the rules that are in place at daycare then WHAT are you supposed to do? Even above the time out issue is his out of control defiance issue.
I raised a child like that...
I sat next to the time out chair and put the child back every single time. Sometimes, I must have have put him back at least 35 times. There really isn't much time for that in a group setting (nor are you paid enough!!!!). This little one had oppositional defiant disorder and it.was.crazy.
Yes! I've only had this child for 2 weeks now, but he reminds me of my own son when he was this age. My son's doctor was concerned about his behavior and mentioned ODD, but we cracked down hard and left no room for our son to "win" ever. It definitely helped the situation a lot, although it's still bad at times, so we never pursued an ODD diagnosis. I would meet with the parents. If he will not listen to you and cannot be corrected to follow the rules that are in place at daycare then WHAT are you supposed to do? Even above the time out issue is his out of control defiance issue.
I raised a child like that...
I sat next to the time out chair and put the child back every single time. Sometimes, I must have have put him back at least 35 times. There really isn't much time for that in a group setting (nor are you paid enough!!!!). This little one had oppositional defiant disorder and it.was.crazy.
But this child reminds me of my son to the T. Everything is a power struggle. He gets up and runs around while eating. What do I do? Warn him that his food and drink will be thrown away if he gets up again. He gets up again. To the trash goes the food. I can't let him win... but I have a very strong feeling that his parents do let him. He's the youngest of 4 boys.
JoseyJo 12:32 PM 03-18-2014
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
I would meet with the parents. There really isn't much time for that in a group setting (nor are you paid enough!!!!). [/b].
This was my thought- you aren't paid enough to have to deal with a child like this. IF the parents are 1000% on board with correcting the issue with them and with you in a way that will work for you- I would term. A child like this will keep you from filling other spots and can even cause parents of your other children to pull. Not. worth. it!I would meet with the parents. There really isn't much time for that in a group setting (nor are you paid enough!!!!). [/b].
craftymissbeth 12:35 PM 03-18-2014
Originally Posted by JoseyJo:
This was my thought- you aren't paid enough to have to deal with a child like this. IF the parents are 1000% on board with correcting the issue with them and with you in a way that will work for you- I would term. A child like this will keep you from filling other spots and can even cause parents of your other children to pull. Not. worth. it!
Good point. I'll be talking to dcm here in 30 minutes. I'm giving him 2 weeks to shape up and show me considerable improvement or they're termed. This was my thought- you aren't paid enough to have to deal with a child like this. IF the parents are 1000% on board with correcting the issue with them and with you in a way that will work for you- I would term. A child like this will keep you from filling other spots and can even cause parents of your other children to pull. Not. worth. it!
He was kicked out of his last daycare because the provider couldn't deal with it anymore. DCM was very honest and up front about all of his issues at the interview so I decided to give it a shot. She's very ready to fix his issues, but I'm starting to see that there may be something more going on than just a basic discipline issue... although I also have the feeling that he's babied at home maybe a little.
EntropyControlSpecialist 12:44 PM 03-18-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
Good point. I'll be talking to dcm here in 30 minutes. I'm giving him 2 weeks to shape up and show me considerable improvement or they're termed.
He was kicked out of his last daycare because the provider couldn't deal with it anymore. DCM was very honest and up front about all of his issues at the interview so I decided to give it a shot. She's very ready to fix his issues, but I'm starting to see that there may be something more going on than just a basic discipline issue... although I also have the feeling that he's babied at home maybe a little.
I think that is very FAIR to his parents. They must get on board with having him become a functional member of society or else they will have to deal with the hardship of finding someone to take care of him who can handle that (nanny, perhaps?).Good point. I'll be talking to dcm here in 30 minutes. I'm giving him 2 weeks to shape up and show me considerable improvement or they're termed.
He was kicked out of his last daycare because the provider couldn't deal with it anymore. DCM was very honest and up front about all of his issues at the interview so I decided to give it a shot. She's very ready to fix his issues, but I'm starting to see that there may be something more going on than just a basic discipline issue... although I also have the feeling that he's babied at home maybe a little.
craftymissbeth 12:27 PM 03-18-2014
As soon as he is told to do/not do something he immediately runs and tries to find somewhere to hide. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells... if I try to redirect or discipline him in any way he just...freaks out.
I've tried having him sit near me but he still just tries to run.
It's a huge, huge power thing with him.
I've tried having him sit near me but he still just tries to run.
It's a huge, huge power thing with him.
My3cents 11:37 AM 03-19-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
I have a 3 yo dcb who will not sit in TO. He immediately tries to jump out of the chair and run off.
He's this child:
https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69431
Today he stripped naked (I can't find any footed pajamas in our local Wal-Mart bigger than a 12m and dcm said she only has fleece ones and those are "too hot") again today and I immediately put him TO and told said "everyone has to have clothes on here. You can get up when you're ready to put them back on". As soon as his bottom hit the chair he was up and running.. flailing like a mad man. I continued to pick him up and put him back... over and over and over until I finally gave him three options: put your clothes back on, sit in the TO chair, or go lay down in a PNP. He still just screamed, flailed, and tried to relax his body so he could slip out of my grip. I put him in the PNP, but then he climbs out.
The stripping thing will be taken care of. DCM will be told that until he stops that crazy business of stripping that he will only be accepted into care if he comes already in a pair of backwards footed pajamas.
My big issue is what in the world do you do with a child who will NOT sit in TO?
Also, today during nap he kept trying to run away so he didn't have to sleep on his nap mat. Well, here in my DC, if they cannot lay nicely on a nap mat then they have to sleep in a PNP. No options. He screamed, stripped, and climbed out of the PNP repeatedly.
How do I get this child to do the following:
A) stay in TO when I decide it's necessary for him to be in TO
B) either sleep on his nap mat nicely or sleep in a PNP nicely
I like the word NO! I would put him back in time out and tell him No you stay here! If he doesn't stay I would sit with him for those three minutes. Every time being consistent. I would talk with the parents and find out what is working at home for them. IF they say nothing, then right there is a red flag. They let him run the home. A lot of kids do you know~I have a 3 yo dcb who will not sit in TO. He immediately tries to jump out of the chair and run off.
He's this child:
https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69431
Today he stripped naked (I can't find any footed pajamas in our local Wal-Mart bigger than a 12m and dcm said she only has fleece ones and those are "too hot") again today and I immediately put him TO and told said "everyone has to have clothes on here. You can get up when you're ready to put them back on". As soon as his bottom hit the chair he was up and running.. flailing like a mad man. I continued to pick him up and put him back... over and over and over until I finally gave him three options: put your clothes back on, sit in the TO chair, or go lay down in a PNP. He still just screamed, flailed, and tried to relax his body so he could slip out of my grip. I put him in the PNP, but then he climbs out.
The stripping thing will be taken care of. DCM will be told that until he stops that crazy business of stripping that he will only be accepted into care if he comes already in a pair of backwards footed pajamas.
My big issue is what in the world do you do with a child who will NOT sit in TO?
Also, today during nap he kept trying to run away so he didn't have to sleep on his nap mat. Well, here in my DC, if they cannot lay nicely on a nap mat then they have to sleep in a PNP. No options. He screamed, stripped, and climbed out of the PNP repeatedly.
How do I get this child to do the following:
A) stay in TO when I decide it's necessary for him to be in TO
B) either sleep on his nap mat nicely or sleep in a PNP nicely
but that would give you an idea of how to move forward with the little guy. Kids are resilient and very smart, smarter then most give them credit for. He most likely is capable of learning that the rules at your house are different from the rules at his house. Consistency is the key and its going to exhaust you for a few weeks until one day it triggers in his head, that he can't do that at your home. I would insist Mom feed the child before bringing him to you and then meal time would be when meal times are. I wouldn't worry if he ate or not, unless you thought he had issues from eating and then I would want the parent to bring the child to the Dr and a note back to me explaining what is going on with that. He will figure out quick that meal times are for eating. If he got up I would put him in a high chair and buckle him into it. Most likely he is looking for you to set the boundaries and be in control and consistent. I also would keep this kiddo busy during the rest of the day. If things didn't improve I would let the child go- I was once told mark my calendar and if after thirty days I felt the same way about the child it was time for the child to move on- and that is ok.
Good luck. I feel your stress. I also like the other ideas and look forward to more. Sometimes one thing doesn't work but something else will and it all depends on the child and you know the child best at this point and what might work and what won't.
The stripping thing.......is the child hot? Some kids are hotter then others. You might keep your home warmer then the home he comes from. Is he too big for a onsie? I would just catch him and put the clothes back on him- takes away from his play time and tell him no every time.
craftymissbeth 12:03 PM 03-19-2014
I talked to dcm yesterday at pick-up. He's required to come in backwards pajamas from now on. At home apparently he jumps out of TO also, but she put his TO chair inside of a superyard and she stands outside of it with her back turned to him (she said so that she's not just sitting there staring at him). I told her that I will consider trying that since I have a superyard also, but that I'll have to think about it.
She said he usually goes straight to nap time when she tells him to, but that there are days that he throws tantrums and refuses to sleep. She said she puts him in bed over and over until he finally stays there. She also said that they've put "the fear of God" in dcb and that he knows that when he misbehaves he'll be disciplined.
From talking to dcm I truly believe that they discipline him and that they want this fixed, but I'll never know if they're 100% consistent, kwim?
My plan is:
-Backwards footed pajamas until I've gained control of the situation and until I see that he doesn't even make attempts at stripping anymore
-Buckled in the high chair during meals (I'm curious to hear advice on whether I should let him up and back to the playroom when he's ready to get up... I've been letting him go back to the playroom when he says he's done eating. His food gets thrown out immediately and he doesn't get to eat again until the next meal/snack)
-Nap time he will have the option of sleeping on the nap mat or the PNP. Totally his choice, but he WILL lay down. I'd like to say that dcm will need to pick him up if he throws a huge tantrum like he did yesterday... the other kids had a hard time sleeping through it.
I'm all for figuring out kids emotional needs, but I feel like this dcb is on a power trip set off from potty training. I told dcm that potty training isn't going to happen here until the behavior is fixed. Changing his pull-up is a fight... let alone trying to actually get him to go on the toilet. She agreed and has stopped potty training at home, too.
I try to talk to him while he's calm.. not just about all of the issues but ANYTHING.. and that starts a tantrum. He's on a power trip and he needs to learn FAST that I'm not having it.
She said he usually goes straight to nap time when she tells him to, but that there are days that he throws tantrums and refuses to sleep. She said she puts him in bed over and over until he finally stays there. She also said that they've put "the fear of God" in dcb and that he knows that when he misbehaves he'll be disciplined.
From talking to dcm I truly believe that they discipline him and that they want this fixed, but I'll never know if they're 100% consistent, kwim?
My plan is:
-Backwards footed pajamas until I've gained control of the situation and until I see that he doesn't even make attempts at stripping anymore
-Buckled in the high chair during meals (I'm curious to hear advice on whether I should let him up and back to the playroom when he's ready to get up... I've been letting him go back to the playroom when he says he's done eating. His food gets thrown out immediately and he doesn't get to eat again until the next meal/snack)
-Nap time he will have the option of sleeping on the nap mat or the PNP. Totally his choice, but he WILL lay down. I'd like to say that dcm will need to pick him up if he throws a huge tantrum like he did yesterday... the other kids had a hard time sleeping through it.
I'm all for figuring out kids emotional needs, but I feel like this dcb is on a power trip set off from potty training. I told dcm that potty training isn't going to happen here until the behavior is fixed. Changing his pull-up is a fight... let alone trying to actually get him to go on the toilet. She agreed and has stopped potty training at home, too.
I try to talk to him while he's calm.. not just about all of the issues but ANYTHING.. and that starts a tantrum. He's on a power trip and he needs to learn FAST that I'm not having it.
grandmom 02:59 PM 03-19-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
My big issue is what in the world do you do with a child who will NOT sit in TO?
My big issue is what in the world do you do with a child who will NOT sit in TO?
In my opinion TO is a contest of the wills and the adult never wins. Remove him from the activity, or remove the toy from him. Then go on with the day.
I don't know how I could deal with a naked boy in my program. Nannyde will have great advice on this issue. But I'd order the jammies on Amazon overnight delivery if I had to.
hwichlaz 03:32 PM 03-19-2014
I've been known to use locking diaper pins to pin their tucked in shirt or onsie to the waist of their pants, lol.
craftymissbeth 04:05 PM 03-19-2014
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
I've been known to use locking diaper pins to pin their tucked in shirt or onsie to the waist of their pants, lol.
While that's a unique idea, I'm sure this dcb would pull until the fabric rips. These aren't typical tantrums.I've been known to use locking diaper pins to pin their tucked in shirt or onsie to the waist of their pants, lol.
craftymissbeth 04:04 PM 03-19-2014
Originally Posted by grandmom:
In my opinion TO is a contest of the wills and the adult never wins. Remove him from the activity, or remove the toy from him. Then go on with the day.
I don't know how I could deal with a naked boy in my program. Nannyde will have great advice on this issue. But I'd order the jammies on Amazon overnight delivery if I had to.
But the issue usually stems from activities that are not negotiable.... eating, sleeping, and pull-up changing. This week I have curbed tantrums due to other issues for the most part.In my opinion TO is a contest of the wills and the adult never wins. Remove him from the activity, or remove the toy from him. Then go on with the day.
I don't know how I could deal with a naked boy in my program. Nannyde will have great advice on this issue. But I'd order the jammies on Amazon overnight delivery if I had to.
hwichlaz 04:09 PM 03-19-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
But the issue usually stems from activities that are not negotiable.... eating, sleeping, and pull-up changing. This week I have curbed tantrums due to other issues for the most part.
Lots of notice/warning can help. A 5 min warning, 3 min, 1 min etc. A toy to hold during a diaper change (I'd refuse pull ups, those are for big kids that at least try to use the potty) etc. Also, maybe a playpen with slanted sides, so it's harder to climb out of.But the issue usually stems from activities that are not negotiable.... eating, sleeping, and pull-up changing. This week I have curbed tantrums due to other issues for the most part.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...pf_rd_i=507846
or
one that zips shut
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/...L._SL1500_.jpg
craftymissbeth 04:11 PM 03-19-2014
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
Lots of notice/warning can help. A 5 min warning, 3 min, 1 min etc. A toy to hold during a diaper change (I'd refuse pull ups, those are for big kids that at least try to use the potty) etc. Also, maybe a playpen with slanted sides, so it's harder to climb out of.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...pf_rd_i=507846
or
one that zips shut
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/...L._SL1500_.jpg
That's great advice but I'm not buying a new PNP for a 3 yo Lots of notice/warning can help. A 5 min warning, 3 min, 1 min etc. A toy to hold during a diaper change (I'd refuse pull ups, those are for big kids that at least try to use the potty) etc. Also, maybe a playpen with slanted sides, so it's harder to climb out of.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...pf_rd_i=507846
or
one that zips shut
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/...L._SL1500_.jpg
The pull ups don't bother me either... to me they're the same as a diaper but just pull on.
ETA: I checked out the second PNP you posted and I might as well lock him a closet lol
hwichlaz 04:21 PM 03-19-2014
I have the 2nd one for the back patio because mosquitoes come out really early in the day here, lol. Our whole town is on a lake.