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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Suggestions, Struggling With Some Kiddos
brittburk 12:21 PM 03-05-2013
I'm new here and have thankfully found a few awesome solutions to past questions via browsing the forums. Now, however, I have some more questions/rants about things happening.
A little background, I'm a 26 year old (well, in two weeks) stay-at-home mama to a 12 month old girl. I've always been a little interested in watching kids at my home. I've done daycare center (at my university) childcare, and also childcare as part of another job with a women's shelter. I babysat when I was a teenager and I'm the oldest of four kids. SO, I have had my fair share of experience watching kids, providing guidance, troubleshooting, etc.
Right now I'm providing daycare for both of my sisters-in-law. I watch my nephew (3 1/2) and niece (7 months) 4 days a week for 5 hours. I also watch my other niece (2 1/2) on Wednesdays for 5 hours. My hours are from 7am to noon.
I have some major gripes right now and I need some suggestions on how to approach each situation with understanding and maybe find a solution.
I go to my sister-in-law's house to provide daycare. My sister-in-law is sleeping while I am there (she works until 2am) and up until recently the 7 month old was asleep with her also.
Major problem is that their house is constantly messy. As in they don't sweep the floor, the husband leaves his beer can from the night before out, etc. Light sockets and power strips are also uncovered. And my nephew has those darn Squinkies and Zinkies. I absolutely LOATH those things. Since my niece and daughter are both young babies I must be constantly vigilant because no matter how hard I try to explain to the 3 year old that he can't have his tiny toys outside of his room they still end everywhere. Even if I pick them all up and put them in his room, in a bin, up on a shelf he will a)find a way to get them down and dump them all over the floor or b) his dad will let him take them anywhere in the house. I am at the point where I'm going to start throwing them away because I'm so annoyed over the fact that I've pulled them out of my daughter's mouth countless times and now that the 7 month old is crawling I've pulled them out of her mouth too. And it isn't that I'm not paying attention, but when you have two babies, one walking in one direction and the other crawling you can't catch everything. :| AND not even two weeks ago the 3 year old brought me his toy with a mousetrap on it. I asked him where he found it and he showed me it had been behind the couch. Within easy reach of ALL of the kids. Frankly their house is just dangerous to have my daughter in and I'm constantly stressing about it. My house is way out of their way to bring the kiddos to though.
The second thing is the 3 1/2 year old is not potty trained. He's honestly closer to 4 years old. I feel like a lot of it is that the parents are super inconsistent with the situation. I showed up late one day (after a snow storm the night before) and my sister-in-law informed me that she decided to be lazy and put the 3 year old in diapers for the day. Had I had no self control I'm sure my jaw would have been on the floor. :| Yesterday the kid pooped in his underwear three times in the four hours he was awake. THREE. TIMES. And he knows when he has to go. I wanted to cry by the time I left after scrubbing poop out of the bathroom rug.
Aaaaaand now for the 7 month old. I've been watching her consistently now for about a month. She's been getting worse and worse about being fussy, and it isn't just with me, its with her dad at night too when her mom goes to work. Yesterday she cried nonstop for 3 1/2 hours until she finally fell asleep. No matter what I did, she wasn't happy being held, being on the floor, being played with (I tried a variety of things), nothing. Today she cried even harder for nearly 2 hours before I finally got irritated enough that I took her in to lay down with her mom. She must have exhausted herself and slept for two hours. I feel terrible because I'm very much an attachment parent so listening to her cry while she crawls around looking for her mom is heartbreaking and super stressful for me. On top of it her brother is making terrible high pitched laughing noises at her because he thinks its hilarious that she's crying/he's probably uncomfortable with the crying and doesn't know how to cope. That also drives me freaking crazy. SO I'm stressed, her kids are stressed and I know my daughter is stressed because she starts signing that she wants milk and gets really clingy.
And finally, back to the 3 year old boy. He had a terrible diet, full of sugar. (I have to bring food for my daughter and I because we don't eat 95% of the items they have in their house.) Now I'm not going to poo-poo on anybody's diet choices but I notice HUGE differences between when I feed him breakfast and when his mom feeds him. If she's feeding him he gets a granola bar (with chocolate chips and sugar galore) and chocolate milk for breakfast and he. Is. Insane. When he gets frustrated after he's eaten this way he simple can't seem to control his hands or focus when I'm talking to him. Like his really...violently? wiggling and moving his hands and arms? He jumps all over the furniture. Ugh.
When I'm there I give him plain milk and a piece of fruit and he is still an energetic kid but he is a lot less aggressive towards my daughter and a lot less crazy.
He really can't focus at all on anything, I'm sure because of his diet. I can't do activities with him. My 1 year old daughter has a longer attention span than he does. :| All this kid wants to do is watch t.v. and jump on the couch.
We go to a music class on Fridays and as energetic as he is at home when we are there and he's supposed to be following along with the teacher he just sits there staring off into space.
I am at my wit's end. I have until the end of May before I am done and I need some suggestions on how to deal with these issues before I throw my hands up and quit. I really love these kids but oh man, I dread going over to watch them every day. Any advice at all would be most appreciated.
A little background, I'm a 26 year old (well, in two weeks) stay-at-home mama to a 12 month old girl. I've always been a little interested in watching kids at my home. I've done daycare center (at my university) childcare, and also childcare as part of another job with a women's shelter. I babysat when I was a teenager and I'm the oldest of four kids. SO, I have had my fair share of experience watching kids, providing guidance, troubleshooting, etc.
Right now I'm providing daycare for both of my sisters-in-law. I watch my nephew (3 1/2) and niece (7 months) 4 days a week for 5 hours. I also watch my other niece (2 1/2) on Wednesdays for 5 hours. My hours are from 7am to noon.
I have some major gripes right now and I need some suggestions on how to approach each situation with understanding and maybe find a solution.
I go to my sister-in-law's house to provide daycare. My sister-in-law is sleeping while I am there (she works until 2am) and up until recently the 7 month old was asleep with her also.
Major problem is that their house is constantly messy. As in they don't sweep the floor, the husband leaves his beer can from the night before out, etc. Light sockets and power strips are also uncovered. And my nephew has those darn Squinkies and Zinkies. I absolutely LOATH those things. Since my niece and daughter are both young babies I must be constantly vigilant because no matter how hard I try to explain to the 3 year old that he can't have his tiny toys outside of his room they still end everywhere. Even if I pick them all up and put them in his room, in a bin, up on a shelf he will a)find a way to get them down and dump them all over the floor or b) his dad will let him take them anywhere in the house. I am at the point where I'm going to start throwing them away because I'm so annoyed over the fact that I've pulled them out of my daughter's mouth countless times and now that the 7 month old is crawling I've pulled them out of her mouth too. And it isn't that I'm not paying attention, but when you have two babies, one walking in one direction and the other crawling you can't catch everything. :| AND not even two weeks ago the 3 year old brought me his toy with a mousetrap on it. I asked him where he found it and he showed me it had been behind the couch. Within easy reach of ALL of the kids. Frankly their house is just dangerous to have my daughter in and I'm constantly stressing about it. My house is way out of their way to bring the kiddos to though.
The second thing is the 3 1/2 year old is not potty trained. He's honestly closer to 4 years old. I feel like a lot of it is that the parents are super inconsistent with the situation. I showed up late one day (after a snow storm the night before) and my sister-in-law informed me that she decided to be lazy and put the 3 year old in diapers for the day. Had I had no self control I'm sure my jaw would have been on the floor. :| Yesterday the kid pooped in his underwear three times in the four hours he was awake. THREE. TIMES. And he knows when he has to go. I wanted to cry by the time I left after scrubbing poop out of the bathroom rug.
Aaaaaand now for the 7 month old. I've been watching her consistently now for about a month. She's been getting worse and worse about being fussy, and it isn't just with me, its with her dad at night too when her mom goes to work. Yesterday she cried nonstop for 3 1/2 hours until she finally fell asleep. No matter what I did, she wasn't happy being held, being on the floor, being played with (I tried a variety of things), nothing. Today she cried even harder for nearly 2 hours before I finally got irritated enough that I took her in to lay down with her mom. She must have exhausted herself and slept for two hours. I feel terrible because I'm very much an attachment parent so listening to her cry while she crawls around looking for her mom is heartbreaking and super stressful for me. On top of it her brother is making terrible high pitched laughing noises at her because he thinks its hilarious that she's crying/he's probably uncomfortable with the crying and doesn't know how to cope. That also drives me freaking crazy. SO I'm stressed, her kids are stressed and I know my daughter is stressed because she starts signing that she wants milk and gets really clingy.
And finally, back to the 3 year old boy. He had a terrible diet, full of sugar. (I have to bring food for my daughter and I because we don't eat 95% of the items they have in their house.) Now I'm not going to poo-poo on anybody's diet choices but I notice HUGE differences between when I feed him breakfast and when his mom feeds him. If she's feeding him he gets a granola bar (with chocolate chips and sugar galore) and chocolate milk for breakfast and he. Is. Insane. When he gets frustrated after he's eaten this way he simple can't seem to control his hands or focus when I'm talking to him. Like his really...violently? wiggling and moving his hands and arms? He jumps all over the furniture. Ugh.
When I'm there I give him plain milk and a piece of fruit and he is still an energetic kid but he is a lot less aggressive towards my daughter and a lot less crazy.
He really can't focus at all on anything, I'm sure because of his diet. I can't do activities with him. My 1 year old daughter has a longer attention span than he does. :| All this kid wants to do is watch t.v. and jump on the couch.
We go to a music class on Fridays and as energetic as he is at home when we are there and he's supposed to be following along with the teacher he just sits there staring off into space.
I am at my wit's end. I have until the end of May before I am done and I need some suggestions on how to deal with these issues before I throw my hands up and quit.
I really love these kids but oh man, I dread going over to watch them every day. Any advice at all would be most appreciated.
butterfly 12:32 PM 03-05-2013
I would have the kids come to your house. I see you said it's too far out of the way for them, but if you are able to make the drive to their house, why can't they drive to your house?
I bet the behavior would be different in your home as well. Your home, your rules. There would be less safety concerns - I assume. You could prepare meals that are healthy, etc.
I bet the behavior would be different in your home as well. Your home, your rules. There would be less safety concerns - I assume. You could prepare meals that are healthy, etc.
NeedaVaca 01:04 PM 03-05-2013
I agree with the PP, if you are ready to have a career in this business then it's time to get things on YOUR terms. I would never watch kids in the environment you described, way too many safety hazards-if ANYTHING happens regardless of who's house it is, you will be the one responsible.
Your house, your rules-this will probably help in so many aspects, behavior, naps, food etc...
Time to make a change and honestly I don't think caring for family is ideal-too many issues can come up-you are already seeing them. If they are not willing to come to you consider advertising for new kids and start over doing things your way
My guess is you will make more money too!
Your house, your rules-this will probably help in so many aspects, behavior, naps, food etc...
Time to make a change and honestly I don't think caring for family is ideal-too many issues can come up-you are already seeing them. If they are not willing to come to you consider advertising for new kids and start over doing things your way
My guess is you will make more money too!
LK5kids 04:30 PM 03-05-2013
Originally Posted by butterfly:
I would have the kids come to your house. I see you said it's too far out of the way for them, but if you are able to make the drive to their house, why can't they drive to your house?
I bet the behavior would be different in your home as well. Your home, your rules. There would be less safety concerns - I assume. You could prepare meals that are healthy, etc.
Agree...Agree...Agree! Exactly what I thought. If it's not too far for you it's not too far for them! And you won't have to worry about the small toys.I would have the kids come to your house. I see you said it's too far out of the way for them, but if you are able to make the drive to their house, why can't they drive to your house?
I bet the behavior would be different in your home as well. Your home, your rules. There would be less safety concerns - I assume. You could prepare meals that are healthy, etc.
brittburk 04:37 PM 03-05-2013
Okay, awesome, thank you for your help! I will get tough 'in a polite way' of course and get something figured out here. I was also able to talk with my mom (who did daycare for a number of years) and she was able to give me a few pointers as well. 
MNMum 04:47 PM 03-05-2013
Originally Posted by brittburk:
Okay, awesome, thank you for your help! I will get tough 'in a polite way' of course and get something figured out here. I was also able to talk with my mom (who did daycare for a number of years) and she was able to give me a few pointers as well.
It really sucks in the moment, and it is a drag to think about doing. But you will feel so much better after you talk to them. There is no reason that you should have to suffer through the next few months Okay, awesome, thank you for your help! I will get tough 'in a polite way' of course and get something figured out here. I was also able to talk with my mom (who did daycare for a number of years) and she was able to give me a few pointers as well.
mbullette 09:48 AM 03-06-2013
I would tell them they need to come to your house or they need to find someone else. If they really want you to watch their kids they will make the drive. I wouldn't be taking my child there if the environment is not safe and clearly its not safe. When something happens its going to be your fault even though it's their home and clearly not a place to be watching kids. What happens when you are not there is not your problem.
Personally I dont watch friends or families kids. When situations come up its a lot harder to deal with because you are friends or family and dont want to hurt feelings. You also tend to break rules for them because you know them and it just doesnt work out. Can you advertise and bring in other kids?
Personally I dont watch friends or families kids. When situations come up its a lot harder to deal with because you are friends or family and dont want to hurt feelings. You also tend to break rules for them because you know them and it just doesnt work out. Can you advertise and bring in other kids?
cheerfuldom 12:44 PM 03-05-2013
is it possible to come pick them up and drive them back to your house during the day? it might be worth it just to have a safer environment for your 12 month old and spend some of your earnings on gas money. just trying to make it work till may.
the issues could be solved by the parents adding some more structure and routine and consistency to the household. I am assuming you have not approached them with your concerns or that you have, and they have disregarded it. The parents are not setting up you or their kids for success when the house is trashed, their preschooler is in diapers and the baby is confused and upset. If it was a regular daycare family, you could insist on changes or quit but with family, things are complicated. I would highly suggest trying to get out of this gig sooner and not working for family in the future.
The best you can do is what you are already doing. Cleaning up as you can, trying to keep the kids busy and happy. You really arent going to make a huge dent in these issues without the parents help and support. you are there 20 hours a week so yes you are important, but you cant overcome the obstacles that the parents have set up.
I'm sorry. I wish I had the solutions for you.
the issues could be solved by the parents adding some more structure and routine and consistency to the household. I am assuming you have not approached them with your concerns or that you have, and they have disregarded it. The parents are not setting up you or their kids for success when the house is trashed, their preschooler is in diapers and the baby is confused and upset. If it was a regular daycare family, you could insist on changes or quit but with family, things are complicated. I would highly suggest trying to get out of this gig sooner and not working for family in the future.
The best you can do is what you are already doing. Cleaning up as you can, trying to keep the kids busy and happy. You really arent going to make a huge dent in these issues without the parents help and support. you are there 20 hours a week so yes you are important, but you cant overcome the obstacles that the parents have set up.
I'm sorry. I wish I had the solutions for you.
brittburk 01:05 PM 03-05-2013
I would LOVE to drive back and forth but the husband and I are tight on money (hence the reason I am even watching the kids in the first place) and he gets pretty upset if I do that because our mini-van is not kind on gas usage. If I were to drive back and forth each day I would have to fill up twice a week, its a 15-20 minute drive there depending on traffic. Also I only have one extra carseat for the 3 year old to take him to the music class. So that would require the parents getting another carseat, for the dad to get the kids up and ready to go in the morning while he is getting ready for work and for the mom to pump even more milk for the time the baby would be at my house. I'm also not sure if this would help the infant? Would she maybe be less stressed and fussy if her mom weren't just out of reach in the next room and at my house instead? I don't even know.
We originally worked out a contract for me to watch the 3 year old. The baby was never in the agreement but was added on because the mom was awake for nearly half of the time I was there, kind of negating the whole point of me watching the kid. And the 2 year old was added on at the very same time that the baby was because my other sister-in-law's daycare notified her that they wouldn't accept her 1 day only anymore. The 2 year old is a sweetheart and really no trouble at all, potty trained and really gentle and polite. She was also used to her mom doing daycare for a few months so she knows the routine.
So there is no new contract for the extra kiddos. I HAVE mentioned the small toys and a variety of other things via hinting at them, I leave notes for the mom about our day, etc. I haven't really sat down and talked much about them because a lot of this is really new after the add-ons. The small toys always end up back out on the ground everywhere. :| I guess I am looking for a nice way to put my concerns to words because I'm honestly so stressed out I don't even know where to begin.
I had no problem with the 3 year old, as wild as he can be, pooping pants and all because it was just him, my daughter and I. I mean sure he really drove me a little crazy when he was hopped up on sugar but I wasn't anywhere near the point I am now. I was able to get up and out of the house so he wasn't so ridden with cabin fever. But now with the baby I can't go anywhere as long as she is awake (and crawling around and crying).
Oh goodness, I don't even know where to start. I know working for family can be troublesome but I really don't feel like anything is going to be a problem here as long as I can bring it up in a good manner. Or find solutions and suggest these things to the parents instead of them trying to figure something out.
We originally worked out a contract for me to watch the 3 year old. The baby was never in the agreement but was added on because the mom was awake for nearly half of the time I was there, kind of negating the whole point of me watching the kid. And the 2 year old was added on at the very same time that the baby was because my other sister-in-law's daycare notified her that they wouldn't accept her 1 day only anymore. The 2 year old is a sweetheart and really no trouble at all, potty trained and really gentle and polite. She was also used to her mom doing daycare for a few months so she knows the routine.
So there is no new contract for the extra kiddos. I HAVE mentioned the small toys and a variety of other things via hinting at them, I leave notes for the mom about our day, etc. I haven't really sat down and talked much about them because a lot of this is really new after the add-ons. The small toys always end up back out on the ground everywhere. :| I guess I am looking for a nice way to put my concerns to words because I'm honestly so stressed out I don't even know where to begin.
I had no problem with the 3 year old, as wild as he can be, pooping pants and all because it was just him, my daughter and I. I mean sure he really drove me a little crazy when he was hopped up on sugar but I wasn't anywhere near the point I am now. I was able to get up and out of the house so he wasn't so ridden with cabin fever. But now with the baby I can't go anywhere as long as she is awake (and crawling around and crying).
Oh goodness, I don't even know where to start. I know working for family can be troublesome but I really don't feel like anything is going to be a problem here as long as I can bring it up in a good manner. Or find solutions and suggest these things to the parents instead of them trying to figure something out.
brittburk 03:37 PM 03-05-2013
Okay, so if you were in my position how would you say that you need to start watching the kiddos at your own home and nicely explain the reasons? :3
MNMum 04:13 PM 03-05-2013
You are just going to have to say it. Due to the increase in # of kids it needs to be on your turf. Also, with both babies now crawling it changes everything.
You can have a more controlled environment and ensure everyone is safe and taken care of more easily in your own home. Give them the option to opt out, but not the option for you to continue in their home. Give them specifics - this needs to happen by March 11 or 18 (if you want to be nice). Stop being the nice guy - it will only make you more upset when the situation continues on as it has, and it won't miraculously change if you don't take the initiative.
You can have a more controlled environment and ensure everyone is safe and taken care of more easily in your own home. Give them the option to opt out, but not the option for you to continue in their home. Give them specifics - this needs to happen by March 11 or 18 (if you want to be nice). Stop being the nice guy - it will only make you more upset when the situation continues on as it has, and it won't miraculously change if you don't take the initiative.