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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How to Deal with Split Parents- HELP PLEASE
lovemydaycare0912 04:31 PM 02-24-2016
This is going to be long sorry!
Okay so today's last hour was stressful. DH had to leave to get his son and the kids were driving me crazy. Any who, one dcb is supposed to be picked up at 5:30 p.m. His parents are not together and they completely suck at communication. I know, not my problem, but it usually ends up being. I enforce mom, who is more soft spoken and is who we have on contract that she needs to communicate with dcd so they can be on the same page.
Today, I get a text from dcd saying he would be arriving at 545 due to traffic. I simply ask if he knew what the late fee was even though I wasn't going to charge him today since he is never late. Just wanted him to be aware for future reference since him and mom split pick ups. Long story short he wants to extend pickup until 6 now to give him time. DCB's contract begins at 8 so it is still within 10 hours. I was so stressed I told him that would be fine without thinking about it as long as dcm signs off on the change. After closing and thinking about it, I don't want to do that. Why keep dcb here later when dcm can get here by 430.
What I want to do is tell dcm she needs to be the only pickup person and leave it at 430pm. But then it isn't fair because my full-time charge is the same whether the child is here 30 hours or whether the child is here 50 hours.
Dcm doesn't really want to change the time because she says he should have enough time to get here in 30 minutes, but said if it's annoying him so much, she guesses she can.
Mehhhhhhhh why did they have to split up? It's annoying me. I don't want to have to communicate for mom. I don't want to have to deal with dad. Sorry I just need a woosah, my neighbors are driving me up the wall so I'm just really annoyed right now.
Okay so today's last hour was stressful. DH had to leave to get his son and the kids were driving me crazy. Any who, one dcb is supposed to be picked up at 5:30 p.m. His parents are not together and they completely suck at communication. I know, not my problem, but it usually ends up being. I enforce mom, who is more soft spoken and is who we have on contract that she needs to communicate with dcd so they can be on the same page.
Today, I get a text from dcd saying he would be arriving at 545 due to traffic. I simply ask if he knew what the late fee was even though I wasn't going to charge him today since he is never late. Just wanted him to be aware for future reference since him and mom split pick ups. Long story short he wants to extend pickup until 6 now to give him time. DCB's contract begins at 8 so it is still within 10 hours. I was so stressed I told him that would be fine without thinking about it as long as dcm signs off on the change. After closing and thinking about it, I don't want to do that. Why keep dcb here later when dcm can get here by 430.
What I want to do is tell dcm she needs to be the only pickup person and leave it at 430pm. But then it isn't fair because my full-time charge is the same whether the child is here 30 hours or whether the child is here 50 hours.
Dcm doesn't really want to change the time because she says he should have enough time to get here in 30 minutes, but said if it's annoying him so much, she guesses she can.
Mehhhhhhhh why did they have to split up? It's annoying me. I don't want to have to communicate for mom. I don't want to have to deal with dad. Sorry I just need a woosah, my neighbors are driving me up the wall so I'm just really annoyed right now.
MunchkinWrangler 07:19 PM 02-24-2016
I would enforce the contract with mom but I would want the father's signature if he is doing pickups.
Here's the thing, you don't want to be open that late and that's fine. You are allowed to say you were put on the spot and say you just can't be open past 5:30. Is it absolutely necessary that dad picks up? Can mom do pick ups and make sure to get DCK over to dad on his nights? This shouldn't be your issue to the logistics of who's time it is with the child, you are just the provider and shouldn't have the responsibility of dealing with 2 different timeframes and dealing with a parent that isn't technically contracted with you i.e. doesn't have to follow your rules, technically.
I have a family that is split and one parent does most pickups so the kids aren't here past my closing time(they are a very respectful family and work great together from what I can see) They deal with the logistics of whose night it is and so on and I don't have to be involved with it nor would I be.
You're are probably going to have to talk with them and work this out, mainly telling them that they need to work it out amongst themselves without involving you or your closing time.
Here's the thing, you don't want to be open that late and that's fine. You are allowed to say you were put on the spot and say you just can't be open past 5:30. Is it absolutely necessary that dad picks up? Can mom do pick ups and make sure to get DCK over to dad on his nights? This shouldn't be your issue to the logistics of who's time it is with the child, you are just the provider and shouldn't have the responsibility of dealing with 2 different timeframes and dealing with a parent that isn't technically contracted with you i.e. doesn't have to follow your rules, technically.
I have a family that is split and one parent does most pickups so the kids aren't here past my closing time(they are a very respectful family and work great together from what I can see) They deal with the logistics of whose night it is and so on and I don't have to be involved with it nor would I be.
You're are probably going to have to talk with them and work this out, mainly telling them that they need to work it out amongst themselves without involving you or your closing time.
lovemydaycare0912 07:55 PM 02-24-2016
Thanks but I am open until 6pm. I just dont see why scb has to he here if mom gets off work earlier. They use it as convenience because im located in the middle of them both. Mom lives 30 mins north of me. Dad lives 20 mins south of me. But thats not my problem they didnt work out. I sound mean I know. If he as in dcd gets to be too much to deal with well just require mom to pick up and drop off and theyll figure the rest out. Well see how it plays out.
Blackcat31 05:35 AM 02-25-2016
Is dad picking up because they just take turns or because he has court ordered visitation those particular days?
I would insist which ever parent is off earliest pick up.
If it's dad day to have him, mom can pick him up at 4:30 and dad can get him from mom's house.
Their visitation schedules are not your issue to manage and I would absolutely insist mom leave you out if it since your contract is with mom. SHE can manage how and when dad picks up child.
I have ONE parent sign the contract.
I have ONE parent pay the fees.
That parent can work out with the other parent the details OUTSIDE of my care as I am not part of their relationship or their divorce.
The ONLY time I've done two separate contracts is when a judge literally awarded each parent 50/50 everything and court ordered the child remain in my care. Neither parent spoke a word to the other, they dropped off the child and even took the outside gear so that the other parent didnt have access to something they paid for.
yeah, it was that bad. 
Here is a letter I give all divorced or separated parents. I think it will help your situation too:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B8_...ew?usp=sharing
I would insist which ever parent is off earliest pick up.
If it's dad day to have him, mom can pick him up at 4:30 and dad can get him from mom's house.
Their visitation schedules are not your issue to manage and I would absolutely insist mom leave you out if it since your contract is with mom. SHE can manage how and when dad picks up child.
I have ONE parent sign the contract.
I have ONE parent pay the fees.
That parent can work out with the other parent the details OUTSIDE of my care as I am not part of their relationship or their divorce.
The ONLY time I've done two separate contracts is when a judge literally awarded each parent 50/50 everything and court ordered the child remain in my care. Neither parent spoke a word to the other, they dropped off the child and even took the outside gear so that the other parent didnt have access to something they paid for.
yeah, it was that bad. Here is a letter I give all divorced or separated parents. I think it will help your situation too:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B8_...ew?usp=sharing
NightOwl 05:39 AM 02-25-2016
I don't know what state you're in but that is illegal here. We can't refuse to allow a legal parent to pick up or dictate who is on the list to pick up. But that's not really the issue. The issue is that they've involved you in THEIR issues.
This shouldn't be your problem. They need to work it out and, if they can't to everyone's satisfaction, then you enforce your contact. Hours are 8am to 430pm, the end. No matter who picks up on which day. That part isn't your problem, it's theirs.
On the other hand, you said you're open until 6. So why can't he come later? Is it that you don't want to be open that late or that you don't want to be open that late for him? I know all too well how difficult it can be to remain impartial, but it sounds like you've maybe taken a side in their issues and it has an effect on how you feel about dcd. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
This shouldn't be your problem. They need to work it out and, if they can't to everyone's satisfaction, then you enforce your contact. Hours are 8am to 430pm, the end. No matter who picks up on which day. That part isn't your problem, it's theirs.
On the other hand, you said you're open until 6. So why can't he come later? Is it that you don't want to be open that late or that you don't want to be open that late for him? I know all too well how difficult it can be to remain impartial, but it sounds like you've maybe taken a side in their issues and it has an effect on how you feel about dcd. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
Baby Beluga 05:42 AM 02-25-2016
Since they split pick ups, do they have consistent days when mom picks up and consistent days when dad picks up? If not, perhaps something like that would help.
Say every M W F mom picks up and is contracted until 4:30pm.
And every T TH dad picks up and is contracted until 6:00pm.
Then either have both parents sign the same contract or have one contract for mom and one for dad with each of their signatures on their own contract?
Say every M W F mom picks up and is contracted until 4:30pm.
And every T TH dad picks up and is contracted until 6:00pm.
Then either have both parents sign the same contract or have one contract for mom and one for dad with each of their signatures on their own contract?
Laurel 06:07 AM 02-25-2016
If you are open until 6:00 then you might be stuck but you can always change things. I had a similar issue where everyone left by 5:30 and a family really needed 6:00 so since I was willing for one family only I charged extra for that half hour. So then others who usually came at 5:30 started coming at 5:40, 5:45 and even up until 6:00 sometimes because they saw the 6 o'clock child there and figured I was open till 6:00 because, like you, I didn't do contracted hours. So I sent home a note explaining the situation. That I close promptly at 5:30 and late fees apply after 5:30 BUT if you need to pick up any later than I charge extra for that half hour. They all started getting there by 5:30 again except the one that paid for that time. One even apologized saying she just thought I was open till 6:00 and didn't think she was coming late.
You could change it but change it for everyone. Just make that last half hour or hour or any amount of time you want premium time and charge extra for it.
You also never have to worry about speaking too soon and regretting it later. Just tell dad that things were hectic that day and you told him yes before thinking about it. Now that you have thought about it, it won't work for you. Then tell him what will. I got in the habit of saying "I'll have to think about that and get back to you" for anything that wasn't really spur of the moment.
That's also a reason I never had a detailed contract. I figured if I had a rule for every little thing that I'd have no wiggle room.
You could change it but change it for everyone. Just make that last half hour or hour or any amount of time you want premium time and charge extra for it.
You also never have to worry about speaking too soon and regretting it later. Just tell dad that things were hectic that day and you told him yes before thinking about it. Now that you have thought about it, it won't work for you. Then tell him what will. I got in the habit of saying "I'll have to think about that and get back to you" for anything that wasn't really spur of the moment.
That's also a reason I never had a detailed contract. I figured if I had a rule for every little thing that I'd have no wiggle room.
childcaremom 07:55 AM 02-25-2016
Originally Posted by NightOwl:
This shouldn't be your problem. They need to work it out and, if they can't to everyone's satisfaction, then you enforce your contact. Hours are 8am to 430pm, the end. No matter who picks up on which day. That part isn't your problem, it's theirs.
This shouldn't be your problem. They need to work it out and, if they can't to everyone's satisfaction, then you enforce your contact. Hours are 8am to 430pm, the end. No matter who picks up on which day. That part isn't your problem, it's theirs.
This exactly. This is between the parents and should not even involve you.
If they want to ask to change their contract, of course they can ask, but if you don't want to do it, there is no problem saying no to them.
They can, and will, figure something out.
I'm sorry dcd, but after considering, I am unable to change the pick up time. You will need to pick up by 5:30 as originally agreed to.
OR
I'm sorry dcd, but after considering, I am going to need to make a few changes. (insert BC's advice here and have one contract with one parent and one pick up time). One parent contracted and they can figure out custodial issues on their own.
sharlan 08:29 AM 02-25-2016
This is how I handle my split parents. They have a 2/2/3 visitation.
On dcd's days, child has to be picked up by 5:30 regardless of who's picking up. (Grandma, dcd, or dcd's girlfriend.)
On dcm's days, child has to be picked up by 5:45. Mom is given an extra 15 mins because of where she works, traffic, etc.
On Mon, parent A drops off and parent B picks up. Parent B has Mon night until Wed morning. Parent A picks up Wed night and has child until Fri morning. Parent B picks up Fri night and has until Mon morning.
On dcd's days, child has to be picked up by 5:30 regardless of who's picking up. (Grandma, dcd, or dcd's girlfriend.)
On dcm's days, child has to be picked up by 5:45. Mom is given an extra 15 mins because of where she works, traffic, etc.
On Mon, parent A drops off and parent B picks up. Parent B has Mon night until Wed morning. Parent A picks up Wed night and has child until Fri morning. Parent B picks up Fri night and has until Mon morning.
lovemydaycare0912 08:48 AM 02-25-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Is dad picking up because they just take turns or because he has court ordered visitation those particular days?
I would insist which ever parent is off earliest pick up.
If it's dad day to have him, mom can pick him up at 4:30 and dad can get him from mom's house.
Their visitation schedules are not your issue to manage and I would absolutely insist mom leave you out if it since your contract is with mom. SHE can manage how and when dad picks up child.
I have ONE parent sign the contract.
I have ONE parent pay the fees.
That parent can work out with the other parent the details OUTSIDE of my care as I am not part of their relationship or their divorce.
The ONLY time I've done two separate contracts is when a judge literally awarded each parent 50/50 everything and court ordered the child remain in my care. Neither parent spoke a word to the other, they dropped off the child and even took the outside gear so that the other parent didnt have access to something they paid for. yeah, it was that bad.
Here is a letter I give all divorced or separated parents. I think it will help your situation too:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B8_...ew?usp=sharing
No court ordered days. He just picks him up when hes going to keep him overnight.Is dad picking up because they just take turns or because he has court ordered visitation those particular days?
I would insist which ever parent is off earliest pick up.
If it's dad day to have him, mom can pick him up at 4:30 and dad can get him from mom's house.
Their visitation schedules are not your issue to manage and I would absolutely insist mom leave you out if it since your contract is with mom. SHE can manage how and when dad picks up child.
I have ONE parent sign the contract.
I have ONE parent pay the fees.
That parent can work out with the other parent the details OUTSIDE of my care as I am not part of their relationship or their divorce.
The ONLY time I've done two separate contracts is when a judge literally awarded each parent 50/50 everything and court ordered the child remain in my care. Neither parent spoke a word to the other, they dropped off the child and even took the outside gear so that the other parent didnt have access to something they paid for.
yeah, it was that bad. Here is a letter I give all divorced or separated parents. I think it will help your situation too:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B8_...ew?usp=sharing
Mom going to get new job soon. Im leaning on telling her we will go by her hours and dad can pick up from her. He talked to me 1 way and talked to my dh like he was so scared and a saint. Come on. Just debating on whether to do it now or to wait til next month when she gets the job. And if she doesnt get job do it anyways. For my own sanity. And if it doesnt work for them bye.bwe are down to 5 instead of 6 but we can make it on 4.
lovemydaycare0912 08:49 AM 02-25-2016
Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
Since they split pick ups, do they have consistent days when mom picks up and consistent days when dad picks up? If not, perhaps something like that would help.
Say every M W F mom picks up and is contracted until 4:30pm.
And every T TH dad picks up and is contracted until 6:00pm.
Then either have both parents sign the same contract or have one contract for mom and one for dad with each of their signatures on their own contract?
No thats the problem. They dont even know whos picking up until same day.Since they split pick ups, do they have consistent days when mom picks up and consistent days when dad picks up? If not, perhaps something like that would help.
Say every M W F mom picks up and is contracted until 4:30pm.
And every T TH dad picks up and is contracted until 6:00pm.
Then either have both parents sign the same contract or have one contract for mom and one for dad with each of their signatures on their own contract?
lovemydaycare0912 08:52 AM 02-25-2016
Thank you all for your advice. Im young and only been in daycare of my own for 1 year so I was freaking out when no one responded yesterday. I know you are probably tired of me posting so much but this is my stress reliever and therapist.
So THANK YOU SO MUCH for all your advice. My dh and myself run the business together meaning he is here with me and this is our ownly source of income.
Being this, I am going to discuss with him now whether we should switch now or later just to avoid further issues. I just want to be happy.
So THANK YOU SO MUCH for all your advice. My dh and myself run the business together meaning he is here with me and this is our ownly source of income.
Being this, I am going to discuss with him now whether we should switch now or later just to avoid further issues. I just want to be happy.
Laurel 12:26 PM 02-26-2016
Oh, and one more thing about the plan I talked about. Once they made the comittment to pay for that extra time that was the fee every week. Meaning that if they wanted to pay extra for the extra time that was it. No going back and forth because some days they were here by 5:30 and some days they weren't. As long as they agreed to 6:00 they paid the 6:00 fee even if some days they would come earlier. Can't have it both ways. Too much confusion and paperwork.