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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Getting Involved in Divorce Issues
Dsquared 10:55 AM 03-16-2019
Hello ladies,

I currently have these clients that have been with me for four years. I started out watching their little boy and then 2 years later they had the second. With that came the divorce. Ever since then the problems started. They are divorced but it is still nasty and somehow I’m always dragged in the middle. The kids are now only coming to me 2 days a week. I have become friends with the mom which I’m realizing now was not a good idea. Long story short I get a text from the mom asking me if I’m willing to sign and notarize a statement about her ex’s behavior so that she can take it in to court rather than me having to show up. I told her before my husband does not want me even going to court and taking sides. What do you all do in these situations? Thanks!
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Michael 02:25 PM 03-16-2019
She definitely dragged you in, now you are going to have to drag yourself out. Tell her you do not want to be part of her court battle. I don't think you need to go into details or make excuses. She is using you and I doubt its a real friendship if she can't take no for an answer.
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springv 03:06 PM 03-16-2019
I'd tell her sorry but that I'm not taking sides and that due to state licensing regulations that I can't get involved
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Dsquared 03:34 PM 03-16-2019
Originally Posted by Michael:
She definitely dragged you in, now you are going to have to drag yourself out. Tell her you do not want to be part of her court battle. I don't think you need to go into details or make excuses. She is using you and I doubt its a real friendship if she can't take no for an answer.
That’s just what I need to tell her. Thank you for the advice!
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Dsquared 03:36 PM 03-16-2019
Originally Posted by springvalley112:
I'd tell her sorry but that I'm not taking sides and that due to state licensing regulations that I can't get involved
I never thought to say that I canít because state licensing regulations. Thatís a great idea. Thanks!!
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Cat Herder 05:10 AM 03-17-2019
"I am a mandated reporter, had I witnessed anything concerning I would have reported it to child services. I do not get involved in civil court cases barring issues extreme enough to have involved child services. At this time I have nothing to report." "As a child advocate, I can offer you resources on healthy parenting and conflict resolution through a divorce."
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springv 08:33 AM 03-17-2019
@disgared: your welcome
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Snowmom 06:46 AM 03-18-2019
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
"I am a mandated reporter, had I witnessed anything concerning I would have reported it to child services. I do not get involved in civil court cases barring issues extreme enough to have involved child services. At this time I have nothing to report." "As a child advocate, I can offer you resources on healthy parenting and conflict resolution through a divorce."
To the point and shuts down any questions on your future involvement.

My own thoughts:
Unless ordered by a court, never get involved in court battles. Always be the safe, neutral zone for the child.
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Blackcat31 07:18 AM 03-18-2019
Originally Posted by Dsquared:
Hello ladies,

I currently have these clients that have been with me for four years. I started out watching their little boy and then 2 years later they had the second. With that came the divorce. Ever since then the problems started. They are divorced but it is still nasty and somehow Iím always dragged in the middle. The kids are now only coming to me 2 days a week. I have become friends with the mom which Iím realizing now was not a good idea. Long story short I get a text from the mom asking me if Iím willing to sign and notarize a statement about her exís behavior so that she can take it in to court rather than me having to show up. I told her before my husband does not want me even going to court and taking sides. What do you all do in these situations? Thanks!
I always wonder what parents think we know about the other parent as drop off and pick up are such short amounts of time to really assess anyone's behavior.

I've had families in care for years now and I couldn't say what type a parent anyone is or isn't outside of what I personally see during the short times I interact with a parent.

Anything I am aware of that requires attention would've been reported to DHS as a concern and anything else wouldn't be anything I am aware of unless someone tells me. If the other parent told me then it's just hearsay and not even relevant to court proceedings.

It's silly for mom to even think you'd have anything to add (in regards to how each parents).

I would simply tell her there isn't anything for you to add.
I'd also let her know that even asking you to do something like this is not only overstepping the provider/client relationship but isn't even something I'd be willing to get involved in even if I was simply friends with the parent.
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Tags:custody issues, divorce
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