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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>What Do You Do With Infants Who Are Held All The Time At Home?
crazydaycarelady 10:43 AM 05-21-2014
New 4mo baby started today. So far she eats well and sleeps well, once she goes to sleep. But I have let her cry herself to sleep because at home they rock her and hold her while she sleeps. I can't do that! She also does not have a pacifier to sooth herself with (she usually is nursing to sleep.)



It is clear that they hold her during her awake time too. She needs constant attention.

I haven't had one of these in awhile. How do you all break this habit?
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playground1 10:47 AM 05-21-2014
Can I ask how many other kids you have with you and their ages?
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crazydaycarelady 10:55 AM 05-21-2014
Six between 7mo and 5yo. Up to 12 if it is on a day my assistant is here.
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SSWonders 10:56 AM 05-21-2014
Give the parents homework. I have the exact same baby! She started with me five weeks ago. Just turned 4 months. Breastfed. No pacifier. I have given the parents homework and that is to put that baby down to sleep and to play. Monday mom proudly told me that bay napped a whole 20 minutes in her crib. <rolling my eyes>. I think the problem with my family is that if the baby so much as squeaks they pick her up. It is slow going here. Right now I am just trying to let her fuss a bit if she isn't being held. I drove myself crazy for the first four weeks trying to keep her happy and do everything else I have to do at the same time. It's not easy, but I don't see how it's going to get any better if I don't.
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playground1 10:58 AM 05-21-2014
Okay, that's a lot of kids! I assume that babycarrying is something you don't want to do (understandably). Have you tried swaddling her?
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Kabob 10:59 AM 05-21-2014
I don't plan on taking infants anymore due to this problem...if the parents aren't willing to prep their baby for group care by working on teaching them to self soothe and play independently at home then your chances of solving this problem quickly are slim...lots of time and energy on your part weaning them off of being held all day long. Sorry more of a rant than help...
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craftymissbeth 11:00 AM 05-21-2014
I do just like you've been doing, but I also refuse to take babies that are held all day. It's not fair to the baby when they don't also get that here, it's not fair to the other kids to listen to crying/screaming all day, and it sure isn't fair to me.

I'm up front with every parent I have (especially parents of infants!) that with the type of program I have, babies that are held or soothed by their parents don't usually mesh here. I make it clear that children are encouraged to learn how to soothe themselves here and that it will include crying (not endless, abandoned crying; not cry-it-out, but they will cry).

I termed a 14 month old screamer in February because she was held CONSTANTLY at home every time she made a peep. I kept her for 5 months because I felt like I was failing, but it just wasn't fair to anyone to let her keep crying like that.
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Sugar Magnolia 11:02 AM 05-21-2014
Oy. I just went through this with an older infant (10 months). Thanks to good advice here, I just gradually put him down and refused to carry him anymore. It was really really rough. It took a month to get over the shock of "I'm not being held all day". He's just rounding the curve now. He is still fussy, but learning to self soothe. I just say next to him and talked to him and made lots of eye contact. Oh my best wishes to you.....I didn't think my Lil guy would make it, he was/is an AP baby.
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TaylorTots 11:12 AM 05-21-2014
Originally Posted by queen_of_the_playground:
Okay, that's a lot of kids! I assume that babycarrying is something you don't want to do (understandably). Have you tried swaddling her?
That is really not a lot of kids for licensed providers.

Infants are to be laid in pack and plays or cribs with nothing but a pacifier here. You CANNOT swaddle.
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Annalee 11:17 AM 05-21-2014
Originally Posted by TaylorTots:
That is really not a lot of kids for licensed providers.

Infants are to be laid in pack and plays or cribs with nothing but a pacifier here. You CANNOT swaddle.
Same here, we can have one receiving blanket only to be pulled up to their nipple-line...This is for licensing. Absolutely NO swaddling.
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cheerfuldom 11:23 AM 05-21-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
I do just like you've been doing, but I also refuse to take babies that are held all day. It's not fair to the baby when they don't also get that here, it's not fair to the other kids to listen to crying/screaming all day, and it sure isn't fair to me.

I'm up front with every parent I have (especially parents of infants!) that with the type of program I have, babies that are held or soothed by their parents don't usually mesh here. I make it clear that children are encouraged to learn how to soothe themselves here and that it will include crying (not endless, abandoned crying; not cry-it-out, but they will cry).

I termed a 14 month old screamer in February because she was held CONSTANTLY at home every time she made a peep. I kept her for 5 months because I felt like I was failing, but it just wasn't fair to anyone to let her keep crying like that.
I agree. the secret to keeping infants is to interview for the right parents and that weeds out a lot of the parents whose style is to hold constantly, on demand everything. It just cant be replicated at daycare. I have an infant coming in August but I am only accepting him because both parents work and are on a consistent schedule plus this is their third child and that usually means they no longer have the desire or time to carry and soothe a baby all day.....good preparation for group care Other than that, I do swaddle for naps, white noise, darken room, routine from day one. I don't do on demand style as I have up to 9 kids here 7 and younger and no assistant. The baby will be cared for and then put down, fed then put down, changed then put down, etc.
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playground1 11:28 AM 05-21-2014
Originally Posted by TaylorTots:
That is really not a lot of kids for licensed providers.

Infants are to be laid in pack and plays or cribs with nothing but a pacifier here. You CANNOT swaddle.
I phrased that wrong. What I meant was that's a lot of kids and still deal with a screaming infant. Interesting about the swaddling.
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Blackcat31 11:39 AM 05-21-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
I also refuse to take babies that are held all day. It's not fair to the baby when they don't also get that here, it's not fair to the other kids to listen to crying/screaming all day, and it sure isn't fair to me.

I'm up front with every parent I have (especially parents of infants!) that with the type of program I have, babies that are held or soothed by their parents don't usually mesh here. I make it clear that children are encouraged to learn how to soothe themselves here and that it will include crying (not endless, abandoned crying; not cry-it-out, but they will cry).
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
I agree. the secret to keeping infants is to interview for the right parents and that weeds out a lot of the parents whose style is to hold constantly, on demand everything. It just cant be replicated at daycare.


As a group child care provider, my focus is what is best for the group as a whole. I cannot give ALL of my attention to one child.

That's what nannies are for.

Parents MUST do their jobs too and properly prepare their child for group care. If they are seeking individual attention and one on one care that THEY get to dictate, then they need to hire a nanny.

Expecting your GROUP care provider to give one on one care is no different than trying to see your dentist for a rash on your arm.

The client = business owner must work together with the SAME common goal or it will not work.
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Angelsj 11:43 AM 05-21-2014
I wear them. Maybe she needs to find a provider who is willing to do so. For this reason, I only take one infant at any given time.

Barring that, I would talk to mom and explain you do not want to do this and insist she work with you to help the baby learn to be alone for increasing periods of time. I agree with getting mom on board. It is unfair to you, the baby and the other kids.
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saved4always 11:56 AM 05-21-2014
I personally have termed a baby who required constant carrying. Most babies I have had were not carried constantly at home and did not require every moment of my attention so I could provide care for all the kids. I did have one though who cried constantly if I put him down....and he was a giant baby. I think he was 7 mos old or so. That is the one I termed the day I could barely get out of bed after spending the entire week carrying him everywhere. My poor back couldn't take it. That is why I always preferred toddlers. To me, babies who need to be carried or worn at all times need to have a nanny, not group care. I loved holding (preferably while sitting ) all the kids I watched but that was not possible that week I had the heavy little guy who didn't want to share me.
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renodeb 11:56 AM 05-21-2014
Are you sure you haven't been to my house lately? that sounds exactly like my 5 m/o dc girl. She's actually the baby sis to a child I have had for a long time now. They are great clients, very respectful and appreciate. The baby was born about 7 weeks early so she was in the NICU for about 5 weeks. Once they got her home mom has been holding her and nursing her to sleep every day. As soon as I separate her from my body she starts crying and cries and cries. Lets jut say she spends a lot of time in the baby swing. I do a lot of the hold her a while and then put her down. That's all you can do. That's what I would do. I think most babies do end up adjusting. Hang in there.
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Unregistered 07:05 PM 05-21-2014
Do any of you even like kids?
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craftymissbeth 07:27 PM 05-21-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Do any of you even like kids?
I know I shouldn't feed you, but if you actually read these posts the problems aren't the children. It's the parents.

I encourage you to care for 6-12 children 60 hours a week while they all scream because they're held all day at home and you are physically incapable of doing the same. IMO, if something is impossible to do for every child in my care then it's impossible to do for one.
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NightOwl 07:33 PM 05-21-2014
Unregistered, don't be rude. We LOVE kids. That's why we're discussing practically every topic you can think of pertaining to kids on this forum.

This hurts my heart when a baby is so miserable because they are literally taught to be afraid, IMO. I'm not being held, nursed, carried, etc., therefore something is terribly wrong in my world. And who has taught them this? The parent.

I have struggled with this little guy from 6 weeks old and he's almost one. I've seen it first hand when mom is here. He peeps and she immediately rushes to him saying shush, shush, shush! It's Ok! I might need to mention that he has a HORRIBLE cry. It's like a screech owl dying and tortured death! Lol.

So I'm not sure if she's truly trying to coddle him or just avoid the death cry. But when she's not here, there are WAY less peeps because he has learned that I don't play that way. He's figured out that he is not the center of my universe and must share my attention with his friends.

So your little 4 month old can be taught to self soothe while with you, but may still be a clingy baby with mom.

I have stuck it out this long because I had big brother from 6 weeks until kindergarten. If I didn't already know this family, I would've termed at day 2! He has been a major challenge, but things are smoothing out for us and he's much happier now.
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Sugar Magnolia 07:37 PM 05-21-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Do any of you even like kids?
Love kids!

Can't stand internet trolls.

Gotta hand it to ya.....that's a pretty catchy line. Nice and inflammatory.
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Sugar Magnolia 07:39 PM 05-21-2014
Originally Posted by Wednesday:
Unregistered, don't be rude. We LOVE kids. That's why we're discussing practically every topic you can think of pertaining to kids on this forum.

This hurts my heart when a baby is so miserable because they are literally taught to be afraid, IMO. I'm not being held, nursed, carried, etc., therefore something is terribly wrong in my world. And who has taught them this? The parent.

I have struggled with this little guy from 6 weeks old and he's almost one. I've seen it first hand when mom is here. He peeps and she immediately rushes to him saying shush, shush, shush! It's Ok! I might need to mention that he has a HORRIBLE cry. It's like a screech owl dying and tortured death! Lol.

So I'm not sure if she's truly trying to coddle him or just avoid the death cry. But when she's not here, there are WAY less peeps because he has learned that I don't play that way. He's figured out that he is not the center of my universe and must share my attention with his friends.

So your little 4 month old can be taught to self soothe while with you, but may still be a clingy baby with mom.

I have stuck it out this long because I had big brother from 6 weeks until kindergarten. If I didn't already know this family, I would've termed at day 2! He has been a major challenge, but things are smoothing out for us and he's much happier now.
Wednesday, trolls love long and thought out replies. I prefer sarcasm
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crazydaycarelady 07:55 PM 05-21-2014
Actually we had a good first day. She did cry herself to sleep for a bit but she was pretty entertained just watching the kids so that helped. I do really appreciate that her parents got her used to the bottle before bringing her here. Nothing worse than a baby who is held all day AND won't drink from a bottle.
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playground1 10:53 PM 05-21-2014
Originally Posted by :
This hurts my heart when a baby is so miserable because they are literally taught to be afraid, IMO. I'm not being held, nursed, carried, etc., therefore something is terribly wrong in my world. And who has taught them this? The parent.
I think this comment is unfair in two ways. First, babies are humans and all of them have different personalities. Some of them are just naturally more fearful than others. That's okay, that's who they are. The just have different needs and maybe shouldn't be in a group day care.

And secondly, babies don't have instruction books, and there are a lot of things that a parent can't really be prepared for. Also okay. They just need to be open to being helped through it and frankly, we're the perfect people to do that.
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Cradle2crayons 05:41 AM 05-22-2014
Originally Posted by Wednesday:
Unregistered, don't be rude. We LOVE kids. That's why we're discussing practically every topic you can think of pertaining to kids on this forum.

This hurts my heart when a baby is so miserable because they are literally taught to be afraid, IMO. I'm not being held, nursed, carried, etc., therefore something is terribly wrong in my world. And who has taught them this? The parent.

I have struggled with this little guy from 6 weeks old and he's almost one. I've seen it first hand when mom is here. He peeps and she immediately rushes to him saying shush, shush, shush! It's Ok! I might need to mention that he has a HORRIBLE cry. It's like a screech owl dying and tortured death! Lol.

So I'm not sure if she's truly trying to coddle him or just avoid the death cry. But when she's not here, there are WAY less peeps because he has learned that I don't play that way. He's figured out that he is not the center of my universe and must share my attention with his friends.

So your little 4 month old can be taught to self soothe while with you, but may still be a clingy baby with mom.

I have stuck it out this long because I had big brother from 6 weeks until kindergarten. If I didn't already know this family, I would've termed at day 2! He has been a major challenge, but things are smoothing out for us and he's much happier now.
I have an 11 month old I've had since the day he was released from the NICU at two weeks old. And every day the mom hands him over and he's all smiles and just the perfect baby. She says "wth he cries all the time with me unless I hold him" and I just do the blank stare. He doesn't want held at all here. He mom even says her kids like me better Than they like her.
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cara041083 07:26 AM 05-22-2014
Originally Posted by Kabob:
I don't plan on taking infants anymore due to this problem...if the parents aren't willing to prep their baby for group care by working on teaching them to self soothe and play independently at home then your chances of solving this problem quickly are slim...lots of time and energy on your part weaning them off of being held all day long. Sorry more of a rant than help...
I actually had a wait list and after the infant I have now I called everyone on that list and informed them I was turning into an 18 month and older daycare. Never again!
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TaylorTots 10:19 AM 05-22-2014
Sometimes my DCKs act like little trolls.


Just sayin'
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Angelsj 11:11 AM 05-22-2014
Originally Posted by queen_of_the_playground:
I think this comment is unfair in two ways. First, babies are humans and all of them have different personalities. Some of them are just naturally more fearful than others. That's okay, that's who they are. The just have different needs and maybe shouldn't be in a group day care.

And secondly, babies don't have instruction books, and there are a lot of things that a parent can't really be prepared for. Also okay. They just need to be open to being helped through it and frankly, we're the perfect people to do that.
Agreed. I have cared for dozens of infants over the years. Some are very relaxed and don't need or want to be held constantly. Others are just more cautious, or just need more human contact. Often they come from the same household, so I don't think we are discussing parents instilling fear. Just different kids with different personalities/needs.
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Blackcat31 11:26 AM 05-22-2014
Originally Posted by Angelsj:
Agreed. I have cared for dozens of infants over the years. Some are very relaxed and don't need or want to be held constantly. Others are just more cautious, or just need more human contact. Often they come from the same household, so I don't think we are discussing parents instilling fear. Just different kids with different personalities/needs.
I agree. My DD was super social, loved other people (even strangers sometimes) adapted to change quickly and thrived in a group setting.

My DS on the other hand hated change, disliked anyone other than myself, my DH, his sister and sometimes his uncle. He did not do well in a group setting.

The difference though is that I decided to do what I needed to do for my child as his parent and quit my teaching job at Head Start and stayed home with my child verses subjecting a child care provider (with other children in care) to deal with it.

I dont think anyone is arguing that babies are or aren't the same... I think parents need to recognize and understand that sometimes their child is not cut out for group care and rather than just enroll their child in a daycare and expect the provider to figure it out, they need to really look at the individual needs of their child and make the care decision that bests fits that child's needs rather than what worked for a previous child or what option fits their paycheck... Kwim?

Like you have said before, you run a very different program than I do so that only further proves that there are so many different types of programs and providers out there that ideally no provider should have to deal with an infant that requires being held all day if it isn't something the provider can physically or emotionally manage.
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KiddieCahoots 11:47 AM 05-22-2014
Originally Posted by queen_of_the_playground:
I think this comment is unfair in two ways. First, babies are humans and all of them have different personalities. Some of them are just naturally more fearful than others. That's okay, that's who they are. The just have different needs and maybe shouldn't be in a group day care.
Different personalities and needs, yes. Don't think the discussion is necessarily about that, as much as it is of a baby trying to learn self soothing methods. A parent that contributes by neglecting this is only setting their baby up for failure in a group setting, and stunting emotional and social growth. As statistically proven, when a child has lack of emotional and social growth, will impair their readiness for academics.
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NightOwl 01:52 PM 05-22-2014
Agreed. I don't think removing the child from care will solve anything, only exacerbate it. And when kindergarten comes, Lord help them!
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cheerfuldom 03:40 PM 05-22-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:


As a group child care provider, my focus is what is best for the group as a whole. I cannot give ALL of my attention to one child.

That's what nannies are for.

Parents MUST do their jobs too and properly prepare their child for group care. If they are seeking individual attention and one on one care that THEY get to dictate, then they need to hire a nanny.

Expecting your GROUP care provider to give one on one care is no different than trying to see your dentist for a rash on your arm.

The client = business owner must work together with the SAME common goal or it will not work.
Exactly. and it irritates me when providers promise in ads that they will give one on one attention to each child....when is this going to be happening? who is watching the others while you one-on-one every other child in care? That is what I would want to know as a parent.
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NightOwl 04:47 PM 05-22-2014
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
Wednesday, trolls love long and thought out replies. I prefer sarcasm
Only the first two sentences were for the troll.
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NightOwl 04:50 PM 05-22-2014
Yes some babies are naturally more fearful, but when a parent's response to that fear is to cater to ever whimper, the baby comes to expect that catering and group care can be a total nightmare for the little guy.
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nannyde 07:36 PM 05-22-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Do any of you even like kids?
I only like the ones I raise. The others annoy me. ;-)
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blandino 07:54 PM 05-22-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I only like the ones I raise. The others annoy me. ;-)

Can I like this a thousand times over.

I am ANXIOUSLY awaiting the exit to pre-k, by 4 of my DCK this Fall. And the other day I realized the three that I have the most trouble with and who test my patience the most - are the ones who didn't enroll as infants. One enrolled at 2.5, one at 13 months, and one at 3.5. It really cemented my decision to do infants/toddlers only, and enroll primarily as infants.
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CraftyMom 08:09 PM 05-22-2014
Originally Posted by blandino:
Can I like this a thousand times over.

I am ANXIOUSLY awaiting the exit to pre-k, by 4 of my DCK this Fall. And the other day I realized the three that I have the most trouble with and who test my patience the most - are the ones who didn't enroll as infants. One enrolled at 2.5, one at 13 months, and one at 3.5. It really cemented my decision to do infants/toddlers only, and enroll primarily as infants.
This is so true.
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Starburst 08:23 PM 05-22-2014
Originally Posted by Angelsj:
Agreed. I have cared for dozens of infants over the years. Some are very relaxed and don't need or want to be held constantly. Others are just more cautious, or just need more human contact. Often they come from the same household, so I don't think we are discussing parents instilling fear. Just different kids with different personalities/needs.
Everyone thinks babies are just blank slates and that their personalities are only determined by the way their parents raise them until they are in daycare/school. But they are born with temperaments (personality types). The most common temperaments for children are: flexible (goes with the flow), cautious (slow to warm up), and feisty (now sometimes referred to as "spirited")
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daycarechick 08:41 PM 05-22-2014
parents simply do not "get" that dc is a co-op, a group effort, therefore providers cannot be exclusive to any one child OR parent. "but I'm paying you!" they say -- yes, and so are the others, and the same fee.
also what they do at home without a 2nd thought, is monitored & regulated for us. by law, many providers CANNOT swaddle, but mom can. many providers CANNOT let baby sleep in a swing, or play in a walker, bouncer, etc, but mom can. many parents prop baby with a bottle, but WE can't. at home parents can plop in the lazboy with baby in their lap but we can't-- we have on average 6 other kids to monitor, feed, change, potty, educate, and take to/from school. that cannot be done if all our time, attention and resources are devoted to just one child.
parents need to understand that for the price they can afford, (FCC is way cheaper than center care) something has to give and in the long run anyway, it is in their child's best interest to not overly hold--floor time gives them the soothing skills, autonomy and large/small muscle building he/she needs and for toddlers, the social skills they need to succeed in school and on a team in sports.
and anyone who dares to think we don't like kids is off his/her rocker -- no way we can do this job and not like them. to put up with the regulation, intrusion, and disruption to our homes, families, personal life even finances, and NOT like kids? impossible!! the opposite cannot be more true--we LOVE them, and when they leave for greener pastures, it's akin to ripping our hearts out.
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Shell 10:10 AM 05-23-2014
Originally Posted by daycarechick:
parents simply do not "get" that dc is a co-op, a group effort, therefore providers cannot be exclusive to any one child OR parent. "but I'm paying you!" they say -- yes, and so are the others, and the same fee.
also what they do at home without a 2nd thought, is monitored & regulated for us. by law, many providers CANNOT swaddle, but mom can. many providers CANNOT let baby sleep in a swing, or play in a walker, bouncer, etc, but mom can. many parents prop baby with a bottle, but WE can't. at home parents can plop in the lazboy with baby in their lap but we can't-- we have on average 6 other kids to monitor, feed, change, potty, educate, and take to/from school. that cannot be done if all our time, attention and resources are devoted to just one child.
parents need to understand that for the price they can afford, (FCC is way cheaper than center care) something has to give and in the long run anyway, it is in their child's best interest to not overly hold--floor time gives them the soothing skills, autonomy and large/small muscle building he/she needs and for toddlers, the social skills they need to succeed in school and on a team in sports.
and anyone who dares to think we don't like kids is off his/her rocker -- no way we can do this job and not like them. to put up with the regulation, intrusion, and disruption to our homes, families, personal life even finances, and NOT like kids? impossible!! the opposite cannot be more true--we LOVE them, and when they leave for greener pastures, it's akin to ripping our hearts out.
well said
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debbiedoeszip 10:29 AM 05-23-2014
At the risk of sounding obnoxious, this is why I love that Canada offers a year of maternity leave. Most Canadian infants don't start daycare until they are around a year old and most of these issues are long gone. My DS at 4 months old was very needy and wasn't content just shaking his rattle and looking around (I didn't have a swing or exersaucer...too poor). He needed a lot of interaction with me or he'd fuss (read: scream) and drive me batty.

By the time he was crawling and exploring it was a totally different story. He was such a different baby, so happy and playing on his own, and he'd have done really well in a group situation. There's no way I could have afforded a nanny for those earlier months, though. I don't know what I'd have done if I had to return to work at that time.
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Blackcat31 10:36 AM 05-23-2014
Originally Posted by debbiedoeszip:
At the risk of sounding obnoxious, this is why I love that Canada offers a year of maternity leave. Most Canadian infants don't start daycare until they are around a year old and most of these issues are long gone. My DS at 4 months old was very needy and wasn't content just shaking his rattle and looking around (I didn't have a swing or exersaucer...too poor). He needed a lot of interaction with me or he'd fuss (read: scream) and drive me batty.

By the time he was crawling and exploring it was a totally different story. He was such a different baby, so happy and playing on his own, and he'd have done really well in a group situation. There's no way I could have afforded a nanny for those earlier months, though. I don't know what I'd have done if I had to return to work at that time.
I agree and disagree equally.

I belong to a board of daycare providers where a majority of them are Canadian. The issues they post/vent about in regards to transitioning a 8-12 month old into care is AWFUL!

It appears (to me anyways) that getting them younger helps get them into the routine easier than trying to re-train them at an older age.

Also, I think it's important for people to understand that no matter what age your child is, daycare will NOT be a pleasant experience unless the child is able to be as independent as they can be for their age.....kwim?
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playground1 10:36 AM 05-23-2014
Originally Posted by debbiedoeszip:
At the risk of sounding obnoxious, this is why I love that Canada offers a year of maternity leave. Most Canadian infants don't start daycare until they are around a year old and most of these issues are long gone. My DS at 4 months old was very needy and wasn't content just shaking his rattle and looking around (I didn't have a swing or exersaucer...too poor). He needed a lot of interaction with me or he'd fuss (read: scream) and drive me batty.

By the time he was crawling and exploring it was a totally different story. He was such a different baby, so happy and playing on his own, and he'd have done really well in a group situation. There's no way I could have afforded a nanny for those earlier months, though. I don't know what I'd have done if I had to return to work at that time.
I completely agree. I have cared for many infants, but I have to admit that I believe that children under one should probably be with a parent if possible.
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cheerfuldom 01:20 PM 05-23-2014
Originally Posted by Starburst:
Everyone thinks babies are just blank slates and that their personalities are only determined by the way their parents raise them until they are in daycare/school. But they are born with temperaments (personality types). The most common temperaments for children are: flexible (goes with the flow), cautious (slow to warm up), and feisty (now sometimes referred to as "spirited")
yeah but any of those personalities can turn into devil-children with the "right" parent LOL

or vice versa, even a spirited child can be downright delightful with the right set of parents.

It is a combo of parents AND caregivers and the right daycare environment. but it starts with the parents !
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cheerfuldom 01:23 PM 05-23-2014
Originally Posted by daycarechick:
parents simply do not "get" that dc is a co-op, a group effort, therefore providers cannot be exclusive to any one child OR parent. "but I'm paying you!" they say -- yes, and so are the others, and the same fee.
also what they do at home without a 2nd thought, is monitored & regulated for us. by law, many providers CANNOT swaddle, but mom can. many providers CANNOT let baby sleep in a swing, or play in a walker, bouncer, etc, but mom can. many parents prop baby with a bottle, but WE can't. at home parents can plop in the lazboy with baby in their lap but we can't-- we have on average 6 other kids to monitor, feed, change, potty, educate, and take to/from school. that cannot be done if all our time, attention and resources are devoted to just one child.
parents need to understand that for the price they can afford, (FCC is way cheaper than center care) something has to give and in the long run anyway, it is in their child's best interest to not overly hold--floor time gives them the soothing skills, autonomy and large/small muscle building he/she needs and for toddlers, the social skills they need to succeed in school and on a team in sports.
and anyone who dares to think we don't like kids is off his/her rocker -- no way we can do this job and not like them. to put up with the regulation, intrusion, and disruption to our homes, families, personal life even finances, and NOT like kids? impossible!! the opposite cannot be more true--we LOVE them, and when they leave for greener pastures, it's akin to ripping our hearts out.
parents need to know their providers ratios. If your provider is maxed out at 10 kids, then each parent is paying for 1/10th of an adult's attention. So whatever you are doing with your child at home, you need to be aware that your child will receive a tenth of that time and attention during the day. Can you live with that ratio as a parent? Its like people dont even think before entering daycare. They want baby held all day, during naps.....when are other kids being tended to? when is the provider even getting a chance to go to the bathroom for goodness sake?
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cheerfuldom 01:26 PM 05-23-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I agree and disagree equally.

I belong to a board of daycare providers where a majority of them are Canadian. The issues they post/vent about in regards to transitioning a 8-12 month old into care is AWFUL!

It appears (to me anyways) that getting them younger helps get them into the routine easier than trying to re-train them at an older age.

Also, I think it's important for people to understand that no matter what age your child is, daycare will NOT be a pleasant experience unless the child is able to be as independent as they can be for their age.....kwim?
I personally dont think that daycare is pleasant at all for a huge majority of children under about 18 months. The best of them will tolerate it fairly well, the tiny tiny minority will attach to their provider and thrive in care. This is why I take only one non walking child at a time. It does not feel right in my heart to take multiple small ones when I know they need and deserve better care. The ugly truth is that daycare is for parents, not kids. And most kids are better at home assuming they have a reasonably responsible and invested parent or guardian.
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KiddieCahoots 02:30 PM 05-23-2014
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
I personally dont think that daycare is pleasant at all for a huge majority of children under about 18 months. The best of them will tolerate it fairly well, the tiny tiny minority will attach to their provider and thrive in care. This is why I take only one non walking child at a time. It does not feel right in my heart to take multiple small ones when I know they need and deserve better care. The ugly truth is that daycare is for parents, not kids. And most kids are better at home assuming they have a reasonably responsible and invested parent or guardian.
totally agree!
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Leanna 02:44 PM 05-23-2014
I wear them! Keeps them close, snug, cozy, and feeling safe while I still have arms and hands. I like the Boba - it is comfortable and doesn't hurt your back. Babies are meant for holding! <3
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Heidi 02:49 PM 05-23-2014
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
I personally dont think that daycare is pleasant at all for a huge majority of children under about 18 months. The best of them will tolerate it fairly well, the tiny tiny minority will attach to their provider and thrive in care. This is why I take only one non walking child at a time. It does not feel right in my heart to take multiple small ones when I know they need and deserve better care. The ugly truth is that daycare is for parents, not kids. And most kids are better at home assuming they have a reasonably responsible and invested parent or guardian.
eh...I don't totally agree, but I get what you're saying.

In my case, I have a small group of kiddos (only 4 now), and honestly, I think they do very, very well. I agree, though, that there are some less-than-ideal situations, such as in a center where there is a 4:1 ratio, but there are 8 or 12 infants all in one room. Chaos, IMO. Or, a mixed-age group "large group" center with 10 or 12 kids, maybe 2 caregivers. While it is perfectly legal in some states (WI has no large family licenses), I would not call that ideal for a wee one. Too much stimulation, usually.

Honestly, the most well-adjusted child in my program (actually, the 2 most well-adjusted, judging by how content and capable they are most days) are the 2 that I've had since they were 6 weeks old. First 1, has always been very happy, because mom and I negotiated a lot. The other guy took longer, but mom did everything different from me from day one. Not wrong, just different. Now, he's 11 months old. When she walks in the door, there is a switch flipped! Kind of funny to watch, actually!
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Heidi 02:57 PM 05-23-2014
Originally Posted by Leanna:
I wear them! Keeps them close, snug, cozy, and feeling safe while I still have arms and hands. I like the Boba - it is comfortable and doesn't hurt your back. Babies are meant for holding! <3
Yea...that's great, really!

BUT...

I have 4 babies sometimes. One of them was 19 pounds at 4 months. I'm almost 50, and my back is bad enough some days that I can barely carry my own self around...

Baby wearing is a legit choice, just not my choice. I like them to be friends with gravity. Best friends.
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