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Old 03-18-2020, 06:54 AM
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Kimskiddos Kimskiddos is offline
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Default I Am Devastated and Need to Speak It

Yesterday one of our best friends suffered a tragic loss and I am so sad, stunned and just don't know how to process the whole thing.

Bf, his long time girlfriend, her daughter, boyfriend and daughters 4 year old son left the marina on his houseboat (BFF lives on the boat) a gust of wind caught the little boy at the worst possible moment and he went overboard and was then run over and killed. I am shook to the core and so hurt for the whole family! It's so sad all I want to do is cry.

I need to work up the nerve to check in on them but am at a loss of when and what to say. There are no words that are going to help and I don't know what to say. Is texting appropriate? Because if I call I know I won't be coherent, because it makes me cry and not certain that will help any of them.

Thanks for listening, I just don't know what to do or how I am suppose to act. It's just so tragic for our friends who are really more like family.

Last edited by Kimskiddos; 03-18-2020 at 06:57 AM. Reason: Sorry, I thought I was posting on the Off Topic board.
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Old 03-18-2020, 07:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimskiddos View Post
Yesterday one of our best friends suffered a tragic loss and I am so sad, stunned and just don't know how to process the whole thing.

Bf, his long time girlfriend, her daughter, boyfriend and daughters 4 year old son left the marina on his houseboat (BFF lives on the boat) a gust of wind caught the little boy at the worst possible moment and he went overboard and was then run over and killed. I am shook to the core and so hurt for the whole family! It's so sad all I want to do is cry.

I need to work up the nerve to check in on them but am at a loss of when and what to say. There are no words that are going to help and I don't know what to say. Is texting appropriate? Because if I call I know I won't be coherent, because it makes me cry and not certain that will help any of them.

Thanks for listening, I just don't know what to do or how I am suppose to act. It's just so tragic for our friends who are really more like family.
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Old 03-18-2020, 07:09 AM
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Omg, I am so, so sorry. That is beyond devastating and I can't even imagine how they are feeling.

Hugs to you too!

I think texting is ok right now. Shock is likely what state they are in right now. With everything going on in the country, I can't even think of what you could physically do for them at this time.
Words to let them know you're there if they need something? Check in often as I'm sure depression will hit them hard soon!
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Old 03-18-2020, 08:55 AM
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Oh no My heart hurts for you, your friend and her family. That's terribly sad. I think a text right now is okay but try to follow up soon with a call, even if you have to cut it short due to emotions. Or can you email her? For me, I could write a long email but have problems with texting. But that's just me. Even during this time of fearing to expose or be exposed, your friend is going to NEED that support, whatever support you can manage and whenever you can manage it for her. Have food delivered for her, maybe a local deli will still send meat/cheese platters, or something similar. I think she'll appreciate every single word you say and thing you do, no matter what it is. Take care Kim, and I'll be thinking of you.
I cannot even begin to imagine......
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Old 03-18-2020, 09:31 AM
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Very sad
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Old 03-18-2020, 09:39 AM
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I sent them my love and support in a text and will keep the lines of communication open.

I do like the idea of sending food. May give it a day or two for them to try and find some kind of normal footing. Not that it is ever going to be normal again. The Mommy ended up in the hospital last night (she is medically fragile as it is) and her mom his girlfriend is with her. Our husbands are out at the boat with him now. After they get back I'll have a better idea of how I can help. I'm so sad for them.
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Old 03-18-2020, 03:09 PM
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Oh goodness, what a tragedy. I am so sorry, take care of yourself and thank you for reaching out to your friend. =(
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Old 03-18-2020, 04:49 PM
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Sending prayers to you
I canít imagine

Praying for the family as well
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Old 03-18-2020, 04:55 PM
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They need you now more than ever! Donít stay away because you are not sure what to do or say. Keep communicating with them

Such a tragic situation

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Old 03-19-2020, 04:09 AM
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There are no right words or actions. Just knowing you are available and with them is more than anyone would ever ask for during a time like this.

Heartbreaking
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Old 03-20-2020, 12:44 PM
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agreed! As a mama that has lost two kids, I would have told you to go to them and just wrap them in your arms, but since that isn't an option right now... Tell them just what you told us- you are devastated and don't even know what to say. Saying that is far better than saying something like "you'll get through this" or "I know how you must feel"! Those are NOT helpful even IF you have been through your own tragedy, it isn't THEIR tragedy! Call her and just let her cry, scream, cuss, pray, be silent- just be there for her as best you can without taking health risks. Those friends that made it their mission to call me every day to check on me and just listen to me are the friends I will always hold dear! It hurts terribly when your closest people distance themselves because they either feel inept to speak or "want to give you space". This is when they need you most! You don't have to have the right words or even the right timing- just make yourself available however you can. Have food delivered to them. Arrange for someone to clean their home for them or a laundry service. When tragedy strike, you don't function in the everyday life things very well. Your brain ceases to function clearly and you collapse and fall apart without warning. I'll never forget when we came home from the funeral of our baby daughter, two of my friends (a mother daughter team) were at my house cleaning top to bottom. That's been thirty years ago but I have never forgotten. And EVERY year on my daughter's death anniversary, she messages me to let me know she remembers! Just love them through this awful journey, pray for and with them and do whatever you can to help them emotionally and practically. God bless you all!
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Old 03-23-2020, 11:26 AM
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So sorry! No words, just hugs
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Old 03-23-2020, 03:41 PM
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Being there for them is the best thing you can do.
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Old 03-24-2020, 04:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by injaymama View Post
agreed! As a mama that has lost two kids, I would have told you to go to them and just wrap them in your arms, but since that isn't an option right now... Tell them just what you told us- you are devastated and don't even know what to say. Saying that is far better than saying something like "you'll get through this" or "I know how you must feel"! Those are NOT helpful even IF you have been through your own tragedy, it isn't THEIR tragedy! Call her and just let her cry, scream, cuss, pray, be silent- just be there for her as best you can without taking health risks. Those friends that made it their mission to call me every day to check on me and just listen to me are the friends I will always hold dear! It hurts terribly when your closest people distance themselves because they either feel inept to speak or "want to give you space". This is when they need you most! You don't have to have the right words or even the right timing- just make yourself available however you can. Have food delivered to them. Arrange for someone to clean their home for them or a laundry service. When tragedy strike, you don't function in the everyday life things very well. Your brain ceases to function clearly and you collapse and fall apart without warning. I'll never forget when we came home from the funeral of our baby daughter, two of my friends (a mother daughter team) were at my house cleaning top to bottom. That's been thirty years ago but I have never forgotten. And EVERY year on my daughter's death anniversary, she messages me to let me know she remembers! Just love them through this awful journey, pray for and with them and do whatever you can to help them emotionally and practically. God bless you all!
Sorry for your losses! You have shared some very wise words though.
Kim, how are you doing? How is the family doing? They will be grateful for any and all acts of kindness you can offer them. A simple heartfelt card, now, in a month, 6 months, just to tell them you're thinking about them. It never goes away but people tend to gather around in the very beginning and return to their normal lives. The family will never have a normal life again. Phone calls just so they know they're not alone. I love the idea of having food sent to them and don't forget there's no time limit on all these thoughts and actions. If you, or a group of you/your mutual friends, etc. can form some kind of service chain, such as mowing their lawn, weeding their garden, driving them places(of course you need to take current circumstances into your thoughts), writing thank you cards for them, just anything you can possibly think off, raising money to help them. I remember some of the actions people reached out to us with, that meant the world.....a neighbor's church raised some money and she gave it to us during a visit, my pediatrician called every single week to check on us for 6 weeks after, our mechanic did some service on our car for free, neighbors gave us food, visits, cards, calls, flowers. Anything at all...I remember a dear friend that didn't know me at the time but a couple years later saw my ds's picture on the fridge. She asked me to talk about him. That was such a gift to me, because it's as if he stopped existing to everybody and nobody wanted to talk about him anymore.
My point being, it's never too late to do something and whatever you do will be accepted with love and gratitude.
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