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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Would this make you feel bad?
mrs.meg 05:45 AM 06-01-2011
My sister and brother-in-law have 2 daughters who are 6 and 7. Mom is a teacher and has only allowed them to stay with grandparents and they had a babysitter when they were younger. She started asking me to watch them when she had in-service days on breaks. I was quite shocked because I never used to be good enough to keep them. I guess they started seeing that my own children are upstanding young ladies, so maybe I am not so bad.
So I was supposed to keep them on June 1,2,3 and a few days ago we found that could work out a schedule so that 2 of my daughters could do swim team-this is a BIG commitment of practice 4 mornings/week. Since my oldest (16) is going to be my assistant, she will be staying here for 1 1/2 hour with the kids I watch, on the mornings they have swim practice. She is CPR certified and she has 4 younger sisters, so she is a seasoned babysitter and none of my dc parents have any reservations about her staying with the kids.
I called sister-in-law and she says they do not leave their daughters with anyone and that they are worriers and she cannot do it. I offered to take 4 of the kids with me, so my daughter would only be watching her 2 girls and my 2 year old. She said no, that her husband would take off of work 3 days and they just couldn't do it.
I feel really bad, I would have offered to take them with me, but I know they don't even allow my mother-in-law to drive them anywhere!
So I was supposed to keep them on June 1,2,3 and a few days ago we found that could work out a schedule so that 2 of my daughters could do swim team-this is a BIG commitment of practice 4 mornings/week. Since my oldest (16) is going to be my assistant, she will be staying here for 1 1/2 hour with the kids I watch, on the mornings they have swim practice. She is CPR certified and she has 4 younger sisters, so she is a seasoned babysitter and none of my dc parents have any reservations about her staying with the kids.
I called sister-in-law and she says they do not leave their daughters with anyone and that they are worriers and she cannot do it. I offered to take 4 of the kids with me, so my daughter would only be watching her 2 girls and my 2 year old. She said no, that her husband would take off of work 3 days and they just couldn't do it.
I feel really bad, I would have offered to take them with me, but I know they don't even allow my mother-in-law to drive them anywhere!
nannyde 06:01 AM 06-01-2011
I wouldn't be upset at ALL.
I think it's great that she can make a clear decision of what she wants and make sure it happens for her kids.
Don't take it personally and DON'T discuss it anymore with her. Just say "you are right... that's what's best".
If she has built her ego and "parenting niche" by being uber protective then THIS situation where plans have changed a bit and her kids aren't getting the "bubble safety" care that she wants them to have... then THIS situaion is a brick in the wall of her establishing with herself, her dh, her family, etc. that this is WHO she is.
So the whole experience to her is JUST that she denied this situation because it isn't safe. For her.. it's good to have ANOTHER situation where she "protects her precious".
So there is no need to discuss it because she has already gotten what she needs out of the scenario.
Leave it and move on...
I think it's great that she can make a clear decision of what she wants and make sure it happens for her kids.
Don't take it personally and DON'T discuss it anymore with her. Just say "you are right... that's what's best".
If she has built her ego and "parenting niche" by being uber protective then THIS situation where plans have changed a bit and her kids aren't getting the "bubble safety" care that she wants them to have... then THIS situaion is a brick in the wall of her establishing with herself, her dh, her family, etc. that this is WHO she is.
So the whole experience to her is JUST that she denied this situation because it isn't safe. For her.. it's good to have ANOTHER situation where she "protects her precious".
So there is no need to discuss it because she has already gotten what she needs out of the scenario.
Leave it and move on...
cheerfuldom 06:18 AM 06-01-2011
I agree, don't feel bad. You offered alternatives, she declined and thats that. Your daughters will have a great time at swim team, none of the other daycare parents care so there is no reason to change everything for the three days for your relatives. You did the best you could. Its not your job to accommodate every whim of your relatives. Your kids and your daycare comes first.
sharlan 06:53 AM 06-01-2011
Let it go and move on. I wouldn't give it another thought.
MN Day Mom 08:01 AM 06-01-2011
She is doing what is best for her family and her kids, no reason to feel bad.
You must not be licensed? If so what state would allow a 16 year old to stay and care for daycare kids without an adult present?
You must not be licensed? If so what state would allow a 16 year old to stay and care for daycare kids without an adult present?
Mom_of_two 08:06 AM 06-01-2011
hmmm duplicate!
Mom_of_two 08:09 AM 06-01-2011
I would not be upset at all, either!!
I am one of those parents that would not leave my kids in that situation, either. You did offer lots of alternatives, agree with pp's. Just her comfort level.
I am one of those parents that would not leave my kids in that situation, either. You did offer lots of alternatives, agree with pp's. Just her comfort level.
Unregistered 08:10 AM 06-01-2011
Just know that it is nothing to do with you as a person or mother. She is who she is. Dont dwell on it. Its hard to mix business and family. My sister is a worrier (not as extreme as your SIL) and we just let her be her. (my 7 y/o niece is still in a harness style car seat). As others have written, you offered alternatives that didnt suite her and she turned you down. Move on! So sorry you have to deal with all that.
mrs.meg 08:14 AM 06-01-2011
No, I am not licensed, and I was only leaving my daughter who is 16 with my 2 nieces and my 2-year-old. So she would be here with 3 kids, I was actually going to take the dc kids with me and there is a park right beside the pool, so that way there would not be any dc kids here. The parents like it when their kids get to go to the park.
Oh, and my daughter babysits some on the weekends for one of my dc families and they are the cousins of the other 2 kids, we all live out in the country and right down the road from their entire family, so they are fine with their kids staying with my oldest, anyway!
Thanks guys, your responses made me feel better!
Oh, and my daughter babysits some on the weekends for one of my dc families and they are the cousins of the other 2 kids, we all live out in the country and right down the road from their entire family, so they are fine with their kids staying with my oldest, anyway!
Thanks guys, your responses made me feel better!
jojosmommy 11:34 AM 06-01-2011
I wouldn't worry about it. I rarely leave my son with other people and don't think much of turning down a request to watch him if I don't think it will be just right for him. My son is slow to warm to others and has a tough time adjusting to anyone other than my MIL, and my mom. He took months to adjust to going to my SIL and she has a kid the same age as him. Maybe she thinks she is making it easier on you just to not have you have to deal with it all while dealing with the swimming thing.
mrs.meg 11:42 AM 06-01-2011
Originally Posted by jojosmommy:
I wouldn't worry about it. I rarely leave my son with other people and don't think much of turning down a request to watch him if I don't think it will be just right for him. My son is slow to warm to others and has a tough time adjusting to anyone other than my MIL, and my mom. He took months to adjust to going to my SIL and she has a kid the same age as him. Maybe she thinks she is making it easier on you just to not have you have to deal with it all while dealing with the swimming thing.
I know they probably do not really even like leaving them here with me, but her daughters LOVE it so much, I feel bad that they couldn't come, but I am going to leave it at that.I wouldn't worry about it. I rarely leave my son with other people and don't think much of turning down a request to watch him if I don't think it will be just right for him. My son is slow to warm to others and has a tough time adjusting to anyone other than my MIL, and my mom. He took months to adjust to going to my SIL and she has a kid the same age as him. Maybe she thinks she is making it easier on you just to not have you have to deal with it all while dealing with the swimming thing.
Sometimes I do wonder why people who are so picky about their children do not make sacrifices to stay home and take care of them, though. I know being a teacher, she has a good schedule, but over the years, they always try to bully my MIL into taking off from her work and I don't think it is right. I think the only reason they even come here is because they are older now.
They are materialistic and so I guess they have to work to keep a certain lifestyle. But, we don't have ipod touches and every gadget out there and a perfect home and big SUV's to drive like they do, so that I can stay at home.
Live and Learn 12:47 PM 06-01-2011
Originally Posted by mrs.meg:
Sometimes I do wonder why people who are so picky about their children do not make sacrifices to stay home and take care of them, though. I know being a teacher, she has a good schedule, but over the years, they always try to bully my MIL into taking off from her work and I don't think it is right. I think the only reason they even come here is because they are older now.
They are materialistic and so I guess they have to work to keep a certain lifestyle. But, we don't have ipod touches and every gadget out there and a perfect home and big SUV's to drive like they do, so that I can stay at home.
This is so true ....Sometimes I do wonder why people who are so picky about their children do not make sacrifices to stay home and take care of them, though. I know being a teacher, she has a good schedule, but over the years, they always try to bully my MIL into taking off from her work and I don't think it is right. I think the only reason they even come here is because they are older now.
They are materialistic and so I guess they have to work to keep a certain lifestyle. But, we don't have ipod touches and every gadget out there and a perfect home and big SUV's to drive like they do, so that I can stay at home.
.....and a whole nother thread!!!!!
Over the years I have had many, mani/pedi, hair dyed, nordstrom dressed, suv driving moms tell me on Monday mornings that they couldn't wait to drop off their kids with me. It seems that they value their fancy trips and houses, gardeners, house cleaners more than their parenting time.
Candyland 12:51 PM 06-01-2011
everyone's given great responses; I agree...move on.
Mom_of_two 01:19 PM 06-01-2011
Sounds like your feelings are hurt (pointing out her lifestyle choices and perfect home) but I hope you can let it go and move on! I just don't think people are 'bad' parents because they choose to work. Or like nice things. (I personally couldn't do it outside the home, but to each her own, imo.) Every parent has the right to be as picky as they see fit, but in this instance I really DON'T think it is about you, just her pickiness.